A Night at Neverland Ranch uwu
Warnings: Warnings are for pussies!!! *but I'm sorry for the abrupt ending. I mean how tf am I supposed to end this?*
You've probably noticed Joe is a very kind and giving person, and all he wants is to make me happy. So for our second time since dating, he made sure to make the night all about me. Ya girl loves the more darker themes in life so Joe decided to surprise me by renting out Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch. The ranch is said to be haunted by Michael himself, and at the dead of night, you can hear his ʰᵉ ʰᵉᵉ'ˢ sweeping through the vast and empty halls. What turned me on more than dead people was that Joe had rented Neverland because it meant one of two things. 1, he got moneeyyy or 2, he put himself elbow deep in debt and it really shows how much he is willing to risk for my happiness.
I spent all night packing in excitement, I made sure only pack the essential items; clothes, toiletries, cocaine, acid, an ouija board, and most importantly a video camera to catch anything spooky things that might happen. I could hardly contain my excitement so I ended up shoving barbiturates up my ass to get a good nights sleep. Around sunrise, I was awoken by the sounds of eggs being thrown at my window. This was usual as the neighborhood elderlies were liver-spotted little shits that thought they were back in Nam and they were throwing bombs at me. This time it was different because I heard some 80s music blaring. I slipped out of my bed, pulled back my curtains, and opened my window. To my surprise, before getting hit in the nose with another egg I found out it was Joe making all the commotion. He held one those big boom boxes over his head just like in those old movies. When I was hit with the egg the yolk and eggshell slid down my face along with some of my blood and hit the pavement.
"Ooh, it's a stillborn. Isn't that bad luck? Also morning sleepy head," he softly screamed at me over the music.
"Good morning to you too Joe. And it's not a stillborn my nose is bleeding," I yelled back.
"Sorry about that darling, but don't be a pussy about it. Get your stuff ready so we rock and roll buckaroo. I wanna get my money's worth. Besides isn't yolk good for your face?"
"I don't know about egg yolk, but I know you're yolk does," I said sexily while winking with both eyes.
I rushed to the bathroom to clean up and get myself together. The next second I was out the door and throwing my bags in the trunk of Joe's car. He was still holding the boom box over his head and I looked at him in confusion.
"Uhhh yeeah I'm fine. I was gonna get all cheesy like your toes and confess my love to you like in those stupid old movies, but then I forgot and now my arms are cramped and I can't move them."
"Aww thanks, Joe. That's so sweet." I *nuzzled and kissed his cheek* uwu!
After taking a second to adore my big nosed bhabie I helped him with the boom box. In the distance, I noticed that the old folks were making their way down the street on their segways. This was the perfect opportunity to get my revenge. I told Joe to keep the car running and I yeeted that boom box at those elderly whores with all my might. I knocked over three of them like bowling pins. As soon as the others realized what I had done I jumped in the car and Joe sped off.
Slowly the sun rose above the mountains as we drove up to the ranch. Joe's favorite thing on long drives was sticking his head out the window trying to catch bugs in his mouth. He called it a snack but I call it protein. It was around 8 am when we finally made it to the ranch. We drove up to the large golden gates and were stopped by security. Joe rolled down his window and the security guy slid his shades down to the tip of his sweaty and greasy nose.
After he had cleared his throat making his dad stache twitch he asked Joe in a deep and husky voice, "What's your business here bitch boy?"
"Good morning to you too sir! My girlfriend and I rented the place for the night and we-"
"Let me stop you right there bitch boy. If you are staying here then what's the password?"
"Mama say mama sa mama coo sa," Joe replied in a monotone voice.
"Alright I guess you guys can go in, but DON'T fuck up anything unless you want your asshole tased...eNjOY yOu'RE sTaAAaayyY."
As soon as the gates to Neverland opened Joe slammed his foot on the gas pedal. That dumb bitch almost rammed into the fucking house before parking like he was some badass in those action movies. An old lady approached the car and helped us unload our bags and bring them into our room. I was a bit wary of her as yall already know how I feel about old people. I saw the way she smiled at Joe, and continuously trying to show off her saggy tiddies. While Joe was in awe of the massive mansion I had a little talk with her.
