✨I can't help when I see a Geto✨ *~~~•~~~*

Soft, smooth voice, deep like a gavel but sounding calm when he talked to you, or even when he talked about you.

He always believed you were his heart, so fully unaware that he had the biggest heart of them all.   

Attractive, it was simple as that; Kakucho Bontens Hitman was attractive. Broad and tall, a warm chest you loved to squish your face in.

But what did he also love? The way you giggled when he finally turned around to you, stalking closer to the bed to grab your thigh and pull you closer.

"You were a good girl today, yeah?" he asked, leaning in so you felt his breath on your ear. You nodded, hands already reaching out to his strong shoulders, where he kept so much weight on.

The weight only loosened up when you were with him.

"I am always a good girl when I wait for you," you replied, innocent eyes looking up, but he saw the glint in them.

"You also said that when I pick you up from your girls' night when you said you would not drink more than two drinks," he pointed out, and you felt how reverently his fingers wrapped around your plush thighs.

"Oh, so now you think I lie? I am deeply hurt, baby." You acted innocent and batted your lashes with a little pout.

He sighed; he loved that pout; he loved it when he said no and you pulled out this move.

Because he just got to see this cute little expression he would kill for when necessary.

He smelled like smoke and cold leather, maybe a far hint of blood. Perhaps he always carried this dark aura with him that seemed to brighten when you were around.

"Not lying, sweetheart. But you believe you're getting your way, hm?"  

Oh, and how right your man was, because the air shifted, and before you could know better, he landed in bed with you. You straddled his lap while he was already searching so hungry for your lips.

"Waited all day just for this." Strong, veiny hands grabbed your waist and held you still.

Rough lips kissed you so gently at first, and when you kissed back, moving in sync like a flame that was dancing around in the chimney, he got hungry.

Hungry for something he never could get tired off.

"Did you? Missed you, baby," you mumbled against his lips. One hand laid on your thigh, digging his fingers more in your yielding flesh. The other laid against your jaw before he slid his tongue inside you. Swirling it around you, just to get a good measure of your sweet taste. Starved, he was so starved for you.

"Well, then let me make it up to you, sweetheart," he declared in a raspy voice, gently biting on your neck as he kissed down.

And hell, he could die like that, your soft body on top of him warm and waiting. When you finally would sink down the aching length. Gods, he was girthy and his cockhead so thick... Kakchu always needed to ease inside you slowly. Cooing at you when he brushed your hair back from your forehead.

The stretch was stingy but also a delicious, sweet pain you didn't want to miss.

Panting already.

"Taking me so well...you wore that for me?" he praised before he pointed to your lacy underwear beneath the silky little night robe you had put on.   

 You nodded with a little crease between your eyebrows in concentration to take his cock deep. And when you were finally settled on top of him... He did not need long.

Kakucho was always starting slow, a large palm guiding your hips, while the other pushed open your robe, just to see the creamy skin underneath.

"Fucking soft thing you are, you know what you're doing to me with that?" he let out, a low groan followed as you rocked your hips in a gentle rhythm just like how he guided you.

"Kaku...you feel so good." You whimpered, and slowly you moved a little faster.

His thumb stroking over the lace of your bra, appreciating the view of you in front of him. Perched on his cock, riding him like a goddamn wife, aware of what he probably had to do today.

The way your lips parted, and out came a little gasp when he tilted his hips up to meet you.

"Come on, sweetheart, show me how much you missed me," he urged you, and then you started to bounce. Wet, velvety pussy dragging along his pulsing hot shaft. In a way that made him tip back his head on the headboard.

"Fuck, that's it...." he let out, and the lewd squelch from between your legs, it was so loud in the room in your ears.

Your clit was throbbing when you watched how your oh-so-dangerous boyfriend got all soft for you. And yet still filthy enough to fucking enjoy what his girl gave him, just to have her bounce on his cock. Both hands landed on your hips.

"Faster, sweetheart... You know what I need. What do you need, hm? Be a dirty girl; your pussy already is dripping down on me." These words left his lips, making you clench around him and moan.   

