#hiccannamonth

***

Truth be told, Sir Goffridus was having a very dull day until he heard a young lady's scream from the cliffside cave.

Sure, he'd saved a village from a nasty bridge troll that morning. And sure, just after lunchtime he'd jarred up a few pixies before they caused too much trouble on a local farmstead. But what, pray tell, was the use of being the bravest, noblest, and most skilled knight in all the realm if there were no fair maidens swooning at his feet?

Indeed, the rest of his company were wondering how he had not yet impressed a noblewoman most beautiful. He was, after all, very handsome, and had slain many a monster! His mother was especially displeased, stating over and over that she and his father simply did not know what to spend their glut of funds on if not a wedding.

No, truly, this was embarrassing. Sir Goffridus needed to find a respectable bride, and fast, if he was to save his great position and spotless reputation.

He urged his steed forth and arrived at a craggy slope. There was a flash of movement on a far-up ledge, and the brave and handsome knight drew his sword.

Sir Goffridus dismounted, creeping toward the rock face. Well...as much as one could creep, wearing dozens of pounds of rattling metal armor. Still, whatever loathsome creature he needed to battle probably wouldn't notice--why, Sir Goffridus had only had ten or so close calls in his career! It was a far greater number for the other knights, he was sure.

Puffs of flame and smoke billowed from the mountainside, accompanied by a fearsome growl. The woman's cry sounded again, this time with distinguishable words.

"Oh, please, someone help me! This terrible dragon wants to have me for lunch and my entire kingdom for dessert!"

A ginger-haired head stuck out over the ledge, gazing down at him pleadingly. The maiden was fair indeed, clad in a dark green gown befitting of any royalty. She pressed the back of her hand to her forehead in distress, looking utterly pitiful.

She's perfect.

"Fear not, beautiful lady!" Sir Goffridus stepped forward, holding his blade high and trying to look as majestic as possible. "I will save you from this despicable beast!"

"Oh, thank goodness!" She batted her eyelashes down at him, and Sir Goffridus straightened proudly. "I knew a brave, brave warrior would come for me someday!"

"Someday, My Lady?" The knight cocked a brow, confused. "If you were concerned about being dragon lunch, be it not today the creature stole you from your kingdom?"

For a moment, the maiden hesitated.

"Well, he's been holding me prisoner and force-feeding me all manner of hearty food to fatten me up for the slaughter!" she finally wailed. "Pastries and fine bread and and sweets galore--and I fear today is the day my meat is tender enough for dining!"

As if right on cue, a wicked laugh rang out behind her. "My fresh entree, your time is up at last! Too long I've looked forward to gobbling you up and spitting forth your pretty little princess bones."

Curious--the beast had a rather nasally and high-pitched voice for a dragon. Not the deep, reverberating snarls of the dragons he normally fought.

But Sir Goffridus's mind was as keen as his reflexes. He knew this was no reason to underestimate the foul creature in battle.

And regardless, this was a princess--it was his lucky day!

"Don't worry, Your Majesty!" he called out courageously. "Not one dragon has faced my mighty sword and lived to tell the tale."

"My hero!" The princess scooted closer to the edge of the cliff. "Come, brave sir knight--I will jump down to escape this wretched place, and you may catch me in your big strong arms!"

"Jump down...?"

Sir Goffridus barely had time to collect his thoughts before the princess was scaling down the cliff face with surprising skill. Her hands and feet went into thin gaps as deftly as a lizard's, going with the speed of someone who has done this climb many a time before.

That was strange. Sir Goffridus had never known princesses to be very competent.

Before he had too much time to ponder, a massive black dragon's head stuck out over the ledge, glowering. "No! She's getting away! My wicked plans are foiled!"

The dragon must have been just as shocked as Sir Goffridus by this turn of events, considering several moments passed and the great beast did not fly down to collect his fleeing bounty.

After a pause, the dragon's presence seemed to register with the princess. She looked up, gasping in horror.

