Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
ā Live Streamingā Interactive Chatā Private Showsā HD Quality
Anya is LIVE right now
FREE
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
KFAM stills and sheets cont.
The design for HFB I very much tried to stay on brand for the era he was ripped from like some sort of recluse vampire.
Then thereās Mary Jensen as the tired eyed house wife holding her whole life together with every ounce of her being and a wooden spoon.Ā
I know John dies in the end but he very much was immortal, coincidentally heās also the one thatās the most redeemable. But that isnāt that impressive ļæ¼compared with Jonah and hfb3.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
ā Live Streamingā Interactive Chatā Private Showsā HD Quality
Anya is LIVE right now
FREE
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
King Falls AM - Episode Twelve: All the Pretty Flowers
View on Google Docs
Summary: October 15, 2015 - Against Ben's wishes, Sammy broaches a touchy subject after witnessing a hearse delivering white roses on his way into the station. Is it a King Falls Halloween tradition or could it be something more sinister? #RedRumRoses
[podcast intro music]
[jazz music]
Chet
Well the clock on the wall is telling me thatās all, yāall. So Iām gonna mosey on down to The Red Rock bar and buy all the ladies a drink on me. But donāt try to fool me again, Dennis. This has been Chet Sebastianās Jazz Corner. Until next time⦠keep it cool King Falls.
[Sammy & Ben Show intro music]
Ben
Good evening, youāre listening to King Falls AM [door closing]ā thatās 660 on the radio dial. [slightly irked] And this is the Sammy and Ben showā sans-Sammy at the moment.
[footsteps]
Sammy
Sorry about that, Ben! everybody at home. I was just running a little late. I was j- Y-you know, I just saw the weirdest thing!
Ben
Was it Chet leaving? I told him to take that fur coat off. Guy looks like he walked off a set of a Blaxploitation[1] film.
Sammy
*laughs* No, I wish Iād seen that. But I was driving in tonight- I was running a tad bit late, as you can see, and I swear to you: Iām coming up Main Street, I got behind a hearse delivering these giant white rose bouquets! Like, every couple of streets the damn thingās stoppinā!
Ben
No.
Sammy
No *laughs* yeah it did.
Ben
⦠SOOOOO⦠Weeeāve got a great show for you folks tonight. Uh, Ernie Salcedoā¦
Sammy
Ben.
Ben
*pointedly clearing his throat* ⦠Yes?
Sammy
Okay, I can see you slashing at your neck furiously and shaking your head ānoā, but the audience canāt. Sooo, whatās the issue here?
Ben
*nervously* Iām sorry we⦠just donāt talk about this, Sammy.
Sammy
So you know of it! Is it like some kind of weird Halloween thing?
Ben
[flatly] Halloween? Are you serious? We donāt celebrate Halloween here in the Falls, Sammy.
Sammy
WHAT? This is like frigginā Halloween Town! You know those shops that open up every year around Halloween and close the day after? King Falls is where all those shops should move to when itās not Halloween.
Ben
Two things. 1) Thatās a horrible business model, and 2) Halloween is one, big, diabetic pumpkin.
Sammy
Come on? You donāt like decorating? Trick-or-treating?
Ben
ALL OF IT. Itās like youāreā tempting these ghouls and goblins to come and mess with you. We get enough of that here. And again, diabetes.
Sammy
Okay, I can see where youāre coming from, but Iām not gonna lieā this is kind of a surprise.
Ben
What can I say? Weāre more the Christmas or Arbor Day types.
Sammy
Okay, so the hearse is delivering flowers. Whatās the deal if itās not a Halloween⦠ritual?
Ben
Did you really see that? Did someone tell you to mess with me about this?
Sammy
Scoutās Honor. I was late because of it! I illegally passed on a double yellow line (sorry Deputy Troy) just to skate around āem and make my way up the mountain.