The faster your hips moved, the rougher his hands became. And at one point he was holding you up by your waist, just to fuck up into you. Pounding your cute pussy from underneath. To watch the little face you made. When your delicate hands grabbed his strong shoulders. And then it slipped out, that one little thing that always undid him.

"Sir, please... fuck, ..." you megged him oh so sweetly. Because he could remember the first time when you saw him, so politely calling him Sir, serving him his drink with that cute little smile. Gods, how he would have wanted to wreck you that night just because your pussy felt like heaven, wet and warm. Wlass that squeezed him just right. How good you would have looked bent over the counter....

But now...now he had you; he always had you. She's a cute and polite girl. He bounced her on his thick cock and split her pussy open. Calling him Sir, as if he would be more than just a broad guy in a suit with a gun hidden in the back of his pants....

"Naughty girl, you know what that does to me," he grunted, watching the way your tits spilled slightly out of your bra while being pounded.

Eyes teary now and cheeks flushed.

"Fuck me harder, please... Sir, please. I need you to fill me up," your voice in his ears and the way you said it; it's when he flipped you over, one hand grabbing both your wrists, but his grip was tender, not rough. 

Tongue plunging back inside you before he started to thrust again. Never did he pull out once now. You felt too good for that.

"Fuck, I don't even deserve it. But you feel so good around me," he groaned as he grabbed your right thigh with his free hand. Tilting it up just to get deeper was what made your eyes roll back.

"You're going to cum, sweetheart? Ask nicely, like a proper girl would," he cooed at you, lips kissing your cheek down your jaw and then your tender neck, which he loved to suck on, giving it some little love bites.

"Please.... I already asked." You squirmed, and you felt how close you got, how your eyebrows pulled together.

The way your tummy flipped by that feeling when Kakucho's dick just hit your cervix.

"Use your big girl words," he rasped, his pace never faltering.

"Let me cum, please, sir. Let me cum..." you whined, and that's the only moment when his hand went away from your wrist. Over your face and the shape of you, just to rub some tender circles over your clit.   

Hips bucking up, you needed more, and yet it was too much. Eyes rolling back as you grabbed the sheets underneath you.

"Thats it, pretty. Let me watch you fall apart for me," he whispered, watching how you dripped down his length. Juices spilling out slightly around his cock. You always got so shamelessly wet for him.

And then it happened; you clamped down on him so tight his hips stuttered. Fucking you through it with long and deep, deliberate strokes.

And when you trembled like a little mess, shit, he came too; watching you cum was pretty enough for him to just follow. Face in the crook of your neck, breathing hard as he groaned, spilling his hot pearly seed so deep inside you.

Staying just like that for a moment. Bathing in this glow of filth and yet tenderness he loved to show you.

"God, I love you..." It was a little whispered confession when he held you through these small aftershocks that trembled through your body. Kissing the hollow on your throat with a tender reference.

"Always so good to me" Kakucho holds you, even when he pulls out slowly.

He was a king in aftercare, holding you, praising you. Helping you clean and then tugging you warm and content against his chest.

- Actually, when finally cupping them just to draw a whimper from you, he could've cum in his pants just from that. You were his girl, and the thought that he ever was the first to draw that breathy little whimper from you had him leaking. "They're so perfect...you're perfect."

- When you were actually ready for it, he noticed it. Simply because now the make-out session was in your little room. His knee between your legs, just to rub against that clothed treasure he was dying to be inside. Yet not without your clear yes.

"Fuck, Chérie, so warm down there. I can feel you throbbing." His words always made your heart hammer more against your chest. Yet your hips bucked up a little. 

- Pip swallows your whimpers and moans one by one. Getting greedy, lips smacking against yours and hands roaming until both large palms were filled with your ass. Squeezing the soft flesh gently to draw that needy tone out of your mouth. "I cream my pants when you sound like this, do you know that?" telling you it may be to make you calmer, to let you see you were adored by him. Even when it might be a little crude

- And when you shyly wanted to confess you never had done this, he just looked down at you, his natural red hair open this time since you mentioned you like it that way. It was falling in his face; he gave a small chuckle, kissing your forehead. "I know, mon coeur. Your eyes got all so excited when I touched. But I wanted you to be ready. After all, who ever gives a rugged guy like me something so precious."

