#heavenposting

haven’t seen the ‘jesus christ was autistic’ take before. might need to take a step back and recalibrate so that i can integrate this information into my system of coordinates but it makes so much sense

i can never commit to being properly “pagan” or “heathen” or w/e because i really love jesus christ and think he’s a fascinating literary/religious figure. don’t get me wrong i understand the history of it all and the tension between systems of belief especially considering the long centuries of suppression and persecution, but we live under neoliberalism in an age of complete official spiritual disenchantment so why if you become enamoured by one belief do you have to disavow two thousand years (ish) of art and culture? the church is a deeply evil institution and there’s nothing worse than american protestantism but as a brit … raised atheist jewish kinda … i think there’s space for a little bit of everything all of the time. certified penda’s fen moment. there has been so much brilliant poetry written about the christian god and his offbeat hippie son

that simone weil quote about being consumed and digested by God through the trials of life at the center of the beautiful labyrinth, but replace the metaphor with a cocoon. God as both the brittle self-constructed shell encasing the caterpillar and the corrosive fluid that nudges it into embodying a new, more evolved and developed creature, but not before allowing it to dissolve and decompose into primordial matter — transforming into a total nothingness, complete void of awareness, before reforming into a higher Something once more

oh and btw since time is ineffectual in a place of eternal stasis every single one of the ghosts that haunts hill house is a fragment of eleanor. but for this post in particular um. she is the nun. explicit with this in her final unravelled state once her expulsion is announced, she begs to be ‘walled up’… the so-called ‘walled up nun’ of which mrs montague laments supposedly refers to herself as eleanor and pleads, as a lost child, to return to home, to safety — but the ‘nun’ does not simply appear as evidence of montague’s crude incompetence. eleanor pledges herself to the house, as a sacrificial bride, as a nun taking her vows, to become cloistered forever within its walls. she is the spirit of the nun, the sole anchoress of this monastery of darkness, and the house her convent