Ben
⦠I donāt like this. I-I donāt know that Iāve ever known anyone that saw the flowers delivered. Usually businesses and people just find the wreaths the next morning. D-Di-Did you see inside the hearse? Was it⦠people?
Sammy
You know, I didnāt look, but Iām gonna go out on a limb and say⦠it was a human being.
Ben
Well, thatās good. *breath* Itās something.
Sammy
Okay, so the rosesā¦
Ben
[voice breaking] Damnit, Sammy! We got a show scheduled, ya know?
Sammy
Iām well aware! Just fill me in about the roses and weāll move on.
Ben
[muttering] Yeah yeah, okay, so⦠*deep breath* Every year, around this timeā
Sammy
Halloweenā¦
Ben
OCTOBER.
Sammy
Uh-huhā¦
Ben
Everyā October⦠there is a certain society of peopleā and I use the term āpeopleā looselyā that congregate and deliver the rose wreaths to individuals and businesses. Thatāsā a fact.
Sammy
And?
Ben
Annnd⦠nobody really knows what happens after that.
Sammy
[audible grin] But legend has itā¦!
Ben
Donāt ālegend-has-itā me! Nobody knows for sure! Why gossip?
Sammy
Okay. What do you think happens, Ben?
Ben
*breathes in* Uuuugghhhh⦠Well, I think people either accept this weirdā invitation or⦠they donāt. But I can tell you, the people that donāt? Well⦠they donāt, last long after that.
Sammy
Okay. So weāve just went from spooky 1-800-Flowers to murder in only a few easy steps.
Ben
Not- murder- per say, but⦠businesses that decline tend to⦠move away or go under. Or tragedy strikes. Sure, I-Iāve heard stories of these folks winding up on the wrong end of a funeral ceremony, but⦠I couldnāt prove it. Are you satisfied now?
Sammy
Of course. Thank you, Ben. King Falls, youāve heard our story, now letās hear yours!
Ben
DONāT open the phone lines!
Sammy
Weāre-opening-up the phone lines here at the station! 424-279-3858. Have you had contact with this demonic annual floral delivery? Hit us up!
Ben
Donāt call or tweet us. Please.
Sammy
Give us a call or tweet us @KingFallsAM, [smugly] Ben will personally answer every tweet #RedrumRoses[2]
Ben
NOPE! Not gonna happen.
Sammy
Benā¦[faux sympathy] It looks like the phone lines are lighting up, buddy.
Ben
I expected better of you, King Falls.
Sammy
Lucky Line 1, youāre on the air with Sammy And Ben.
Pete
Low-down, gossip-mongering, muckraking filth.
Ben
[flatly] Pete?
Sammy
[quiet and amused] Escobar?
Pete
N-uh- itās Pete. You know damn well Iām listeninā.
Ben
Wwhatās on your mind tonight, Pete?
Sammy
Did your mom teach you to start off phone calls with name-calling, Pete?
Pete
[faint creaking in bg] My mom taught me to⦠stand up for myself! Donāt start a fight, but donāt be afraid to end it.
Sammy
Whoās fighting?
Pete
Oh, what a short attention span you have, Sammy. Not dwelling on you and Mr. Howard Ford Beauregard III issues; youāre picking a fight with the Unknown! Ben told you to shut your trap. [very faint sounds of driving]
Sammy
Heh, lemme tell you, this would a long four hours if we didnāt talk and, yā know, sometimes you have toā
Pete
Yeah yeah, I get it, Mr. Nincompoop Radio Host. [creaking] You gotta blab. But thatās something you donāt trifle with. You should know this.
Ben
Sammy, you know I hate to say Pete is right about anything, butā
Pete
But Iām right about this! I know you know, Ben. Thatās all I need to know. Stop yapping about things you donāt understand.
Ben
Thanks, Pete.
Sammy
[mostly resigned] Did you have a question or an experience with the flowers, Pete?
Pete
Abs-absolutely not! Iā d-donāt try to get me in trouble. [car door closing]
Ben
You okay over there, Pete?
