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Some of my thoughts on Toby

This dabbles between head canons / canons / being analytical so be aware of that going in also tw for just like, shit you’d expect when talking about Toby

So Toby has amnesia, he doesn’t remember his past or his family including his dad. HOWEVER this are certain things that give him a sense of déjà vu, or sensations and stimuli that will trigger negative or positive feelings off of association. For example he hates the smell of alcohol, specifically beer, it makes him physically cringe or even feel nauseous. Except he doesn’t know why. This happens around Tim VERY often, certain things he does evokes seemingly random reactions from Toby. Though not always bad of course!

A lot of people don’t seem to know this but the abuse from Toby’s father began when he was 15, and even then that’s when his memory started to become unreliable. There was a time his family was somewhat heavy emphasis on somewhat normal, or at least much more functional right? So of course not all his memories with his dad were bad. If you don’t mind me adding in my personal thoughts I believe his dad may have always had some resentment towards Toby. (Even before he became a full on POS) Mostly because he wasn’t “normal” as well as being a very high maintenance child, needing to be hospitalized often, and being expensive. But it’s said his father also sort of “pitied” him, so maybe there were times he genuinely felt sympathy for Toby and they shared some warm moments of his dad being a proper dad.

Toby also did not want to kill him, he did it under the influence of Slenderman. But perhaps afterwards he felt happy about it, though I could definitely see him feeling regret/guilt about it at times. He’s not really the type to feel that way though, he’s learned to snuff out emotions like that over the years and pretend they aren’t there. Toby literally kills people and is probably the most chill about it compared to any other proxy. He does have some very misanthropic and black and white views, you’re either with him or you’re not. He finds it easy to get along with other creeps or proxy’s because in his mind they have the same goals and point of view, but that’s not always actually true of course, Toby believes it is though and maybe the person is just trying to hide that side of them. But yeah he has no problem taking the lives of random people, he does believe with his full heart and soul if the boss wants them dead they must 100% deserve it. He’ll make up reasons for it in his mind, even delusions like; “Oh yeah this guy was definitely a rapist or something, he just looks like the type. If he wasn’t he was gonna be. I did a good thing!” He does trust Slenderman so so much.

What he does know about his past is that it was bad, Slenderman told him that and Slenderman is all Toby has so he trusts him. Toby has no means to live without him, he has no ID, no personal records, no recollection of his past, he doesn’t even know if his name is really his name or something the boss gave to him. Toby has never really lived in normalcy, this is the only kind of life he knows and in his mind this was the best outcome it could have been. He’s happy with the way things are! He lives in a cabin with 2 other guys who he can fuck around with and tease, but who he can get along with sometimes. There’s the mansion he can always go to and see all his friends, he is basically free to do whatever his heart desires as long as he obeys the bossman. Sure, he sometimes wonder what things could have been. On rare occasions he observes other people living out a mundane regular life, maybe with a family or maybe even just being alone. In peace with no eldritch being attached to them or blood on their hands. It makes him feel a peculiar way, almost like longing. But he doesn’t let himself think about it for too long, he already has his life planned out thank you very much! He doesn’t need your boring Good Samaritan life style.