#humaning

I mean, I don't know, man, we live in a society that rewards selfishness and cruelty, normalizes violence and manipulation in familial and intimate relationships, refuses to admit that mere existence ought to be enough to be afforded some level of ease, everything costs a million dollars, the planet is burning, and nobody learned the right lessons the last time we all took a ride on the fascism merry-go-round.

Maybe I want to interact with a creature that doesn't criticize me or sneer or cry "cringe" when I tender them affection and amusement and comfort? Maybe it should be safe to want to recieve those things in return? Maybe the rest of the people in my life aren't capable of recieving all the love that's in me? Maybe pets are the last bastion of preserving the innate sense that we all deserve care and enrichment, good shelter and ample nourishment, cuddles and time with others who love us?

I also like terrible B rated movies, and I seek out the weirdest, corniest, worst ones that I can find (a Rifftrax kinda gal). I'm actually a little surprised that this Vincent Price one called "Monster Club" was never on my radar till now. 👾💀👻

Bills/taxes/debt/LIVING be like:

so you're trying to help someone else, because you want to help yourself, and so you're being selfish - you want to fix it for them whether they want that or not, to make yourself feel better. if you really wanted to help them, you would help yourself feel better first.

🌥️To live for the hope of it all 🌤️

"I'm not feeling it right now, but feel free to ask me next time."

I really like this because:

I might genuinely be open to it next time! Especially if this is the first time with that person, I actually want them to know that.

It softens the blow at the chimp level: it's explicitly neither a total rejection, nor a rejection of them as a person.

It sends a signal against expecting a guaranteed payout pattern, especially if they've asked me before. That I'm happy to give one-off help, and am open to considering helping again, but not all the time.

It makes it clear that this is about how I am feeling, both in the nice way (maybe it has nothing to do with you, maybe I'm having a bad day or my own financial hardship, etc) and occasionally as a gentle reminder of harsher truths (you're making me feel like I am just a vending machine to you; just because I helped before, don't forget that random interruptions for a handout are unpleasant; etc).

I'm pretty big on helping people. Over the course of my life I've given more than average to random beggars/"bums"/etc. By default I assume they honestly need it. But it's important to protect your boundaries and not stretch yourself too thin, and this simple phrase is nice for that.

Just don't forget the old lesson from behaviorist psychology studies: random rewards are the strongest encouragement of behavior. So if you do this, you'll sometimes still need an iron-clad backstop against guilt, social pressure, and your altruism, because when you give permission to ask again, some people will - quite justifiably - take you at your word and ask again.

And that's part of why I like this phrase. It fits well into natural escalation if a person asks more often than I want, or if I catch the slightest wiff of them starting to see me as a free stuff dispenser:

"Sure, here's a few bucks" ->

"not feeling it, but feel free to ask another day" (breaking expectation that I will vend whenever pressed) ->

"not today either" (no longer inviting to ask again because I want to be asked less often) ->

"no. I'd like you to ask less often" (in case they need it made explicit) ->

First off, consider why you're doing this. I'm not saying don't do it, I'm just saying you need to know what your expectations are, and consider whether it's a good idea. Second off, don't do so in a way that makes things slow down. They're trying to get through their day, and things that break flow can make that worse. On that note, be conscious of how long the line is; if nobody's waiting, they might be less harried and your humor may land or be served accordingly. Third off, and relatedly, don't joke in a way that you require they acknowledge it. Throw that joke out while sliding the card or while bagging, don't meet their eyes, just say something you think they might find funny and if they like it they like it, and if they don't they don't. (Obviously if you strike out a lot, maybe consider why.) Fourth, don't joke about something that a customer might benefit from, generally, or that would be distressing for a customer to believe or say. "So I guess it's free" is the obvious example and will read as a joke that simply isn't at all funny, but please understand, even if it's known to be a joke, retail workers have to deal with so many people who have such warped expectations all the time. They may have cause to think you're serious. There may be precedent. They don't need that stress. Customers are barely people sometimes.