#hellishradio!100event

I put many of the hearts as a warning, this does contain my personal experiences of what I am going through right now. I am only anonymous because it was asked that we do so. I can't really talk about this anywhere else, so seeing this opportunity I took it. I've never ranted like this before.

-My warnings are abuse and SA-

Please be weary and informed going forward, I do not want to cause anyone distress.

I am going on twenty years old, and finally spoke up about the sexual abuse I went through when I was thirteen. It was done to me by a step father that has not been in my life for years now.

It wasn't until my younger brother confessed that he also had an uncomfortable situation happen to him by the same man, that charges were filed recently. My brother never was assaulted the way I was, and I thank whatever God there is for that, but the trauma is still there. He is going to counseling and is happy. He wasn't, and isn't, old enough to understand what exactly happened, he just knows it felt wrong.

The whole situation has opened that door of memories for me recently. It's something that doesn't leave me through the day. I dont allow it to define me as a woman, however, that doesn't stop the anxiety and panic that comes with trusting people.

I've found it uncomfortable to hug even my family for years, to which they all forced it upon me since they assumed I was just being a difficult teen. I dont think even after my confession that they understand my hesitancy. I do not hold any ill feelings about it, my family is just very physically comfortable.

The amount of times I had been sexualized at a young age makes me feel sick, so much so, I feel untrusting of any male, man and boy alike. Now that I'm older, and interested in dating, it really makes it hard for me to connect with anyone.

Which brings me to my next confession that only my three closest people know, they knew before I did, I may be into woman.

I've thought about it for years, the only thing that ever held me back from trying it out was, indeed, my family. Whom are against it.

I hope this wasn't too much, but I thank you for the opportunity to confess this.

I could keep going on with secrets buried deeply, however I don't want to trauma dump.

I hope you have a wonderful everything.

And if any have ever suffered anything like I have, you are not wrong in your silence, but if you can find the extra strength to speak up, even if you cry whilst doing so, you'll truly have defeated any abuser.

~<3

" An experience with such a tragic and personal element... the scars of such an incident are quite difficult to heal, no? Especially when it comes to such personal matters. It is quite fortunate that you do not allow it to define you. "

*Sorry if I have Grammer mistakes I'm not originally English*

#hellishradio!advice

" How saddening it is to see someone with such complicated relationships! Now don't go telling me that you can't leave Parmis... you're letting her walk all over you and use you like a doormat. Oh dear, it absolutely sounds like you're being squeezed to death by the weight of your friendships. Now allow me to give you a piece of advice; you know how you are being squeezed into feeling you cannot simply stop being friends with these people? That is manipulation. My my how we are all such vile creatures. "

mod : it seems to me that you are overwhelmed with guilt. guilt, while a useful and necessary emotion, can become toxic if it consumes too much of your thoughts. you must remember that it's okay to feel guilty, but don't let it define you. you are more than what other people perceive you as. you have a good heart, and it's important for you to learn how to forgive yourself for your mistakes. as for your friends, it appears that parmis is an overly influential force in your life that you are not comfortable with. i advice you maybe it would be beneficial for you to re-evaluate your friendship.

as for armita, you should try talking to her. apologize, and ask her what she wants. though you might not feel worthy to be her friend anymore, you should ultimately ask her feelings as the victim! thank you for telling me, anon <3

Well I know you are asexual but I have a Crush on one of my classmates because he reminds me of someone really special. He reminds me of my cousin because they look exactly the same! I was 9 when I lost my cousin and uncle in a car crash. The Country that I live in is not very safe let's just say it looks like GTA 5. (I don't know if you know that game because well ... video games weren't invented in your time). That's why he reminds me of my cousin he's very sweet and kind and I love that. Well obviously I told my Best friend...and she told all of classmates my classmates told their friends and now the half of the school knows I TOLD MY BEST FRIEND TO NOT TO TELL ANYONE!!!. ( I go to only girls school so he isn't there. I met him in my Music class NOT IN MY SCHOOL so my friends don't know him in person) well I don't have a problem that the kids know this, the problem is that my best friend told them that I like him because I had a crush on my OWN Cousin and now the kids just make fun of me and bully me ... I have to tell you that my best friend and I know each other for 7 years now and lately she acts like she's not my friend like she's more of an enemy. I gave her everything. everything I had in my life because she's the only thing that I have left from this life and she turned out to be just... Toxic ... but I haven't told her yet I don't want to be alone I don't want to be left out .... my reputation is ruined and everyone dislikes me and my best friend doesn't act like she's sad for me. She keeps telling me that she didn't tell anyone but I know when she lies. The whole point of this is that all of my friends every single one of them are turning out to be my enemies and I don't want to tell them because I dont want to be alone...thanks for being here Alastor ...

#hellishradio!advice

" My goodness isn't you r story a complicated one. Your classmates are quite foolish and cruel, what child would dare to ridicule another for having innocent feelings? Don't allow their petty gossip and ignorance to hinder your judgement and heart. I find it quite endearing you have such affection for someone dear to you. "

mod : hey, i mean no offense and it is purely an assumption however i presume that you are quite young. young teenage years maybe? first things first, i am sorry for your loss. i will say it again but there is nothing wrong with harmless innocent feelings but i will tell you that it is wouldn't be very nice for the boy if word ever got out that you liked him because he reminded you of your cousin. what your feeling is valid however forming a relationship with someone just because it reminds you of someone else may come off similar to a "rebound".

of course this only stands if you're willing to try to get with the boy, and i'm not telling you to just lose your feelings. i mean you should try to like the boy because of the person that he is, not because it reminds you of someone else.

and as for your friend(s), i know confrontation can be scary but i advice you to go talk to them. tell them how you feel. and hey, no need to call them your enemies, all people make mistakes. of course what they did was wrong, but there's no need to make conclusion that you will be alone now. thank you for telling me, anon!

