#hellsing ultimate angst

He always could tell when you dreamed something bad, it was not hard to actual read that from your face.

But this night, this night he just came back from a mission, you had been alone when you slept. Seeing the horrible thing of a human man, the same raven hair, and eyes...not red but blue, so hauntingly sad, so blunt looking towards his fate, he needed to endure too many times.

Too many times before he turned to be the undead being he is today.

It made your soft heart ache, it made your eyes water, it made your senses feel all the more coldly.

When you dreamed about the past of other people, it was always like you were the one that saw it through their very eyes.

It was nearly unimaginable that someone like him had been used and abused by a high ruler, was discarded and hurt, a soul broken into so many pieces.

Every tiny piece, part after part, was like cut away from someone so good.

Human Alucard, may have not been perfect, but no one deserved this.

Being hurt, and still he would have needed to go to war, what turned out in an insane bloodshed.

Maybe it didn't make it better he had killed his own soldier, should have been punished for it, but after life had treated him with such feet, you felt what he felt at that moment, the eternal darkness, the only thing that accepted him after drinking blood from the battlefield. Making him the true vampire he is today. 

You sat in your bed, with trembling limbs, trying to get up, wearing nothing but a white nightgown, before you grabbed the fabric and literally hurried through the long and dark corridors of the elegant Hellsing Manor, looking for that very vampire.

And when you spotted him, your gaze full of concern toward someone who is gone for so long. Human Alucard did not exist anymore, but you didn't care if he membered or not.

All you wanted to do was to hold the man, to hold the cruel, bloodthirsty creature.

When you found him, without saying anything you tapped over, with bare feet, on the cold marble floor.

You had found him in the grand hall. You stopped right in front of him, the vampire looked down, his expression unreadable since he still wore the glasses. Furthermore, you hurried to wrap your arms around his mid, your face pressed against his chest. He clearly saw you were a poor-troubled soul. 

"Did you dream something bad, little one?" he asked you, a voice soothing like heavy red silk, instead of pulling away he allowed you to search embrace, little did he know it was for him, not for you.

"It's not about what I dream... I mean, it is, but it is not because of me." you mumbled, your short arms trying to hold him tighter.

You heard a small chuckle, Alucard was much aware of your delicate sleep as dreamer, your state you were always in.

He knew even when you seemed confused, you never were. Maybe it was everyone else, who claimed any different things about you.

Alucard just could imagine how exhausting it might be to explain these things, so he was always really patient with you, and so gentle.

An arm laid around you, to hold you, thinking you were the one who needed it, maybe you needed but all you wanted to do was to hold him, close to your heart.

"Then tell me, little dreamer, what was it that you saw that you come to me?" he asked you looking down before he finally took off his orange glasses, as if trying to examine you further.

After some moment, he slightly pulled your body away, but just so much he could come down to you.

Knelling down to your height since he was so tall, on one knee. Holding your hands, seeing your glistening unshed tears.

"Oh, my sweet, it really troubled you, hm?" he whispered, tenderly brushing away a stray tear that escaped your pretty orbs. 

"I... I dreamed about something that already happened, something about you." you started slow, not sure if you should even say it, before your face turned further into distress.

You were a delicate woman, always taking in such big emotions, in your heavy mind. Always being so empathic, it laid on your heart.

"Was it the bloodshed of the many lives I took, that made you afraid?" was his next suggestion, no matter what he thought it could be, for once he was wrong. You just shook your head.

"I had seen a glimpse of your past life, your human life. And I just feel so sorry for you, I just want to...to hold you." you let him know, a voice strained with sadness but so much feeling.

You just went forward, your arms again laying now around his broad shoulders, where your head now also laid.

For a moment he was speechless, was it a faint memory of who he had been? It was like, so long ago, so many centuries the vampire just stated this as bad, long forgotten memories of someone who died this very day, when he became Alucard, a true vampire.

Red irises widened, arms now hanging at his sides.

This was something he never could believe would happen.

Someone who wanted to comfort him? A monster? Someone so mighty and embraced by darkness, while you were like a beacon of light.   

"I am not worthy such a devotion. Or someone who weeps for me." you could hear him say, a voice cold but with a vulnerability in the undertone. It affected him deeply, it struck a chord in the undead heart.

A memory long forgotten, and yet a feeling what slowly crept back in his mind.

"You were so good, you didn't deserve any of that. You never deserve anything like this." you quietly sobbed into the crook of his neck.

These tears you cried, they were all for him.

He was never a man who wanted pity, nor that he ever would need that.

It were a weakness of the mortals.