- But when it was finally out, he was all fire and flame to get you nice and wet. First things first, his coat came off. When he wanted to take off the hat, you frowned a little. Asking if he can keep it on. "Everything for the lady." He chuckled, leaning down and playfully biting your neck when he tugged on your shirt. In Pip's eyes, you were perfect. I believe since he is a very passionate guy, he actually would love women, no matter what the body type. Because he would see the beauty in it since the days as soldiers, he had seen so many ugly things. That your softness is something he craves a lot

- I do think he would take foreplay very seriously for the first time; he wants to make sure you're comfortable after all. So when he kissed down your neck, his hands roamed your sides and squeezed your hips. Only so he pulled down your top. Not giving you even time to be shy. Rough palms greeted the soft skin that spilled into his hands. "So soft, you're so pretty, you know that?" he spoke hoarsely before he started worshipping and took one nipple in his mouth while thumbing the other one

- Pip chuckled when he noticed you squeezed your legs together. Dying out of thirst to make you cum, just like the good girl you are. Because when he finally undressed you and parted your legs. He was so gone. "Fuck, chérie. That's the most perfect pussy I ever laid eyes on." His voice was deeper now, and believe me, that guy tries to be gentle, which you should expect from him. But when he is with his fae right in front of you, he just can't help it...

- You didn't get those sweet kisses on your inner thigh before, not that he wouldn't, but right now he was starving. You were his pretty, little thing. With a cute cunt, how should he not start to devour you. "Pardon me, chérie, but that's simply irresistible." And he was gone, so gone. His tongue found its way inside you before you knew it. Your thighs squeezed against the sides of his head. Auburn hair is a bit disheveled as you hold onto it and his hat. Your moans were so needy but also so overwhelmed when you whimpered his name.

"Your pussy is so divine, so wet. All that for me, a rough soldier?"

- When he ate you out, he actually made you cum twice, one time with only his tongue while his eye rolled back simply because you were addicting to him. The other time with the help of two fingers. He needed to sate his hunger first. When he actually prepared you with his fingers, he was gentler, slower at first. Giving you all the time in this world...

- As it was about the main part, then he sat up, still between your thighs. "Oh, look at that little blush. I just had my face in your pussy, and you can't look me in the eyes." He chuckled and made you look at him. Smirking even more as you said he couldn't say that. He stroked your cheek with his thumb; you were so cute to him.

- He actually took your hand and made you trace his abs. Luring it out of you. "I want you to touch me too, mon coeur. That's all yours," whispering it directly in your ear, had you getting slick. So your puffy lips were a bit shiny not only from his mouth on you

- So your hands explored him, the hard ridges of a tough life. Some scars that only added to his rugged vibe. That auburn hair that fell over his shoulder. When you palmed him, he bit his lip, but he didn't suppress the groan that escaped. Pip was open about how he felt about you. You needed to see how much you affect him. "Such a good girl, go on."

- When it finally was time for the main event, his thick cock nudged your entrance just to coat himself in your slick and bump your clit. It made you shudder so deliciously. His rough hands on your soft skin by your thighs, he kept rubbing soothing circles in it. "You're really ok with that? We still can stop when that's enough for you, chérie. I can wait a little longer." making sure you're content with him, that there was no pressure for you to get through it when you should be afraid. But you shook your head; you wanted it. You wanted him

- When you gave the OK, he slowly pushed in, only the angry red tip first. Pressing it in with deliberate slowness. "Shit, your pussy already wants to suck me in," he cursed, although it was so sexy when he groaned it into the crook of your neck. He always stopped in between to make sure you were ready for the next inch. And when he finally was settled deep inside you, you mewled when he bottomed out.

- "Gods, you feel so good. I could cum from just that. You make me be such a pathetic man, mon coeur." Pip spoke strained, kissing your neck and your cheeks. Whispering such sweet nothings in your ear to help you adjust

- When he started, the thrusts were measured at first, slowly. His eyes stayed on your face, cupping your jaw so you felt connected to him. "Don't hold those noises back. I want to hear every fucking sound from this sweet mouth," as his thumb touched your bottom lip once.