I hate living in a rural town. People are a lot more willing to be hateful, and I have to be the token trans person who is never mad and yet always stands up for himself but can't ever be a snitch but has to report everything that happens to me. I had to sit through people misgendering another trans person and calling her an it (she doesn't use it/it's I assume, considering the guy doing it was laughing). Told them it wasn't funny, but obviously, they didn't change their minds because why would they. People keep calling me she, and a few particular guys are real assholes about it. Wish I could just leave, but everyone tells me I can't give the bigots power. I guess they're right, but I'm tired.

Again, sorry this got a bit long. I hope you're having a good day, and I appreciate you reading this.

" Living among a town full of hateful people like that isn't exactly the most pleasant, is it? But you should never let someone else, or in this case some people, dictate how you play your leading role! It's your life my darling! "

mod : it sounds like a very frustrating situation, being emotionally targetted by a bigoted group can be very isolating and wearing. especially when there are people (i assume depending on one of your last sentences but my apologies if i'm wrong) who say that you shouldn't "give them the power". it's understandable that you are feeling so tired, and it's okay to admit yourself that you're not always going to be able to handle the pressure of having to play the role of the stoical, unbothered victim. people can only handle so much and i would advice to do what you think would make you the safest and happiest. thank you for telling me, anon <3

i think my mum’s new boyfriend is absolutely horrible. He makes constant “jokes” that are homophobic, transphobic, misogynistic and racist, makes fun of any and all minorities, and uses constant slurs. the worst part is that my mum is not only validating but supporting him. it’s gotten so bad that my little brothers, both under the age of 13, adress our black cat with a slur i’m sure you can imagine. it makes me so mad. like i know he can’t get into my head with that BS but he’s gotten into the ehad of the ones I love and it’s disgusting to see this behaviour from them. i’m starting to grow to despise them and leaving my room and it’s so annoying. like my situation isn’t that bad or anything, like others have it worse, but it’s just so frustrating, especially as a person who is a part of multiple minorities

" My my.. How dreadful. Well, this man you are talking of, sounds utterly repugnant and disgusting to my senses. It's very good that you my dear, know that he is wrong! But have you talked to your mother yet, or have you done so already but to no avail? "

mod : it's true that there are people who have worse problems, but that doesn't mean that your experience isn't valid or worth addressing. when you are a part of various minorities, the world can feel like a very hostile place, especially when the people you love and trust are also making you feel unsafe.

i think the first thing you need to do is recognize that this situation isn't your fault. you can't control your mother's new boyfriend, your brothers, or anyone else's behaviour. you can't control how the people around you treat you.

if you haven't already, it might be helpful to sit down with your mother and have a conversation where you tell her how you are feeling. explain that you don't feel safe or comfortable around her boyfriend due to his behaviour, and that you're worried about the impact it's having on the people you care about. and even if it doesn't work out, know that i am proud of you for trying. and remember that this is out of your control so it was and never will be your fault. <333

" Oh, the heart is a fickle instrument. I suggest you allow these feelings to persist until a natural fade! It is not as though these sentiments disappear instantly my dear! "

mod : it's completely natural for you to have these feelings towards someone, and it's also natural for the other person to not reciprocate. but being stuck in that limbo between your own emotions and the emotions of the other person can be a toll.

first things first, be gentle with yourself. recognize that these feelings are intense, and that it can take time for emotions to catch up to our logical thinking. give yourself time until your sentimentality balances itself out with your mind, and until then, i suggest occupying yourself with something else, like a new interest! best of wishes, anon <3

mod : before anything i'm going to mention that these are MY OPINIONS. please don't push any views on me as these are my perspectives. i respect your's, you respect mine.

i definitely see him at the very end of the aroace spectrum, where he does not feel any romantic or sexual attraction. and even if he wasn't canonically on the aroace spectrum, i would headcanon him as so. the way i view alastor is that he's incapable of finding anyone romantically or sexually appealing due to his current mindset and personality.

he's a narcissistic psychopath who manipulates people. i'm not here to say that people with those factors cannot love but in alastor's case, i personally can't see him in that type of relationship. his priority is probably something along the lines of getting out of the deal before anything. and on top of that he is self-centered and self-driven. he isn't really.. fit for empathy and stuff like that

okay you might think i'm villainizing him but at least from what i've seen so far from the show, i can't see it </3 maybe my opinions will change depending on how the rest of the seasons play out but for now, i see him to be on the end of the aroace spec!!

( though if you're talking about onesided ships then hehehe that's a whole different subject because i love onesided alastor stuff)

For the longest time i was sttruggling with everything bascially - grades , relationships , the way i present myself , my identity and even though i genuinly think it's real struggles im starting to doubt myself. When i try to vent to people they answer with short and dry sentences , sometimes just pointing out the relatablility of my claims or just outright scold me for it. I think that im getting worked up over nothing and im just being lazy. I feel like i don't deserve to be appriaicted because im arrogant and selfish , focusing on my problems while other have them too. I just can't help myself with this

"It sounds like you're going through a lot, my dear! Having trouble with your sense of identity and your self-worth aren't petty problems. After all, you're the center of your life, aren't you? If people are responding to you in a way that makes you feel belittled, that's not a reflection of you - that's a reflection of them!"

mod : hey anon, thanks for telling me! you know, the great aristotle said that we are social animals. we can't live without each other's support, and that's fact. what your experiencing is completely valid, venting is something we all need in life. again, it's not your fault why people seem to disregard your insecurities and struggles. though you should be asking to vent before you do it! so in simpler terms, you are not arrogant nor selfish for trying to fulfill your natural human needs. take care, anon!