But you...this was no pity, this was a need to show you him your comfort, you genuinely wanted to hold the strong man in your warm embrace.

Just to tell hm how good he was, how he just deserved the best.

Was this really true?

Someone who wept for a life shattered into pieces.

It took him a moment before his crimson eyes soften, taking in the display.   

"Foolish girl, do you even know what you are doing?" Alucard questioned you, but not to mock, it was a soft tone, as if he could not believe it.

You nodded with your head, your voice just so trembling now, salty tears ran down your cheeks, as you hold him, wrapping your arms tighter.

"I don't care, when this is foolish... I just want to...be here." you tried to explain.

A dream where you saw what he endured to his lifetimes, making you truly sad? A dream, that shook you this much that you came running to him.

A dream that made you want to give this big, bad vampire a hug?

An endearing display, when it wouldn't be so sad.

Then his long arms accepted your hug, the need to hold him, and he let you do it.

His arms bringing you even closer to him, before he laid down his head too.

Thick raven hair tickling your cheek before he nuzzled his face in the crook of your neck.

"It nearly seems like, you understand the depth of pain more than me." he mumbled, his hands stroking up and down your spine.

The very fact that you felt true empathy for a creature like him.

It did something to the handsome vampire.

It touched him indeed, so deeply, that he was not able to be sarcastic.

Not when it came to someone delicate as you. Not when the very tears you shed, were for him. 

Your small hand crept up the backside of his neck, to brush against his black hair, gently caressing it, just to hold this tall man, who already needed to come down on one knee to be on your height.

"I am just so sorry." you repeated, and he still could hear the slumber in your voice.

"That someone ever would be haunted by my human life before. Even think about that... I am not worth such pure tears, my dear." he whispered as his lips brushed your sensitive shell of your ear.

"But in my eyes, Alucard. You are worth every tear. No matter if it was your human self, or yourself now. I see you and I hold you in all of your forms. You deserve to be loved. You deserve to feel comforted." you whispered, hugging him with such a lovely warmth, making him hold onto your small form even tighter.

"Still, it makes you foolish, my dear. But I guess you wear your heart on your sleeve, maybe this makes you so responsive to the dreams that haunt you." his deep voice murmured into the crook of your neck. Inhaling your scent in a gentle motion, taking you in with all the emotions, that usually were not often seen on the vampire.

Not that he would cry, but indeed he felt a stone right on his heart, a sorrow not just from the usual lack of life. The very fact of a glimpse from someone he had been, sometimes yearning to understand the complex emotions of a sweet human being like you.

You were kind-hearted, but not weak, far from it in his eyes.

Someone like you, always bearing the insights of past and future, always enduring such dreams that meant so much and needed to be dedicated correctly. 

And yet you stood up after that haunting dream of him, it was not the bloodshed he caused that made you afraid, how could it be?

You leaned a little back to look in his pale face, a sad smirk tugged on his lips, so your hands reached for his face, cupping his cheeks so tenderly.

Thumb stroking over the part under the eye.

"Maybe it is the reason, only because I can't hide my emotions doesn't mean everyone see it. The most people ignore, but I simply can't. And not everything is terrible." you spoke, and you two were so close.

He let out a deep sigh, you were a fascinating creature, so adorable, and yet you hold such a burden coupled with the intense feelings that flooded you.

He gently brushed a strand of hair out of your face.

"You are not terrible." you added softly and the gaze you hold, full of adoration and love. 

"You have a kind heart, I can sense the light in it. The very essence of your being. You would bet on losing dogs, because your heart wouldn't take it, isn't it like this, little one?" he mused out loud, still the surprise lingered on his face that someone was truly comforting him.

"When they lose, I lose, and I am on their side, it always had been like this. And it is nothing I am afraid of. But you are not a losing dog, Alucard." you explained, your tears slowly stopped falling from your lashes. Yet he still collected one with his thumb.

"No... I am the bird of Hermes, I eat my wings to make me tame." he answered, and it was a reference to the very fact how strong he really is and that he cherished humanity, not wanting to overpower everything so easily, so eating his wings to make himself tame is the only option he has.

"Then let me tame you, so you don't need to hurt yourself." you replied, and when you said this a low gasp came out of his throat.

Your eyes looking into his red ones, he is a vampire, he is immortal.

You offered anything you could, not even aware of how much power he holds back, and you didn't want him to hurt himself? His long fingers ran through your hair, feeling their silky texture, before a small chuckle rumbled in his throat.

"Maybe you are right, little dreamer. Maybe I should let you tame me."