#hayatodrabble

As he watches the guy walk away, he sits down on his couch, hands in his face as he takes a deep breath, reality is... He would never be enough... He would never be worthy of anything other than his look and body. Wasn't that what daddy said? That the only reason he was caught in the street was because he looked too good and was worth being used?

So... He remembers Bianchi sending another text about her going to Japan and that he should go there, at least she could provide a house and a place for him to stay, better than staying around Italy in that shit place. So he did, booking the flight, packing his things, and going. What he would do? What he was gonna change? Does he want to change? Yes...

No more love.

Be a whore, since his body is all that is worth... Be a complete and totally a whore, use it, work with it.

But most important... No more telling his past... That was disgusting after all, with Shamal's help changing his name, erasing his whole past, changing everything was easy. Watching the sky change colors in the plane he couldn't help other than feel the tight squeeze in his heart.

Happy birthday...

When he landed it was easy with the small connections of Bianchi and Shamal for him to settle down, find a small apartment, and then start working as a prostitute. His only requirement other than payment? Always use condoms. What happened to him? He was okay with anything and everything.

The price was different from what you wanted, yes sex was one, but if you actually wanted to have more sadistic pleasure, then it was another. For a while, Hayato even accepted to be sexually tortured, as far as it wasn't dismembering or permanent damage and you paid very well. That is how he ended up being on the dark side of the prostitute workers.

Did he regret it? No.

Was his self esteem fixed? Far away from it, but he was winning money, he was able to actually keep his mind clean and calm. He was enjoying sex, and that is honestly all that mattered. His clients were satisfied, he could keep living...

So why after having sex with one specific client it felt so... wrong? Why he felt that squeeze again? Why his heart was pounding loudly in his chest? Why was he... No... No love.

Hayato took that as a sign for him to work more, for him to actually fall more, he shouldn't, he wouldn't let himself fall in love again. He wouldn't let himself attach himself to anyone again. Every minute, every second... he would sleep with anyone who paid him, no rest, no time to stop.

But Hibari Kyoya kept returning... Hibari Kyoya kept... slowly... With his awkward kindness and coldness, breaking those walls. Hibari Kyoya...

Fuck... I fell... Fell so hard... In love with him... Mumbling the words as tears fell down.

He wasn't ready... So... he did what he does best. Drown himself in work, avoid Hibari... Because everything would be fine right? Hibari was cold, Hibari didn't have feelings for him. So it would be okay to avoid him. Also, Hibari Kyoya the Tenth Cloud Guardian of Vongola, could have anyone, so why... He was just a sex worker, there was no reason for Hibari to look for him again.

Be happy.

The bed seemed to be drilled into the floor so he couldn't lift it, as it was a box, all he could do was take off the mattress from the bed, and even then the box was also covered in cushions. In a corner, there lies a built-in bathroom with a sink over it, so minimize space, being the only hard thing in the whole room.

Even though it was metal, the whole thing was also white, the eerie silence as he looked at his clothes, also all white. Before he was captured, he made sure to get his rings off, especially the Vongola Storm Ring, and give it to Uri. So now he felt awkwardly naked without his rings, chains, or earrings.

How long did he pass out? Fuck, without a window and locked in a full white room, he knew exactly what type of torture was that and he knew... Gokudera Hayato knew how fucked he was.

Sensory deprivation, no colors, nothing to give a hint of day or night, he felt anxious, for someone who was often around with loud explosions, or any type of music, his brain was going to be under such a hard pressure. Since he was a child Gokudera couldn't live in pure silence, the silence reminded him of the sound of chains, the wet sound of a sweaty body behind him.

Oh fuck... Biting his lower lips, he knew exactly what he would face from now on till the moment of his rescue. If he was quite honest, he would prefer 100% to be in a cage beaten up than where he was right now. He would like, any other type of torture than this one.

As his breath starts to come out rushing, no air is kept inside of his lungs, clutching his hand over his chest. The panic wave grows steady as he falls over his knees, short and quickly breathes as the Storm closes his eyes.

Whimpers left his mouth as he shook and trembled, he was pretty sure it wasn't even a few minutes and he was already panicking, his whole body shook as his mind started to shatter. No... No... He wasn't ready to go back to that place... He wasn't ready to go back to that mental state.

Bitting his lower lips hard, as he tried to remember something good. Like his friends, or... He couldn't think of good things, as the color was slowly fading from everything. Shaking his head, trying to bring himself to be stable, he couldn't let this win over him. He was better than that!

