#hyperactive imagination

Me *trying to focus on the errands above*: Oh my god! I've just came up with 5 comics of MysMe, 3 ideas of fanart of FFXV, 7 new ideas for original comics, created 11 new characters and all of their BG stories, 8 headcannons of Padparadscha's story that I need to draw, (... And the list goes on and on and on...)

Must do it now, at least write a draft of ot, or else I'll forget everything!

Me: lol bitch old material get something new

Brain: Challenge accepted *makes me dream of large chunks of flesh coming out of my nose along with blood*

I have always loved to read, and even as an early teenager I was aware that it was a form of escapism to distract me from my life. Directly related to this was the fact that I lived a fantasy in my head. I concoct these amazing fantasy worlds, the stories, or imagine myself in the universe of something I've read, and it's basically all the time. I will do this for hours on end, every day. Sometimes I'm actually engaged with myself, as myself, but sometimes I basically disembody myself, become the omniscient narrator, and treat myself as a character.

Turns out, that's super abnormal and your brain isn't meant to do that. It's a form of dissociation.

I've also learned that it isn't normal to feel crushing sadness after finishing a book/series, not because of the plot of the story, but because you're disappointed that you will never experience anything like that.

It's also apparently not normal to get extremely, extremely upset when someone interrupts you while you're reading because you were so immersed in the story that you basically forgot you exist, and it's a really jarring and emotionally disturbing thing to have that fantasy world ripped away from you, and be brought back to reality.

Yet another abnormality is to (unconsciously) hold people to the book standard. Like getting dissatisfied with your relationship with someone because they don't do something that is literally impossible (looking at you, Hua Cheng, Simp King). So to like want an epic romance from a partner, when you live completely normal lives and there is no way for that stuff to happen.

What keeps me awake? What keeps me from doing work? What keeps me from focusing on commitments in a mundane’s world?

Ideas.

Not working on, or even implementing ideas... just... thinking of them. Imagining them in play, bypassing the whole development process, and just poofing them into existence right there in my head.

Now, what purpose could that possibly serve in the waking realm? It may be thought complete design wise, but it certainly isn’t tangible in any stretch of the imagination. And you may have played out the whole thing in your head, in, what? 30 minutes!? Is that what you were doing pacing around the middle of the house at night, occasionally making *shwack* noises, and bubbling chiptune music??

Ok, weird, great, but it doesn’t exactly give me something to play of it. And I we both know you couldn’t just show me something right now.

Ok, I need to stop talking to myself in third person (or is that second person??), before I force myself to answer to… myself. So let me lay down what usually goes down when this goes around and comes around. And unfortunately, it will probably outline why you wouldn’t wanna work with me on anything… for too long.

I watch something, play something, or just listen to people talk even, and this is what happens when I come up with an idea.

·         This would be cool!

·         What would happen?

·         How would that happen?

·         What comes next?

·         How does it end?

·         How does it REALLY end?

·         I could do this!

·         Man, it’s a lot of work though!

·         What if I did make it?

·         If I had to exchange with people, how would I do it?

·         Should this be in YAMAHA XG, or Roland LA?

·         I need this, or it won’t be easy

·         I need that, or it won’t be easy

·         I’ll need somebody, and that won’t be easy… for me

·         If I find somebody, I hope they’ll be keen

·         If I do this, what will happen to me?

·         If I do this assignment that was due last night, I could feel better spending my time on thinking about this.

·         I should write this down.

·         That’s a lot of stuff to write down though.

·         I need to draw this

·         I’m not good at drawing though.

·         I should make some music.

·         But it’s hard to piece together.

·         I hope this is a good idea. Though I reckon I’m good at explaining things. But I’m not good at talking… at all. I mean, sort of. I mean I can talk to people but…

·         This would be SO COOL, though.

·         But this seems like a grand auteur piece, saved for later in my career when I assume I’ll know enough to be able to pull it off.

·         Except I won’t know enough

·         I need to know people that have that knowledge.

·         I need people.

Note, that this is an UNORDERED list.

This happens usually every day. If I’m not sitting in the car or bus on the way to somewhere, where music aids this hyperactive ideas process, I’m at home. And then, I’m mostly at the computer, but otherwise, pacing around the house (which is some sort of exercise I guess) Imagining my own fun, which honestly, doesn’t make me inclined to worry about the state of physical or virtual fun, and whether or not I need to contribute to it.

That seems… efficient? Guess I’ll be set for the downfall of society.

It’s not efficient. It’s laziness. It’s excuses. 

And if I don’t want to waste away, I need to do something.

Now that’s saying quite a bit. I can’t predict how you feel about this.

On one hand, this could be a force for good. And Indeed, I have done hard work in the past year. So it would seem I have a very strong design perspective.

On the other hand …

Look, I’ve just made an impression that I am Lazy, and I make excuses for myself, and I come off as if ‘I will probably forget anything you say to me, if I can’t apply it immediately’.

This is just who I am. And if anything, my most terrible fault, is that... 

I am not adjusting my expectations constantly.

But in the end, I know very well what it takes to implement and Idea.

1.    This would be cool!

2.    I should write this down!

3.    What would happen?

4.    How would that happen?

5.    What happens next?

6.    How does it end?

7.    This could work, but if it turns out to be some grand auteur piece, I’ll leave it for now, or set my sights lower.

8.    I should make something. I could do it, but I don’t know everything.

9.    I should learn how to.

10.  And maybe get to know some people that could help!