#howard x reader

The first positive event to come to the Commandos after the war was the engagement of Nurse Lottie Liffiet and Robbie (L/N). But The wedding was also the event that brought the biggest question alight.

“Amazing Grace, War Angel, Missing?”

Howard stared at the newspaper headline as he was driven to the New York apartment that his ex fiance had been seen last. Many thought she had moved back to the Midwest, was helping out her father, adjusting to life post war that had taken two close friends. Yet when reporters caught wind that the nurse wasn’t even present at the wedding of her fellow friend and own brother. There had been now sign of her in months. Peggy, was the last to even see her, the two had tea at the New York apartment before Peggy was due to leave for London. That was six long months ago and Howard was now taking things into his own hand. He had given her space after finding the ring in the box. It had hurt seeing it there without a warning or note but he was sure it was just a side affect from the loss of so many people close to her, that ‘she felt responsible for’ as she had mentioned once in a letter. So he focused all his time and effort into trying to find Steve to at least retrieve the body from the plane.

“We’re here sir.”

“Thank you.” Howard got out of the car taking in a deep breath as he looked up at the apartment he had not been to in months.

He climbed the familiar stairs, turning the key in his hand. There was a moment of hesitance as he unlocked the door before committing to actually opening the door. The apartment was silent. Empty glasses on the table. Dust covered everything. She hadn’t been here in weeks. Howard walked through the apartment, nothing was missing. It really was just like she vanished. Howard sat at the table that was scattered with pages of notes. Half of which were written in German. Howard’s attention was drawn to a knocked over mug and then to a leather bound journal. The first thing is eyes land on was a photograph wedged between the open pages like a bookmark. It was Roger’s friend, the Sergeant that had the accident on the train, with his arms around the nurse in what appeared to be a dance next to an evening fire. It made sense now why she returned the ring. Howard flipped the photo seeing the scribbled handwriting of Dugan. He didn’t pay it attention instead focusing his hand on the script across the pages.

Howie I am sorry that I couldn’t didn’t have the courage to tell you that my feelings had changed. I knew before the war was over that I wouldn’t be able to marry you. Perhaps we just weren’t meant to be? Even though he is gone it doesn’t feel right ignoring the feelings that were growing for James and it wouldn’t be fair to you to pretend that my feelings had changed…

Howard’s eyes took in the confession that he had long awaited for. It hurt to hear but it was nice to have the reason he never got. The ink changed color as her writing switched topics.

I need to tell you what happened when I was with Hydra and you need to tell the others what I did there as well because it may cause problems in the future. Steve Rogers may not be the only super soldier anymore and I am to blame. They forced me to recreate the serum.

Howard leaned forward reading about how one nurse who just so happened to work with Dr. Erskine while he developed the serum had to recreate it. And from what he was reading, that same nurse used herself as a test subject for all synthesized serums even the ones that weren’t correct. She may be the world’s second super soldier. The color of the text changed again this time a graphite pencil messily rambled across the page. Stark lifted the journal from the table as he took in the deep theory and logic that was used in her rambled writing about cryogenics. How she thought like how bodies were store in coolers to stop from decomposing during winter when they couldn’t be buried that there could be a possibility that someone could be frozen and later thawed out and live a natural life. A coffee stain seemed to ruin most of the remaining words but he could make out a few.

Hydra.

Barnes.

Alive.

Rogers.

Frozen.

Then there was nothing else. Stark flipped pages checking for any other writing in the journal but that was it. He gathered all the information laid out on the table to further examine back at the lab but if she thought that Rogers could survive the crash he would keep looking for him.

【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】

It had been just over six months since willingly returning to Hydra. An agent. Her new handler, Wolfgang Sokolov. He spoke German and Russian mostly but his English wasn’t bad but you could hear the Russian accent clearly. Most the time when he orders her around it is always in Russian but quickly repeated in German. He was the one to reunite her with the fallen soldier.

Sokolov stood in front of her, beard brushing against the collar of his tactical jacket, the key to her cuffs in between gloved fingers, hard sea green eyes peering down at her. She would be assisting with a check up today he told her when bringing her from her cell of a room. She had been right about one thing in the notes she left for Howard. Cryogenics were possible. Hydra was waking up one of their subjects today and she would be administering the post thaw check up so the subject can begin conditioning.

She was warned not to do anything stupid before the cuffs were removed and she was escorted into the room. Sokolov joined another soldier guarding the door but nothing else in the world truly would prepare her for the sight of a dazed, Bucky Barnes in front of her on the examination table with a titanium metal arm.

“James.” His name passed her lips and she rushed to his side. Instantly she was checking his vitals hands trembling as she worked. She swore she heard him breathe out her name but she was distracted checking to make sure he was okay. The last thing she allowed herself to fully inspect was the crude connection of the arm to his body. Her finger was just about to touch the skin of his shoulder when a cold metal hand grasped her wrist. The bruising grip kept her from touching the connection of metal and skin so instead eyes locked.

“I’m here James.” Her voice cracked as she thought about the fact that she couldn’t save him from what was going to happen but they would be there together for it.

By the late 50s there would no longer be the soldier boy she knew. Hydra would have their newest asset, the Winter Soldier. They could control a man but the nurse at his side. She wasn’t easy to control and they couldn’t put her through the same process because they needed her to create more of the serum. They needed her and to keep her in line they used him. And if she ran out of use she would be put on ice. Hard to cause trouble when one is in a frozen state.

To Hydra there was no Sergeant James ‘Bucky’ Barnes, on the Winter Soldier.

The plan wasn't exactly what she had expected. Letting Steve walk willingly into their grasp definitely wasn't something she thought highly of. It was an irrational plan but she was putting more trust in him than she probably should but they needed to finish this. The Commandos had talked her out of trying to physically go with Rogers in the first place. She had shown up ready to get on the back of his motorcycle and ride headfirst in the line of fire but it took all of the Commandos, Dugan specifically, to talk her out of it. Instead the nurse made sure she would be ready to join the guys to save that punk from Brooklyn from Hydra's grasp.

She readied her handlebar for the zipline, she wouldn't be missing her mark this time. No, as soon as she got the nod that her anchor was set she had jumped and was making her way down the line Jaques followed not far behind on one side. Grace kicked her legs out as she neared the window reading to break through. Her boots hit and the momentum shattered the glass, her hands released going straight for the shot gun wrapped around her torso, aiming and firing at the first person that she seen that wasn't on her side. Her eyes hardened and despite the ring in her ears from the multiple gunshots around her she kept locked on. She moved to the shield which had been taken when Rogers was captured.

"'Ey, kid! You might need this," The nurse called before she threw the shield to the super soldier who turned to face her, sparks from a stray bullet spraying behind him.

He shouted a thanks before following after Schmidt. The nurse followed the fellow commandos through the halls, humming the hymnal she got her moniker from. After all the hymn brought her a munch needed distraction from the bodies that vanish when hit by the energy from the Hydra guns.

“Ya know hearing ya humming right now is quite unnerving right now Gracie.” Jaques comments as he covers for Dugan who switches his gun out for one of the Hydra ones.

“Yeah well seeing people evaporate before my eyes is unnerving too but we all are witnessing it.” Gracie sighed.

【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】

The battle continued and for Gracie a gun fight turned into a physical fight that she wasn’t prepared for with one of the Hydra soldiers in all black tactical suits. Gracie swung the butt of the gun at the guy in the same way that Bucky taught her. The Hydra soldier blocked the hit and a deep chuckle startled her out of her focus.

“Ah, du kennst den Soldaten. Schade, was passiert ist. Aber er wird sich erholen.” Ah you know the soldier. A shame what happened. But he will recover.

Her head snapped to attention. Recover? Her chest tightened under the tags that belonged to someone else. Distance. She needed distance. Pulling a leg up between them she kicked him away and into the path of Phillips driving Schmidt’s car.

After hitting the agent Phillips looks to the nurse, “Get in.”

The nurse jumps into the car and Phillips picks up Peggy and follows Rogers who is sprinting after a plane. The car screeched to a halt and Peggy got into the back of the car as the nurse climbed out.

“What are you waiting for punk? Get in!” Grace snaps.

Before Steve was even sitting Phillips sped off to catch up with the plane. The nurse watched the car race after the plane. Her eyes slowly lowered to the pavement. The agent’s words replaying in her head. Did she mess up the translation? Was he talking about a different soldier? Bucky fell. Someone couldn’t live a fall like that. But maybe…

“Lieutenant, look alive!” Phillips’ command snapped her out of her thoughts drawing her attention up to the returning car and a stunned looking Peggy.