"Oh, no! I've been caught!"

Now that made more sense. Princesses were not often quick on the uptake.

"Quick, sir knight! Catch me!"

And just like that, the princess threw herself from the rock wall. As she sailed down through the air, Sir Goffridus rushed to position himself beneath her.

Curious indeed--the princess was falling slower than what Sir Goffridus would expect, especially one who had been plumped for the slaughter. The dragon only watched, making no move to catch her.

It would seem both princess and dragon were sluggish beings--in every facet of life. Oh well--that would make Sir Goffridus's quest much easier.

The princess landed in Sir Goffridus's arms with a thud, albeit one not as heavy as he'd braced himself for. She giggled, looping her arms around his neck and looking up at him adoringly.

"Oh, my!" she cooed. "How can I ever repay you?"

Sir Goffridus was thinking on an answer when he felt the great swish of wings about them. The ground shook as the dragon landed, glaring at both knight and princess.

"Not so fast, you walking sack of noisy kitchenware! The princess is mine!"

Why, he never...! The quality of his armor was far superior to the pots and pans any run-of-the-mill peasant could use!

Sir Goffridus set the princess down, lightly grabbing her arms and turning her around. "Look away, Your Highness. Bloodshed is something far too ugly to soil your innocent eyes."

The knight held his sword in front of him, gathering every bit of courage he had in his noble heart. "Begone, foul monster! The likes of horrible beasts such as yourself are not welcome among the good people of the human realm!"

Sir Goffridus was, in his heart of hearts, tired of dealing with these nasty reptiles. They had a great propensity for getting in the way, and seemed to believe they had as much right to the land and its spoils as humans--who, unlike dragons, could think and feel and love and build great creations and societies.

The dragon, however, did not seem to realize this. He bared his teeth and charged.

And Sir Goffridus met the beast, unleashing all his training from the glorious royal academy. He swang! He shouted intimidatingly! He advanced and retreated! He hopped to and fro! The dragon hissed in frustration, backing farther and farther away the more Sir Goffridus attacked.

Fortunately for the knight, this monster had horrendous aim. The dragon sent out smoke and fire and plasma balls aplenty--but somehow, none seemed to land on Sir Goffridus, save to graze his armor. Curious, considering he was right in the dragon's line of sight...

He wasn't even landing many hits of his own, yet he still had the beast scurrying in terror. How remarkable indeed!

Well, Sir Goffridus was not one to question easy victories! The princess would likely dote on his valor either way.

"AUGH!" The dragon let out a roar, sending a tongue of flame into the sky. "Foiled again! I've got to hand it to you, sir knight--you have bested me. The princess is yours."

With a mighty leap, the dragon took to the air and returned to his clifftop lair. The princess cheered.

"You've done it, my brave, brave knight! You've won!"

He sure had! Sir Goffridus swelled with pride as he returned to the fair maiden.

"Let us get you from this horrid place, Your Highness." He scooped the giggling princess into a bridal carry, helping her onto his steed. "What kingdom do you hail from?"

For a moment she only fixed him with a doe-eyed gaze, as though trying to gather her thoughts.

"Fair Andaloria, my lord," she said.

"Andaloria?" Despite himself, Sir Goffridus raised an eyebrow as they began to ride off into the forest. "That's quite far from here--a trip across the vast seas and a trek over many a dangerous mountain. That loathsome dragon took you all this way?"

"Yes." The princess looked at him sadly. "The dragon wanted to make it very, very hard for me to get home should I ever escape. Foul beast has a taste for naught but princesses--he'd kidnap a more local one, but he told me every time he's tried, they're rescued but a day later!"

"Not a very good dragon, then, is he?"

The maiden chortled, heartily slapping his chest. The force of it jostled him a tad more than he was expecting.

"Oh, you are so funny, my lord!"

Truly, Sir Goffridus could not find a more perfect lady if he tried.

"Pray tell, fair maiden. Whom do I have the pleasure of rescuing today?"