Pete
[failing at being nonchalant] Yeah Iām just out, and⦠uh, just out.
Sammy
[incredulous] This time of night?
[car door slamming]
Pete
Yeah! Iām- runninā errands and- stuff like that, yāknow. āTās- Itās not- itās not your business!
Ben
[literally tongue-in-cheek] Uh-huhā¦
Pete
Youāre makinā something of this. Yer- youāre doinā somethinā, youāre getting me invoā Stop.
Ben
Itās just weird, Mr. Beauregardās gardener is out at 2 in the morning, running errands.
Sammy
So your boss doesnāt have anything to do with the roses, does he, Pete?
Pete
Ben Arnold. If youāve got a lick of good sense, I wouldnāt walk too close to Sammy for the next feww⦠mmā mmmm⦠lifetimes! Heās gonna wind up on the bottom end of an anvil.
Sammy
You know, I just donāt think asking questions is the equivalent of buying ACME rocket kits and trying to catch a damn bird.[3]
Ben
[semi-stern] Yāmind answering his question, Pete?
[creaking]
Pete
Oh, HELL NO. You two are a couple āa horse patoots. Iām never listening to this show again.
Ben
Until tomorrow.
Pete
PETE OUT! [click, dial tone]
Ben
Are you happy, Sammy? Is this what you were hoping for?
Sammy
Civilized conversation is the only thing I look for. That said⦠Iām gonna say, itās a tad bit suspicious.
Ben
There are dots we donāt need to connect. MOVING ON!
Sammy
Maybe youāre right.
Ben
Folks, weāre gonna take a break to pay some bills, and weāll be right back and on schedule.
[rattle, guitar strums]
Dale (presumably)
[voice is a low murmur (for lack of a better word)] Daleās Dollar Tree⦠[strum] at dirt cheap prices⦠[strum] itās almost free. [guitar,western music] Hi, everybody, Iām super excited to tell you ābout some unbelievable deals we have right now⦠at Daleās Dollar Tree. Letās segue to the savinās [eagle screech] Our low prices are guaranteed⦠Whoās guaranteeing it, you ask? ⦠Me⦠[guitar stops] How do you take advantage of these savings? [strum, rattle] 1) Walk into Daleās Dollar Tree [strum] 2) Throw somethinā in your cart [strum] 3) Savings. [guitar] Daleās Dollar Tree. [eagle screech]
[S&B theme]
Sammy
Ladies and gentlemen, we are back and youāre listening to King Falls AM. Now we were just talking about me running late this morning, because of a, uh, hearseā
Ben
[cutting Sammy off] So weāve got a great show scheduled tonight. Weāve got Mr. Eli Goldblum on later in the hour.
Sammy
And who is Mr. Goldblum?
Ben
Are you kidding me? Only the most renowned post-mortal psychologist known to man! Heās on his spoken-word world tour, and this Thursday, you can see him live at the King Falls Convention Center.
Sammy
⦠Thatāsss-something.
Ben
Indeed! So thatās in about⦠forrrty minutes. Uh, we got Rose, (from Roseās Diner, of course) calling in to talk about how the Bee Crisis is affecting her honey-baked ham specials for the- foreseeable future.
Ben
Come on, Sammy. This bee situation is serious business.
Sammy
You get points for not buzzing or saying ābeeees-nessā
Ben
You donāt wanna know how hard that wasā¦
Sammy
-eh- Okay. So, how can we help with the bees?
Ben
Uhhh⦠cut- back- on swatting them?? *awkward laugh* I-I-I donāt know for sure thatās-thatās why weāre talkinā to Rose.
Sammy
Gotcha!
Ben
And our first topic of discussion this eveningā was gonna beā
Sammy
About the flowers.
Ben
Donāt.
Sammy
Okay, look. Can we open up the phone lines again? Iād like to talk about these flowers. Uh, you tell King Falls your topic, and then weāll see what they wanna talk about.
