#helluva fizzaroli

He had been trying to make good on his promise to Moxxie after all the bullshit with the human government. It seemed that being more open to discussion had made the smaller Imp a better assassin but he should have put his foot down when he mentioned talking to Loona. Since he had threatened to replace her, his poor daughter had been tender, her ears were often back, her fur was tangled like she didn’t care to brush it, and she spent most of the night pacing rather than sleeping. She wouldn’t even tolerate any touch from him either, he had ruined all the progress he had made with her, so if she wanted to see Via, damn it all he would make it happen.

He knew they were out of place before he even made it up the long driveway to Stolas’ house. All of the cars ahead of them were new and sleek, unchipped paint and bright lights, his noisy van was an eyesore without this kind of competition. The demons getting out matched their vehicles with expensive suits, spotless shoes, and all tall as fucking trees. Him in his tattered suit and Loona in her second hand dress, both of them just in their everyday shoes because they each only had one pair.

“Are you sure you wanna do this Sweetie?” Blitz asked, “Cause there is no pressure, we can turn around right the fuck now if thats what you want.”

“Are you kidding? This is gonna be so much fun!” Loona replied.

A cursory look over at her and any desire to leave faded, Loona was looking out the window at the expansive gardens with happy eyes and a wagging tail. If being around these hoity toity assholes kept her happy, then he was happy.

“Okay just, let me know if you change your mind. I mean it, anytime you want to leave, we’ll leave. Fuck all these guys.”

Loona just huffed and went back to staring, but she was happy and that was all he cared about. They finally reached the stairs, where a goddamn valet was waiting to take the car someplace out of sight so they could enjoy the evening. It was just some poor college kid, probably Loonas age, who wanted to make some extra cash before the upcoming exams. Remembering his own college days and all the blissful acid trips they had been hazed with, Blitz pulled out a couple of fives from his pocket to hand over with the keys.

“Here kid, the brakes seize up sometimes, just pump the pedal and it should be fine.” He said.

Said kid looked at his banged up van with relief, probably happy that he wouldn’t have to try to navigate another car that was worth more than everything he owned. Blitz clapped the keys and the cash into his palm and started up the stairs with Loona at his side, she was still looking at everything, deeply entranced, and he remembered how magical the Palace seemed back when he first saw it.

The illusion shattered when they reached the fancy bouncer, who took one look at Loona and wrinkled his nose.

“Sir, would you like me to call one of our servers to escort your hellhound to the kennels?” He asked Blitz, ignoring Loona completely.

“Hey! That’s my fucking daughter you’re talking about asshole!” Blitz snapped, “She isn’t going in any fucking kennel.”

“Sir, we don’t let Hellhounds in the palace, they shed on the rugs.” He tried again.

Blitz heard the small, muffled whimper from behind him. Loona was tough as nails, he was so proud of her, but even she would be hurt by the insinuation that she would make a mess of the place. He was already rolling up his sleeves, this wrinkled cumshot was gonna be sorry he’d ever opened his fat mouth.

“Why you asshole, I oughta-”

“Yoohoo, Blitz!”

Shit. It definitely wasn’t going to win him any points with Stolas if he beat up his staff, no matter how much they deserved it. Fortunately, the prince took one look at the scene, at Loonas laid back ears, and his own dad instincts kicked in.

“What is going on here? You two were supposed to join me ten minutes ago.” He asked, intentionally including Loona.

“Yeah well, your fucking doorman here wants to take Loona to the kennels. So if you don’t mind, I’d like to get back to kicking his ass.” Blitz said.

He lunged at the guy again, only for Stolas to grab him by the jacket of his suit.

“Is this true? You were going to send my dates daughter to the kennels?” Stolas asked, furious.

“Ah well, you see your majesty, it’s just policy.” The doorman stammered.

“I thought I told you.” Stolas started, dangerously calm. “That my personal guest was bring his daughter and to let them both in. Did I not make myself clear?”