"Princess Annette, brave sir knight, of the northern lands of Avadoria."

"Annette!" Sir Goffridus threw his hands up in delight. "What a beautiful name! We shall be married in the morning!"

"Oh! my lord!" Princess Annette swooned so hard she nearly falls off the steed. Sir Goffridus nobly caught her just in time.

"Yes!" he confirmed. "I wish you to be my beautiful bride, Your Highness! I will get my finest smiths to craft you a ring of pure gold and priceless ruby. I will shower you with finery and treasure and riches beyond your wildest dreams. The family jewels that have been passed down for generations will now be yours--yours and my children's."

"Oh? I'd...I'd like that very much, sir!"

Princess Annette's lovely aqua-blue eyes shone strangely--a glint Sir Goffridus didn't usually see in proper young ladies. Most likely but an overwhelming of true love in the beautiful damsel!

"You shall have everything your heart desires, and more! A lavish feast? A fortune beyond measure? Wares of unspeakable value? An estate in the country? A garden sprawling leagues upon leagues? All can be yours!"

Princess Annette giggled, kicking her feet as they rode. What a fine day indeed, and what a fine happily ever after they would have!

*

Perhaps Sir Goffridus had had one mead too many, but he was beginning to feel like something was amiss at his wedding.

The festivities were merry and jovial as ever. The decorations were elegant, the dancing was lively, the performing bards were sweet and melodious, the roast boar was superb. The pudding was nothing short of divine. Everyone, from fellow knights to commoners to the higher gentry and royalty themselves, were congratulating Sir Goffridus on his splendid marriage. A princess, they all said! How excellent! How divine! He was to have some of the most fine-bred children in all the land--strength and valor and noble blood and everything in between!

And yet, Sir Goffridus found himself approaching one of his comrades with his spirits quite down.

"Say, Sir Thurlow," he said. "Perchance have you seen my blushing bride? I fear I've picked up naught a trace of her since I gifted her my family's jeweled heirlooms at the ceremony. 'Tis odd to me she'd slip away into recluse after my generosity made her ever so happy. She was quite taken with the emerald necklaces!"

Sir Thurlow belched.

"Well, you can't go around spoiling a maiden like that," he slurred wisely. "Now she'll only ask for more and more jewelry, and throw a mighty fit when you can't give her any more! You've gone and set her standards far too high."

"Oh dear." Sir Goffridus frowned as it occurred to him that his friend made a fine point. "She did seem awfully fond of those topaz bracelets as well. I suppose as a princess, though, it only makes sense she'd be drawn to finery."

"Maybe it's worth more in..." Sir Thurlow scrunched his nose as he swayed against the banquet table. "Aragonia? Andalonia? Where did you say she was from?"

"Fair Andaloria."

"Andaloria!" Sir Thurlow suddenly doubled over in laughter. "Why, they have some of the finest ore in all the world! Legend says gems are so easy to find that they treat them as common copper, trading a fistful of garnets for a good meal. If anything, your new wife should turn her nose up at something so commonplace."

"Surely the legends exaggerate!"

"Even provided they do." Despite Sir Thurlow's continued swaying, he fixed his comrade with a thoughtful gaze. "Would not Princess Annette be more taken with something novel to her? A herbal tea or meat spice made from a plant she's never encountered? A dish prepared in manners which she's never tasted? The elegant peacocks and swans of the gardens, surely so different from the creatures of her mountainous home? Why!" Sir Thurlow brightened. "She might well be exploring the courtyards or attempting to get seconds in the kitchen as we speak!"

"But I looked in the gardens," Sir Goffridus argued. "And the kitchen as well, even at the great disgrace of having to speak to the peasantry. Not a soul has seen my bride, and despite myself, I grow uneasy.

"What of the bedrooms? Perhaps the lady is impatient!"

And that was when it finally dawned on Sir Goffridus.

