#ididitforyou

but i was never good enough for that

If you happen to read this, hi. I’d just like to thank you for gracing my existance, even if it was only for 2 years. I know we haven’t been in the best of terms and you might think that I’ll only approach you when I need you. Like that time I got injured or when I feel lonely or whatever.

The truth is, I look back to my JC days whenever I feel overwhelmed. I met someone who needed help in hoping. Hoping that the world isnt so bad at all and that she could have someone to trust and not leave when times get tough. I tried to be that person, but even I couldn’t stand the pressure. But knowing you wasn’t fruitless. I’ve grown more independent, more daring and above all, more hopeful. I had hope that I could be there for my friend, even if we were far away, even if we had different lives. I hoped that I wouldn’t let my heart harden because of mistakes and regrets. Now I could only hope that you trust me again, even if there is someone else.

A year ago, I promised that I would always be here. I’ve had a countdown calendar on my phone 3 months before your 21st birthday. I knew that you never had a birthday party, and your friends always stood you up, and you’d always buy your own cake and do the same old feeding tradition with your family. I would have wanted nothing more than to change that; to give you really what you deserve after helping so many people and expecting nothing in return.

I tried my best but couldnt find a Mulan cake(although we thought citing the source could deal with the copyright issues), couldn’t get Limpo/Milo and it was not how I had planned it in my head. Although I need to thank all your friends for being so cooperative and nice, keeping the atmosphere light. Of course,Charlene as well, knowing how much pressure she was under trying to calm down a stressing Sam at 3/4am. In the end, it was all worth it- the late nights, many calls to venues(you know I hated talking to people), the headache collating all the numbers. For goodness sake, I had an excel spreadsheet, a word document, 16 bookmarked pages and everything was still chaotic when the time came.

(NIV) Genesis 27:9