#healthyfromtheinsideout

I never thought I'd have a pixie cut but I do. I never thought I'd ever shave my head but I did. I always felt like my hair was everything even though I struggled with it since I was 13.

I used to obsess over my hair. How long it was. How straight it was. How thick it was. I'd spend 4 hours at the salon bleaching it and toning it and colouring it. My hairdresser would call her colleagues over all the time to show them how much hair I had and how long it was. And then slowly, as the stress crept up, and the trauma started seeping out from the inside, I started to lose my hair. Psoriasis, alopecia, it was a nightmare. I'd spend hours obsessing over the loss. Trying to cover up, find ways to hide my problem areas, crying and stressing even more. Then one day, when I was sick and tired of being sick and tired, I became honest with myself, honest with all those around me and shaved my head. I started healing from the inside out and low and behold, my hair grew back!

Was the struggle over? Is the struggle over? No, it's not. I struggle every day with how short my hair is. Do I look like a boy? How long will it take to grow back? What do I do with it? How can I style it? I have to continuously take a step back and re-center, refocus and remind myself that this was a very important lesson. The lesson is...

My hair is not my identity.

My hair was never my identity.

I am so much more than my appearance...

The right people will recognize that.

My identity is who I am on the inside and has nothing to do with how I look on the outside. My identity is a woman with integrity. A woman with strength and courage of conviction. A woman with dignity. A woman that has shown how resilient she can be time and again. A woman with a sense of humour who loves to laugh and laugh at herself. A woman who is spiritual and is becoming more and more insightful with each lesson learned. That is what my identity is.

I had to lose my hair, to find myself.

Here's a fact:

I was diagnosed with PTSD which stems from deep seeded trauma.

Yes, me.

Not all trauma looks the same. Not all trauma feels the same. Not everyone has the same level of sensitivity to trauma. But one thing is certain, the effects of PTSD can be crippling.

Many may suffer for years with PTSD without realizing it and PTSD is not a visible affliction. This is why it is so important to pay attention to yourself and understand how your mind works.

I have been fortunate enough to work with two great trauma counselors in order to treat the trauma I have experienced and advocate for everyone to talk to a counselor or therapist at least once in your life.

We pay so much attention to our physical health; going to the gym, eating right, avoiding smoking and sugar. But how high on our list of priorities is ensuring your mental health is looked after just as well? We are not all equipped with the tools we need to get through mental stressors effectively, so why not reach out to someone who does? Gain those tools so you can implement them when needed. Which is probably most of the time.