#ihatekale

Even now when I think about this, panic bubbles, ferments and rises to the point where I just want to pick up the pace and follow the white light.

I had thought about picking my career up where I left off ever since my youngest started school. It was back-to-work or join the other mammies for playdates. I love my children, but watching little Keefra dribble organic smoothie down their chin, while his mother eulogizes the benefits of kale, notachance.com.

Pre-marriage and kids, I had a promising career in publishing. I loved it, but a sneaky, relentless recession and childcare costs conspired to put a halt to my career gallop. Now I was ready to return to the workforce; employers you’re welcome. Building on my skills, I re-educated, reskilled and retrained and was ready to forge a path in a new career – technology management.

With my trademark enthusiasm, I was the mam with the plan; send awesome CV, get great job, work, promotion, awards, regain success and status, inspire my babies to greatness. I decided a generic CV and cover letter emailed to as many employers was that mornings project. Two weeks later I was ready to hit send.

I waited and waited and nothing. I followed up with a few “did you get my email?” type emails.

I waited and waited and got one reply from a pleasant, but to the point HR guy. It was not a job offer, it was my first PFO (please fx@k off) email, that politely wrapped some sage advice. It went something like this:

Thank you for taking an interest in our company, blah, blah. We are not recruiting, blah, blah. Some other words. Very competitive market, blah, blah.

And then the line that took my coffee breath away: it might be worth considering having your CV professionally done.

What did he mean, in terms of computer skills I was closer to Bill Gates than Jessica Fletcher? Thankfully, I have a friend who always sided with me. She agreed that he was completely insane not offer me a job on the spot, but would read my CV anyway.

And then she spotted it, the error in my magnum opus. An omission that forever reminds me that I have a weakness. I call this an UNDO moment because if I could, I would. The word ‘public’, used repeatedly throughout, was spelt without the ‘L’. Spellcheck, you are not an ally.

I reverted to using my maiden name and resent all the emails. Different name, reduced shame.