【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】

Phillips, Peggy, and the nurse joined Morita in the communication tower of the hanger. They were waiting for some kind of sign from Rogers, or worse, news of what Schmidt gets away with. There are still a few fights going on below them but there was already a clear winner there. The nurse pulled out her med kit and moved out to the hall to patch up injured and keep herself busy but that didn’t keep her from hearing the transmission come in. Rogers had defeated Schmidt. Steve needed to force the plane down before New York, without enough time to contact Howard for help.

“Grace, you might want to get in here. Some thing tells me Agent Carter is going to need you.” Jim hints, his melancholy tone showing that he knew what was about to happen just as much as everyone else that can here the radio.

“Peggy, this is my choice.”

The nurse enters the communication room. Her eyes land the dark waves of her best friend’s hair. She crosses the room her boot steps seemed louder than they should be, or was that her heartbeat in her ears? Grace reached a supportive hand out, resting it on Peggy’s shoulder. Peg, turned her head just slightly.

“Peggy?” Steve sounded dejected.

Peggy turned her attention back to the open line. “I’m here.”

“I’m going to need a rain check on that dance.” Grace closed her eyes as the slightest tug of a smile pulled at the corner of her lips as she listened to Rogers.

Peggy reached a hand up to rest over her friend’s her body tensing for a moment as she resisted the tears that wanted to fall, a few escaping her dark eyes. “Alright. A week, next Saturday, at the Stork Club.”

“You got it.”

Peggy wiped at the fallen tear. “Eight o’clock on the dot. Don’t you dare be late. Understood?” Peggy’s hand closed over Grace’s.

“You know, I still don’t know how to dance.”

The fond smile on Peggy’s face was short lived, her voice nearly cracking, “I’ll show you how. Just be there.”

“We’ll have the band play something slow. I’d hate to step on your—” Steve’s voice cut out and all that could be heard in the tower was the radio static.

Peg pulled away from her friend, “Steve?” She struggled with her emotions her voice cracking as she called once again for Steve but she received no reply. Hopeless sobs joined the static and the tower was empty besides the two women. Peggy leaned over the control panel infront of her, shoulders shaking as she silently cried over the man she wouldn’t get the chance of being with. Grace rubbed her back softly, her mouth opened and she did the one thing she could think of to soothe her friend and she began to sing.

“Amazing grace, how sweet the sound.”

【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】

Returning to New York was something bittersweet. The world was celebrating the end of the war. Yet the Commandos toasted to their fallen captain. Howard lead the search for the plane crash, his fiance alone in their apartment. Before her a diary with her scrawled writing. A soldier wouldn’t have survived the fall from the train. Maybe.. maybe a super soldier would. Could James had survived the fall?

Howard returned, nothing but the tesseract was found. He entered the apartment, the stack of unclaimed mail in his hand. His eyes widened as he caught sight of the woman staring at a large board of calculations and a single photo of Sergeant James Barnes. Her fingers clasped and tapping on the thin metal army issued ID tag that belonged to the same pictures soldier on the board.

Howard had been spending hours on end at the SSR now researching the battery-like device that Steve had brought back from the HYDRA facility when he rescued everyone. That left too much time for the nurse to think about what was to come. A needed distraction came in the form of a letter from her brother, Robert. It was the first letter she had received since coming back.

Robert had been there to intercept the notice to her dad about her MIA status. Robert shared his fears with his newest friends the Liffiet brothers. All of which have marvelous things to say about their amazing little sister who she just so happens to know. Robert went on to write nearly a whole page about Charlie and how amazing she seemed. The end of his writing about her was about his plan to take her dancing once this was all over.

The letter was tucked away for her to reply to before she leaves once more. A knock at the door reminded her that she had a team waiting for her. Waiting to hear her orders and guidance. A team of friends waiting to tend to soldiers under the orders of America’s hero.

【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】

“Well there she is, Amazing Grace.” Maxine held her arms out in greeting. The nurse laughed, shaking her head slightly as she heard the nickname she was starting to love. She walked over to the two nurse’s standing in the SSR medbay. “You look better Gracie.” The sincerity in the tomboy was clear in the gleam of her eyes.

“Oh you know, a shower and some good meals works wonders on a war refuge.” Grace rolls her eyes with a sarcastic quip. Her attention moved from the brunette to the blonde nurse. “As for you miss Liffiet, what is this I hear about you goin’ dancin’ with my brother?” 

Charlie blushed at the mention of Robert. “Oh shucks (Y/n). Putting me on the spot like that. Shouldn’t we be preparing right now?” Charlie turned towards the storage cabinet behind her. Maxine grabbed the smaller girl’s shoulders and turned her back around. “You should tell her.” The comment from Max made the nurse’s eyebrows raise in question.

“Tell me..? What’s going on here Charlie? Does this have to do with my brother, Lottie?” The nurse sat down on the examination table. She was as casual as possible as she brought up the nickname her brother had called Charlie in his letter to her. The southern nurse’s head snapped to attention. “Ah so it does. Are you two writing?” 

Charlie nodded and the three nurses talked about it for a few moments before they got to actual work making lists of what they needed and gathering their own personal first aid bags. The three stepped out of medbay with Gracie in the front. Grace ran right into a solid body. A hand wrapped around her upper arm steadying her. She looked up into the blue eyes of one Bucky Barnes. “Easy their sugar, don’t fall for me now.” Bucky jokes before he catches up with Dugan, they were picking out prefered weapons. Grace didn’t notice her eyes trailing after the soldier, that was until her arms were grasped by two feminine ones.

The two nurses flocking on either side of their new commanding officer. “Who was that?” Charlie cooed softly glancing over her shoulder, down the hallway they soldiers went. “Yeah, Gracie, if I remember correctly that was the guy you took care of when you all returned with Captain America.” Max adds with a small smirk as if to tease her.

The three kept walking until the two nurses stopped her from moving any farther. They looked at her waiting for an answer. Grace let out a heavy sigh before nodding her head slightly. “Okay. For starters, nothing is happening there. That’s Sergeant James Barnes, he’s Captain America’s best friend and I spent a cell with him a few times… I think.” The nurse’s voice trailed off into a whisper. There was a fuzzy blank in her memories blocking part of the time she spent captured. Charlie’s hand rested on her shoulder, a soft comforting smile did little to calm the nurse from worrying about her missing memories.

The nurse turned towards her two friends. “Why don’t you two head down to pick out clothing. I am going to stop in by Stark and check in with the Captain before joining you two down there.” She gave the other two directions to the commissary room. They didn’t seem willing to leave her but with a small push they were on their way. The nurse began her way towards the lower level where Howard would be showing off the shields to Steve today.

She was half way down the flight of stairs when a sharp stabbing like pain ran down her spine all the way to her toes. Her body tensed at the unexpected pain and she nearly dropped to her knees, if not for the railing she was clutching onto. Her knuckles turned white as her whole body went through a series of muscle spasms that left her feeling heavy. Her body was lowered to the stairs where she sat momentarily lost in time.

Fingers brushed over her temples pushing stray hairs back. A hum of a voice broke through her dazed state. Air rushed to her lungs as she gasped in shock. Her legs rushed to push her away but she barely moved in their stiffened state. The hands quickly pulled away from her now at least a foot away held in sight. The nurse’s eyes traveled slowly from the hands, they were soft and calloused, up arms covered by the sleeves of an army green button up uniform shirt. The hum of a voice instantly cleared as her eyes moved up to the mauve tint of slightly chapped lips.

“Sugar, you’re okay. You are first lieutenant (Y/n) (F/n) of the US Army Nurse Corps. You are in the SSR building, in a staircase. My name is Sergeant James Barnes. You’re okay. You’re safe.” The man sat down in front of the nurse. The change in his posture moved the nurse’s attention from his mouth to the calming sky blue of his eyes. Her head slowly moved as she nodded. 

“I get them too sometimes.. The spasms. Usually at night with nightmares.” His voice was soft, a secret shared between just them. “I don’t sleep much.” The nurse’s voice was shaky as she admitted she was going through similar things. The two just sat there on the steps together for a few silent moments before one of the doors opened. Bucky jumped to his feet and held a hand out to help the nurse up before anyone could see her in the state she was in. 

The nurse was on her feet with the soldier’s arm around her waist to keep her steady on her stiff legs. Clicking on the cement gave notice of the heals now ascending the stairs towards them. Peggy came into view, her face slightly scrunched as if she had eaten a lemon, but it quickly smoothed out into a blank look as she noticed the two ahead of her. Peggy paused on her step looking up at the soldier and the nurse he was holding up.

