#hellishradio!advice

I put many of the hearts as a warning, this does contain my personal experiences of what I am going through right now. I am only anonymous because it was asked that we do so. I can't really talk about this anywhere else, so seeing this opportunity I took it. I've never ranted like this before.

-My warnings are abuse and SA-

Please be weary and informed going forward, I do not want to cause anyone distress.

I am going on twenty years old, and finally spoke up about the sexual abuse I went through when I was thirteen. It was done to me by a step father that has not been in my life for years now.

It wasn't until my younger brother confessed that he also had an uncomfortable situation happen to him by the same man, that charges were filed recently. My brother never was assaulted the way I was, and I thank whatever God there is for that, but the trauma is still there. He is going to counseling and is happy. He wasn't, and isn't, old enough to understand what exactly happened, he just knows it felt wrong.

The whole situation has opened that door of memories for me recently. It's something that doesn't leave me through the day. I dont allow it to define me as a woman, however, that doesn't stop the anxiety and panic that comes with trusting people.

I've found it uncomfortable to hug even my family for years, to which they all forced it upon me since they assumed I was just being a difficult teen. I dont think even after my confession that they understand my hesitancy. I do not hold any ill feelings about it, my family is just very physically comfortable.

The amount of times I had been sexualized at a young age makes me feel sick, so much so, I feel untrusting of any male, man and boy alike. Now that I'm older, and interested in dating, it really makes it hard for me to connect with anyone.

Which brings me to my next confession that only my three closest people know, they knew before I did, I may be into woman.

I've thought about it for years, the only thing that ever held me back from trying it out was, indeed, my family. Whom are against it.

I hope this wasn't too much, but I thank you for the opportunity to confess this.

I could keep going on with secrets buried deeply, however I don't want to trauma dump.

I hope you have a wonderful everything.

And if any have ever suffered anything like I have, you are not wrong in your silence, but if you can find the extra strength to speak up, even if you cry whilst doing so, you'll truly have defeated any abuser.

~<3

" An experience with such a tragic and personal element... the scars of such an incident are quite difficult to heal, no? Especially when it comes to such personal matters. It is quite fortunate that you do not allow it to define you. "

*Sorry if I have Grammer mistakes I'm not originally English*

#hellishradio!advice

" How saddening it is to see someone with such complicated relationships! Now don't go telling me that you can't leave Parmis... you're letting her walk all over you and use you like a doormat. Oh dear, it absolutely sounds like you're being squeezed to death by the weight of your friendships. Now allow me to give you a piece of advice; you know how you are being squeezed into feeling you cannot simply stop being friends with these people? That is manipulation. My my how we are all such vile creatures. "

mod : it seems to me that you are overwhelmed with guilt. guilt, while a useful and necessary emotion, can become toxic if it consumes too much of your thoughts. you must remember that it's okay to feel guilty, but don't let it define you. you are more than what other people perceive you as. you have a good heart, and it's important for you to learn how to forgive yourself for your mistakes. as for your friends, it appears that parmis is an overly influential force in your life that you are not comfortable with. i advice you maybe it would be beneficial for you to re-evaluate your friendship.

as for armita, you should try talking to her. apologize, and ask her what she wants. though you might not feel worthy to be her friend anymore, you should ultimately ask her feelings as the victim! thank you for telling me, anon <3

Well I know you are asexual but I have a Crush on one of my classmates because he reminds me of someone really special. He reminds me of my cousin because they look exactly the same! I was 9 when I lost my cousin and uncle in a car crash. The Country that I live in is not very safe let's just say it looks like GTA 5. (I don't know if you know that game because well ... video games weren't invented in your time). That's why he reminds me of my cousin he's very sweet and kind and I love that. Well obviously I told my Best friend...and she told all of classmates my classmates told their friends and now the half of the school knows I TOLD MY BEST FRIEND TO NOT TO TELL ANYONE!!!. ( I go to only girls school so he isn't there. I met him in my Music class NOT IN MY SCHOOL so my friends don't know him in person) well I don't have a problem that the kids know this, the problem is that my best friend told them that I like him because I had a crush on my OWN Cousin and now the kids just make fun of me and bully me ... I have to tell you that my best friend and I know each other for 7 years now and lately she acts like she's not my friend like she's more of an enemy. I gave her everything. everything I had in my life because she's the only thing that I have left from this life and she turned out to be just... Toxic ... but I haven't told her yet I don't want to be alone I don't want to be left out .... my reputation is ruined and everyone dislikes me and my best friend doesn't act like she's sad for me. She keeps telling me that she didn't tell anyone but I know when she lies. The whole point of this is that all of my friends every single one of them are turning out to be my enemies and I don't want to tell them because I dont want to be alone...thanks for being here Alastor ...