He was Decimo Vongola's Right-Hand man! He... Was the Decimo Storm Guardian! He could handle that. He was a male adult, he could handle a bit of torture until he was rescued. Taking deep breaths as he tries to calm down the panic and the anxiety growing inside of him.

By instinct he moved his hand to the pockets of his pants to get a cigarette, but finding nothing in there, oh yeah... That was taken. Nothing to panic. Everything is okay... Everything is okay. Walking towards the bed and so lying down, looking at the ceiling.

No sounds, no smell, no reference of day and night, nothing to do, no color, just him and a white room. He could do this... He could... Who was he fooling? He couldn't do that. Maybe for a few hours, but soon he knew, he was going to go crazy, wanting to hurt himself, wanting to find a way to leave, crazy to do anything just to get out of that white room.

Closing his eyes as he tries to relax, not able to even see the dark, as there is a white lamp directly in his eyes, so when he closes his eyes he would still see white. The only way he thought was letting his arm fall over his eyes, that way projecting some shadow and so a bit of dark in his eyes.

That was the only relief he had from the white room, as he took a deep breath. Gokudera Hayato had a photographic memory, so he knew that his being taken was a really really really bad issue. As he carried a lot of high-value information as well, because of his position, so making him go crazy? Was the easiest way to get into his mind.

There was no way to project flames without his rings, so there was no way of him bringing color to that white room. As he bites his lower lip, it is in his best interest to try to keep his sanity, as best as he can in that white room.

As he starts to sing lowly, to himself so he can have something to hear in that quiet, silent room. Someone was going to find him... He needed to believe that and keep his mind focused on that. Ignoring the hallucinations he would see and hear, memories of when he was in a similar room like this when he was younger.

Yes... All he needed to do was hang in there, because differently from his younger self, now... Now he had a family that worried and cared about him, that was probably going crazy trying to find him. He just... Needed to hang in there...

He could hear the sound of steps outside his room, he was pretty sure it wasn't that close. Fuck he could even hear the sound of whatever they were talking outside! That was the worst he had felt in a while, the migraines that he always had were nothing compared to that, Gokudera Hayato knew exactly what that meant, and he wasn't looking forward to that.

Slowly breathing, as the sound of his own breath was loud, he didn't know what to do right now, they had sensory deprivation chambers down, but that meant going out and actually walking there. He didn't want to open his eyes, even less walking around his room, he couldn't use his phone as it was also too bright.

So all he could do was curl in his bed, covering his head with the pillow and praying it would soon stop. But there was no such luck as his door opened with a bang.

"TACO-HEAD! GET OUT OF BED!"

He shook and actually whimpered, it couldn't be worse, as the Storm started to shake and tremble, everything was back to 10000% again, the sudden light coming into his eyes from Ryohei taking the pillow, the sudden sound of crashing that the door was doing. The storm was now clawing at his ears, closing his eyes tightly, screaming as he kept hurting his ears to make the sound stop.

Ryohei frowned at that, he might not be the smartest but one thing he knew was, that that wasn't normal and in situations like this there was only one thing he could do, run away from where he was as he looked for help.

Hayato was still clawing at his ears, hoping that would stop the noises, the pounding in his head.

"See! I told you! That is not normal to extreme!"

As Ryohei was back to being as loud again, the storm just clawed more at his ears, now drawing blood from it. Not only that but also clawing at his clothes, everything was too much, as he just wanted to stop it.

"Shut up." That was a more quiet voice, but even so, it was still too loud for Hayato. "Roll." The sound of a box being opened and then a soft "Kuuu?" That was the last thing that Gokudera could hear before he was trapped in a dark sphere.

The storm tried to open his eyes, but he couldn't see anything. There was no more sound, which felt weird yet, so relaxing at the same time. As he takes a deep breath and exhales it slowly, sitting down as he moves the least possible.

He wasn't feeling, hearing, or seeing anything, just the pure darkness and the complete silence. That felt like heaven, as he lay down and relaxed completely. In a few moments though, he could feel the sphere being undone and his body inside one of the sensory deprivation chambers, as he now could close his eyes again.

Later he would have to worry about thanking Ryohei for finding him, even though he made it worse, but he did help by bringing Hibari. So he would need to worry about that later. Taking off his clothes and then grabbing the earplugs, the capsule was closed as he let himself pass out.