“Everything alright here?” Peggy inquired looking between the two and down to the hand on her friend’s waist. The nurse took a small step away from Bucky. “Yes, I just need to get some water. Bit of a dizzy spell. This soldier boy saved me from a bad trip.” The nurse laughed softly. “Thank you Sergeant, I should go see Stark and Captain Rogers now.” Both Peggy and Bucky watched as the nurse took slow shaky steps down the stairs. 

“(Y/n), that shield you made. It works quite well.” Peggy called down the stairs. The comment confused the nurse as she exited the stairwell. It was only a few moments until she joined Howard and Steve. 

【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】

“Fondue is just cheese and bread, my friend.” Howard explained to Steve as they entered the room where he had laid out the inventions for the super soldier. “Really? I didn’t think..” Steve sounded confused and surprised by the explanation. 

“Nor should you, pal. The moment you think you know what’s going on in a woman’s head is the moment your goose is well and truly cooked.” Howard tried not to mutter as he thought about the woman he was supposed to be marrying and how she was so willing to go back out into the war after being held captive for months. “Me, I concentrate on work mostly, which at the moment is making sure you and your team do not get killed.” Howard’s voice dropped into a low breathy whisper, “Especially that fiery head nurse.”

Stark cleared his throat and raised his arm to gesture at a piece of chest armor. “Carbon polymer. Should withstand your average German bayonet. Although Hydra’s not going to attack you with a pocket knife.” The two men continue down the table where Howard tapped on the old shield that Steve had used. “I hear you’re kind of attached.” He moves between the tables to be on the opposite side as Rogers. 

“It’s handier than you would think.” Steve comments before looking at the table of shields that Howard laid out for him. “I took the liberty of coming up with some options. This one’s fun. She’s been fitted with electrical relays that allow you to..” Steve’s attention was distracted by a giant metal disk hidden slightly below the table.  He reached for the shield, “What about this one?”

Howard raised a hand as an attempt to stop him. “No, no, that’s just a prototype.” Howard internally sighed as Steve inspected the shield that the nurse had been working on. “What’s it made of?” 

“Vibranium.” Steve twirled the disc around in his hands inspecting it as Howard spoke. “It’s stronger than steel and a third of the weight. It’s completely vibration absorbent.” Steve slit it on his arm and tested the grip. It almost seemed as if it were made for him. “How come it’s not a standard issue?” Rogers asked as he thought over the benefits that Stark had just mentioned. 

Stark points at the shield. “That’s the rarest metal on Earth. Don’t tell (Y/N) but, what you’re holding there, that’s all we’ve got.” Steve’s eye brows furrowed as he looked at Howard. “Lieutenant (Y/n)? Why can’t she know?” Howard stuffed his hands into his pockets bashfully. “She needed a distraction when she got back. That,” Howard nodded his head in the direction of the shield the other man was still holding,” is her creation. She thinks she is only using a small bit but I let her use it all just to see her happy again.”

Before Steve could comment back Peggy walked over interrupting. “You quite finished, Mr, Stark? I’m sure the Captain has some unfinished business.” She stood at the opposite end of the table as Steve, still upset over the kiss she had witnessed no more than thirty minutes before. Steve turned towards Agent Carter and held the shining vibranium shield in front of him with a boyish grin. “What do you think?”

Peggy looked at him for a moment. Her jaw flexed as she mentally thought back to him kissing the blonde secretary. Her torso turned to the left, right hand lifted a hand gun off the table. Realizing what was happening Steve raised the shield and ducked his head behind it seconds before Peggy shot 3-4 rounds at the shield leaving nothing but small dents in the metal. Her arm lowered to her side. With a sickly sweet smile she finally made a comment, “Yes, I think it works.” She placed the gun back on the table and made a swift exit. 

Stark and Rogers, after watching Peggy leave, went on to discuss the uniform referring to the list of ideas that Steve had written out already. That was how the nurse found them, leaning over a drawing table that had Howards handwriting scrawled over it as he wrote notes on things they had discussed. The shield was laying on top of the other two that Howard had prepared. The nurse stopped there running her finger over the small dents in the shield. She now understood what 

Peggy meant in the stairwell. Now the nurse was more than curious as to why her friend shot at presumably Rogers. The nurse walked over to the drawing table and stood next to Steve catching both male’s attention. “Hello (Y/n) how is everything going on your end?” Rogers asked, looking over at the nurse who smiled politely. “All packed. I’ve sent a list out of any missing supplies already, we should have them by the time we leave for the first Hydra camp. Maxine and Charlie are also ready for duty. I’ll be finishing up a few last minute things before we fly out.” The nurse’s eyes drifted over to Howard who seemed to tense up at the mention of how soon she would be leaving again. 

Steve nodded and gave her a pat on the shoulder which she shrugged off, “Easy there kid. I’ll see you gents later.” The nurse made her exit. She still had to pick up her own uniform from the commissary before heading back to the apartment where she could feel the tension building between her and Howard. 

【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】

Cooking with other things on your mind wasn’t the easiest thing to do. Did she almost burn the meatloaf?  Yes, now it was smothered in gravy to keep it from being too dry. Was the mashed potatoes lumpy? Oh yeah, probably a bit under cooked in comparison to the meatloaf. The only perfectly cooked items were probably the corn and of course her mother’s apple pie. Her mother would roll over in her grave if she messed up the apple pie.

She was just setting the food on the table when she heard the front door opening. Howard hung his coat and walked over to his fiancée wrapping his arms around her. She fought the urge to tense up at the arms around her. “What’s all this for?” Howard questions brushing his lips against the apple of her cheek.

“I just thought.. you know.” She shrugs with a small smile. Howard moved around her to take a seat. The nurse stood before slowly turning to her seat and sitting down across from him. We barely started to eat when he set down the fork and knife to look at her. “Are you sure I can’t convince you not to go?” She huffed and pushed away from the table. “Howie, I’m going. I’m the only one who can understand the effects of the serum. I’m the only one who knows what Hydra did to Sergeant Barnes. I have to go. I want to go!” 

“You could have died!”

“No I wouldn’t! They need me.”

“So, you’re running back to them? Don’t you hear how stupid you sound, doll?”

The nurse scoffs and stands up from the table moving to the kitchen. Howard followed her but kept space between them. “Can we talk about this?” Howard asked, watching as she moved the dirty dishes into the sink. “No, Howard, we can’t.” She muttered not looking at him. She leaned on the sink, closing her eyes before she turned towards him. “You have to trust me. You have to support me just like I always support you.”

“I can do that.”

Howard pulled her into his arms and kissed the crown of her head as he held her tightly.

Since Howard had become quite clingy since my return I often joined him at the SSR headquarters while he worked. Currently he is drafting out designs for a new shield for Rogers. There were rumors that he would be leading an elite squad to infiltrate Hydra’s bases so everyone was focused on making that possible. Howard let out a deep sigh as his shoulder brushed my chest when he sat back on his stool.

I took a small step back letting Howie turn on the stool to face me. His hands gently settled on the upper parts of my hips at the end of my waist. I could see the irritation in his eyes, I was so bored that I kept hovering. “Doll, why don’t you sketch up a design for the shield?” His suggestion was merely a ploy to get some space while he worked but I knew he would also have me sit close so that he knew that I was not going to be taken again.

With the single nod I gave him Howard stood and pulled me over to the work station right next to his. He made sure I had everything I needed before he left my side to continue his work. I tapped the pencil a few times while staring at the paper before me. The scribbling of Howards as he worked was enough of a white noise to let me lose myself in thoughts to think back to the way Rogers used his shield during our escape. The slightest tug at the corner of my mouth was the kick start of movement as pencil met paper and my design was planned out. 

The shield became my obsession and distraction from that moment on. The small couch in the office was all I needed for the brief restless sleep that I got, no more than three hours at a time. Howie let me move on to producing a shield even going as far as letting me use the little but rare metal we had retrieved from Africa. It must have been strange for the men working to see me building the shield. I often caught them staring and to cover it up they often asked if I needed any help but I would simply scoff, pushing past to move on with making the curved disc shield. 

【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】

I was polishing the metal to look for any inconsistencies or dents that I still needed to hammer out when I heard a very familiar, femanine voice clearing their throat behind me. I sat up straighter, turning my head to see Peggy standing there. Her hands propped on her hips and an unamused pursed lips scowl. I gave her a crooked smile as I turned fully towards her. 

“So Stark was telling the truth. You have been slaving away down here.” Her dark eyes roamed over the area I have made my work area. “Well get up. We have to get you cleaned up before meeting the others.” Peggy looked back at me as she gave me the order in the same voice she used while talking to recruits. When I didn’t move from my stool she exasperatedly waved her hand upward to motion for me to get up.