Ben
You know theyāll talk about the damn rose wreaths!
Sammy
You heard it here, folks. Line 7, youāre on with Sammy and Ben.
Herschel
Ugh, I canāt sleep with all this damn racket going on! You two DINGLEBERRIES keep it down!
Sammy
*laugh* Herschel??
Herschel
Oh, hell. Donāt make me get out of bed and give you a full blast so late at night! [muttered] Donāt even know where my slippers areā¦
Ben
Mr⦠Baumgartner, you realize you called us, right? This is- the radio station.
Herschel
I know who and what I called. I dialed you DICKWHISTLES because all this [mocking] cry-babying about the damn flowers. Turn that jazz fella back on so- so I can get some rest!
Sammy
Chet is on from 10 to 2, Mr. Baumgartner. This is Sammy and Ben and we- talk aboutā
Herschel
I donāt give a damn if itās Tricky Dick Nixon calling to give me a Congressional Medal of Honor! You shut your nose holes about the damn funeral flowers. And play me some heroin-fueled American art! [click]
[dial tone]
Sammy
Weāre gonna count that as one for the flowersā¦
Ben
Line 14, youāre live on the air.
Creeper
Long time listener here!
Sammy
[click, dial tone]
Ben
Did you hang up, Sammy?
Sammy
Yeeaah, sorry. I hate that guy.
Ben
Line 3,*chuckles* this is King Falls AM.
Beauregard
Good evening, Benjamin. Samuel. This isā
Ben
Beauretard?![sic]
Beauregard
*sigh* Mr. Howard Ford Beauregard the Third. My man told me that you were spreading more lies than usual on your little āradio show.ā I thought I would call and clear the air.
Sammy
Mr. Beauregard, can I just say, before this call goes ANY furtherā that we will not accept any abuse towards us or the listeners of this show.
Beauregard
How cute that you think people listen to you two buffoons.
Ben
Thatās abuse! Thatās exactly what we wereā
Beauregard
Oh, thatās a joke where I come from. You millennials would never have lasted back in my day. With your emotions and feelings and the like.
Ben
When was that day, again, Mr. Beauregard?
Beauregard
Information about myself and my family, can be found in my international, best-selling e-book, āKing of King Fallsā ⦠I donāt have to answer toā wellā you.
Sammy
*sigh* Did you have a reason for the call tonight, Beauregard?
Beauregard
Indeed, I do. While men with any couth wouldnāt speak about festivities that they know nothing aboouutā
Sammy
So, youāre behind these deliveries?
Ben
Also, while I would never name names and throw my friend under a busā you should know this wasnāt the agreed upon topic of the show.
Sammy
Oh, stop it.
Beauregard
[agonizingly insincere] I donāt know a thing about the supposed yearly white rose deliveries you speak of. My family, nor myself, have ever been involved with such jovality.[sic] In fact, in all my years I canāt recollect such a thing.
Ben
I donāt buy that for a second. Maybe youāve never sent the roses, andā letās play devilās advocate and say, sure, youāve never received them (which I doubt), but there is No Way you havenāt heard of this.
Beauregard
Maybe itās something you commoners have made up, like, uhh- the tooth fairy or theĀ IlluminatiĀ orrrā equal rights for the sexes.
Ben
I canāt deal with this guy! Just dump him and letās take another line.
Sammy
Wait⦠Mr. Beauregard. If you donāt care about thisā and, in fact, havenāt even heard of it until tonightā why would you bother to break your Hate-Silence with us to call in?
Beauregard
Youāre not nearly as dumb as you look, Stevens! And while I continue to honor my statement beforeā Iād have to assume that this āroseā ordeal is a real thing. Itās probably a very special thing! An intimate invitation sent by the upper echelons of King Falls. A way of making amends or bring people worthy of attention, into a conversation that normally would not have been invited to have.