Days passed... Months passed... and nothing happened... nothing changed...

With a sigh the storm sat down on the hospital chair, looking at the papers in his hand. You know idiot? I'm glad that Mukuro and Hibari are helping to go on the missions and doing the paperwork, but I miss being on the field sometimes... With a sigh, he put down the papers and so looking at Yamamoto.

But, I can't ask it, since I need to protect Decimo while he doesn't remember and stay here to protect you too since you were a Vongola guardian after all... I wonder how much time passed since you got like this? Gokudera was tired, he got used to talking with the walls, it was safe since it was Vongola Hospital and only the Vongola was authorized to be there also protected with mist illusions so normal enemies needed to break it, but he doubted someone could since it was Mukuro who did it.

With another sigh he rested his back on the chair as he looked at the ceiling, he was doing everything that was called, passed the days with Tsuna protecting him and being his friend then going to his home or sometimes going to Vongola's hideout to help things there, after all, he was getting bored to only look Yamamoto sleeping - or what he thought that was sleeping - paperwork always help.

How much time passed? 

One day he asked Shamal if it was fine for him to be out for one night, it was only to kill some idiots from another family that was making too much noise around - it was a simple mission after all - and he needed it, so on this night the storm could not tell how much happiness he felt...

The blood splashing around him, the body flying with the dynamites and explosion, how much he missed doing it, how much he missed smelling the blood but was on this night that he remembered, the first time that he went on a mission with Yamamoto.

Was supposed to be something simple too, but even so, the storm guardian wanted to go with the rain guardian, Gokudera was scared... something was scaring him and his mind was right to be. When Takeshi killed someone was the first time Hayato saw him so happy, and he got terrified of what the swordsman turned.

And on this day he remembered that he never left Yamamoto alone in missions again - at least the ones that were supposed to kill too many people - because he always felt so insecure and scared. Scared that he was losing him, it was a little after this mission that Gokudera proposed the sex and work thing for him.

Why... why I didn't tell you what I really felt?

"And then, Kyoko-chan was saying that she loves me." The storm could see Tsuna's happy face as they were returning to the Decimo's house, he was glad that Kyoko was being so understanding and helping him, was a shock to her to know that her husband lost his memory, but then after the shock, the woman helped as she could.

Oh, that is good to know. So you're going to ----- marry her? He cut himself and as well completed the phrase in his mind, it was really hard for Gokudera to remember that he could not say things like that so casually. So you're going to date her? He continued to talk changing the meaning of his phrase it was what he always did when things like that happened.

"Yes!" If he had something to be happy was to see that his boss was fine and happy, without remembering the past and the fights... Well, that is good to know. Here is where I let you Sawada-san. They stopped in front of Sawada's Home, that was something so normal that he already didn't know why he always got himself thinking of how he got there so quickly. "Ne... Gokudera-kun?"

Hm?

"You know something about me that I forgot... right?"

With a sigh, he had to change his face for a less happy, that was always like this. Even if I know, I can't say. I already told it a lot of times...

"But..."

I know, but I can't. Just stay inside and don't be out without me, right? This is the only favor that I asked you.

"I know that... and I will do what you asked... Will have someday that you will say to me what you know?"

Yes. Even if he was not sure when he was going to say all the past memories.

"Okay, good night Gokudera-kun."

He waved his hand as he saw the man get inside the home, relaxing his shoulder, the storm moved around to see if everything was fine, it was because Mukuro helped with doing illusions and protection on the home that he didn't have to do a lot of things.

Gokudera started to walk towards his own home again, it was time to take a shower and then go to the hideout for a few minutes pick some papers, and then go to the hospital... that was what he was going to do when he heard his phone ringing, it was rare for him.

He guessed that was only Mukuro going to annoy him or something, so he ignored it, but the second and the third time, made him grabbed his phone annoyed, without seeing who that was.

What the hell do you want?!

"Huh?! That is the way you talk with me brat?"

Oh... Shamal, I thought that was Mukuro.

"Whatever, come here now." The storm was really sure that Shamal wished to yell the "now" word, but that could be only his imagination.

I will be there in 2 hours, why ne----

"Yamamoto is awake."

Wh----WHAT?! That was not supposed to be a yelling, but he can't deny that he was pretty happy with the news. It has been so long that I don't remember how was to be really happy...