I slowly stood setting down the rag in my hand. My brows were furrowed as I looked at my best friend. “Meeting who?” I wasn’t really into going out into public yet. I even turned down the governor’s request to present Rogers with an award. Which turns out was good because even Rogers didn’t show up for that. Yer here I was with Peggy’s hand wrapped around my wrist pulling, maybe dragging, me towards the SSR exit. 

Once we were in the car she finally answered my question. “The soldiers are going to a bar. I was planning on visiting Rogers and I need my best friend.” She looked over at me and I saw just how her eyes softened at the mention of Steve. I smiled softly and nodded my head. “To Howard and my apartment then? I have the perfect dress you can borrow.” Peggy smiles and nods her head.

【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】

“Why haven’t you been sleeping?” Peggy questioned finally after an hour of small talk during our time getting ready. I had showered as soon as returning to the apartment while Peggy searched through my dresses. Now as I was pinning her hair into place she hits me with the big questions. 

“I don’t want to talk about it, Peg. Howard keeps trying to get me to talk to but I’m not ready. I’m okay I promise.” I told her in a soft tone looking at her through the vanity mirror she was sitting in front of. I reached forward, picking up a shade of lipstick. “Wear this one, it will be perfect.” I gave her a smile before walking over to the hanger that held the dress I would be wearing for tonight.

Peggy had gone for a show stopping red. The form fitting dress accentuated her curves. The belt made her waist look even smaller while also making her chest stand out more compared to the normal blouses she wore for work. The red lipstick paired perfectly with the dress. Red shoes and clutch sat near the bedroom door for when we left for the bar.

I, on the other hand, went with a simple navy blue dress. It went down to my knees, cinched at the waist and had the slightest v cut to the neck line. It was one of the dresses Howard bought me for a dinner party where I was literally there just to look beautiful on his arm. I paired it with simple pearl earrings and my neck still held the dog chain and ring tucked just between my breasts inside the dress and out of sight. I slipped on the matching shoes while I began to take down the rollers from my hair to finish styling it. 

“You’ll have to talk about it eventually. You’re not an actual angel, you can’t carry everything.” She stood from the vanity stool as she put the earrings in. I nod, taking the seat once she had moved so I could do my hair and make up. “I am aware of that. But what happened isn’t something I am ready to talk about. At least not more than I absolutely have to.

Peggy let out a soft sigh in defeat before she reached for the hairpins to help me finish getting ready.

【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】

An elite team to wipe out Hydra. Yeah, Steve could totally pull off making a team he believed in. He already had the men in mind; he just needed to get them on board with the plan.  The bar they all were getting together at was fairly crowded, not that Steve had any experience knowing much about that. Yet his team was already seated around one table, making Steve’s job a lot easier. 

Bucky patted him on the back, b-lining to the bar. The sergeant had already heard Steve’s speech on the way here as the kid muttered it to himself, practicing what he would say to get these men to willingly go back after just barely getting out. Could he actually do it? His faith in himself started out so high as he sat down among the group of soldiers he had just helped escape a Hydra base. Yet as he went on to tell them about his plan, watching them all sip from steins of beer listening to him he started to question if he really could do this.

Timothy “Dum Dum” Dugan, an American soldier with a strapping dirty blond handlebar mustache, was the one sitting right across from Rogers taking a long gulp of beer before setting the mug down and waving his finger at Steve. “So let’s get this straight.” He started looking right at Steve trying to make sure if he understood the pitch just given to them. 

Gabe Jones, an African-American soldier who fought with Dugan and Barnes before being captured by Hydra, went on to question Steve. “We barely got out of there alive, and you want us to go back?”

Steve looked down at the table of beers. He now could see how outrageous his request was to be asking prisoners of war to go back into battle but he had seen these men fight during their escape. They were good men that he could trust to have his back. So he raised his eyes up to meet Gabe’s questioning look, “Pretty much.”

“Sounds rather fun, actually.” A British soldier named James ‘Monty’ Falsworth comments his eyes staring into the amber liquid of his drink as he debates the pros and cons of actually joining the man who had saved him back on the field. His smile at the end of the statement raised Steve’s confidence and hopes of locking in the team. 

Jim Mortia belched before nodding his head giving the simple answer, “I’m in.” Being the simplest to win over it seemed but Roger’s attention quickly moved from Jim to across the table by Jacques Denier, a Frenchman who was a part of the French Resistance before capture. He was saying something in french and while Steve was pretty sure he was calling him crazy or something Gabe stepped in and talked to the man in french. Whatever Gabe said had gotten the French man to laugh and shake hands with the man. When everyone was looking at them for clarification Gabe simply smiled and gestured between them before informing the table, “We’re in.”

Steve's eyes landed back on Dum Dum who was ready to give his answer. His beer raised in hand a mere few inches off the table. “Hell, I’ll always fight. But you got to do one thing for me.”  Dugan raised his beer in a half effort salute before taking a drink.

“What’s that?” Steve asked, wondering what kind of deal Dugan wanted in return. Dugan downed the rest of his beer and set the mug down with a solid clunk on the wooden table, his eyes locked with Steve’s. “Open a tab.” The table erupted in chuckles but Steve rose from the chair collecting the empty beer steins. He turned taking a short few steps towards the bar, setting the empty steins down and ordering another round. The asstounded bartender made a comment about where they were putting the stuff, clearly amazed by how much the men had drunk in such a short time since arriving. 

The beers were delivered back to the bar singing men before Steve made his return to the bar where Bucky sat waiting for his best friend. Steve’s hands were in his pockets as he approached his childhood best friend. Bucky was facing him on his stool, a knowing look on his face.

“See? I told you.” Bucky comments as he turns back towards the bar as Steve takes his seat next to him at the bar. “They’re all idiots.” Bucky adds lifting his glass of bourbon to his lips.

Steve looked towards the part of the bar where he just came from. “How about you? Are you ready to follow Captain America into the jaws of death?” The blonde turned his head towards his best friend.

“Hell, no. That little guy from Brooklyn who was too dumb not to run away from a fight.” Bucky was staring off remembering how his friend used to be, the man he always wanted to protect. Did he want to go back out there? Definitely not, but he will because although Steve is bigger and stronger he is still the head strong punk he grew up with. “I’m following him.” The dark haired guy took another sip downing the rest of his drink before leaning in. “You’re keeping the outfit, right?” 

Steve huffed, rolling his eyes slightly looking at the slightly older man who was teasing his costume suit. “You know what?” He turned to look at the Captain America advert sign on the wall behind him with a newly pinned ‘TOUR CANCELED’ notice over it. “It’s kind of growing on me.”

The singing men quieted and the bar itself seemed to dull into silence. The silence drew the attention of the two best friends to see what was going on. Both leaned back on their seats to see what was going on. Seeing a beautiful red bombshell walking towards them in the form of one Agent Peggy Carter both rose from their bar stools to greet the woman. 

“Captain.” Peggy acknowledged him with a small nod of her head.

“Agent Carter.” The blue eyes of the super soldier locked onto the face of the woman walking even closer to him, right past the usual ladies man. 

Bucky’s eyes did look over the beautiful woman in front of them. “Ma’am.” He acknowledged her unused to the lack of attention.

“Howard has some equipment for you to try. Tomorrow morning?” Peggy’s eyes were locked on Steve.

“Sound’s good.” The captain agrees.

Bucky looked between the two before the three all shared a quick glance over to where Steve’s chosen team were seated turned facing someone just out of sight. “I see your top squad is prepping for duty.” Peggy comments.

“You don’t like music?” Buck questions looking at her. Yet her eyes never left the tall blond in front of her. “I do, actually.” Steve’s eyes were looking onto her face as she continued, “I might even, when this is all over, go dancing.”

Barnes chuckled slightly. “Then what are we waiting for?” He was trying to get her attention but her focus was solid on his best friend, something so foreign to him.

“The right partner.” Steve gave her a small soft smile, just a small tug at the corner of his lips really as he got the meaning behind her words. “0800, Captain. “ Peggy sets a time for their meeting before turning and walking her way back to the front part of the bar.

“Yes, ma’am.” Steve talks to her retreating from as Bucky undoubtedly watched her walk away. “I’ll be there.”

【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】

As we got out of the car in front of the bar a messenger approached Peggy with a note from Howard announcing that he was ready to show Steve what he had been working on that would be useful in his upcoming war. Although this note also meant that Peggy would not be able to stay out long and would need to get back and plan for the meeting tomorrow. As we entered the lively bar filled mainly with military personnel I couldn’t help but feel a tightness in my chest. It wasn’t the environment exactly but the lack of open area in the front of the bar. Peggy was quickly directed towards the back where Rogers would be. 

