*Black bat carrying Danny's severed head through a warehouse after a bad run-in with the LoA*
Cass: "see, this kind of shit is why I left the league of assassins"
Danny, sub-vocally while pretending to be fully Dead: 'black bat!... black bat!!! you are reading my mind, put my head between your boobs!'
Cass, clutching dannys head to her chest in grief:
"We're all alone here, I was meant to keep you safe!"
Danny, muffled: 'very good, now the next thing I want you to do is, put me between your legs-' [assassin blade shoots through the room, snagging dannys head and pinning it to the wall] '-Ancients dammit!'
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Watching Hellsing Ultimaye because I love Hellsing Ultimate Abridged and the Hellsing Manga.
(TLDR at the bottom)
Why is the shitpost abridged version WHOLEHEARTEDLY and GENUINELY better quality than the official anime???
Voice acting/character voices? Inconsistent
> also Seras's voice feels very loli to me and i dont like that.
Music? Too noticeable imo, often covers up dialog
Sound effects? Often too loud and cover up the dialog.
The music and the sound effects feel cartoonish and overly dramatic as opposed to the (generally, excluding Seras's) are more realistic and it creates a confusing atmosphere.
The pacing is also off.
Too fast at some points (like when a cigar being put out is used as a dramatic silence in the manga scene, in the official anime, Sir Integra just keeps talking through it?)
At other times, the pacing is too slow and the script is clunky compared to the manga.
On the bright side, Jan is freakier than he is in the manga, and he is hilarious. So i am enjoying that.
TLDR:
The official Hellsing Ultimate anime is auditorally and tonally inconsistent, trying to be cartoonish+funny and realistic+gritty at the same time. Seras is lolified (having a very childish voice and acting dumber(?) than she does in the manga), and the pacing is a little fucked.
Im still going to watch it all (unless it becomes unbearable), and I do love the story and characters, however I am glad I was introduced to Hellsing Ultimate Abridged first. Despite its very shitpost vibes, it feels more accurate to the pacing and story of the manga and it feels more put together with a consistent tone, i can actually *hear* the dialog over the sound effects and music, and also it's just more fun and it lacks weird loli voiced Seras
"we just want to torture you and maybe skullfuck your corpse a couple of times, burn the house down, go home and and masturbate"
Warnings : mentions of SA, slavery, war, bloodshed, isolation, vlad is a possesive nut, accusations of cheating, overall just angst man
"My dear, such shame fills my heart, I have doubted you and wounded our love so... Oh darling I beg your forgiveness.."
------------- ↓ -------------
Ever since that night, the distance between her and Vlad was like that of plains and the sky, she rarely spoke around him and asked for nothing, flinching when he approached.
Days turn to weeks, and weeks to months as they fell greater apart each day. He knows why she fears him now, but he struggles to admit his faults, his pride too great and his masculinity too fucking fragile.
She was sitting in their chambers when he approached, he sat beside her on the edge of the bed, one hand reaching to cup her cheek. She turned away and scooted back, "don't touch me..." She mumbled.
Shock hit his face, How dare his wife not want his touch?! "Darling, why do you hide from me?" Vlad questions, he knows the answer, but he's too prideful to ever apologize for his actions. "I'm your husband, i demand you tell me why you've been behaving like this!"
She flinched when she raised his voice and tears began to well in her eyes, "Y-you yelled at me and accused me of being disloyal a-and acted as if I had no gratitude for all you've given me!" She wailed.
His gaze softened as he reached for her hand, he knew this was why but he had been too prideful to say it. "I'm sorry, my love... I never meant to hurt you so..." He whispered into her hand. "Your apologies aren't enough! Y-you proved to me that you d-don't trust me!" She shouted, he'd wounded her, she felt like he was only pretending to love her for his own pleasure.
As tears fell from her eyes he stood up and knelt before the bed, taking her hand once more, "I only worry because I see how beautiful, how kind and sweet you are... I'm fearful that you'll grow tired of me, and that another man will covet what is mine," he explained, before kissing her hand.
"I-i know you only worry because you love me, Vlad, but it still hurts... I trust you with every bone in my body, we swore before god and man that we'd forever trust one another..." She spoke, her tears beginning to slow down. She sniffled and sat a bit closer to his kneeling frame.
