#ichinoe

He was finally doing it, he was on stage in front of hundreds of people. It was his time to shine. His time to show everyone what was he capable of.

Everyone was screaming and smiling at him, a scene he never thought could be possible. Were they calling his name? He looked around, his bandmates were all excited and giving their all and he was not going to let them down, not this time.

*    *    *

Noël exhaustedly waved his hands to the audience, he fistbumped Yuki who was close to him and turned around to see the rest of his band. Everyone was wearing  big smiles, all tired and sweaty but filled with so much energy. He actually did it, he burned till the very end. He could feel his heart trying to jump out of his chest, starting to heat up, as if he was feverish, all this excitement was getting a hold into him. He quickly started to get hotter and hotter until he felt really dizzy. His head started thumping, he looked around trying to grasp a hold onto something before he fell, he saw the worried expression growing on his manager’s face before his vision faded to black, still conscious he heard his name being scream before his hearing faded too and his body collapse on the floor heavily.

*    *    *

Everyone watched Noël fall.

Some ran to his side, while others called for the medics and before anyone could said more, Noël was being transported to a hospital in an ambulance with his manager.

*    *    *

After Noël was stabilised, they let Ninosuke enter his room.

*    *    *

The doctor in the room approached, explaining that they will keep him under observation for a while, they were still waiting for the results of the blood test. So far he seems like he is fine, which means that they are unsure why he hasn't regained consciousness yet. But the medical professional assured him that they are doing all what they can before exiting the room, leaving them alone.

They gave Noël a private room. It felt so cold and eerie, only filled with the rhythm of Noël’s heart on the electrocardiograph. But those calm beat filled Ninosuke’s ears and he finally let out a sigh of relief at the sound.

He sat close to Noël and looked at him, worried stiff. There weren’t many occasions Ninosuke could see a peaceful face on him, as much as he wanted him to be happy. He immediately felt guilty for thinking such things in this situation.

-Noël, you had us so worried. Everyone was so scared when you passed out. He recalled Noël hitting the floor in front of his eyes, knees first and then his head crashing heavily against the stage. Was that the reason why he fainted? Had he gotten a concussion? Was that why he wasn’t waking up?

*    *    *

He had to take a deep breath to calm himself and not rush to conclusions.

-You should’ve seen Marie’s face, she was on the verge of tears, you shouldn’t make a woman worry like this……. – Ninosuke’s own eyes filled with tears too.- You shouldn’t make me so worry about you all the time. I… - His throat closed, not letting him continue. This time he took a long shaky breath.- I’m always worrying about you Noël, why can’t you see that?… - His voice was trembling at this point.- I’m just a fool…

Ninosuke fell silent, emotionally drained when the ringing of his phone startled him.

*    *    *

-It was Revo-san, - He said after the call, pointing at the phone even though Noel was still unconscious - See? Everybody is worried about you, Noël. You need to start taking care of yourself. There are a lot of people who care about you now…

He regained his spirit. He was determined to help him no matter what.

-You know, if you need to eat you can come to my family restaurant anytime. If you need a place to rest you can always stay at my place too. – Ninosuke fell silent in embarrassment, finally realizing his true feelings.-

-… Noël… - He reached out to Noël’s cheek and caressed it.- Please don’t make me worry like this anymore, I don’t know if I can take it… because I… I…

The beeping of the electrocardiograph alerted him of Noel’s rising pulse. An erratic rhythm was on the screen, the unfamiliar spikes sending him to call for help.

-Please Noël don’t go!! Nurse he’s having a heart attack!! Somebody save him!! - His tone was hysterical.- Noël!!

*    *    *

Noël couldn’t take it anymore.

He had been conscious for a while in fact, but hearing Ninosuke say all those things, he was too embarrassed to confront him. And the more he remained silent, the more afraid he became. How could he look him in the face after hearing all that?

He knew he was the one to blame for worrying everyone, he was always a nuisance that couldn’t do anything right. He didn’t want him to worry, not for him. He wanted to stop being a burden, but there he was, still wasting Ninosuke’s time, unworthy of his kindness.

Feeling the gentle hand against his face was too much, there was no way he could stop his heart now…

Ninosuke’s panic wiped away his fear of confrontation. No way in hell was he going to make him suffer any longer.

“N-N-Noël, what the heck happened&happened to you?!”

“Nothin’.” his mouth twitched upwards, trying to smile but instead settled on a grimace. “Just got into another fight s’all.”

Frantic hands cupped his face and pulled him across the threshold. “What do you mean that’s all?! You can’t keep doing that!” Ninosuke’s pitch rose higher with every word, spectacles askew as he inspected Noël.

“Why the fuck not?” Unfamiliar concern was making Noël a little uneasy. The back of his neck slowly started to burn in embarrassment and maybe even with touches of guilt. His face being so close to his manager’s wasn’t helping either.

“Because... Because you’ve got people who care about you.” Ninosuke had maneuvered him into a kitchen chair and pressed an ice pack into his hand.

“Does it even fuckin’ matter when that Sunglasses doesn’t—” He buried his face into the cold pack, “I mean—”

Ninosuke stepped back in surprise. He wasn’t expecting the more reclusive musician to blurt out something like that. Half-afraid of what the answer would be, he opened his mouth. “...Since Mister Revo doesn’t what, Noël?”