As we walked further into the bar the lively singing of the bar had stopped leaving just the piano playing as the men who may have been away from a beautiful dame way too long stopped to stare at Peggy and I as we walked through. It was this attention that bothered me the most. I felt exposed yet I didn’t want to seem weak so I raised my head and strolled over to the table of men I had returned to camp with as Peggy continued to find Steve. I watched her from afar as I bid greetings to the men. Dum Dum gave me a smile and politely complimented how I look, something about it reminded me of my pa. 

As the men began to sing again I made my way back to join Peggy and the two men she was speaking to. Rogers and Barnes were left alone before she made it to them, Peggy making her swift but graceful exit. “Stay. Relax a little.” Peggy’s whispered order mad me sigh but I nod as we pass and I walk closer to the men. 

“I’m invisible.” Bucky’s comment of disbelief as he shook his head was the first thing I heard once I was near them. “I-I’m tuning into you.” My mind flashed to the small scrawny man I had met preserum. “It’s like a horrible dream.” He chuckled and I couldn’t tell if he was insulted by what must have been clear disinterest from my best friend or humored by the thought. 

“Don’t take it so hard. Maybe she’s got a friend.” Steve pats Bucky’s shoulder as he steps back up to sit back at the bar.

Bucky was just about to turn back around when I spoke up. “She does have a friend by the way, soldier boy.” His head turned towards me. His eyes scanned over my appearance, something that must look much different from the last time we saw each other. He gave a half smile towards me but I could see past that and noticed the weariness in him. He must not be sleeping like me. 

“Lieutenant (L/N).” Steve greets from behind his friend just out of sight. 

Barnes gestured for me to take the stool he had previously been sitting in since there were no more seats.  I smiled at him and gave him a slight nod as a thanks before I sat down. “That’s Nurse (L/N) to you kid. That is assuming that I will be joining you men in your fight as your medic.” I raised my eyebrows looking over at Steve expectantly. The blank expression on his face left me sighing. “You didn’t even think about a medical team did you?” I asked before glancing over my shoulder to where Sargeant Barnes had taken to standing behind me on my right. “Can you believe this idiot?” I scoffed, making the dark haired man laugh.

“It didn’t really cross my mind.” Rogers muttered the tips of his ears reddened in embarrassment. I shook my head as the bartender came to refill the small glass with a few fingers of bourbon. “May I have an old-fashioned sweet please.” I ordered before turning back towards Rogers. “Good thing I ran into you then. I can hold my own, I know practically everything about Howard’s designs, and I can give you the name of two other lovely gals who would hold down a great base infirmary.” 

Steve looked away from me, up past me towards where he must be having a silent conversation with the man on the other side of me. “Are you sure you want to go back out there? You were pretty rough when we found you.” Steve looked back at me as my drink was placed in front of me. 

“Kid, I’m the only one left at the moment that understands the serum.” I turned to look at Bucky also. I didn’t say it but I was also the only one who knew the serum replica that he was injected with by my hand. I turned back towards Steve. “Look, wars happen but it’s our choice to fight or not and I’m fighting.” 

Rogers chuckled slightly and nodded his head. “So who are the other two nurses?” I raise my drink to my lips for a sip before crossing my legs to face him better, my shoulder brushing against the chest of the soldier behind me, a comforting feeling of him being there was pushed away. “Charlotte Liffiet and Maxine Maine, captain.” Steve's head nodded as it seemed like he took mental note of their names. 

It was quiet for a moment before as we each sipped our corresponding drinks. “So Agent Carter mentioned looking forward to going dancing after all this. Are you looking forward to going dancing?” Steve asked conversationally but I simply shrugged.

“I would love to go but I doubt it would be fun. Howard is a bit of a cement mixer.”

“Stark? What does he have to do with anything?” 

I scrunched up my nose and reached for my id tag chain and pulled it up to show the ring hanging next to my tags. “We’re kind of engaged.”

They had him again, the soldier boy Sergeant Barnes. It’s been too long. She should have been taken to him by now. A faint noise pricked her attention. Gunfire maybe? It was too far away at the moment to tell for sure. Glancing out of the cell bars I began to pace again. My chest felt tight with worry. Zola had stolen my notes from me in the lab and who knows what he would do with my short hand coded mess. Did they give Barnes more of the serum without me there? Did they expose him to that blue energy source?

I stopped my pacing hearing a door open. I leaned against the bars trying to get the best look possible at who was coming. It was one of the newer guards. I felt the corner of my mouth twitch up into a grin before schooling my expression. Acting, something Robbie once told me I was good at, better save me right now. The boot steps came closer as I turned so my back was leaned against the bars, head tilted up to look at the lone light in my cell, something I apparently did often when I was spaced out. As soon as the guard had unlocked the cell I spun on the front pad of my foot, reached through the bars to grab ahold of the guard. With more strength then I thought I had, I pulled the man forward banging his head against the metal bars. Stepping out of the cell I was able to grab the rifle he was carrying from the floor where he dropped it. Using the butt end I hit his temple rendering him unconscious.

The moment the guard’s body slumped back against the wall and slid to the floor I could hear the sound of voices yelling and gunshots. I reached into the unconscious soldiers’ pocket to grab out a few extra rounds of ammo that I shoved into the small pocket on my hip. Raising the rifle I let it settle into place and kept it there as I began to maneuver my way towards the room the Sergeant would most likely still be in.

The alarm went off just as I rounded out of the solitary confinement area. I could still hear the gunfire and a few explosions outside of the building. My heart leapt into my throat making it hard to breathe for a moment as it raced. My body is beginning to feel the effects of the adrenaline now coursing through my blood. My eyes widened as I ducked around an object avoiding being seen by soldiers running towards the exit. “Gefangene flüchten!” Prisoners escaping!

【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】

Since landing Rogers had successfully infiltrated the Hydra base inside of one of their own transports. Found captured soldiers, which he freed, and now was successfully taking down soldiers standing in his way of getting to his best friend. The men he freed were giving the Hydra soldiers hell as they made their escape, that much could be said from the battle he could here. But he wasn’t aware that Schmidt and Zola were aware of his arrival and their chance of reclaiming the base was gone.

Schmidt had activated a self-destruct system ready to blow the whole base. Zola raced to collect his research and the stolen notes he got from the nurse who worked under Dr. Abraham Erskine who successfully recreated the serum used to create super soldiers. It was in Zola’s escape from his office that he crossed paths with the American super soldier.

Rogers went to chase Zola but a man's groan caught his attention. Steve took cautious steps into the room. There strapped to a table mumbling his identification numbers was his best friend. Steve hurried to his side, “Bucky.” The Sergeant looked unseeing up at the ceiling in a daze. Rogers rushed to release the restraints keeping his friend held down to the operating table. There were a few noises as he ripped through the material. Barnes slowly turned his head to the side expecting to see the familiar straight button nose and soft smile of the nurse he had come to rely on but it was someone else. A familiar face yet so distant in his hazed memories, “Is that…” His muffled voice trailed off. “It’s me. It’s Steve.” Steve assured his best friend.

“Steve?” Barnes smiled softly as he pictured the scrawny punk from Brooklyn.

“Come on.” Steve gave the soft order as he pulled his friend up and off the table. “Steve.” Bucky repeated the name as he moved.

As the men now stood in front of each other a moment of confusion passed over Barnes as he took in the man taller and more built than himself that definitely didn’t fit his memories of Steve. “I thought you were dead.” Steve admits keeping a hand on the unstable man. “I thought you were smaller.” Bucky responded looking at the face of the man in front of him, that was the face he remembered. Steve’s head turned at the sound of a nearby gun shot. His head turned and he spotted yet another map, this one marking all the Hydra bases.

“Come on.” With one of Bucky’s arms over his shoulder and his arm around Bucky, Steve rushed them out of the room with Bucky stumbling slightly through the numbness in his legs. “What happened?” The Sergeant questioned.

“I joined the Army.” Steve responded like it was a no brainer.

The two exited the room and Steve started to turn the way he came but stopped when he saw a woman round the corner pointing a rifle at him. Her eyes wide and wild, hair even wilder. Her eyes moved from him down slightly to the man he was supporting. “Nurse (L/n)?” Steve wondered aloud. “Not that way.” Was all she said glancing over her shoulder. Steve and Bucky turned around and ended up going the way Zola fled with the Nurse at Steve’s side.

“Did it hurt?” Bucky questioned as Steve let him go. “A little.” Steve responded, making the nurse scoff. “Just be glad you had penicillin.” She muttered but it went unheard over the sound of what could only be a tank firing. “Is it permanent?” Bucky stumbled slightly trying to keep up with the taller fit man leading the way. The nurse rushed to his side to give him support as she kept glancing over her shoulder. The rifle had finally lowered to her side as she walked with the two men. “So far.” Rogers didn’t look back at them until he heard Bucky stumble.