- As he noticed it got easier and your breathing settled into a steady chain of small whimpers, he got a bit faster. Not too rough yet. Although he already threw his head back, the hat fell off his head. "That's it, chérie. So good, so fucking good. You're my good girl, aren't you. With that most perfect pussy. Look how sloppy this cunt gets for me." Pip tended to talk a bit when he was really into it. Praising you all the way, how good you took him. Besides the fact he was stretching you out.

- At first you were embarrassed about the sound that was heard when he thrust inside your wet cunt, how obscene it sounded. But he explained to you it was one of the hottest sounds ever because you grew so wet because of him.

- As Pip noticed you got closer, he could feel your hands grabbing after his arms, so he leaned back over you. Actually kissing you was so messy as he swept his tongue inside your mouth and tangled it with yours. "Let go for me, mon coeur. Come on." Nearly spoken sweetly, but that brought you over the edge

- And when Pip came? Well, he just needed to watch how you clawed at his strong arms, how your mouth formed into this cute O shape, and how surprised you looked to cum so hard, although he already ate you out two times. He couldn't hold his load back. Thick, warm cum flooded your insides. Pip himself shuddering and cursing as he held your thighs open, as you started twitching. "Fuck, take it. You take all of it, so good. Look how it oozes out of you." Indeed, I feel like when he comes, it's kind of a long orgasm, with many spurts of cum. Shooting it in your womb so it oozed out when he pulled it out. Smearing the rest of his mess along your pussy lips, what had you trembling from overstimulation.

Seras had let it slip through; you needed to go into the city, inside the busy London, to get some stuff. You technically wanted to do it with her; you liked it when she accompanied you. Yet the sun affected her, and unfortunately the night had been busy. In the end, you decided to go alone. You had thought to ask Alucard, but it still felt off to you to ask someone so impressive if he is going to accompany you for simple human errands. You were, after all, a more modern girl, maybe a bit dreamy, yet Alucard in his ancient beauty and also his gentlemanly demeanor made you think it maybe wasn't a thing for him. How would you find out that you were so wrong with that?

Just after you were done with the coffee spot and took off your little apron from your maid dress, you turned to Walter in the kitchen. "I would get going now, sir. I think I will be back in the noon. Thank you for the little extra time off between the day. I really appreciate it," you said to him, just to announce for the last time you would leave the house. Always a good girl, making sure you weren't needed. "Of course, (Y/N). Have a good time spending your money on wasted things." Walter replied, always the old man who simply grew a little fond of you like you were the granddaughter he never had. You just nodded before now finally wanting to get your coat. When suddenly a crimson, tall, looming shadow already held it up. Ready so you could slide inside. 

"It's getting a bit cold outside, my dear. I grabbed the warmer coat for you." Alucard meant a smooth, velvet voice. The moment you heard and saw him, your steps faltered as you blinked up at him. Not expected, but when is this vampiric gentleman ever expected? "That's very lovely of you. Thank you," you meant as you slid in with your arms while he held it up. "I was thinking you might sleep, like Seras. After the last mission, you need to be tired, don't you?" you asked him, a slight blush was over your nose. That sweet voice of yours laced with some worry, even for an undying being like him. He chuckled as he stepped closer to you. His gloved hand gently caught your chin as he tilted your face upwards. It was so adorable how your blush deepened to a pinkish shade. Those pretty eyes that darted around, still trying to get used to that. But then they settled on him. "Not tired enough for you, my dear. Seras said something about you going into the city. I figured I would accompany you," he let you know as his thumbs grazed your bottom lip. "You don't mind my presence, sweetheart?" He could see he had startled you a little, but you quickly shook your head. "Of course not. I was just surprised, but in that good way. I always thought vampires couldn't go out in daylight? I can ask Walter to-" you already wanted to throw your little time schedule over just for him. "No need for that. Sunlight does not affect me. Although I admit I dislike the brightness, but it's raining. I am ready when you are," he explained patiently to you as you smiled up at him.