"Why, Sir Thurlow, you are a genius! The lady could barely resist me ever since we met. Of course that would be her first desire after our marriage!"

Strange. When he had gifted her the jewels in his bedroom earlier, she hadn't seemed interested then. She'd been all too eager to return to the bustling ballroom, only to get lost in the crowd.

Mayhaps she had changed her mind?

Filled with eagerness, Sir Goffridus hurried to his chamber. Oh, but what a glorious night this was to be! For the rest of his days, this would be remembered as the eve his beautiful wife would be laden with his beautiful son.

He hoped, anyways. But why not, if all his dreams and wishes were coming true already? Sir Goffridus thrust the chamber door open, overcome with anticipation.

There was no sign of Princess Annette. Rather, he was greeted with the sight of a mattress stripped bare and a chest of drawers deprived of the fine golden bust that usually sat atop it.

Alas, it only made sense his things would have been taken for a washing and a polishing on such a big day. Nonetheless, it made the room feel even more empty.

Sighing, Sir Goffridus closed the door and continued his search.

*

Daegal was getting ready to close up shop when the hunchbacked hag in a hooded black cloak came in.

There was a great deal of clanking and clattering as she made her way over, and Daegal nervously checked the trinket-filled shelves to make sure the lady wasn't knocking them about. But his merchandise all remained still and untouched as far as he could tell.

When she drew close enough for one of the sconces to light her face, Daegal gave a start of surprise. It appeared she wasn't a hag at all, but rather a pretty young maiden with freckles and lively blue eyes.

Why, then, did she conceal herself so?

"I'd like to make a trade," she declared. "The sign says you're some kinda curio trading post, right?"

"That's right," he said, slightly taken aback by her casual tone. "This is later than I usually do sales, though."

"Sorry!" She laughed awkwardly. "Sort of an emergency. Hopefully it'll be worth it."

The damsel reached into her cloak, shuffling around until she pulled out something long and white. Daegal suddenly realized she was no hunchback at all--the bulky presence beneath the cape was naught but a profusion of carrying bags!

She must be mighty indeed to shoulder such a load.

Perhaps she wore that cloak so as not to draw attention to her great strength. After all, many of the knights who sought to woo her kind found hardiness unbecoming in ladies.

"I'd like to trade this for safe passage through this town." She slapped the item she'd retrieved down on the table. "And a horse. Preferably one with big saddle bags. And also, uh...if you could not mention to anyone that I came through here, that would be great."

Daegal looked down and gasped.

Laid out before him was a diamond-studded white gown. Easily worth a thousand gold pieces, if not more.

The shopkeeper sucked in his breath. "This is...this is the finest wedding dress I've ever seen. What cause could there possibly be to get rid of it? I imagine it's every little girl's dream to wear this."

The maiden paused, and Daegal could have sworn he saw gears turning behind those pretty eyes.

"It was my sister's." She let out an exaggerated-sounding sniffle. "She was to be married, but then on her very wedding day, she was snatched from the changing room by an ogre and--"

"You jilted someone at the altar, didn't you?"

"I did not!" she said, a tad defensively.

Daegal eyed the dress, wondering if it could buy him a personal carriage and a chauffeur.

"It's okay, you know. My family tried to sell my brother off into this marriage with a noblewoman, but she was an insufferable snob. Last I heard, he ran off with the milkmaid."

"Oh, good." The young maiden slacked with relief. "Well...does it technically count as jilting if you fly the coop after you've said your vows?"

"So you can sell the ring?" Daegal smirked. "Clever. I have to respect that."

He picked up the long dress, inspecting it again.

"At least let me pay you what it's worth. You can have safe passage and a horse, but you can grab a couple of our pricier curios too. Looks like you have plenty of room in your bags."

"Really?" She brightened. "You're too kind, sir!"

And before poor Daegal could process what was occurring, the young maiden slapped a gold necklace full of the fattest, shiniest emeralds he'd ever seen on top of the dress.

"For your troubles!" she chirped.