“Your majesty, I’m so sorry. It won’t happen again.” He begged.

“See to it. Now then, let's get you both inside.” Stolas said, beckoning the two further in. “I’m so excited.

Blitz climbed up Loonas side, gave her a quick kiss and a whispered ‘I love you sweetie’ and then followed his host into the ballroom. Via was quick to spot them and she raced over as fast as her beautiful gown would allow her. Loona perked up the minute she saw the owlet, and the two busied themselves in a conversation about the upcoming tour of a band they both enjoyed.

Stolas had a table with four chairs set aside for all of them in a quiet corner of the balcony and Via and Loona made short work of turning it into their homebase. Via seemed happy to not have to hang out with her older cousins, who apparently always made fun of her music and now the fact that her father was dating an imp, and she didn’t make any move to leave the table.

Blitz accompanied Stolas on his rounds, greeting the guests and occasionally the two of them would fill up a plate with snacks and bring it to their daughters. The two looked so happy that neither he nor Stolas could resist sneaking pictures on their phones. Sue them both, they were proud papas. The night was almost going to well until Blitz saw him.

~~~

Fizzaroli would later say that the night was supposed to be fairly routine, accompany Asmodeus to some fancy party, manage the dancers and other entertainment, give the audience a little comedy in between, enjoy some fancy booze, and call it a night. His early evening had been uneventful, nothing was running behind, his suit fit perfectly, and for once, none of his scars were giving him trouble. Everything was shaping up to be a good night.

He and Ozzie had set up their little stage, eaten a small meal together, and waited for all the guests to arrive. Asmodeus kept him up on his shoulder for most of the introductions so he didn’t get stepped on, his prosthetics were state of the art but also delicate, neither of them wanted to damage them. Besides, from the vantage point, Fizz could entertain Ozzies friends with his stretchy limbs, even grabbing three glasses of champagne across the room to the delight of the Ars Goetia demons they were talking to.

The shows were going well, the dances were watered down significantly since this technically wasn’t an adult only establishment and there were little kids watching the dancers drop into the splits and then pull themselves up with starry eyes. Thankfully, it was more of an acro routine now so their parents couldn’t get angry. He was getting ready to give another comedy speech to give the dancers a break when he saw him.

What Blitzo was doing at a party like this was beyond him, the bastard couldn’t even put on a proper suit. How dare he? Fizz had spent a lifetime trying to get past The Event, the one that cost him his limbs and horns. A lifetime trying to avoid his former best friend, the opposite of how humans avoided the plague of 2020. So obviously, when he saw the bastard here, in his new life, he was pissed.

“Blitzo! I should have known something was wrong when I smelt the mothballs.” He sneered.

“Oh great, it’s Fizzy.” Blitzo muttered, as if he was the one who should be offended.

“What are you doing here? Trying to panhandle enough to pay for sister dears next stint in rehab?” He jeered.

That was a low blow and he knew it. In truth, he also worried for Barbie and her habit and had anonymously given to the sobriety fund multiple times. Curse him, he was a sentimental Imp and he and Barbie had grown up together, he couldn’t in good conscience leave her to rot.

“I could ask you the same thing, let me guess, there’s a strong magnet around here somewhere?” Blitzo shot back.

A barking laugh interrupted their budding argument and Fizz noticed a tall hellhound in a stained red dress approaching with two flutes of champagne. She towered over the both of them, as hellhounds tend to do, but she was considerably shorter than Ozzie. The hound offered one of the flutes to Blitzo and took a generous sip of the other.

“What’s happening here?” She asked.

“Oh nothing Looney Tooney, just a bad memory who came back for a sec.”

“How generous. Tell me Blitzo, who’s this? Finally sick of dating girls who can leave?” Fizz asked.

“How dare you? That is my daughter you robo freaky fuck!” Blitzo snapped, getting right up in his space.

“Daughter? God the tanqs we took at concerts must have fried your brain worse than I thought.”

“You’re one to talk, mister “I’m sure I can mix ecstasy with meth” I only learned how to fireman carry because of you!” Blitzo snarled.

“At least those gave me content for my shows! You couldn’t keep a dead man entertained.”

“Oh, and everyone always liked your shows?” Blitzo shot back, “I seem to remember a lot of childrens tears at your Loo Loo shows.”

“You did too.” The hound added, her phone now in her hand.

