#human testimony

Let me tell you about my first year in university. It all began in May, a month just before my high school graduation. I had finally mustered up the courage to tell my parents that I had prayerfully decided to dedicate my youthful years as a missionary for God. I remember eating dinner with my mom and dad and told them my “amazing” scheme.

“Mom, dad, I am not going to get post-secondary education, because I know that God is calling me into full time ministry as a missionary.”

You should’ve seen the look on their faces, but they were quite confused and perhaps displeased with the words that spilled out of my mouth. And although they were a bit puzzled with my choice, there was one more person who was even more so; me. Being able to read the looks on their faces, I began to explain myself, trying to thoroughly describe my grandiose plan of how God had called me to do His missionary work. Now that I look back, I sounded very foolish and disorganized, because I had no idea where, when, and how I would serve; but all I knew was that I wanted to. By now, I had began to tear up, realizing how I knew nothing about what my future would hold. I realized that my life was in shambles---that while my classmates were off to attend schools in different countries, study at our local universities/colleges, or even take time off to work, at least they had it all laid out before them. And here I was, watching my dreams fall apart in my very own hands, with only a month left until graduation.

My ideas didn’t sit so well with my parents, because after hearing my sudden appeal to not attend university, my mom said, “Che, you should go to university first. That way, with a degree, you can better equip yourself to serve God.”

As logical as my mom sounded---in my mind, those words translated to: Che, you ARE going to university first, because your dad and I did not raise you to simply throw away your education. You are so privileged to have an opportunity to advance your learning. Education gives us the assurance that you will get a job, which lets us know that your future will be taken care of. As parents, we’d rather place our trust in your worldly positions than to place your future in God’s hands. Working as a missionary? Do you even get paid? Will we be paying for you forever? What about when we get old? Who will take care of us? Why can’t you become a nurse or have a career in the medical field?

So with my thoughts spiralling downwards, I attempted to reason with them, “Why can’t I go to the mission field for a year and find out their need? If they need a nurse, I’ll go back to school to become a nurse, if they need a teacher, then I’ll take on education, if they need an evangelist then that’s what I’ll become. Why do you want me to go to school now?”

There was silence in the room for a few minutes. I didn’t know what to say and neither did they. It was clear to us all that I didn’t have my things in order, that I had no plan, because my plan was to simply trust in God. While that plan was the best plan in my eyes, it appeared as though my parents wanted a better explanation from me---and that, I couldn’t give.

So as time lingered on, my mom just looked at me and said, “We’ll talk when you’re ready,” which to me means: You are not ready, because you don’t have a solid plan. Talk to me when you’re willing to submit to our authority and go to university. And with that, she left the kitchen.

Now it was just me and my dad, staring at our empty plates. My dad told me to talk when I was ready and he waited. I began sobbing, wondering what the Lord had in store for me. In that moment, I remember being so lost and so unsure about God’s calling for me. I remember questioning my parents’ faith, wondering why they were so hesitant to let me follow what I thought was God’s plan, why they were preventing me from using my youthful years to serve Him at the best of my ability. I began to tell these things to my dad and he continued to listen.

After hearing my innermost thoughts, he told me something that I have never forgotten. “Che, it’s okay if you’re confused, because that’ll allow you to practice faith. Many people who don’t know what lies ahead begin to fear. But why fear when we can trust the One who already knows the way?” This right here was so powerful. I don’t know if he noticed, but as soon as he said that, I pulled out my phone and typed it into my notes.

He went on to ask me what the 5th Commandment was, which is obviously honouring your parents. Blegh. I thought, he’s probably going to go on about how I need to honour them, but why should I honour them if what I want to do is God’s will? It’s as if my dad read my thoughts because he said, “Children should follow this commandment as long as what their parents command them to do isn’t against God’s commands. But when mom and I tell you to go to University is it against His commands? I know you want to become a missionary, but who are you to tell God and limit where He uses you as a missionary? Even the university you attend can be a mission field.”

Those words sealed the deal. As much as I didn’t want to step foot on a campus or take on any mode of institutionalized higher learning, I knew that what my dad said was right. But unfortunately, since it was already May, it was too late for me to apply for the universities in my area. And it just so happened, that the only school I applied for and got accepted into was the Adventist university in my home country.