The self-destruct explosions started going off one right after the other. The three looked down at the exploding factory machines from an above catwalk. Rogers used his shield to cover himself and the nurse as they all ducked away from the railing above the explosion. Acting quickly they climbed the stairs to get away from the heat and flames while also looking for an alternate exit.

“Captain America!” Schmidt called from across one of the walkways above the fire below. “How exciting! I am a great fan of your films!” The German walked over towards the walkway to be across from Steve. Bucky supported himself against the railing, still not completely 100% back to normal after today’s treatments. The Nurse was at his side, a hand placed gently on his lower back, just enough to remind him that she was there.

“So, Dr. Erskine managed it after all. With the help of his little assistant.” Steve and Schmidt walked towards each other on the platform. Schmidt looked over Rogers’ shoulder at the nurse while mentioning her before focusing back on the soldier in front of him. “Not exactly an improvement, but still, impressive.”

As soon as Steve was close enough he punched the German in the face. The nurse behind him clutched onto the rifle tighter as she watched. “You’ve got no idea.” It was faint but both Bucky and the nurse were just able to hear Rogers reply. “Haven’t I?” Schmidt raised his arm throwing his own punch that Rogers blocked with the metal shield. Rogers went for the handgun but Schmidt hit him so hard that he was knocked down. The German stalked closer, giving the nurse just enough of a chance to realize something was not right with his face before Rogers kicked him back. Zola stepped in pulling a lever that separated the walkway.

“No matter what lies Erskine or that little wench told you, you see, I was his greatest success!” Schmidt called before reaching down to his neck where he grabbed onto something. His hand raised with what appeared to be his skin. Finally the intricate human face the nurse was used to was gone revealing a red skull like head.

“You don’t have one of those, do you?” Bucky asked his friend looking at the man who had been apart of his torture in slight fear. “Definitely not.” The nurse answered, eyes just as wide as Barnes’ half wondering if she was dreaming or having some kind of hallucination.

“You are deluded, Captain. You pretend to be a simple soldier, but in reality, you are just afraid to admit that we have left humanity behind.” Schmidt tossed the mask into the burning flames below before turning to make his exit. “Unlike you, I embrace it proudly. Without fear!”

“Then how come you’re running?” Steve called to him as the doors closed. Another explosion happens right below them causing the three to step back and cover their faces. Rogers looked around for another way to escape, causing the other two to follow suit and all of them landed on the same exit above. “Come on, let’s go. Up.” Steve ordered them as he moved to lead the way up even more stairs.

They stopped at the beam they would have to cross to get to the other side where the exit was. The nurse felt her hands tremble as she fidgeted with the rifle in her hands. Yet another explosion brought them all back from their thoughts. Steve moved to the nurse. “Let’s go. One at a time. Ladies first.” The nurse gulps and flings the rifle around her body so it hangs on her back with the strap against her chest. Steve helps her over the rail as Bucky hangs on to it. “Right. Totally got this.” She muttered to herself as she slowly began to make her way over the beam. Bangs of explosions below them caused the beam to shake and she would pause for a moment to close her eyes for a second before continuing to cross.

As she crossed over the railing on the other side Steve was helping Bucky over the railing. “You got this Sergeant!” She called back over to Bucky as he slowly made his way across. The beam shifted lower in the middle making Bucky freeze for a moment. A look of determination filled his face before he moved forward across the bream. Yet another explosion shook the whole beam with force making it creak like it would collapse at any moment. Barnes hurried to the other end where the nurse grabbed ahold of his ripped and tattered thermal military shirt to help hip as he climbed over as the beam literally collapsed under his feet. “I’ve got you. I’ve got you.” The nurse told him as he climbed over. Both turned to Steve who was still on the other side now trapped.

“Gotta be a rope or something!” Bucky yells over the combustion below. Rogers waves his hands at the two, “Just go! Get out of here! Both of you!”

“No!” The Sergeant and nurse yell at the same time. The nurse quickly looks around for another way to get Rogers across. “Not without you!” Bucky slams his hand onto the metal guard rail. Steve bends back part of the railing before backing up as far as he could on the walkway. He sprinted forward, launching himself off the walkway into the air. Flames from below blocked the view of the crazy man for moments before a clang hit the bars. Barely hang on to the rail was Rogers. The nurse and Barnes quickly get him across the rail before making a hasty exit.

【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】

The three made it to the clearing where the other soldiers were waiting by instruction from Steve. The nurse handed the rifle she had carried to Bucky before running into the groups of soldiers. Steve walked to the man he had specifically talked to before running off to find Bucky, Timothy ‘Dum Dum’ Dugan. The nurse walked around checking on all the men. The nurse patted one of the men on the arm as thanks as he handed her the shirt he had been wearing over a t-shirt to her. The nurse moved over to Steve and held the shirt up to him, “Can you rip this into a few strips for me. I can’t do much without supplies for some of these men but it will help get us by.” Steve ripped the shirt for her before returning to his talk with a few of the men as she tended to the more worse off injuries. She wrapped a few gun wounds tightly and even made a makeshift sling.

Once everyone was ready they began the long hike back towards camp with Steve in the lead. Bucky stayed at his side and the nurse, when not checking on injured men, was right there with them. When Steve was distracted, talking to one of the soldiers, the nurse stepped up next to Bucky. “Don’t let any of the other nurses look you over okay? I’ll take care of you when we get back.” She told him. Barnes looked down at her and nodded his head. Truthfully he didn’t really trust anyone besides her and Steve at the moment.

The men were able to push on their march most of them used to the physical activity. The nurse however, was used to riding in one of the transports. With the adrenaline now out of her system and the usual fatigue settling back in the added tiredness from their march was really starting to wear on her. Yet she pushed on keeping up with Rogers and Bucky. From around her she could hear one of the soldiers talking.

“That’s the nurse that was taken a month ago. Everyone was starting to think she was dead.”

“Maybe she is an angel like they were saying she was.”

She felt something bump her hand and turned her head to see Bucky looking down at her. She tried to smile at him but she was just too exhausted too. “It’s just up ahead!” One of the soldiers yelled as he ran back from scouting ahead. They continued on each one feeling relieved as the camp started to come into view. Soldiers awaited them, parting as they neared. Rogers was in the front with Bucky and the nurse on either side of him just a step behind. The striped barricade rose granting access to the group of men arriving.

“Look who it is!” A man shouts.

Men began to cheer and applaud as they entered. Steve looked back at Bucky and then to the nurse who managed the smallest of smiles. More soldiers came to see what the commotion was. Then the nurse saw the first familiar face, Charlie. Charlie practically burst into tears as she hurried to grab the other medics. “It’s Gracie and the Captain!” She yelled.

Steve led them right to the center of camp where he came face to face with Colonel Phillips. Rogers saluted the Colonel who looked at him, to the nurse, to Bucky, and then his eyes scanned over the hundreds of men behind him.

“Some of these men need medical attention.” Rogers informed Phillips. A soldier called out for the medics who, led by an emotional Charlie, was already there. “We’re right here!” Charlie called directing the injured towards them. The nurse moved towards them medics ready to help them despite how bad of a state she herself was in.

“Hey!” Bucky called attention, making the nurse look over to the Sergeant. “Let’s hear it for Captain America!” On Bucky’s cue the men cheered and applauded his best friend. Steve looked at him but Barnes just smiled proudly as he clapped his hands.

One of the medics approached Barnes to check him over and tend to him but he hesitantly looked around for the only nurse he trusted. “Uh, actually,” He started but relief quickly washed over him as she stepped forward. “I’ve got this one.” The nurse spoke. She looked a bit better with her hair wrapped up and pinned out of her face. She led him over towards the medical supplies where other injured men were and the medics hurried to tend to them. “Gracie, will you sing for us?” Max asked as she seemed overwhelmed by the amount of soldiers they were tending to.

“Guys I’m not sure my voice is going to be any good right now.” The nurse hesitated as she gathered what she needed. Charlie and Max both gave her a look and she sighed. “You asked for it.” She told them and turned back towards the Sargent sitting, waiting for her. As she began to tend to the cut on his cheek and examine the effects on his body from the last round of experiments she began to sing Amazing Grace to those around her. Bucky’s eyes looked up at her as she sang, it comforted him just as much as the first time he heard the song.

【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】

I was just leaving the medic tent. I refused to be seen until all the soldiers were tended to. In fact I hoped to get by without being looked at. With a portion of the serum in my body it would be hard to explain why I wasn’t as bad as I should be. Yet Charlie and Max didn’t even notice as they checked me over. Yet as I rubbed my tired face I didn’t notice the man racing towards me. Arms tightly embraced my body and held me tightly. My body froze in fear.