A smile is always so worthy to make it happen. It warmed something long forgotten in his heart. Not only a fraction or an illusion of a moment that was born from warmth. It was different. Because it was real, your feelings were real, that smile. That feeling made his own undead heart clench in a way he thought was forgotten. 

Outside in the city, he was a steady presence next to you in his crimson coat. Holding up a black umbrella. It nearly seemed surreal to you being outside with the No-Life King. A man who grew more than fond of you, who patiently waited for you to get into his cage. A pretty little bird that was about to decide to be his. You are a sweet little thing, your existence simple but soothing in a way he had missed of humanity. Alucard indeed yearned for you, but in a very romantic way. He did not hush you; in fact, he encouraged that you take your time. The material worth was no longer one of his concerns, yet it was endearing to him how you sometimes just seemed to look at something you liked just to let out a little huff and walk past the store.

The rain is a cozy company this morning. It set the mood, a fogged-up London where the streets smelled like rain and maybe a bit of desperation for humanity to be saved. Streets where he had already spilled blood. But today it seemed more content. "When you want to buy something, you maybe should get into a store." Alucard said to you, as he looked down with a little smirk tugging at his lips. Those crimson eyes looked down at your form and simply observed what you did. You fidget then, before stopping and looking up at him. "I just want to spend my money responsibly, that's all," you replied, looking around a bit like a lost deer. "Oh sweetheart, don't tell me when you already got some time off from cleaning that manor and my coat that you break that pretty head about it." He teased you gently, which made you sigh. 

"I was raised with not a lot of money, and I just don't want to buy something that is wasted. That's all. But maybe we should go inside; maybe there is something. Technically I only wanted to buy things I need," you mumbled as you tried to remember your list. "It's endearing; no need to rush. I like watching you," he said, followed by a dark chuckle. "You like watching me struggle for simple things." You meant a bit stubborn but not meant as a scold; actually, that was your way with him when it came to humor. "So you're only here to watch me?" you asked him, flashing excited eyes up to his tall frame. "I am here to spend time with you. You look more alive among the rain. Your eyes are brighter when you do something you like," the vampire pointed out, clearly a natural in making you blush with something he truly meant. "They're also brighter when you're polishing the glasses," he added, and you gently slapped his elbow. "It's meditative, ok." You tried to hide your little embarrassment behind your hair. Yet then you indeed went into a store. Actually, you wanted to get some of your usual things. Some errands, bringing letters to the mail for the little family you had left. Handwritten in pretty letters. In a time when everyone used e-mails and messages, you still sent handwritten letters to people that were important because it felt more personal.

Actually a trait he loved about you, you took so much effort even in the small things. His sweet maid is being all romantic in a very endearing way. But now you stood in front of a shop window. Some expensive and delicate jewelry was displayed. A white silver hair needle, with some ruby stones that had been draped around the hair needle as if they were little pools of blood, or maybe just ruby stones in a random pattern. For you, it looked like blood in snow, a horrifying yet beautiful contrast. "It would look perfect on you. Fitting even for your role, Little Requiem," he murmured. "It's expensive, far out of my range, Alucard. Even when Integra pays well, I am, after all, only a maid. Ruby stones are not on my agenda," you answered but gave him a smile. 

Alucard's eyes landed on your face, reaching for a strand of hair that had escaped to the front. As he felt the texture of your hair and leaned in. So close you could smell that never-dying presence. "You should try it. I kept watching you for the last 30 minutes. You always stop at things, say how much you like them, and then walk further. No matter if it costs 2,500 pounds or just 25." He could actually point that out real quick; he already could see this phenomenon in other women even before your time. The classical moment when they look at something, saying how cute it is or how much they like it, just to not take it. "I am not sure; I can't buy it anyway." You meant even when your eyes darted to the hair needle again. "Try it for me then, would you, my dear?" It was formulated as a question, but you could hear the little urge in it. When he leaned in so close, you could only say yes.

