#i think itll be fun... maybe... hopefully...

'medical restraints' . A modified/locked leg brace that acts As restraints count, right.? in that case. im thinking a lot about my t2 guilty design. heres a sorta updated one?

2025 was a weird year for art for me. i feel like my art as a whole improved by leaps and bounds, but i have less individual pieces i enjoy looking back on. i hesitate to ever call art "finished," or try to hold anything to such a nebulous standard, but ill be honest, it was mostly doodles and sketches this year. ive always skipped lineart when i can, but not much even got colored this year. i switched primary brushes like three times, which, ive never measured how often i do that before, but it feels like a lot for me. its not a bad thing on its own, but i know its because i was constantly scrambling for something would make drawing easier, or at least fun. i had some of the least fun drawings of my whole life this year

that said, i do really enjoy where my arts been going. its not a total switch in direction, but everything feels more.. solid, now. even just quick doodles. i wish i drew more "finished" pieces, but even the slammed-out sketches i never returned to this year felt better to me, without slamming my head into a wall much more than i had before, and ill attribute any frustration there to the artblock and burnout that seem to be constantly over my head. hopefully ill find more time and energy to draw going forward, cause being employed has been kicking my ass. god willing ill find a job that pays more so i can afford to work less hours. im tired

this years also been very heavy on sona art, which im conflicted about. on one hand, its been nice to have something to fall back on, and boy have i fallen. i designed my sonas to include a lot of my favorite things to draw, so if i feel able to draw SOMETHING but nothing else appeals, they are there. on the other hand, i sometimes feel guilty for always drawing.. myself? which i guess is irrational, if people dont want to see another picture of my goat theyre free to leave and thats fine, but this has been one of the loneliest years of my life, so the thought of driving anyone away at all has left me kind of nauseous. additionally, and this is more important i think, i feel like ive kind of... for lack of better term, blorbo-fied myself? my sonas often feel more like characters to me, which is all well and good, except that ive also begun thinking of myself in similar terms. my grip on my own identity has never been weaker. i barely know who i am anymore, and i dont know how to talk about it. i feel like im not allowed. basically the only way ive found that eases the pressure of not feeling as though i have permission to discuss these feelings is to draw them, to make something that feels disconnected enough from the emotion to be permissible to put in front of other people. maybe they will like the colors, maybe they will like me. but i draw much of this sona art, again, in the same manner as i would a character drawing- but symbolism and themes are lost on anyone who doesnt know whats happening in my head already. and of course trying to make it appealing while still trying to depict the whirling mess of my brain just further disconnects me from it. and rewrites it into something else, something further away. ive never really dissociated before this year, but its been happening a lot lately. its hard to keep a grip on myself

everythings gotten really fucking green. i blame the mold

i dont really have any particular goals for my art going forward. id like to make weirder stuff, more surreal art. more horror would be nice? but thats more into subject matter, and at the end of the day, what i draw is always gonna be dictated but that periods whims. heres to another year of swearing this years gonna be the one i get good at gore. itll happen eventually. maybe this year will be the year i learn how to do proper master studies, generally i can recreate the source pretty well but i dont learn anything to apply elsewhere. maybe i just dont do it enough. id like to stop drawing hands Like That. thatd be great

this got really lengthy and rambley and personal and idk how to conclude it. i kinda doubt anybodys gonna read this much, and i cant blame em. if you made it down here, you get a star