#idealmate

When I first saw this photo on Instagram my heart laughed and I had to share it with my girlfriends and people on Facebook., not realizing that there was a lesson behind this photo and I was soon to realize what that lesson was.

I can truly say after doing this photo exercise I learned a lot about myself and what I would really value in a man.

7. No kids $1- I have had a lot of good and bad experiences with men would children but I can honestly say my ideal man would not have any kids. I want to start a family, not join in on an already made family. Call me selfish but I want to be second in a man’s life (God First), of course if he has children or a child, I would have to come third, fourth and maybe even fifth (depending on how many kids he has) which I would understand, but I would still prefer to be second after God, and if that is selfish of me then I guess I am selfish.

2. Funny $1- I am goofy and love to laugh and I love to make people laugh. My ideal man would have to be funny because I truly think that would keep our relationship going. I need someone I can be goofy with and he will understand my goofiness. Someone who can crack jokes with me and we can just sit up all day and night and laugh.

5. Faithful $3- And of course my ideal man would need to be faithful. I have been cheated on in my past and that pain that came with the cheating I wouldn’t want to wish that on anyone. To be cheated on and loose trust and faith in that relationship and attempt to get it back but it has failed. I wouldn’t want to repeat the same cycle so faithfulness is a BIG must on my list!

When I shared this with my girlfriends a lot of jokes went around talking about “I would be in overdraft” “I need a loan” “I need more money.” But this exercise really opened my eyes as to what I am willing to buy (want in a ideal male).

We ladies tend to have a long list as to what we want our ideal man to be like but what happens when that one perfect man comes into your lift and he is 5 out of 7 on your list, what do you do? What are your deal breakers? Are you willing to go into overdraft protection just to buy more for your list or are you willing to get a loan?

Believe it or not I learn from this exercise that I really need to stay within my budget when it comes down to building my ideal man. This exercise did make me want to look at my list (you know that ideal mate list that we as single ladies have) and really think about what I can and cannot live with!

I hope you learned something from this photo just like I did!

Until we meet again!

I read an article awhile ago that reported research by a professor of informatics and cognitive science that concluded the "magic number" of how many people you should date before settling down. This number is 12. The professor believes the best strategy for selecting an ideal mate is to date a few people, see what qualities you would like in a long-term partner, and then settle down once you've found him/her. This number intrigues me because I am above the magic number 12 - I think I have a decent understanding of the qualities I want in a significant other, but I don't think I recognize what it takes to settle down with that person. Also, because I think I understand what I need and want in a partner, does that mean I'll settle down with the first person that meets my criteria? 

I visited Oklahomie for Thanksgiving and stayed with him for four days, just us two in his house. Obviously we had a past, but somehow I still wasn't convinced anything sexual was going to happen while alone in his house for several days...yeah, I had a feeling something would happen, but we essentially were like a married couple that weekend. There was one night we both went to bed and after a few minutes he asked "so do you want to sleep or...?" and said he could go either way. I told him I wanted to sleep but we could have sex in the morning. A few minutes after that, I asked if that's what married couples do - talk about and plan sex. During this weekend, I realized that I couldn't marry him because of several qualities about him, not necessarily character flaws, but things that are disagreeable to me. While we have never dated, would he count as one of the 12 before I should settle down? Does four days plus some other nights here and there count?

Or, consider the guy I "dated" for most of freshman year of college. We never fought because I'd just leave campus and be alone when I was annoyed. We barely communicated and it was great because despite any problems we had, we knew we weren't staying together during the summer. Years removed, we're good friends and I have learned what I liked and disliked about him. I'd say, he'd definitely count as one of the 12 even though it was not a real relationship and we only kind of dated.

Maybe my "boyfriend" when I was abroad during college would count. We were involved for about six weeks before we came back to the US without ever discussing we were "breaking up." We travelled around the rather large country we were in for two weeks. Does he count? Again, we never fought and I got to be essentially selfish the whole time, never sacrificing anything to put his happiness above mine. Does he count even though we never dated? Of course he does. He is probably one of the most fulfilling relationships I've had. Words cannot describe how good of a person he is and how sweet and great he was to me.