"Just come here now I will explain later." And so the doctor hung on his face, Gokudera didn't have to wait another minute to start running towards the hospital, he didn't care about a shower or changing the clothes he was wearing all day, he just needed to be there now...

I want to see the idiot's face, hear his laugh... see his smile... that is all I want now...

When he finally was near the other room he stopped at the door opening it pretty rude, only to see the other sitting on the bed smiling. "Yo." The storm was really tired as he fell on his knees and started to cry, every single tear that he had not allowed to fall, now falling on his eyes. He could hear the rain guardian asking him if he was alright and as well a sound of pain as Gokudera deduced that Yamamoto tried to move out of the bed.

So to not cause any more pain in Yamamoto, he brings himself to stand up and walks towards the swordsman, sitting on the bed and passing his arms around the rain's waist, letting his forehead rest on the other’s shoulders only to cry more. The storm cried all that he was holding for so long. "Calm down..." Gokudera could feel the hand on his back rubbing and petting him.

I regretted... every day, for not to let the words come out of my lips when you said it to me... I regretted it every day... But I will not let this happen again... I don't want to feel like this again...

The last time he remembered to cry this much was when he found out that his mother died... and now he was crying about his sister's death and all the pain he had to suffer so far...

He lost how much time he spent crying until he felt calm and relief, but Hayato let himself be there for a little longer, all the time Yamamoto only stayed there rubbing his back, caressing his hair and so saying words like calm down, that is fine now, I'm here. You know... I regret the time I said that I didn't love you, I regret every single time that I said that I was never going to love you... When I found out what happened to you I broke down... I badly broke down... Shamal put me in a coma because he was scared that I was going to do something bad...

Then when everything was a little better and he woke up me, he asked me 3 things... that I really wished not to do, but... I thought that I had to be strong and do... Survive and stay alive... because that was what I learned with the time we fought against Varia... Survive...

Every day was a pain, every day I needed to see you sleeping, every day I needed to be here only watching and not able to do anything to help... Remember and so regret... Every day was so lonely...

He moved a little to see Takeshi's face for a little, before placing a gentle kiss on his lips, seeing the shock because he probably didn't understand what he was feeling right now. I love you. I really love you and I'm really sorry for what I did... I --- He was near to cry again because he never thought of what Yamamoto could feel towards him after so many years, but then he felt the arms around his shoulders and gently pulling him to a kiss.

A lovely and slow kiss, on the start Gokudera was shocked but... he decided to answer the kiss, in the same way with the same feeling, he missed him, how Hayato missed Takeshi's kisses... His arms around him, his warmth, he felt the tears rolling in his eyes.

They stopped kissing after a few seconds, after all, Yamamoto was still recovering and well it was already too much time that Gokudera stayed in this position, moving to sit on the chair near the bed. "I love you too... I thought that Hayato was going to reject me again if I said it for you after so many years... I was really happy when you asked that we build a relationship based only on work and sex since this means that I was able to be with you and do things with you... but I'm really happy to know that Hayato loves me back."

Gokudera could not help but smile, he was feeling so happy that he was able to talk to him again... he really wished that was not a dream... He would be really sad if it was a dream and he had to wake up...

He could hear a knock and so looked to the door, "For more than I'm glad to see both fine, Yamamoto you need to sleep a little more and rest for a few days till you can leave the hospital. Hayato I need to talk with you."

Gokudera froze, he didn't wish to be away from Takeshi right now, but the smile did him stand up and before he goes he felt a hand on his wrist so he turned to Yamamoto and moved a little closer only to feel a kiss on his lips. "I will be waiting for you." And so another kiss, he smiled as he walked towards Shamal and the doctor's room.

Being called to talk with me, only means bad things... He complains as he is now in the doctor’s room, sitting in a chair and so looking for Shamal. The storm was not sure of why he was called but watching the perv doctor's face was giving him a clue. “It’s not this bad brat. Just he stayed for a long time in bed, I’m surprised that he can move his arms like he did right now or just move this much.”

What do you mean? The storm guardian sighs as he hears Shamal says. “I’m saying that he will need a lot of time in recuperation also to get back all his physical strength and as well his movement in a perfect state again. Meaning he will stay here for a few months and even one year to be back again. So my recommendation is not to let anyone know that he is awake.”

I will take care of this but... I can’t be with Decimo and with Yamamoto so I guess... I will keep doing what I was doing before. I will be with Decimo during the mornings and afternoons and come back here during the nights. Gokudera was tired of doing it, after all, it was pretty annoying and to be honest, he didn’t have time for himself, it was a miracle that he was still fine.