Fizz laughed at the same time Blitzo yelled, “Looney! Don’t agree with the enemy!”

“Aww kid, if ya ever need a place to stay, you give me a call. After all, I couldn’t comfortably leave you with this creep.” Fizz offered, extending his legs and throwing a mechanical arm around her shoulders, ignoring her snarl.

“Blitz isn’t a creep and your shows suck too.” She snarled.

Fizz unwound from her and stepped away.

“Excuse you, I’ll let you know that I have made millions off those shows! Thousands of people are my fans!” He defended, noticing Prince Stolas’s daughter walking by with her headphones on. “Like her for example!”

He grabbed her and pulled her in close, some of her feathers falling by their feet. Teenagers moult a lot apparently. The young Goetia pulled her headphones down and looked at him oddly.

“What’s up?” She asked.

“You liked my shows, didn’t you kiddo?” Fizz asked, squeezing her tight, “You were always at my shows as a fledgling.”

The princess gave a full body shudder and leaned away from him.

“Oh god, no!” She gasped, “Those shows were awful!”

Blitzo laughed and the hellhound huffed again, a smile on her face.

“You ingrate!” Fizz screamed, pushing her away.

In hindsight, pushing the princess in her own home, in front of her very protective father was a bad idea. Fizz saw Octavia stumble into Blitzo, who embraced her warmly and then pulled a flintlock pistol out of nowhere, maybe his ass. The hound dropped the flute with a tinkling shatter and spun at him with bared teeth and flat ears. They were the least of his worries because all the candles within a fifteen foot radius blew out and an eldrich shadow rose up in front of him

“Who put their hands on my baby!” Echoed around the room

Fizz considered himself to be pretty brave, he had lost all of his limbs and horns, had most of his skin burned to hell, and been left behind by the only family he’d ever known but he’d come out of it with his humour and drive still intact. At this very moment, staring down a very angry father with the power to reduce him to dust with a snap of his fingers, Fizz would admit that he was a little scared.

“How dare you?” The voice echoed again.

“Sorry.” He croaked.

That was a last ditch attempt to repair the peace or at least give the prince enough pause for Fizz to run off, change his name, and find a new place to hide away. Maybe the Arctic. He could pass as a penguin if he tried hard enough.

The prince rose up further and Fizz closed his eyes and tried to think happy thoughts before he died. Walking for the first time after The Event, the first kiss he’d shared with Ozzie, the feeling of freshly laundered sheets on his bed. Except, death never came, instead, he heard Ozzie’s voice.

“My, aren’t you firm?”

Fizz opened his eyes so fast, quick enough to watch Prince Stolas lose interest in him and turn to his boyfriend. Ozzie had returned from pilfering the dessert table and now had his hand firmly grasping Blitzo’s ass.

Prince Stolas returned to his owl form, no longer a scary shadow but an angry bird. The hellhound and Princess looked equally angry, the hounds ears were back and her teeth were on full display while Princess Octavia had her fists closed and shaking.

Surprisingly, it wasn’t the prince or hound who acted first, but the princess. Octavia threw herself forward and shoved Asmodeus as hard as she could, some angry tears in her pink eyes. In all honesty, it wasn’t a hard push but Ozzie took a few steps back anyway, mostly to placate her.

“Don’t touch him! My family broke up once, it can’t do that again!” She screeched.

Ouch. Okay, Fizz could admit that the statement tugged on his heartstrings a bit. He could understand a little what the poor princess was going through, though he didn’t like Princess Stella he understood wanting a safe home.

The hound acted next, leaping in front of Octavia and Blitzo with a dangerous snarl, her massive frame easily hiding them from Ozzies view. The rooster sauntered his way back to Fizz, lifting him effortlessly to put him on his shoulder and Fizz wasted no time hiding in his fluff. Stolas was still furious, raising his hand to the exit.

“Get out of my Palace!” He ordered.

“Absolutely!” Ozzie agreed, stepping around the furious misfit family. “We won’t bother you fine folks anymore!”

Asmodeus didn’t run, that would be unsightly, but he certainly got them to the garage with haste. Fizz slithered into the passenger seat as soon as the door was open, hunkering down on the pile of phone books that they needed to keep him in a safe position while they drove. If he died in an accident, it would be less painful that dying by Prince Stolas or that scary hellhound.

They were hardly out of the driveway, bouncing along at 100 kilometres when Ozzie turned to look at him.

“Fizz, what the actual fuck was that about?”

“Satan, I have no idea.” He mumbled.