As soon as you two were inside, it didn't take much time until Alucard talked with the man behind the reception. He was so smooth and his whole aura commanding, maybe given this to the fact he was an imposing person not only because he was a vampire. You felt weird being in a place like that. You never wore something so expensive. "Here, for the lady. To try it on." the man said and handed the hair needle over. You were mesmerized by it. It was so beautiful to you. Alucard smiled, actually, when he saw how you eyed it. Before you could try to put it in your hair, he stepped in front of you. "May I?" he asked, and his gloved hand lay out flat for you to give him the needle. You nodded, biting your lip. The only thing you always had in your hair when you were inside the manor working was your little maid headpiece. 

When you turned around, he gathered your hair with skilled fingers. Not all of it, only the top layer, before gently twisting it around the delicate needle and making a little bun before securing it in your hair. For someone so brutal with such blood on his hands, Alucard was also able to show gentleness when he liked it. And he liked to give you a feeling of that. Besides the fact he was always so aware to have you close. The vampire remembered how content you had slept beside him in his coffin once. It was nighttime, usually his awake time. Your day had been exhausting, even when you never complained. But after scrubbing the whole huge hallway after a mess and trying to maintain order, it was too much even for you. The Hellsing Manor was your home, and no matter how much blood would drip on the floor, it was your determination to hold it intact. Simple, but important. That's when you had come to him, to feel content. He had you in his lap stroking your hair until you slept. And he spent hours looking in your face to listen to those thoughts in your dreams. Before he laid you down right next to him. And you even curled into his cold presence. It warmed his undead heart even more. No matter how much gore and blood he brought, you were always still drawn to him.

Just like now, you turned around to him then. "How does it look?" you asked with big eyes, adjusting your hair in the front. His red eyes took in your face for a moment, studying the way your hair fell around your face and how the delicate hair needle set in your hair was simply so fitting for you. The innocence of the white, like silver that was representing you and the rubies? That was him. "It looks like it was made only for you, little maid," the smooth voice called out as he brushed another strand of hair out of your face. "Only for me? You like it on me?" another insecure question as you were looking for a mirror to see yourself. When you found one, you looked excited because it was indeed suiting you, but it was out of your price range. 

"It brings out your eyes, the curve of your cheekbones. And it matches me, a silent claim." Alucard told you as he stood behind you. Tall and looming with long limbs, but like a gentleman, he made you blush. Telling you exactly what he liked. Overall, Alucard had taste; he knew what would look good on you even when you didn't. Before you could say anything, he had already decided. "You need it, darling." And with that he turned around to the salesman. You grabbed the sleeve of his coat, but you saw he took off his glasses and looked the man deep in the eyes. You never witnessed when he used his manipulation skills. But in the end, you didn't even need to take it out of your hair.

"Alucard, you can't just do that," you said softly as you pulled out some pounds. "We don't rob anyone," he said to you with a deep chuckle. "What is when this man gets in trouble because of it?" You asked him and looked over to the man who already was oblivious. The vampire looked down on you, into these big pleading eyes. "I may not have the money, but we can't just take it with us, can we?" you said, trying to be reasonable as you wanted to pull it out. "You have a good heart; it's so pure in a way the whole world isn't." He sighed before he actually pulled out a sleek black card. He grabbed the receipt for the jewelry and scanned it by hand on the register. Before actually paying with the card. That had you left with your lips parted and looking up at him.

"You just paid it?" Not really a question even when it came out as one. "I want you to wear it, carry it as if it would be something from me. Consider this as a gift, sweetheart." And in the end, you ended up wearing it now. Outside the store he holds up the umbrella again, keeping you from getting wet. "You're impossible." You meant to have that feeling in your heart. "You shouldn't spend so much-" before you could even say it, he turned your chin with his fingers up to meet his intense gaze. "I don't find liking in material things at all. The card is for the official Hellsing organization. A gift... No need to feel bad; you wear it like a queen, my queen perhaps. Get over it, little maid. You're still questioning your worth, why?" When he explained, you felt the little lump in your throat, but you could hold his gaze now. Since his red eyes weren't only hungry but also filled with an ache.

