#i should sleep...

Levi : I have! Though I sometimes have difficulties remembering the characters correctly… Fufufufufu~ 

I used to be really into science. I was good at math. Excellent at biology. Good at chemistry. (I always sucked at physics though). It was a clear path since middle school, probably, but maybe even earlier. I got into a prestigious highschool on the prospect of studying uni level science.

Im not trying to show off though, just to tell who i am. Or used to be.

I worked hard to get into the best uni in my country, to study science.

But something, i don't know, broke along the way. After a month even though in most fields my grades were really good (i still failed physics), i decided to leave.

I remember the thought process behind it, and I'm not saying it was the wrong decision, but...

In my current job, it so happened that we went on an inspection at the visitors center of the best institute for science (not where i studied, since i only have a bachelor's degree, and the institute we visited is master's and up). I love my job, i really do, at least most of the time. But that visit made me remember who i used to be, and... i miss that person. I miss that curiosity i used to have. I miss it so much i was grateful for it being dark in the room because i cried.

But i can't afford, nor do i have the time to, get into science again. I also don't think I'll be able to handle the math now, after so many years of being in humanities field. And it's so... frustrating, and in a way, makes me feel worthless. I know it doesn't make sense, but you can't force emotions to listen to logic (i tried so many times).