#hawkmeat

okay i know i said id get to posting angst soon but this au is too goofy for me not to talk about so here is the insane au taking the idea of diego and demetri (diegometri?) from no attachments and dialing up the insanity by a thousand percent. this is borderline a crackfic au ill be honest

takes place in season six, part two. everythings pretty canon compliant except for this one thing: yas and demetri’s relationship is fake and nobody knows it (theyre each other’s beards <3)

so, when demetri “cheats” on her in barcelona with a MAN everybody is a little shocked (should they really be?)

similar thing to canon where eli is face timing moon and accidentally reveals whoremetri and yas still calls him a shady little manwhore but then is like “that guy isnt even that hot wtf is he doing!” instead of being like… mad which raises many eyebrows

cue demetri coming out as gay! unintentionally!

once demetri clears up the situation, thats when things really derail

miguel immediately goes all in on the supportive ally realness. hes a little hurt demetri never told him - not because he felt entitled to knowing, but because he thinks demetri never told him because he somehow made demetri think he wasnt a good person to come out to

this ensues a subplot where he tells carmen how he "needs to be a better ally and bro" and how hes "really happy his bro is living his truth" and carmen texts johnny asking if robby came out while in barcelona

where, johnny, who couldnt care less about whatever the hell is going on with demetri, is ALSO like "oh shit did my son come out and i didnt even know i need to lock in and be a good dad" and miguel starts coaching him on being a good ally (fully convinced johnny is just warming up to demetri finally)

“wow sensei im really surprised you even care?” / “look, i know i wasnt great when we first started out, but now im really trying to put in more effort, cant keep screwing this whole thing up you know?” / “yeah sensei i know! wow, this is great. my sensei and my bro finally getting along” / “yeah yeah. now how do i be a good alloy and show my support for the blt community?” / “lgbt, johnny. well, theres actually more letters-“

robby, in between trying to win his girlfriend back and fight off the allegations miguel keeps putting on him unintentionally, is completely caught off guard by this information which sam promptly raises her eyebrows about

sam knew this whole time demetri was gay. he told her after the arm breaking incident. but prior to that she just knew. it was obvious, hello? robby how did you not see this shit back in miyagi do? what? (“robby after the mall fight he played breakup songs in my car for a MONTH” / “i just thought he liked avril lavinge?” / “and THAT didnt tell you anything either?”)

devon tries her best to act shocked but is mostly secretly confused like wait we didnt already know about this...?

diego throughout this au is just trying to woo demetri in various (probably a little stupid and hilarious) ways. i loved writing diego in no attachments he was so funny

the real kicker here is ELI.

bro is going catatonic. wdym demetri is gay. wdym demetri is flirting with other guys. he doesnt like that- but why?

insert that one reddit post about the guy who thought he was homophobic but he was just jealous

cue gay panic here

panicked conversations with miguel and moon ensue where they give some pretty sound advice that eli promptly ignores obviously its ELI

which means, because eli is just so great at processing his feelings and being normal about them, leads eli to be an even bigger jerk

which, causes demetri to be an even bigger jerk back

cue canon-typical hawkmetri divorce arguments

even then demetri, finally free to be gay, is having a ball in barcelona. sekai taikai who? hes out, he just crashed out at his best friend and long term crush, and theres a hot spanish karate guy whos in love with him. hes having a great time!

if you dont count the whole 'losing my best friend' thing, but hes not thinking about that part rn (he absolutely is)

eli is losing his mind

until they finally get it together and demetri is like "eli im sorry about mit i just didnt want to lose you-" and eli is just like "im being an asshole because i wanted you to cheat on your lesbian girlfriend with ME and not that other guy" and demetri is like

what?

and then they make out

and robby finally convinces carmen that miguel was NOT talking about him

yasmine and moon also get together because yasmoon world domination but its a lot less stupid and insane than this

Tbh I’ve been having some mental health crises and had a good old menty b on new year’s, so I’ve just been focusing on getting through the day. I’ve been really depressed about all the misogyny, homophobia, and racism I see in general, and how they’re leaking into my fandom spaces, and when I started spiraling, I couldn’t stop and it did a number on me. But I’m trying to pull myself together and keep on doing what I think is critical in the current political climate—making queer art and boosting queer visibility, even if it’s just on tumblr and AO3 for now.

I know there aren’t many of us left, but fuck it. Maybe I’ll be fortunate enough for at least a few people to stick around, or maybe my content will help draw in new fans. All I can do is post my gay little truths and hope for the best, right?

It’s been hard on me to see such a lack of interest in the gay karate nerd boys after the show ended, but it’s ultimately outside of my control. All I can control is what I do, and how I choose to take care of myself in what’s (for now!) a lonelier space. I’m hoping that if I make an effort to be more active and engage with the fandom more, it will energize others and encourage them to do the same! I myself am terrible about interacting with other posts as much as I’d like, and since this is a sideblog, I can’t just give a like and come back later :( I’m going to make an effort to change that. What I miss the most about Elimetri is the community we formed, but I’m as crucial as anybody in bringing that back.

I can’t predict what’s going to happen with my ship’s fandom, and I’m not sure I want to know. I do enough worrying about the future of our planet and society at large! Right now, I’m trying to be cautiously optimistic about the binary boys and “live the moment,” as Eli’s dumb Matthew McConaughey ass would say. I mean hey, I still get comments on AO3, and people still read and interact with my stories—the Elimetri community DOES still exist!! And ultimately, as long as I have an audience, I will write. And I will talk about the lads. And the girlies, too, and the headcanons and the theories I have for these blorbos.

SPEAKING OF. Something BIG is coming!!! I have no idea when, but I’ve been cooking on an analysis that I hope will be this account’s magnum opus, and I’m so excited to share it with the internet. I feel like this is what I’ve been building up to since I started this account, and the time to release it is now.

Or. Yknow. In a few weeks. Whenever I have the energy XD