He hadn't a moment to protest before she skittered off, making a beeline for a nearby cabinet she'd been eyeing. She returned almost immediately with a jarful of glowing goo and a self-sustaining terrarium filled with (as far as Daegal could tell) authentic shrunken ducks.

"Miss, you don't have to--"

"How often do I feed the ducks?" she interrupted.

"Um...just sprinkle some oats in there once a day and you should be fine," Daegal answered numbly.

Well. Apparently Daegal was about to get two new private carriages, plus velvet seat covers.

Far be it from him to look a gift weird-young-lady-advertently-or-inadvetertently-disguised-as-a-hunchbacked-old-lady in the mouth.

"Pin this to your cloak while you ride out." Daegal reached into a drawer and retrieved an important-looking emblem. "People won't ask questions. The stables are just past the grocer, so...help yourself."

"Lovely! You're the best!"

She snatched the pin and clattered her way out the door, probably never to be seen again. Daegal looked down at his newfound belongings, wondering how his wife would feel about commissioning a silken tapestry for their bedroom.

*

"I can manage from here!"

Anna dismounted her steed, giving the handsome palomino and appreciative pat on the neck. He nickered questioningly as she gathered her things.

"Yes, yes, I know we're in the middle of the forest," she conceded. "It's all by design, I promise. It's not too far to the road, though! Here's a snack to tide you over, okay?"

She handed the patient horse a couple of carrots. He took them gingerly, regarding her curiously for a few moments.

Then he was gone, galloping off into the ether to claim his freedom. Or a spot at a nearby village's stables. Whichever he preferred.

It didn't take Anna long to trek to the familiar cliffside--an isolated little sanctuary where no human being could bother her.

Or at least no full human being.

"BABE!" she shouted, rapping on the rock. "I'm home!"

A swishing and flapping of massive wings filled the air, and Anna couldn't hold back a giddy giggle. It really had been too long.

Darkness swam over her, a great shape blocking out the sun. A gust of wind caught her hair as the dragon swooped down, landing on the grass with an earth-shaking thump.

"What superb luck," he said, tone deadpan. "My escaped quarry has accidentally wandered back to my lair again."

"Oh noooo." Anna let out a mock gasp of horror as she began loading her stuffed saddle bags onto the beast's back. "How does this keep happening?"

"You are exceptionally easy to kidnap, my lady."

The dragon used a wing to hoist her onto his back, and she held tight to his neck as he flew back to their lair. After doing this song and dance a few times, she'd learned how to lay on his back in such a way that she avoided the rows of poisonous barbs.

She'd come to love the feeling of his cool, smooth scales against her skin. They felt like comfort. Like peace.

Like home.

Some said love was a wild, neverending journey full of ups and downs, and a simple "happily ever after" was a silly hope. Anna was rather enjoying hers, though.

And sure, their love hadn't been an easy one. One of the least easy in all the land, in fact. But the worst seemed, at last, to be behind them.

The dragon landed in the entrance to the mountain cave. Anna dismounted, slinging her bags over her shoulder.

She could barely wait until the sitting room--an alcove consisting of neatly-arranged furniture stolen from palace parties across the realm--to admire her newest spoils. At last, she dumped her prizes across a magenta velvet couch and rifled through them.

Thin arms circled her waist, pulling her back. Anna twisted around, finding herself looking into the very pretty eyes of the disgraced Prince Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III.

"Hi." She wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing their foreheads together. As much as she liked his dragon form, she also very much liked when his body was small enough to fit in her hold.

"And how's my favorite grifter? This one didn't give you too much trouble, I hope?"

"Oh, far from it. It just gets easier and easier, I swear."

"You really think they'd catch on by now."

"Please." Anna snorted. "No one can resist a good damsel in distress, let alone one who's stroking your ego more than like...the world's fluffiest cat."

"You're amazing." He stole a quick kiss, making her giggle. "I haven't the faintest idea how every single time you manage to pinpoint what these idiots want. But we haven't had a bad run yet."