“God, you’re okay. I was so worried about you and Phillips wouldn’t tell me a thing. You’re here and you’re okay.” It was Howard. It was just Howard. My Howard was hugging me and it took me a moment to relax into his arms before I wrapped my arms around him as well. “I’m here. I’m okay.” I assured him as his mustache tickled my forehead with every kiss he placed against my temple.

Howard Stark did not leave my side for the rest of the night. The only time he left my side was to prepare the plane he would be using to fly a group of people back to the states. Then he was glued to my side again until we got on the plane. It made it hard for me to get away to check on Sergeant Barnes though. I worried how he was doing, not only physically but mentally. I knew how I was and I doubted he was any better. We shared a few nonverbal looks that ended with smiles, that had to mean we were okay right?

Steve was going to be awarded for his bravery in saving us. New York was bustling about Captain America’s big rescue when we landed. Yet when Howard brought me to our home it didn’t feel right. I didn’t feel like I should be there. I kept looking at myself in the mirror. My hair was neatly pinned and I was dressed in the pressed uniform. The new pins looked so strange to me just like everything else did at the moment.

Howard smiled at me and I understood his closeness was out of fear of losing me but I just wanted some time to adjust and finally comprehend that I’m not a prisoner anymore. The first night in bed I couldn’t even sleep. I ended up on the couch staring at the cracking fire in front of me. It was the only time I had to think. Yet every time my eyes would drift closed the warmth of the fire would somehow remind me of the tingling numb pain of electricity that would course through my body. Air sucked from my lungs, eyes snapping open in fear. My head whipped around taking in the appearance of the sitting room before they landed on the fire again. I wiped the back of my hand across the sweat on my forehead and sighed.

Pain. A throbbing, harsh pain echoed through my head from the temple. The throbbing beat opposite that of my heart. The second thing I noticed was how cold and damp it was. After battling with my body to force open my eyes I squint through the dimly lit room. A deep voice spoke in another language… German it was German but my head hurt too much for me to understand it. Seconds passed before I realized that I was sitting on the ground in a cell. The door opened and two men walked in flanked by four additional soldiers than the one that had been watching me.

“Ah Fräulein (L/n) glad you have finally woken up.” Miss.

“Who are you?” I cursed how weak my voice sounded at that moment. Though the man didn’t seem to find me a threat of escape as he spoke. “Johann Schmidt. You see we have a common acquaintance… or, well, had.” The grin he wore made my stomach drop and he didn’t need to verbally admit it for me to realize this is the man behind Abraham’s death.

I raised my head in defiance and although it made the pounding in my head worsen I pushed myself from the ground and stood within the cell. “You’re after the serum.”

“Ah, clever girl. You were Abraham’s assistant when he made the serum.” The second, much shorter man spoke. “Fault in your plans. I don’t know how to make the serum.” Schmidt smiled at me and it took all my self control not to shiver from his intense look. “I was hoping you would say that,” His eyes turned off me to the soldiers. “Bring sie zum Stuhl. Probiere es an ihr aus. Vielleicht wird ein kleiner Elektroschock Ihr Gedächtnis auffrischen.” Take her to the chair. Try it out on her. Perhaps a bit of electroshock will refresh your memory. As Schmidt talked his head also turned towards the shorter man.

I could feel the blood drain from my face as I moved back against the wall. Three soldiers stepped towards the cell. One man opened the cell door before the other two stepped inside to detain me. I managed to elbow one in the face in my struggle but it was useless. The two soldiers dragged me from the cell, out of the room into a brighter lit hall. We were in some kind of warehouse. My eyes zeroed in on a chair that looked right out of a nightmare. Stronger hands forced me into the hard chair and held me down while I was struggling against someone’s attempts to strap me in. My struggling did nothing but get me a slap to the face. The strength of the slap disoriented me long enough for them to strap me in.

The shorter man who followed us now stood next to my head. I could see the reflection of myself in his glasses. “This is only going to hurt a lot, try to hold still.” He instructs lowering two plates down around my face. It was only a few short moments before the electricity forced its way into my head. I had no control over my body as it thrashed in the confines of the chair. An agonizing scream of pain carrying throughout the building went ignored.

That wasn’t my first time in the chair but it was the only time I had passed out in the chair. Spent 30 minutes in the chair 3 times a day, sometimes longer. After a week I had to start muttering things to myself in my cell so I didn’t forget who I was. The Nazi soldiers gave me the bare minimum to survive as far as water and nutrients goes. I cracked halfway through October. I gave the short scientist, Armin Zola, the list of what I would need before I was taken back to my cell after yet another time in the cell. I was given parchment and a pencil to write things down with but it kept coming in flashes.

Nights were the worst. Mouth dry from lack of water, eyes trained on an iron grate in the ceiling. I realized two weeks into my daily chair visits that I had forgotten my brother’s name. When I noticed it caused me to cry to sleep that night. So whenever I could I would mutter to myself facts I could remember starting with my name, rank, and where I was from. The list of facts got shorter every day. Somedays I remembered more than others. There were times all I could bring myself to do was hum Amazing Grace to myself to deal with the pain.

The first time I was in the lab I tried to escape. I was left with just one guard and I thought I could take him. I smashed a beaker using a shard like a knife. I ended up knocked unconscious, my hand bleeding from the self inflicted cuts caused by the makeshift weapon. From then on I was chained to the lab table and three soldiers kept watch. I wasn’t given anything to test the serum on. So I never tested unless I thought it would work because I used myself as a test subject.

I was unconscious for two days once from a failed serum. Others cause excruciating pain. Days came and went and I lost count of days but I knew it was still October. Yet a month was close to passing as November began to be discussed amongst soldiers around me. Pressure was placed on me to recreate the serum. Each day if I didn’t recreate the serum I was sent to the chair for the torturous electroshock. That is how I figured out I had been successful in a recreation. The serum, when tested, did nothing but make me drop to the lab floor in pain. I wasn’t even given time to recollect myself before being dragged off to the chair. I lasted longer in the chair than usual. I heard the instruction to increase the power. I don’t remember what happened after that.

It took me nearly half a day to recover, then as soon as I had I was back working in the lab. Suddenly I was pulled away from my work and escorted quickly back to my cell. “Neue Soldaten wurden gefangen genommen.” New soldiers have been captured. I pressed myself up against the bars for a chance, a glimpse at the soldiers being brought in.

It was silent as the Nazi Hydra soldiers dealt with the new poisoners. Suddenly two soldiers appeared with smiles on their faces. “Komm Mädchen. Zola und Schmidt wollen dich sehen.” Come girl. Zola and Schmidt want to see you. The soldiers yanked me up and practically dragged me to the room where the chair was. My body trembled involuntarily at the sight of the chair. It wasn’t me going in the chair, given someone was strapped in but given the uniform he was American. “Ah, here iz our lovely nurse. You’ve been asking for a test subject. Here you go.” Schmidt waved at the man strapped into the chair. The man lifted his head just barely and my heart went out to him. As soon as the hands left my arms I moved to the soldier in the chair. “What’s your name, soldier?”

“S’rg’nt Jam’s Barn’s,” His voice wasn’t clear but it was clear enough for me to understand what he said. The nurse turned to Zola and Schmidt. “I wasn’t done recreating the serum when you had me pulled from the lab. I will need time to work and he needs time to rest or the serum will kill him.” I tried to give him whatever comfort I could in those brief moments before we were pulled apart. His head rose just slightly and I caught a glimpse of stormy blue eyes as he was dragged out of the room.

I never got to return to my cell that night. As my eyes zoned in on the blue chemical mixture in front of me I felt a haze cloud my mind, it wasn’t abnormal to experience but I also felt like I was losing myself when it happened. Following my own written instructions I was able to continue my work. The only other thing I forced my mind to remember were two things.

I am First Lieutenant (Y/n) (L/n) of the US Army Nurse Corps. Soldier boy is Sergeant James Barnes.

The words became a mantra in the blank canvas my mind was currently in as I blindly worked by instructions of my very own that I don’t even remember writing. My body moved on auto pilot as I was taken to a crude looking examination room. In the center was soldier boy Sergeant James Barnes strapped to the table. As my mind raced to catch up with me, flashes of memories clouded my mind from when Steve Rogers got the serum, the explosion that followed, Dr. Erskine being shot. My body tensed at a passing memory of being in the chair passed through being replaced by the pain I felt giving myself the serum.

