Sorry messy english because I can't think straight right now but do you think Nikolai ever regrets the his life choices?
One night his only company is a cigar and the bottle, and he's deep in thought. Realizes he's nearing 50, never had a long-term relationship, only the flings in his youth and the occasional one night stands he has these days, though rare.
He recalls wanting a family when he was still young and wasn't yet hardened by the world . Maybe a son he could look after, raise like himself. Maybe a little daughter, he imagined loving her so dearly. But he never had the chance to settle. Always moving from one place to another, throwing himself into whatever action he could find. He wasn't worried about himself, he was enjoying it, working for a purpose, but as he got older the realization would settle in y'know?
That he's all alone. Of course he's made great connections in his life, has close friends, has people that look out for him, but it's not the same y'know? He won't be this helpful always and he doesn't have anyone to look After him, no child of his own, no lover. He's mostly happy about where he is, but on nights lik these, he cant help but wonder. What it would be like to have a family