"Mmmm." Anna slid a hand down, grabbing his hand and interlacing their fingers. She led him over to a fluffy chaise, pulling him down onto her lap.

"Remember when we were kids I had that phase where I kept saying I was gonna 'quit princessing' and run away to become a bard?"

"Oh, sure. You always insisted I critique your singing voice by belting the same ballad over and over."

She flushed with embarrassment as he snickered. Of course she was more obnoxious about the whole thing than she recalled.

"Well, uh...I actually got pretty far into secretly training with a local troupe before I gave up on the whole thing. Learned all about reading your audience!"

"Oh yeah? And what did you read on this guy?"

"The usual. 'I'm the finest knight in all the kingdom, and thus must I protect all the poor, helpless maidens from the many monsters of these lands!'"

"And how's that working out for him?"

"Never for too long." She sighed pityingly. "I fucked up and said I was from Andaloria again. This guy didn't even notice."

"So you told him you were from Mining Central," Hiccup said flatly. "And he gave you...more things commonly found in mines."

Anna only gestured to the sparkling mound on the velvet couch.

"So how long did it take for him to fork over the family jewels?"

"Oh, you know. Maybe an hour."

Hiccup raised his eyebrows. "That's about twice as fast as the last two."

"He had to do it before his brain caught up."

"And what brain are you referring to?"

They both sniggered.

"Speaking of, though. I should put these away before I accidentally sit on them."

Anna untangled herself from Hiccup, who grunted in protest as she stood up. While memory served, she picked out which gemstones Sir Geoffrey (or whatever his name was) had said were priceless heirlooms, and tossed them into the Family Jewels Heap.

Almost lost to a crack in the sofa was the ring. It was a loud, insistent trinket. Showy strands of gold and silver wrapped around one of those dark blue diamonds that don't actually look that good--people mainly wear them to seem cultured. Nonetheless, it was one of the more expensive ones as of late. A good 300 gold: A few nights at a nice inn and several lavish meals. Perhaps even a couple souvenirs.

She tossed it in the Ring Bin. A truly boring number of them had the typical silvery diamonds, so the blue at least added some variety.

"We should go into town soon," Anna said absentmindedly. "We're running out of stuff to read. And that wedding feast reminded me how much I miss real food. Or...food cooked by someone else, at least."

"Why stop there?"Hiccup tipped his head playfully. "Last few scams made us a fortune. We could grab a carriage, go to the seaside. Get some of that authentic sea salt caramel chocolate you like."

"And go to the beach?" Anna clapped her hands in delight.

"Absolutely. Swim in the ocean, build sand palaces, the whole nine yards. And if any sea monsters trifle with us, well...we're a pretty formidable army all on our own. But man..." He yawned. "All this conning takes it out of you. I think we've earned a vacation, don't you?"

"Well, duh." Anna stared dreamily at the cave wall, the gears of trip-planning already turning in her head. "Oh, man. With all this treasure and crap, we could get, like, the best meals the coast has to offer. Buttered oysters and honey-baked salmon and crayfish with herbs..." She sauntered back to the chaise, sprawling herself on top of Hiccup.

"And crabcakes," she murmured coyly in his ear.

She leaned back, grinning proudly as he brightened.

"And crabcakes."

He pulled her in, and she kissed him hard.

How many times had they done this now? No matter. It was always just as magical as...well, the rest of their relationship.

They hadn't gotten far into their fit of passion when the sound of what seemed to be tiny yet insistent quacks filled the dragon lair. Hiccup pulled away to give Anna a quizzical look.

"Oh, you know." She waved a hand dismissively. "It was one of those wedding dresses."

"The sell-it-get-weird-items-free variety?"

"Come on. Someone offers you some cool collectible just for throwing a few extra diamonds at them, what are you gonna do? Say no?"

The quacking grew steadily ruder, challenging this.

