#howitfeels

Du bist du genut

I spent a long time this spring trying to figure out why my life shouldn't be all about philosophy and Sleater-Kinney and driving my car, what it should look like once those things take the appropriate backseat. What I am discovering is that it's totally okay for life to be about those things. I can go to work and work hard and on my 30 watch a video of Corin Tucker on YouTube and dance while I do dishes. And I can stay up late writing a paper just for fun and it's okay if my friends don't hear from me everyday, they know I love them. I wear a rosary around my neck and smile in a way that lets everyone know I find life delightful. I will have a big dog someday, who sleeps on the floor of my bedroom and who I run with every morning, even in the rain. And I will have students, godwilling, and a desk with lots of books all around. And I probably will still love Sleater-Kinney, and drive around while I pray. These things aren't bigger than going out to a party, or even bigger than having kids or a husband or whatever else; it's all a big deal. My favorite co-worker this summer is much older than me, and talks about Circa Survive and No Doubt as often as I think about Carrie Brownstein or David Lewis, and she is sad and angry as much as anyone, but she's good at her job and she is kind, and I feel really silly imagining that her life is incomplete in any way.