“Nothin’...” He mumbled into the ice.

Ninosuke’s fingers clenched and twisted the hem of his old t-shirt. He knew what Noël was about to confess and he hated himself for feeling this way.

Of course Noël wouldn’t like like him. He was obviously nothing more to him than his nosy nag of a manager. Plain old Ichizou with his annoyingly stupid verbal tic. A person so completely ordinary that would never be able to stand out from other people in his life.

He cleared his throat to break the awkward silence that had settled between them.

“Why’d you get into that fight?” He shifted a bit, staring across the kitchen table at Noël, whose face remained hidden in the ice. “I know you only rile up others when you’re…”

Noël jerked away the ice. “When I’m what?” He scowled.

“When you’re upset about something.” He sighed and pulled a chair out for himself, sinking into it.

“I ain’t upset about anythin’.” The younger one snapped.

Looking at him, Ninosuke just sighed again. “I know you, Noël,” he said with a wry smile. “I know when something’s bothering&bothering you.”

Noël froze, burying his face into the ice again. He was unwilling to even look at his manager, his stomach lurching uncomfortably. The thought of what Ninosuke would see in him was terrifying; he wasn’t used to being vulnerable with another person.

Even though Noël wouldn’t see it, Ninosuke attempted to smile. “It’s fine if you don’t want to talk about it. You’re welcome to stay as long as you like.”

The musician defensively hiked his skinny shoulders up even higher in response.

“A-Alright then, take your time.” Ninosuke pulled out his phone, and bit back a dejected sigh. “Do you want me to call a cab--”

“I’m… I just can’t help feelin’ that I’m..” Noël cut him off, pulling the ice away. He stopped himself and averted his eyes at the outburst. “N-Nevermind, it’s dumb.”

His manager smiled again, making it a little more encouraging this time.“It’s alright. I’m here to listen to you, you know?”

“Y-Yeah. Thanks.” Noël couldn’t muster a miserable smile and gave up with a frown.

There was a silence between them; he could see Noël fidgeting on his side of the table. He started nodding supportively, hoping it would help.

He took a deep breath, playing with the half melted pack on his lap. “It’s just… What am I doin’ wrong, Ichizo?” Came the desperate lonely whisper, fingers poking and prodding at the softening ice. “I’ve been working my ass off but that… that guy just...”

Blinking in confusion, Ninosuke frowned. “But he--”

“No I… I mean he's done so much for me and-- fuck I feel so selfish but I can't help wantin’ more.”

His face crumpled, words pouring from the lonely part of him in a desperate mess. There must be some reason why no one thought he was worth loving. A reason why his so-called family treated him so horribly, a reason why deep down, he didn’t think he deserved good things.

“I-I just-- I just can’t help thinkin’ that since he's like, the only one to actually see somethin’ in me and--and I can't help feelin’ that if he doesn't think I'm good enough to--”

“Hey, Noël…” he flinched a little at the warm hand taking his own, completely unused to the gentle, almost tender gesture. “Don't think like that,” Ninosuke paused, taking a deep breath.

“ I like you.”

Looking up in surprise, he couldn’t help but stare into Ninosuke’s steady gaze, looking for the laughter or the lie that would give away this shitty prank. Instead he felt his own face heating up in response to that shy little blush.

“Don’t.” He whispered, half hoping it was nothing but a joke. The other half almost aching in hope that it was the truth “Don't screw with me, you shithead…”

“Noël… It's true. I do like&like you.”

“Y-Yeah right. Why would someone as good as you even give a shit about someone like me outside of your fuckin’ job?”

Tilting his head, Ninosuke’s smile turned a little teasing. “Would this prove it to you?”

He pushed his chair back, getting up and moving around the table to Noël. Leaning down, he heard the younger one catch his breath when a warm hand cupped his cheek.

Noël had squeezed his eyes shut when Ninosuke neared his face, their lips so close they were almost touching. He couldn't help but want to tease the younger one, pausing a little to watch him squirm. Gathering all his courage and with a tiny gentle tilt of his head, he finally kissed the blushing musician. He could taste the distinctive metallic tang of blood from Noël’s cut as he pressed their lips together, careful not to push too hard against it. He ran his thumb across Noël’s cheekbones, he was a little surprised at how they were still slightly cold to the touch despite his reddening face.

When Noël’s hand reached up to touch his own, he was unable to hold back a smile, hoping the shyer one would know all the emotions and thoughts he had kept hidden away until now. He didn’t know when exactly he started to fall in love with the awkward and belligerent young man, but he couldn’t help but be drawn to his passion, that fire in his eyes when he spoke about how through music he could soar across the heavens.

Pulling away, he looked at the other’s face, trying not to laugh at how cute and red Noël had turned. But it was his turn to blush when Noël reached out and took his hand, slipping their fingers together while still refusing to make eye contact.

“Hmm. You still look a little unconvinced,” Ninosuke chuckled, watching the flustered Noël with a fond smile. The way he stared off somewhere to his right was too cute to not comment on. “Would you let me try&try again?”