Along with our sense of entitlement, we have many specific ideas and expectations about what will make us feel happy. βIf only I had the right partner Iβd be happy.β 'If only I had a better job, or more money, Iβd no longer be anxious.β 'If only I had a better body Iβd be content.β The one thing all of our 'if onlies'Β have in common is an underlying unwillingness to actually be with the present-moment circumstances of our life. Instead, we choose to live in endorphin-producing fantasies about the future. From one point of view this is understandable, in that itβs certainly more comfortable to hold onto our expectations of a different and better reality than it is to be with what is. Yet, where does this leave us? It leaves us living a life that is neither real nor satisfying. But remember, the path to genuine happiness entails first recognizing what blocks it. We have to clearly acknowledge our many 'if onlies,β our subtle demands that life be different from what it is. Recognizing our 'if onlyβ attitude toward life is the first step in diminishing our sense of entitlement. Then we can beging to face the reality that is right in front of usβ¦Being fully present with what is can open doorways into a reality of genuine happiness.
Ezra Bayda, Beyond Happiness: The Zen Way to True Contentment