"I am still me, while you're that. Tall, mighty, so charming, and handsome. I am nothing like a queen, or anything else. Just a maid." Those words tumbled out sweet but pained. The rain was still falling, leaving a pleasant and relaxing sound among you. Indeed, the foggy street and the rain made it feel heavy in a way that wasn't unpleasant. Definitely, quite the opposite. "My maid, my sweet little requiem. You're mine, even when you sometimes do not know your place. You will, I see it. Furthermore, you just need to open your eyes," he answered, his thumb grazing your bottom lip again as he leaned down. "I try to see; I just don't know what you see in me, what I don't" you meant then, as you felt that pull that seemed to come from him. "You don't need to look with your eyes, not with those." He started as he gave you a chase kiss on your forehead. "You need to see with your mind; you need to feel, my dear. You're precious." Alucard added.

And when you were caught up in an unpleasant conversation? He stepped in; you were too polite, too nice to say you had no time or didn't want to talk. Especially when you already tried to show you weren't interested, but not everyone is good at reading into people's body language. He knew the second your eyes darted around or your smile was tighter than usual. 

"And then we actually went to hit that new place, you know-" that boyfriend of one of your friends started talking with you. You didn't really like him, but you wouldn't say a thing. He saw it from afar; no matter what he had been occupied with, he stopped it. Sauntering over with long legs and pulling you closer. One of the first actions is to make you feel safe. Still that guy kept talking.

Your man took a breath in and then chuckled. "Back off, chatting time is over, buddy," he said it casually, flashing his eyes at him. "You need to go?" that man asked you, but instead of saying anything, what you tried, your man spoke for you. Not because he thought he needed to or you couldn't, but because he was aware he would make it cut straight and it would take you out of the situation.

"No, but she does not even like you and is tired of the words that come out of that thing that is moving the whole time," he said and pointed to his face with a smirk. "My mouth?" the other guy asked, clearly being confused. "Oh, yeah, that. It's annoying," he shot back with a grin before taking you by your waist and pulling you with him. 

"You're always so straightforward." You meant it with a sigh, and it was not only that he could see the little shake in your fingers. How have you tried to suppress it? "Someone has to be." He meant and led you two further away from the crowd he put you in front of him. "You're too good for them, baby. Can't let you drown there, can I?" he meant and wiped a strand of hair out of your face.

"Don't suppress it; you know it just gets worse," he urged you gently. He could see your eyes filled with some tears. "But I don't want to have it now." You meant and tried to be stubborn towards yourself. You knew you got panic attacks, that heavy, uneasy feeling in your chest. Even when it did not always seem to be a reason there. And sometimes, you just didn't want it. You wanted to feel normal, not aware that normal was not always what it seemed.

"I know, no one does. You don't deserve it. But it's not a weakness to show it, not to me," he explains, as his one hand goes through his hair. "Not a weakness, yeah totally. I shit my pants when I need to go grocery shopping." You laughed out of frustration at the first tears spilled. "You know what the difference between us is?" he asked you, holding your hands in his palms. He traced your knuckles, tenderly even for someone so rough. "Did you say what you think?" you asked back as you watched how his fingers entangled with yours. 

"I may get up the day and say fuck you into the world. I fight it, yes. But it's exhausting. While you think about it, you try facing what is making you afraid every fucking day. You make progress while I just ignore it. You're braver than I am. I may not be afraid of a fight or a mean word. But I don't want to face my demons the way you do. Because I wouldn't be strong enough." It was spoken with a genuine tone. He might be strong and not taking everything to heart. It doesn't mean that nothing would scare him, just not the same way it scared you.

But he knew he got an amazing girlfriend, with a heart too big for her own good, why you even ended up with him. And he would take that gift of your heart not lightly. You were the one good thing, and he would keep you. "That's not-" you wanted to talk it small again, but he didn't let you. "You can't change my mind about you, baby. You're strong. Those pretty tears? Just a proof of it, you feel, and you let yourself feel. That's more than most do. That's more than I deserve." After that, you broke out in small tears, and he hugged you while you hid your face in his neck. Your arms around his torso. And simply having a man who loved you, even with the panic attacks and the anxiety. Nothing about you scared him off; no, he even admired it. In his very own way.