“I don’t mind but... you will need to explain this to him.”

So annoying, let it to me. If something bad happens just call me and I will leave Decimo at his home or call Hibari, and come here. Right?

“Fine. Now go, go, I don’t want to stay near man this night.”

Gokudera sighed again as he heard those words, getting out of the room and walking to the rain guardian, obvious that he still needed to go to his own home and take a shower as well as change clothes but for now... nothing this would matter as all that he wanted was pass the rest of the night with Yamamoto.

You know... You could stay in the hospital for a little longer. Mukuro and Hibari said that they don’t care if you rest a little more. He sighs as he is walking with Yamamoto out of the hospital, Gokudera is still too worried about the other’s health. It had only been half of a year and the rain was getting out while Shamal said that was going to take one year.

“Maa maa... I’m fine. I have my physical functions again all that I need is to train to get my strength back and I won’t have this here.” He says with a smiling face. Fine I will call Squalo, he will put something in your head. Gokudera says a bit annoyed as he looks at Yamamoto waving his hand in desperation. 

“I promise I won’t overdo myself and rest when I feel tired but don’t call him.” Because he is sure that Squalo is going to make him train till he can and rest all the rest as well yell at his ear if he tries to overdo - which he is probably going to do while no one is seeing.

Too late, I said for Shamal call him since I really doubt you will fulfill your words. The storm says as he gets inside the car and waits for Yamamoto be inside to start to drive, the storm hates to drive but he isn’t going to let Yamamoto drive since the other just get out of the hospital. And so he is going to drive towards his home. 

Tomorrow Lambo, I-Pin, and Fuuta are going to make company to Decimo since they are going to an amusement park and then tomorrow we go to your home and I help you clean it. Since the house was empty until now.

Oh, and Decimo said that this weekend there is going to be a Matsuri and he called Kyoko, Haru, me, and you to go there with him. Gokudera says as he pays attention as he drives. “Oh, a Matsuri huh? Sounds fun and brings me good memories.” The storm smiled as he heard the answer. Me too, a lot of good memories.

He thinks as he pays attention in driving. Oh, also the recommendation of Shamal is still to not move too much or use too much strength, but he didn’t say anything about eating or drinking so I think you’re free from his insane diet. Gokudera comments as he chuckles remembering the past months and the practice the other had with getting his physical functions back.

As they were walking in the Matsuri, everyone was having fun, It was good to see Kyoko and Tsuna walking together as Haru, Lambo, and I-Pin were having fun in the games shops. Meanwhile, Hayato was helping Takeshi walk around, if there was something he missed was that peace and calm they had. The laugh and fun... That brought him so many memories... As he smiles and walks with the tallest.

As the fireworks started to explode, the group was alone on a hill watching it together, it was the first time since the accident that everyone was there. After Takeshi was able to move more freely he started to company Tsuna and Hayato outings so they could bring more normal memories back to the Sky, but even so, that wasn’t enough.

But still, they were enjoying the fireworks together when both men looked scared in the direction of Tsuna who had fallen to his knees and was holding his head tight. Sawada-san! As Hayato goes quickly in front of him, holding his shoulders and trying to grab his attention. Hey, Sawada-san look at me! Hayato was truly starting to panic since the Sky’s breathing was quick and he was panting his face frowning in pain.

Yet as soon as the sounds of fireworks were gone only them were there. Tsuna, still panting looked at Hayato's worried face, with a half-smile. “I’m sorry... For everything... I... You... Gokudera-kun, I’m sorry for making you suffer... Kyoko, my lovely and beautiful wife... I’m sorry.”

Hayato couldn’t help but look very confused at Tsuna’s words. As Takeshi goes next to him and pulls him slightly.

Tsuna on the other hand just looked between the two guardians, still holding his head. “Thank you both for not giving up on me... Thank you Gokudera-kun for giving me as normal possible life I could have while I didn’t have my memories...”

Hayato was shaken, he never expected that Tsuna’s memory would return, by this point everyone was convinced that he would never remember then, so... That... That was a big shock.

But for the Storm? He couldn’t be happier as he held Takeshi and cried, soon Tsuna also held both, just relief that his two best friends were alive and well. Of course, they couldn’t forget Bianchi who lost her life to protect both but, she was the hero, saving both. And that... That was everything for Hayato.