Anna made her way to their grain collection, lugging a bag of oats over to the terrarium. She sliced it open with her dagger, dumping a handful into the glass.

There was a flurry of tiny bodies and a rustling of many a pair of inch-long wings as her palm was swarmed. She pulled it away just in time to avoid her hand being munched off by an armada of beaks.

Somewhere behind her, Hiccup laughed. She turned to glare, but the stern look melted away as quickly as it came.

He was watching her with a dreamy, far-off expression, chin in his hand. Something that could only be described as adoring.

"What?" She blushed, suddenly self-conscious.

"Nothing. Just..." The dopey grin widened. "Thank you. I don't say it enough, I'm sure."

"Thank you for what?"

"Everything. But special mention goes to living in a damp, drafty hole in the rock for me when you could have a palace."

"You don't need to thank me." Anna shrugged. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

And it was the truth.

Funny, she thought, that her fiance being cursed into a monstrous dragon form turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to them. They'd taken something fated to seal a terrible doom and they'd made it work.

Perhaps the greatest irony was that in the beginning, before everything went sideways, their romance had been one that seemed cut out for smooth sailing. Betrothed since the day they were born and best friends since they could walk, the Prince of Berk and the Princess of Arendelle were rarely apart. They hardly minded the idea of marriage, especially considering it meant they could spend even more time together. Many a childhood afternoon was spent planning their wedding, both prince and princess adding more and more outlandish things to an already very extravagant ceremony.

And then the Dragon Wars happened.

The beasts were certainly causing a ruckus, roaming the land stealing livestock and other such inconveniences. Farmer and merchant alike had less of a haul to bring to market, and people were growing very, very cranky about it.

So, naturally, someone decided to take matters into his own hands.

On top of being an already brutal warlord, King Drago was a man trained in ancient dark magic. When he journeyed far and wide requesting allies to fight dragons, anyone would have been a fool to refuse.

And Hiccup's kingdom were not fools. Or so they liked to believe, anyhow.

They sent forth Berk's strongest warriors, ready to lay ruin to every dragon they found. The prince was set to train with the other aspiring soldiers, and was excited to protect the realm against such a menace.

His fiance, of course, was not far behind. Armed with a fair bit of swordswoman training and a will of steel, Anna wasn't about to let Hiccup charge into battle alone. Princess or not, she would not sit at home attending silly etiquette classes or whatever else was "proper" when there were lives at stake.

Then one day, Hiccup found out the real reason dragons had been antagonizing so many humans.

They were slaves to a tyrant queen, the livestock they stole the only way for them to not become her next meal themselves. What they did was not out of evil, but fear.

Hiccup speaking up for the enemy went...poorly, to put it lightly. King Drago was not one prone to changes of heart, especially when the battle-scarred warrior had lost an arm to the creatures in question.

"If you're so determined to throw your lot in with beasts, then you don't deserve to stand among humans!" he'd roared.

And then the battlefield was bathed in red light. It was only a few moments, but it felt like a long, horrible eternity.

There was growing and stretching and shrieking and thrashing and the dreadful sound of scales ripping free, and then an enormous black dragon stood in Hiccup's place.

"Anna. Hey." Rough-skinned hands cupping her face pulled her out of her head. "You froze up. What's going on?"

Hiccup was peering at her inquisitively, one eye human and one eye dragon. She felt the beginnings of claws on her cheeks.

The latest shift was wearing off.

She sighed. Leaning her head against his and wrapping her arms around his waist, she savored the contact.

"Ah, nothing, I was just thinking about when Drago...you know..."

Some king he was, cursing people who questioned him. He didn't deserve the title.

"It was the scariest moment of my life. I thought those soldiers were going to kill you."

"Ah, well. I guess you could say they weren't counting on me being so thick-skinned."

She snorted, flexing an arm to elbow him in the side. "How dare you make a bad pun when we're having a moment, Haddock."

"It's okay," he murmured into her hair, one hand sliding down to rub her back. "I'm okay now. You fixed all that, remember?"