A hand pressed firmly in between my shoulder blades pushing me forward. I stumbled to the table catching myself with a hand on his arm. Wasn’t he wearing an army jacket before? My eyes landed on the serum filled syringe in my hands reminding me of what I was about to do. “First lieutenant (Y/n) (F/n) of the US Army Nurse Corps.. You are Sergeant James Barnes.. I’m sorry for what I am about to do. You’ll be okay. I’ve used it on myself. It will hurt.” My voice sounded so… robotic and monotone as I spoke to him. My hands pushing up his sleeve.

My hands worked from memory and out of second nature my mouth moved and the hymn fell from my lips. The melody of the song was the only comfort I could offer as I injected the poor man with the serum that would change his life forever. His eyes looked up at mine until the pain of the serum changing his body caused them to shut tightly. The leather restraints holding him in began to rip as he pulled against them. Discarding the empty syringe I tried to soothe him more but the second my hand touched his head I was shot with a sedative.

【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】

Steve Rogers has dressed up performing on stage like a dancing monkey to sell war bonds since he was given the serum. His first time on foreign grounds and he was performing for soldiers he should have been fighting alongside of. All to be booed off the stage by disgruntled men who just wanted to see a pretty dame.

Steve finally looked away from the rain but not quite at Peggy, “At least he’s got me doing this. Phillips would have had me stuck in a lab.” Blue eyes finally met the face of Agent Carter. “And these are your only two options? A lab rat or a dancing monkey? You were meant for more than this, you know.” Her wording might have been a bit rude but the point got across. There was a moment of silence between the two but Steve had this look to him. “What?” Peggy inquired.

The man was drawing in the rain when a familiar face popped up. “Hello, Steve.” Peggy Carter approached him from behind, making him turn from his drawing to greet her, “Hi.” She mimed his ‘hi’ back before laying her jacket down to sit on while Steve asked, “What are you doing here?” Peggy looked at Rogers and let out a small sigh, “Officially, I’m not here at all. That was quite a performance.”

Rogers looked away disappointed that she had caught the horrible show that happened earlier. “Yeah. I uh, I had to improvise a little bit. The crowds I’m used to are usually more, uh, twelve.” Steve explained looking out at the drenched ground and falling rain. “I understand you’re ‘America’s New Hope’.” Peggy states watching him. “Bond sales take a 10% bump in every state I visit.” Steve comments like a robot. “Is that Senator Brandt I hear?”

“You know for the longest time, I dreamed about coming overseas and being on the front lines, serving my country. I finally got everything I wanted and I’m wearing tights.” Steve kept looking down at his journal then squinting out through the rain. A horn alarmed behind them as a medical vehicle slid to a stop in the mud. Medics ran from the infirmary tent to help unloaded soldiers on gurneys. “They look like they’ve been through hell.” Peggy turned back towards Rogers. “These men more than most.” Steve looked up at Peggy knowing she had more details. “Schmidt sent out a force to Azzano. Two hundred men were there to back up an already injured fleet, they went up against him and less than 75 returned. Your audience contained what was left of the 107th and 34th.” Steve slowly turned his head feeling bad for the men who were lost but his attention snapped to Peggy at the mention of the divisions involved as she finished, “The rest were killed or captured.”

“The 107th?” The confirmation had him darting out into the rain, Peggy following holding her jacket over her head for coverage from the rain. The two ran all the way to the tent Colonel Phillips was sitting in signing condolence letters. “Colonel Phillips.” Steve called for the man’s attention as he approached. “Well, if it isn’t the Star-Spangled Man With A Plan. What is your plan today?” The colonel responded looking up at the pair now standing in front of him. “I need the casualty list from Azzano.” The tone he used was definitely fitting for the role he plays on stage. Phillips however did not appreciate it. “You don’t get to give me orders, son.”

“I just need one name, Sergeant James Barnes from the 107th.” Rogers responded un phased. Phillips pointed his pen at Peggy, “You and I are gonna have a conversation later that you won’t enjoy.” Steve was insistent though and again requested the information he wanted, “Please tell me if he’s alive, sir. B-A-R..” “I can spell.” Phillips cut him off before muttering, “First Stark and now this.” He stood from the table and paged through the letters he just finished signing. “I have signed more of these condolence letters today that I would care to count. But the name does sound familiar. I’m sorry. To the both of you.” Phillips looks from Rogers to Peggy and the woman knew he was referring to her friend from the 34th.”

“What about the others? Are you planning a rescue mission?” Rogers was something else, optimistic maybe. “Yeah, it’s called winning the war.” The look of disbelief that Steve sent the colonel as he spoke might have been the first red flag for Peggy Carter. “But if you know where they are, why not at least..” Phillips once again cut the man off, “They’re 30 miles behind the lines through some of the most heavily fortified territory in Europe.” Phillips was eyeing the spot on the map as he talked about it, even pointing the place out directly. “We’d lose more men than we’d save. But I don’t expect you to understand that because you’re a chorus girl.”

The colonels' dig at Roger’s lack of status didn’t seem to phase the man but it did fuel the plan he was formulating in his head while staring at the map, memorizing it. “I think I understand just fine.”

“Well, then understand it somewhere else. If I read the posters correctly, you got someplace to be in 30 minutes.” The colonel walked past him giving Rogers a very clear view of the map marking out exactly where he needed to go, and where he was. “Yes, sir. I do.” Perhaps the time staring at the map was the second red flag that Peggy noticed. As her eyes flickered between him and the map as he left the tent it all clicked into place and she hurried after the taller man.

“What do you plan to do, walk to Austria?” Peg asked as she entered the tent used as the changing room. “If that’s what it takes.” Steve answered not looking up from where he was struggling with boots. “You heard the Colonel. Your friend, and mine, are most likely dead.”

“You don’t know that.” Steve disagreed as he continued to get ready. “Even so, he’s devising a strategy. If he detects..” Steve cut her off as he put on a brown leather jacket, “By the time he’s done that, it could be too late.” He snatched up his bag and shield and headed for the exit. “Steve!” Peggy called following him to the vehicle he tossed his things into. The rain had stopped leaving the sun to rapidly evaporate the water leaving puffs of smoke in the air. Steve looked at the brunette in front of him. “You told me you thought I was meant for more than this. Did you mean that?”

“Every word.”

“Then you got to let me go.” Steve turned to get into the jeep and started the engine before Peggy was at the side. “I can do more than that.” She told him.

【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】

Peggy hadn’t lied. She got them a method of transport much faster than the jeep. Howard Stark sat in the pilot seat flying a plane with the slight chance his fiancée may still be alive. Stark was devastated when he first found out that the 34th was attacked and that only doubled when the attack at Azzano took out the 107th as well.

“The Hydra camp is in Krausberg, tucked between these two mountain ranges.” Peggy infomed Rogers as she pointed to the map she was holding. “It’s a factory of some kind.” She gave him as much information as she could. “We should be able to drop you right on the doorstep.” Howard called over his shoulder.

“Just get me as close as you can.” Steve called back up to the pilot. He looked back over at the woman in front of him. “You know.. You two are gonna be in a lot of trouble when you land.” He was worried about her getting into trouble for him but she looked at him just as worried. “And you won’t?” Steve dismissed her worries, turning his head. “Where I’m going, if anyone yells at me, I can just shoot them.” There was a small click of a loaded gun.

“They will undoubtedly shoot back.” Peggy surmised. Steve turned to the shield he had been using on stage giving it a knock, “Well let's hope it’s good for something.” Steve turned back to her just as Howard called back, “Agent Carter? If we’re not in too much of a hurry, I thought we could stop off in Lucerne for a late-night fondue.” Howard was teasing the agent, the smile on his face hidden from those being him. Peggy shifted in her seat choosing to ignore him and keep conversation going with Rogers. “Stark is the best civilian pilot I’ve ever seen. He’s mad enough to brave this airspace. We’re lucky to have him.”

Steve however was still not fully over the comment Stark made. “So, are you two… do you…” There was an awkward pause as Steve thought of the proper way to ask if they were seeing each other by reusing Stark’s words, “..Fondue?” Stark tried not to laugh from the pilot’s seat as Peggy simply shook her head and handed him a device. “This is your transponder. Activate it when you’re ready and the signal will lead us straight to you.” Steve took a moment to look at the device now in his hand before calling up to Howard, “Are you sure this thing works?”

“It’s been tested more than you, pal.” Howard defended seconds before gunfire hit the side of the plane. The plane shook as bullets pelted the sides, shaking the aircraft from the force. Steve stood grabbing his shield and heading towards the door. That he opened. “Get back here! We’re taking you all the way in!” Peggy ordered yelling over the wind rushing into the plane. “As soon as I’m clear, you turn this thing around and get the hell out of here!” Steve ordered back over the noise of the wind, gunfire, and the pinging of bullets on the plane.

“You can’t give me orders!” Peggy disagreed.