Grabbing her fragile arm I aggressively whispered in her ear, "You better back off my mans. Keep that saggy tiddy shit up and I won't tip you with the prunes your bowels are begging for. I will cut a bitch if I need to."
She nodded and cowered in fear. Joe turned back to me and grabbed my waist as he spun me around in joy. After we had our little magical moment we were led upstairs to our room. The room was on some next level fancy shit. The floors were white marble, the bed was fucking huge and covered in a comfy white and gold comforter, there was a red velvet couch in the corner, a balcony, and don't get me started on the bathroom. You could fit so many dead bodies in their *NUT*. The old hag said it was actually Michael's old room. Just imagining that Miranda Cosgrove lookalike fucking on that bed got me going. We both began to unpack and settle in before given the tour of such a grand palace by the groundskeeper. Although the whole trip here was for me Joe had no idea I brought drugs and an ouija board. I'm a pretty great gf I know.
I didn't remember much of the tour. The groundskeeper was so boring going on and on how "Michael wasn't a pedo. People who say mean things about Michael are ignoraaant. We only stan Macaulay Culkin in this house. Anyone who has a problem with the home alone kid is ignoraaant blah blah blah." Okay, we get it. Honestly, I'm just waiting for nightfall so we can get fucked up and contact his ghost sis...ANYways, we spent most of the day getting on the rides in the backyard and blasting music all day. Ngl an empty theme park is really depressing. You'd think it would be cool not having to wait in line and shit but I think the anticipation is part of the fun. And tho I love Joe his screams get boring after a while. At some point his screams and my laughs/weee's got monotone. And sure some Americans pig out on the daily but diabetes stars tasting gross after the first two funnel cakes. While we waited for dinner to be served we watched a compilation of Michael Jackson's Best Moments. It was just an hour long video of different concerts/music video's where he grabs his dick and goes OW! Very romantic.
That old saggy tit lady brought out some steak and sweet potato fries, she didn't want us to get too "buck wild before sleep sleep time." If Michael really lived like this on the daily I'm not sure I really want to hmu from the underworld tbh. She watched us as attempted not to violently try to inhale our dinner. After a while, I forgot she was even there as Joe and I locked eyes for the rest of our meal intensely staring at each other's souls. Joe had trouble trying to see mine, he forgets from time to time that I don't have one of those.
After dinner, Joe and I raced up to our room rushing to get ready for bed so we can finally start the show. We brushed our teeth, washed our faces, and slipped into our cozy jammies. As Joe did his nostril flares to make sure that phat nose stays lookin' snatched and I closed all windows, drew the curtains, locked the doors, turned on the camera, lit up a few candles around the Ouija board and cut a few lines on it. When entered the room his eyes lit up with amazement. He tried to do one of those cool slides on the floor but he ended up slipping one of the candles on his leg, he grunted in pain. I came into the rescue slurping up the boiling wax off his leg. Joe is such a dumb clumsy bitch, but that's part of his charm.
We each took a tab of acid and snorted a line of cocaine. Waiting for the drugs to kick in we tried summoning Michael on the board. After circling the planchette 3 times I asked: "Michael, are you in this room with us." It slowly moved to yes and we both felt a chill crawl up our spine. I then asked, "Prove to us that you are the real Michael Jackson." The planchette then violently moved back and forth between the H and the E spelling out "He-hee-he-hee-he-hee". Joe asked, "Is there anything you want to tell us?" The planchette then moved to N then O then S then E. "Nose? You want a nose?" Joe asked. It moved to yes, "Who's nose do you want?" my heart was beating quickly as the question left my lips because I knew what the answer would be...The planchette moved from J to O to E. We looked up at each other and told Michael he couldn't have his nose. But he kept on pulling towards yes then he hee then yes again. Joe and I were terrified. We pulled the planchette to "goodbye" and ran to turn the lights on. Joe blew out the rest of the candles and cleaned up the mess we had made.
That board was more evil than I thought it was going to be so I tried thinking of ways to get rid of it. I tried flushing it down the toilet but it got clogged. I tried breaking it and Joe did too but we some weak ass bitches. I tried lighting it on fire but we didn't want the smoke detectors to go off. So I Joe and I both made the ultimate sacrifice of eating it. It was hard at first but the toilet water did make the board soft and easier to eat. By this time the drugs had really kicked in and I could start tasting the spirits trapped inside. To pass the time we watch some more videos of Micheal until we fell asleep.
