Martin Buber, an early 20th century Jewish theologian,dedicated his career to understanding deep intimacy. Buber is famous for the distinction between I-It relationships and I-Thou relationships.
I-It relationships come in two varieties.
Some are strictly utilitarian. Youâre exchanging information in order to do some practical thing, like getting your taxes done.
But other I-It relationships are truncated versions of what should be deep relationships. Youâre with a friend, colleague, spouse or neighbor, but youâre not really bringing your whole self to that encounter. Youâre fearful, closed or withdrawn â objectifying her, talking at her, offering only a shallow piece of yourself and seeing only the shallow piece of her.
I-Thou relationships, on the other hand, are personal, direct, dialogical â nothing is held back. A Thou relationship exists when two or more people are totally immersed in their situation, when deep calls to deep, when they are offering up themselves and embracing the other in some total, unselfconscious way, when they are involved in âmutual animated describing.â