Berk and Arendelle alike had expected Princess Anna to abandon her fiance, now a cursed, shameful traitor exiled to live among his fellow monsters. Instead, she opted to study witchcraft and become even more of a scandal than him.

It was only the basics at first. Creating bursts of light. Minor illusions. Air manipulation (although that was nothing to scoff at, seeing as increasing wind resistance came in handy when dramatically falling off cliffs for knights to catch).

The magic of changing forms was something that required a bit more practice.

Spells came more easily than Anna expected, what with her sister's natural affinity for magic. It was still exhausting work--going over an enchantment's exact wording over and over, doing practice runs on many an unlucky fern--but in the end, she got it right.

Or mostly right, anyways.

As a novice sorceress, Princess Anna could not reverse a transformation spell completely. But her meddling gave Hiccup a modicum of control of his shifts between human and dragon, and both of them decided that was good enough.

Besides, the dragon form came in handy.

"Best of both worlds," Hiccup hummed, voicing her thoughts. "Like Berk would want back a prince who spent upwards of two years as a giant, fire-breathing reptile."

"And like Arendelle would want back a princess who learned black magic so she could defy a king's wishes."

He snuck a kiss.

"Say..." Anna grinned slyly. "Why don't we eat out tonight? Word on the road was that the royals in that kingdom a few miles east are having a posh banquet tonight. Sure would be a shame if a fearsome dragon and his scary wizard girlfriend fucked that up, eh?"

Hiccup whistled. "Yes, my queen."

"Queen?" She snorted. "Gave up on that the second I told Drago he could shove his royal scepter up his behind."

"You know, we have plenty of crowns around here. Maybe you're overdue for a coronation." He gasped dramatically, spreading his hands out. "Queen of the Northern Cliffs!"

"I don't know if the mountain goats would be okay with the forced oligarchical takeover."

"Tell you what. If they come storming in and demanding a coup, we'll reevaluate."

"Then...sure! Let's have a coronation!"

Anna's stomach grunted.

"But dinner first."

"Okay, Your Majesty." He patted her arm affectionately. "But go put on one of the disguises, will you? Can't take any chances, in case any of the fine young gentlemen there are in want of a wife at some point."

***

BY THE POWER OF EVERY GOD, REAL OR IMAGINARY, I WILL FINISH MY HICCANNA MONTH SUBMISSIONS AND REBLOG ALL MY LOVELY PARTICIPANTS DAMMIT

I wish I was exaggerating, but literally every time I wanted to finish this bad boy up, my life turned into a shitshow ;______; It's been...a rough few months, but luckily finishing my WIPs helps distract me from some nasty personal shit and generally makes me feel like less of a garbage human, so! There's that!

I've missed writing for them ;_____; For whatever reason Dragon-Cursed-Hiccup x Overprotective Scary Sorceress Anna is something that can be so personal??? I've written it like 3 times now and it itches a scratch I didn't know I had EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

Anyways!!! This particular fic is based off a plot bunny I got from this post (back during the FIRST Hiccanna month in 2022!) and was like "alas, but I'll never have time to write it, even though it IS their month :(" But I guess I found the time??? Months after their month but STILL. Don't give up on your dreams kids???

I think they'd be great scammers. It's also the exact kind of villain-adjacent bullshit that I feel like slightly-more-morally-flexible Hiccup and Anna would gladly do XD Like it might take a lot for them to feel compelled to do, say, mass murder, but grifting pompous rich assholes??? TELL me they wouldn't eat that shit UP.

Btw!!! Anna liking the beach is basically canon, like. Her complaining about Elsa not having tropical powers that covered everything in "white sand and warmth" is a liiiittle too specific for her to not like the beach XD

And Hiccup really does like crabcakes!!! At least that's some trivia I read on his dreamworks wiki page XD But hey!!! Anna has chocolate and sandwiches, Hiccup needs a food to get excited about, too!!!