Around 3 am the tv static startled me awake. Before I could adjust my eyes to the bright room the lights switched off and the static noise faded. In the distance I could hear him. His ʰᵉ ʰᵉᵉ'ˢ echoed through the vast halls. Each second they got closer, closer, and closer. Until he was right behind the door. I slapped Joe awake to protect me from the horrors we were about to witness. We both began to shake in fear as the apparition of Michael began to creep in through the door. His pale white skin peeked through his curly black hair. He wore his red thriller jacket with his black slacks matching with his black fedora that sat atop of his head and that one sparkly glove. He moonwalked from the bedroom door all the way to the foot of our bed. Doing his iconic 360 crotch tug scream he faced us and just stood there staring for a moment. The room was eerily quiet until I was brave enough to ask him what he wanted from us.
Michael replied, "You know what I want. I want that sexy P.Y.T."
I pointed at myself in confusion, but Michael shook his head.
"No, I want that nose. After years and years of performing and grabbing my dick all the time you think that would be the first thing to fall off, but no. It was my snoz. And I just want a new one so I can be like the other boys. A real boy."
"No. You cant have my nose its mine! You had more than enough money to get a fake one when you were alive!" Joe snapped.
"Seeee that's ignoraaant. Cause I didn't care for a nose while I was livin because I was really cool. But all the dead guys make fun of me now. So give me your nose. Don't be ignoraaant. Why can't us white folks help each other out?"
"Michael that really sucks ass and all that dead guys make fun of you because you don't have a nose, but that's not our problem. Besides Joe's nose is too big for your face anyways."
"Nooooo see that's ignoraaaant," Michael whined.
"Look Mr.Jackson, I won't be giving you my nose. If there's anything else we can help you with I'd be glad to. My nose means a lot to me...we've been through so much together...im sure you can understand that."
"Joe, that was beautiful. I guess there is one thing you two could help me out with...ʰ ᵉ ʰ ᵉ ʰ ᵉ ʰ ᵉ."
Joe and I turned to each other then back to Michael waiting for him to explain. He told us many times when he was a child he "accidentally" saw grown-ups have sex. All he ever dreamt of was seeing two people get it on while they only spoke in his catchphrases like the classic ʰᵉ ʰᵉᵉ'ˢ, ˢhᵃᵐonᵉ, oW! etc... For a second I wasn't sure if this was all real or my body was still fucked up on drugs and wax but this sounded like the best plan I've ever heard. Michael lit us some candles and played his greatest hits to get in the mood. He then moonwalked to the closet to give us some alone time. Before I knew it Joe had me screaming ʰᵉ ʰᵉᵉ all night, I felt just like Miranda Cosgrove.
I don't when but at some point Michael had thrown his fedora for Joe to wear which only made him hotter. He didn't forget about me tho. When Joe was distracted by the cute little scars I had on my tiddies from the amusement park Michael threw in his sparkly glove. I slipped the glove on, threw Joe on his back, then flipped him laying on his stomach, and began to fist him with the magical sparkly glove. Once Joe had reached his climax both him and Michael screamed out their final ʰᵉ ʰᵉᵉ'ˢ. Michael then gasped before saying, "Uh oh...my gooey is gonna go caplooey." A big splat noise echoed through the bedroom. He came out of the closet looking embarrassed. Behind him, the closet was covered in ghost ectoplasm. He was so ashamed he didn't even say goodbye he just moonwalked back down the underworld in regret.
In the morning we packed all of our things and got ready to say goodbye to this wonderful place. While Joe was still getting his shit together I decided to look at what I caught on camera. At first, the video was exactly what I remembered, setting up the room, candle spill, and drug consumption. After that was a bunch of weird shit of us bad acting like Michael wanting Joe's nose but the planchette didn't even move. I skipped ahead to us fucking and Michael was never there. I thought the night we had together was scary yet romantic but we were just fucking like crack heads yelling ʰᵉ ʰᵉᵉ. The only real part that I remembered clearly was fisting Joe with that sparkly glove. Looking through the tape I had no idea where I had gotten it from or why Joe was still wearing a fedora. Maybe Michael was there all along.....
