#herpeversary

Tomorrow is my second anniversary of being diagnosed with herpes and I am honestly so comfortable in my own skin after only two years. My sex life has gotten back to normal and I’m confident enough to disclose to people I just want a one night stand with or a friends with benefits and I haven’t had anyone reject since when I was first diagnosed. I learned everything there is to know about this virus and it calmed me down and it calmed my partners down. Almost all my friends know I’m a herpes positive and I educated a lot of people on the topic. Two years ago I thought my life was over to the point where I almost ended my life, and now I’m looking back at all of this and wondering why I freaked out so much. I’m a confident bad ass bitch who just happens to have herpes. I’m thriving in law school, I just met someone who doesn’t care that I’m positive, and my friends don’t care. Whoever is just getting diagnosed, I promise, it gets better!!! ❤️

Seriously, though, I can’t thank #herpblr enough, for all the support, tips, tricks, and just being there while i figured this shit out. I heart you all.

Although the night I contracted it was 3/28, a year ago today I was officially diagnosed with GHSV1. I thought I would NEVER be loveable and wantable again. But that's not true. I've had a lot of great things happen in this first yr with H. - I learned it wasn't the worst thing that has happened/will happen to me. - I had a BF for 5 and a half months. - I lost 17 lbs in about 3 months (gained it back but I still did it) - I created a beautiful senior thesis collection that I am so proud of. - I graduated college with magna cum laude honors - I got employed within 4 months of graduation - I finally disclosed to a close friend I was scared to tell, she was fully supportive and wanted to go beat up the guy who have me this lol - I went snowboarding for the first time - I really enjoyed sex and being sexual (rare for me, but I'm learning) - I'm learning how to cope better with my OBs and not allow them to make me feel dirty and untouchable. - I bought some really cute clothing that make me feel pretty - I fell in love with statement necklaces - I decided that my short and curvy 165lb shape isn't the worst thing ever - I've successfully saved every month since I got my job for an apartment - I've gotten really good at doing my own fake nails, it's my guilty pleasure I'm sure there's more...But that's just a nice list of "hey, you did more than mope about an itchy vagina all year" points to keep me going. I made it, I wouldn't me as sane and confident about myself, my body, or my handle on herpes if it wasn't for tumblr/herplr friends and a dear friend who opened up about her own H in my first days of terrifying despair and shame.

Picked up my acyclovir today and had to speak with numerous people at the pharmacy because there was a long line and a wait and my insurance changed and etc etc, and I just waited patiently explained it all to them, and in about 20 min and under $20, I had my drugs and exchanged friendly banter with the local pharm techs. In the old days, these moments pained me to no end. I used to be painfully nervous and embarrassed and wouldn’t look the pharmacists in the eye. My hands would tremble, I wouldn’t ask any questions and once I walked away having paid too much money because I just didn’t have the strength to stand there and negotiate down the cost of my herpes pills due to my insurance. And yet today I proudly picked them up. I actually went there WITH my boyfriend, who hung around and chatted with me about random stuff while we waited. I am beautiful, strong and proud. And these drugs keep me going. So my boyfriend asks me couldn’t i order online and get them delivered? Well I’m not sure but what I do know is that I took pride today In picking them up in person because in that act, I could see how truly strong I’ve become and how far I’ve come since day 1. And I like that validation. :-)

It's my herpeversary. I've made it! TEN BIG YEARS with the herp. Doing this countdown was the best decision I've ever made. I've gotten to SUCH a better place I'm not sure I can even put it into words. Having you guys as community has been such a blessing and having this safe space to let it all out has been phenomenal. And I thank each of you for supporting me as I did. I'll continue posting throughout this month about what I've gained in the last 6 months during my countdown, but for now ill just say thank you herpblr, I love you. You helped me get my life back :-) I can't believe I waited so long to address all my bottled up pain. And trust.. 9.5 years can hold lot of pain. Countdown is done. Worth every tear. Y'all are the best. We are the best. Herpblr. And I ain't goin nowhere. My countdown may be over but I'll still be on here chirpin and herpin :-)

Or possibly this could all be solved with taking the pill?  hmm... something to think about. but for now ill stick to the above.  so next month around may 13th (just marked my calendar) im going to see if i can attack and prevent the storm