#hellishradio!advice

" My goodness isn't you r story a complicated one. Your classmates are quite foolish and cruel, what child would dare to ridicule another for having innocent feelings? Don't allow their petty gossip and ignorance to hinder your judgement and heart. I find it quite endearing you have such affection for someone dear to you. "

mod : hey, i mean no offense and it is purely an assumption however i presume that you are quite young. young teenage years maybe? first things first, i am sorry for your loss. i will say it again but there is nothing wrong with harmless innocent feelings but i will tell you that it is wouldn't be very nice for the boy if word ever got out that you liked him because he reminded you of your cousin. what your feeling is valid however forming a relationship with someone just because it reminds you of someone else may come off similar to a "rebound".

of course this only stands if you're willing to try to get with the boy, and i'm not telling you to just lose your feelings. i mean you should try to like the boy because of the person that he is, not because it reminds you of someone else.

and as for your friend(s), i know confrontation can be scary but i advice you to go talk to them. tell them how you feel. and hey, no need to call them your enemies, all people make mistakes. of course what they did was wrong, but there's no need to make conclusion that you will be alone now. thank you for telling me, anon!

I hate living in a rural town. People are a lot more willing to be hateful, and I have to be the token trans person who is never mad and yet always stands up for himself but can't ever be a snitch but has to report everything that happens to me. I had to sit through people misgendering another trans person and calling her an it (she doesn't use it/it's I assume, considering the guy doing it was laughing). Told them it wasn't funny, but obviously, they didn't change their minds because why would they. People keep calling me she, and a few particular guys are real assholes about it. Wish I could just leave, but everyone tells me I can't give the bigots power. I guess they're right, but I'm tired.

Again, sorry this got a bit long. I hope you're having a good day, and I appreciate you reading this.

" Living among a town full of hateful people like that isn't exactly the most pleasant, is it? But you should never let someone else, or in this case some people, dictate how you play your leading role! It's your life my darling! "

mod : it sounds like a very frustrating situation, being emotionally targetted by a bigoted group can be very isolating and wearing. especially when there are people (i assume depending on one of your last sentences but my apologies if i'm wrong) who say that you shouldn't "give them the power". it's understandable that you are feeling so tired, and it's okay to admit yourself that you're not always going to be able to handle the pressure of having to play the role of the stoical, unbothered victim. people can only handle so much and i would advice to do what you think would make you the safest and happiest. thank you for telling me, anon <3

" Oh, the heart is a fickle instrument. I suggest you allow these feelings to persist until a natural fade! It is not as though these sentiments disappear instantly my dear! "

mod : it's completely natural for you to have these feelings towards someone, and it's also natural for the other person to not reciprocate. but being stuck in that limbo between your own emotions and the emotions of the other person can be a toll.

first things first, be gentle with yourself. recognize that these feelings are intense, and that it can take time for emotions to catch up to our logical thinking. give yourself time until your sentimentality balances itself out with your mind, and until then, i suggest occupying yourself with something else, like a new interest! best of wishes, anon <3

for those who have sent a ❤️‍🩹 symbol ask or is planning to send one.

important post i thought i needed to make for the sake of healthiness. please do not rely on this blog for happiness. i am here to provide you extra happiness and fun, but not your main supply of joy. as much as i'm thankful to be given this spot to be able to give you comfort, however parasociality is something i don't want to encourage on this page

i made the advice symbol a thing because i wanted to make you a little bit more happier, not to be a therapist for anyone. i am no expert psychologist or professional therapist, so please just have in mind that again, this blog should not be your main supply of happiness

( ooc : hey anon, i think this was meant for the ❤️‍🩹 symbol, yes? i just received this ask only a bit ago but this seemed pretty urgent so i hope the others don't mind me answering this first)

"You serve more than a purpose, my dear! You are essential, unique in way so unlike any other you may never realize. Don't you worry your little head about it darling, everyone has some sort of purpose in this grand scheme of life!"

mod : you have a place here and people are not only aware of it, but cherish and desire it dearly. and you are more than a "purpose", what's more important is your fulfillment of life regardless of "purpose". and being good is subjective, as long as you aren't an actual criminal, you are already "good" in more in ways than one. while i can't promise you anything, i can assure you that life isn't a way downhill. it goes up and down constantly, and even if it feels like it's only getting worse, i hope you know how much of a worth you have just for having been alive.

I don't feel like I'm doing good enough. I feel like every day I make some fucking mistake, and every day I get more and more worried about my future. I'm gonna be okay, right?

"Well dear, the uncertainty about the future can be overwhelming, can't it? Don't be so harsh on yourself darling, the only thing you should be worried about is that frown! Turn it upside down, hm?"

mod : hey anon! thanks for telling me your struggles. fear of the future can be extremely wearing, especially when every reminder of the future makes you anxious. everyone makes mistakes, from anyone just walking by the streets, to the most successful people in the world. if you are constantly hard on yourself, then any little mistakrs or imperfections become much bigger in your mind than they actually are. you will be okay, anon, you have made it so far, despite fighting for a little bit of life until now.

but whether you are okay or not, i hope you know at least one person is proud of you, mistake or not. and if there is none, then i must be dead. take care anon <3