~~~

Stolas was still fuming as he ushered his family down the hall away from the party. It was getting late anyway and he was sure the free food and alcohol would entertain the guests until they left. At least he wasn’t the only one angry, Loona was still growling quietly beside him, her lashing tail occasionally hitting his ankles as they walked.

His darling Blitz was oddly calm, hold Via’s hand and whispering comforts to her while they walked. His poor baby had been inconsolable since that worm had dared shove her and her outburst had left her particularly tender. Fortunately, Blitz was on it, already promising a movie night, just the four of them, with lots of buttery popcorn and caramel covered weasel tails and she was looking less sulky already.

While Blitz got Via settled on the couch with tons of blankets and Sinflix open so the Owlet could scroll through the movies, Stolas and Loona went to raid the kitchen. The hound was grabbing things at random, checking labels with angry noises and leaving claw marks on whatever she grabbed. Loona was normally a bit crusty but she hadn’t reached for her phone once, so she was clearly very emotional.

“What’s bothering you, my Moonstone?” Stolas asked quietly.

The nickname had come naturally the moment he’d learned his soon to be stepdaughter's name. Octavia was his Starfire, Loona was his Moonstone and they were both his girls. He had noticed that while Loona wasn’t one for touching, she always smiled when Blitz called her one of his hundreds of pet names for her, so obviously he’d come up with his own.

“Nothing.” Loona grumbled, rooting through the cupboard. “Just a bunch of assholely assholes acting like assholes.”

“I see.” Stolas said.

“It’s just! I know I’m a hound, I just wish I could go someplace without someone thinking I’m just Blitz’s pet bitch!”

Ah, the real problem. Loona was feeling upset because of how she was treated as a hellhound.

“My dear, I may not know your father as well as you do, but I have been spending some intimate time with him as of late.” He started.

“First of all, not my father. Second of all, ew.” Loona interrupted.

“And every time we are together, he always wows me with stories about how wonderful you are, how much he loves you. I cannot possibly understand your struggles, being a hellhound in this world, but you will never be alone.” Stolas said, careful to not touch her. “Blitz, Octavia, and I will always be there, we will never go where you are not welcome.”

Loona stood frozen, her ears still back but her eyes weren’t narrowed, in fact, they looked a little watery. Still, Stolas knew he wasn’t going to get further with her tonight, she needed to relax and not be grilled. So rather than pushing, he summoned a servant to order some popcorn and other movie foods and guided Loona back to the sitting room where Octavia had found an old horror movie that she wanted to watch for a while and now had a chance to.

Loona claimed an armchair, close but not touching to fit her comfort zone. Octavia stretched out with her head on her fathers lap and her legs sprawled over Blitz’s lap. The couple held hands over Vias back and Blitz kept checking on his daughter, who was comfortably curled in her chair with a blanket on her. They would be okay.