#headstuff

Haha yes absolutely! I'm pretty public about it within the right social circles and among my friends, wow it's incredibly sweet that you wanted to come and help me figure myself out though!! Thank you so much that's genuinely very heartwarming :D 💙

All the posts where I talk about it are out of date currently so I can just summarise a bit here for those unaware or curious:

I have multiple "personas" that I use to express myself, it's not DID or anything as dividing as that but I do have somewhat different personality traits, opinions, and preferences when I'm fully one of those personas. I also feel different body-wise. The main one is me, the dragon (hello!), I'm sort of like the "host" for social interactions and general fucking around, if I were to summarise my defining traits I'd say chatterbox, anxious, autistic, nerdy, and trying to fit in

Beauty And Betrayal Far From Earth In Heaven Will Be Mine by Leandro Pondoc for HEADSTUFF

"Heaven Will Be Mine asks what it means to be human in an inhuman space. But as the novel glibly puts it, “It’s just a metaphor anyway. You can be human anywhere.” | Beauty And Betrayal Far From Earth In Heaven Will Be Mine.”

Heaven Will Be Mine starts with a field of stars as its title screen. It’s soft and inviting, promising that age-old scent of adventure that comes with traversing the final frontier. Once you’ve picked a character’s story to follow though, the game screams. A blast of harsh electronica and scratchy sound effects as technical read-outs start filling the screen. It’s a sudden reminder that the freedom of space is burdened by what got us there. The sky comes at a cost. Trying to reach heaven inevitably creates some scars.

That’s the dichotomy behind the latest visual novel offering from Pillow Fight/Worst Girl Games, their follow-up to the 2015 release, We Know The Devil. While that visual novel dealt with the supernatural set in a tense, enclosed summer camp as teens confront the devil itself, Heaven Will Be Mine goes for something more expansive. It’s a visual novel telling of a queer mecha anime story, with all the trappings: giant robots shaped like humans, intense rivalries bordering on the flirtatious, fractious factional warfare and messy questions about the nature of humanity and space.

genderfluid human

guy

old man

dragon

sexually monomorphic animal in a zoo enclosure

deep sea fish

mass of red tentacles

Genders I exclusively get seen as despite my best efforts:

What is this, June? smh.

ok for a start huge disclaimer I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT - I’ve seen similar kinds of things listed under therianthropy, kin stuff, actual diagnoses, fursona/persona stuff, etc., and I don’t have a hecking clue how I should fit into all that and I really don’t want to intrude into any of it, especially with my lack of knowledge

So anyway, now that’s out of the way: Basically, after many years of all kinds of configurations, my persona stuff has settled into three main dudes (sometimes hybridising or having weird off-days, but y’know, that’s how it be). These are... I dunno, encapsulations of a certain mood/mind combo? But it’s also weirder than that, because I feel (I guess imagine??) the physical change, it’ll usually alter my posture and unconscious expression as well.

1. “The dragon” - none of them have sensible names and this one least of all lol. This is the me you probably know! The dragon is friendly and talkative, long-winded and enthusiastic. Ruled by knowledge and emotion, prone to both scorn and excitement! Friendship and fun is priority number one for the dragon, as well as the collection of useless facts and acting like a know-it-all or just generally geeking out. The dragon is a non-anthro eastern dragon that uses it/she/they pronouns, and is ace or demi in sexuality, mostly. I have a very good grasp of the physicality because this is the shape I’m most often in and also mostly draw myself in as an avatar for being derpy and dumb. Colours are... still hard to pin down. Going with orange/green as a default is a good bet. Lots of pictures here. The dragon also has a deeply relaxing aspect; a sub-level of either deep focus or deep entrancement, which can be beneficial or detrimental. The dragon is also the only one prone to rage, and has the lion’s share of my perpetual anxiety.

2. Star - Until recently this was embodied by KnockingStar the Relic but uh... I dunno, something changed and now things are a little different. Star is quite cold and observant, and does communicate with others but tends to be either too frank or talk down to them. Star also is prone to lies and manipulation, which the dragon is not. I try not to let myself talk to others as Star because of that tendency and in those times I am quite frankly an ass, so I’m usually out of contact or just real quiet. Star’s current physicality is still real unsure, but superficially they are a hermaphroditic(?) black or black-and-tan furred anthro dog-looking creature with long hair and black scaly bird arms and legs. May have wings?? confusing... Yeah, it’s only been about 6 months since the change so uh, still figuring stuff out. Star is vastly more confident compared to the dragon, and also more confident at being both sexual and effeminate, though I seem to prefer he/him or they/them pronouns as Star. The unruffled quiet ego that comes with being Star can be either extremely useful or just incredibly obnoxious.

3. “The dog” / Sea Dog - Bastard id I guess. It’s a battle to get the dog to not do stupid shit sometimes, and he’s unsettlingly demanding when he does show up. Basically this guy is where all the real nasty thoughts have all got stuck. He’s not very interested in the computer so fortunately my friends and others online will basically never get to interact with him (I’M SO GLAD, say the other two). Talks small, doesn’t give a shit about facts or whatever. Only interested in self-pleasure; physical things, food, sex, etc. Has the form of a big shapeshifting shark monster thing with pale grey skin, many claws. Gonna cut through your bullshit, you’re nothing. Basically a giant teenage boy-man, he/him only. pics