Meeting with the Mollusk
On Monday I went a-walking down a winding, windy trail
To meet a man that claimed t'have been turned into a snail
Walking idly, wondered I “who went and changed that man?”
And shocked was I to find this snail was actually a fan
He'd bought my book, he'd bought some prints, he even had a painting
And when we got to shaking hands he quickly took to fainting
So starstruck was the man-turned-snail that upon my arrival
He requested that I sign his book and begged for a recital
I felt quite bland at reading to him in my standard cadence
And whilst deciding what to read he showed excellent patience
I decided on a couple that had often done quite well
And as I read it became clear he was under my spell
My plot it seems Is evident though perchance I'll spell it out
Though please disregard the deviance with which I set about
You see the man-turned-snail is one that I had planned to scout
Some folks like chicken
Some folks like trout
Some folks like salmon roe
But my guilty pleasure is and always will be escargot
(pause)
I set upon the sleeping snail with much enthusiasm
I went to work upon his figure wreaking quite the clasm
I tore and mangled with delight while readying my feast
When I heard stomping footfalls approaching from the east
(pause)
I peeked behind the curtains and saw to my surprise
A wizard stepping nimbly from the brambles ‘fore my eyes
It seemed as though that fiend had set out after my prize
I thought it pertinent of me this threat I should apprize
(pause)
He brushed off the sticks and leaves and bugs which clung to his blue robes
As I sought to lock the doors lest the old wizard come and probe
Before I could secure the house a knock loudly sounded twice
I opened the door and the wizard caught me in his vice
(pause)
“What have you done with the snail?” his booming voice demanded.
I let the door fall open ‘cause I knew I's caught red handed
(pause)
He took in the carnage of the scene that lay before him
And looked for a moment at the one who'd did these acts so grim
“I'd surely like to take this demon on as my apprentice-
But I fear that her brutality may very well be endless-
Better still I'll kill her and take this feast as my own-
Perhaps I'll even take the snails house as my brand new home”
Whilst the wizard oh so wisely considered all his options
I sneaked behind him
Grabbed an axe
And then I swiftly offed him
No one interrupts my dinner- this you too should learn
unless the wizards prize is one you too would like to earn
I set about my feasting, chewing, slowly savoring
And realized with a start that the snail was lacking flavouring
Disgruntled, disappointed, and well and truly vexed
It seemed in his last moment the wizard cast a hex
One more bite of escargot, I wash it down with sweet red wine
Dashing my hopes that the problem with the snail had been the brine
It started sinking in the wizard had taken my taste
I set about searching him with urgency and haste
No antidote was in his robes no spellbook on his person
With this discovery my anxiety began to worsen
There must be a solution to a taken sense of taste
perhaps a potion, an elixir, or perhaps a paste
I set back down that winding road, sense of purpose born anew
And realized with a start the thing it is that I must do
Simply find another wizard wandering ‘mongst the people
One whose power of spellcasting would prove to be more feeble
This wizard(should I find him) I'll ensnare him in my verse
And compel him at once to dispel me of this curse
If wizards are in short supply and in searching I'm unlucky
I'll be forced to spend my days finding gourmet yucky
Metrical form: heptameter with irregular feet
Rhyme scheme: AA BB CC DD EE FF GGG HH II JJ KKKK LL MM NN OO PP QQ RR SS TT UU VV WW XX YY ZZ and so on (mostly an AABB structure)