Ben
Just for everyone keeping score at home: I took a college course on Crazy and I believe he is saying he knows that the wreath deliveries are real, and he is probably behind them.
Beauregard
Time is money, gentleman. Not that you understand that concept. But instead of painting a ceremony you know nothing about as tragic and scaryā perhaps itās not. Perhaps itās something more than that, entirely. In any case, itās not something that should be spoken about in public. [phone pings] Ahhh⦠Iāll be going now, āgentlemen.ā And while I do use that word lightly, perhaps take a break from your radio program and⦠check your door.
Sammy
I wonder what he sounds like when he has something nice to say to people.
Ben
He probably hasnāt said anything nice to a person since the 60s⦠The 1860s.
Sammy
Ya know, I didnāt mean to ruffle anyoneās feathers tonight. Especially crazy old billionaires who try to drive us off the airā so letās justā
Ben
IāM GONNA GO CHECK THE DOOR.
Sammy
What?!
Ben
Yeah. [chair sliding out] Iām sorry, man. Beauregard gives me the willies [squeak] and I wanna make sure there isnātā
Sammy
A sugar-glider on a noose?
Ben
Too far. I was just gonna sayā that he hasnāt had Pete ding-dong-ditch us- or something.
Sammy
And here I thought the Williams boys had that market cornered.
Ben
Iāll be back in a sec. [footsteps rushing off]
Sammy
[shouting after him] Donāt talk about Pete that way, Ben! Heās never gonna listen to the show again! Alright, folks. We are just a few hot minutes away from Eli Goldblum coming into the studio to talk about, [ominous bg music starts] uh⦠Iām guessing- ghosts with lingering mental issues? Ah, sorryā apparitions. [footsteps rushing back] Iām holding out hope for an apparition with multiple personality disorder, but I donāt know if thatās a thing or not⦠[chair squeak, Ben sitting] Ben? You okay, buddy?
Ben
[upset] How many times, did I ask you to stop talking about the stupid, hearse, Sammy?
Sammy
Whatās wrong?
Ben
[sarcastic] Oh, nothing. You wanna go outside and take a look?
Sammy
You know, I donāt think I want to. Iām happy with you filling me in.
Ben
Well, I didnāt go outside, Sammy! I didnāt have to. I looked out the front window.
[ominous bg music getting louder]
Sammy
Yeah? And?
Ben
[hissed] damnit
Sammy
⦠Ben. What is going on? Do we need to call Troy?
Ben
The whole parking lot- your car, MY carā as far as the lights will let me seeā Nothing but white roses, man.
Sammy
⦠Are you serious?
Ben
Go look!! Just donāt go out there, huh? It looked like it was snowing, thatās how many of those damn things are out there.
Sammy
[scrambling for optimism] Whatās the chances that itās just a non-Halloween bouquet from Emily to you?
Ben
ZERO. Zero percent chance, Sammy.
Sammy
[seriously] Folks, weāll be right back after a word from our sponsors.
[KFAM outro]
[CREDITS]
References
[1] Blaxploitation - Blaxploitation or blacksploitation is an ethnic subgenre of the exploitation film that emerged in the United States during the early 1970s. The films, while popular, suffered backlash for disproportionate numbers of stereotypical film characters showing bad or questionable motives, including roles as criminals.
[2] #RedrumRoses - Redrum is from the psychological horror film The Shining. Itās āmurderā spelled backward.
[3] āACME rocket kits and trying to catch a damn birdā - I sincerely hope no one will ever be too young for this reference, but I once had my little brothers ask who Mr. Rogers was so: this is a reference to the Looney Toons cartoons, Wile E. Coyote and the Road Runner. In each episode, Coyote repeatedly attempts to catch and eat the Road Runner, a fast-running ground bird, but is never successful. In order to catch the Road Runner, Coyote uses absurdly complex contraptions- most acquired from the mail-order company ACME- to try to catch his prey, which all backfire comically with Coyote often getting injured in slapstick fashion.