#hiddenautism

My biggest parenting struggle right now relates to, not suprisingly, my son’s  hidden-autism. Like most hidden-autistcs he is good at masking and social integration, but does poorly with self-analyzation, so when he realizes he is overstimulated he is rarely able to problem solve because it is just below the meltdown level. It is getting increasingly difficult to teach him that even though he doesn’t like a sound someone else is making, they still are allowed to make it, within reason. I constantly offer him headphones, but he usually refuses, preferring to get angry at his brother.

This is frustrating because I want to teach the rest of the family to be mindful and accommodating of Squish’s needs, but at the same time, it is not right that they should have to give up their autonomy. Just like Squish should be allowed to stim, Dude should be allowed to sing silly songs.

All the autistic people in my family were overstimulated at the same time today. One of them shut down, one was about 80/20 meltdown/tantrum, and then there was me, expending all my energy to not shut down or meltdown, while helping them through their stuff and simultaneously trying to keep the other two children calm and non-escalatory. It was very frustrating, and I am now very tired. I was tired before, as we have begun to work on waking up and having everyone ready as per our school schedule.

Autism is to understand even for autistic people. It’s even harder for a kid. So why, why nerotypical teachers do you think you understand it? I’m not angry, just low grade frustrated. Squish has been coming home sad/angry nearly every day of the two and a half weeks of school, and he has started crying that he doesn’t want to go anymore, it’s too loud, everyone is mean, and he’s always getting in trouble. This is a kid who loves to learn. Yes, transition anxiety is a part of this, but I think there is more. Yes, we are working on his medications and he might not be getting as much sleep as he needs, but I think there is more.

So, dear teachers, when I email you saying that he is struggling and I’d like to have a meeting, telling me that you see nothing that could be causing this and that he is active and participating in class is not helpful. He is masking, and I want to try and figure out why. All you see is the mask. You wont know what’s bothering him, because you don’t know his triggers. I do. It’ll be much more productive for us to discuss the classroom setting and me listening for triggers, than for me to try and explain all his triggers and waiting for you to find them.

I was visiting with a friend the other day, and she was telling me about a conversation she had with her autistic son(6/7). They were discussing the term ‘high functioning’, which many people use to describe him. I don’t recall if it was she or he that said that it isn’t very nice to the people who visibly struggle more with neurotypical standards. He suggested that the term ‘hidden autism’ be used instead. I think this is a fantastic idea, and plan to use it myself. My son agrees, though in his case I think it is more because he feels a need to keep his autism hidden(still trying to understand what he means by that, and why.)