"Forgive me, my darling, for I am ashamed of how I've made you feel... I should know by now that you would never stray from me..." He spoke, looking up at her with pure adoration, and perhaps shame. "My dear, such shame fills my heart, I have doubted you and wounded our love so, I beg your forgiveness, darling." He added, standing up and pulling her close, wrapping his arms around her.
"V-vlad... I forgive you..." She mumbled into his shoulder as he began to rock them both side to side, one hand gently rubbing her hip. "I love you sweetheart," he spoke, "like the sun and moon love one another, how the stars love the sky, how sea loves the shore... You're my everything..." He whispered in her ear.
Warnings : language, mentions of blood, death, age gap (alucard is like ancient I felt like I should probably include that)
What happens when Alucard returns home? Hellsing's sweet maid embraces him and worships him as if he were a God.. Because to her, he is God..
------------- ↓↓↓↓↓↓↓ -------------
"Oh Alucard..." She sighed as she shifted in his embrace. Alucard had returned from a mission to Ireland, oh how miserable life is without her sweet Alucard... No one to hold her all night long and kiss her all day. But now Alucard has returned and the loneliness is gone... Her no life king is here.
"Yes, darling?" *Alucard muttered into the crown of her head, his arms shifting from her shoulders to around her hips, one hand sliding up to cup her cheek. "I missed you so much darling... How was your mission?" She asked, leaning into his hand and placing her own on top of his much larger one.
"My mission was easy as usual, sweetness." Alucard spoke, "How was your time while I was gone, darling?" He asked, pulling her closer.
"Miserable without you, my love! I fell down the stairs while cleaning and Mr. Bernadotte saw my undergarments and it was unbelievably embarrassing! And Integra yelled at me because I accidentally made her the wrong tea!" She spoke, nuzzling into his shoulder. Alucard's face dropped and he removed the hand from his cheek.
"Pip?! That French bastard saw your fucking panties?" A look of jealousy crept across those strong Romanian features of his as he clutched her tighter. 𝘏𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘰𝘮𝘢𝘯. 𝘏𝘪𝘴 𝘺/𝘯. 𝘏𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 maid.
"I-it was only for a split second and he apologized profusely after! You don't need to get so jealous, Alucard..."Alucard sighed and loosed his grip, before running his thumb over her lips and kissing her. "Alucard, my no life king..." She sighed
"And you, my sweet queen." And with that she dozed off, wrapped safely in his arms as night dragged on.
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✃𓄧꒷꒦ 18+ MDNI, dildo mentioned, reader has a hole but no genderreally menitoned, blurb, literally nothing here, not proof read, smut, edging, idk how to type lol-
Alucard being entertained by you grinding down on his lap- his face showing nothing but pure amusement and a little sadism just at the sight of you coming undone too easily without him laying a hand on you
Just him sitting there, reclined in his throne, a full glass of blood in his left and his head resting against his right and he watches you, as if it’s the greatest act to have ever graced his eyes
You’re getting tired, constantly chasing your peak while never fully able to grasp it on your own. That’s what happenes when your king-husband is a vampire who has lived for as long as he has.
You get spoiled
Never having to chase your own high since he’s turned you into one of his creatures of the night
All of your needs effortlessly met
Graciously, one could say
No more of those lonely long nights trying to get yourself off with your hands alone, covers too hot, fans not cold enough, hours wasted trying to understand why everyone around you seems to effortlesly reach their peaks without the need for assistance
Not you though, at least, not anymore
No more time wasted in efforts never ending
He’s ruined pleasure for you
You’ve gotten too comfortable
And some reason lately, you’ve become restless. Constantly pestering him to please or be pleased in some way, shape, of form. How often he’s had to stop you from dropping to the floor from your own over eagerness to get him off for your own sake
You pathetic little thing
That’s why your here after all- for punishment, for going against one of the few rules he has for you
You just had to take matters into your own hands, or try to at least, shortly after he was sent on a new mission
What?
You thought he wouldn’t find out?
Oh dragă, he knew as soon as you got your hands on that pathetic silicone replica labeled a 'cock'
You can’t reach those peaks of bliss without him, no matter how hard you tried
With how often he’s drilled that into your head you’d think it’d stick by now
Maybe after you’ve exhausted yourself into delirium he’ll take matters in his own hands and make you truly regret your actions
His grin widens as the idea. His smile widening sending shivers down your spine as you pant, movements slowing for just a second to try and catch your breath, before you continue to exhaust yourself further
