Don’t really know why I am writing this, apart from some vain hope that it might be a little cathartic considering I am still well into a ‘slump’ from this. I assume no one will be the least bit interested, but in any case, here it is…
My experience with the Handmaids Tale prior to 2017 – I’d briefly covered some extracts from the book back when I was in English class in school during the early1990’s, I am pretty sure I was in first year* (age 11 or 12) seniors (although this seems a bit of an adult title for that level of schooling – I don’t pick the syllabus), I do recall reading ahead of what we had been tasked in the lesson to read because I enjoyed the story. I had also seen the 1990’s Natasha Richardson film at some point following this, I think I remember enjoying the film but wasn’t totally entranced by the story or anything like that. So, when I heard about the series, I was relatively familiar with the source material.
In 2017 I started watching the first series, I do remember noticing Nick from the start and thinking who’s the guy with the eyebrows, I looked him up on IMDB and recall seeing his name and wondering whether he was related to the famous director – found out later, of course, he is. Although I was enjoying the story, it did not get its full hooks into me until the scene in episode 6, the scheme where June and Nick are standing outside the parlour when the Mexican Ambassador is visiting the Waterford’s. Let’s all just go back there just for a minute, to soak this up again as it’s quite literally wonderful, mind blowing, beautiful television, Nick asks June “How’s your day going?” and she gives a knowing smile back at him, then he says that very ‘un-Nick’ thing of “you look pretty”, I think this just slips out but, it shows how debased and under her spell he already is, he can’t hold back his feelings. She says “thanks,” then considers and goes on “I wore it just for you” and he comes straight back with ‘the line’, the one which fully hooked me, “You shouldn’t wear anything for me” – that did it for me, that was the one, then we have the hand touching and the breathing and the closed eyes – this is a masterpiece. I immediately went back and watched the first 5 episodes again, I was sold, and I’ve not seen anything quite as intense presented on television before or since.
I’m not generally a ‘shipper’ (is that even the right word?), I am far too old (see above) and sensible to rattle on about love connections, however something about these 2 just had me transfixed. The chemistry, the magnetism was just off the charts – surely, they could see what they had here, why did they ultimately destroy this and choose to paint a different picture? All the storyboards were already there, ready to be utilised to create a different ending, one that did not destroy the love or the character, they could have still had shock value without severing the connection and smearing the character into the dirt.
I have always found the show a difficult watch, at times it’s taken me months to get through a complete series and although it was clearly brilliant groundbreaking stuff (disregarding the last series completely) I can’t say I fully enjoyed it, as it’s dark, harrowing and unforgiving, I need to be in the mood to watch it, certainly far from light viewing, you also need to really pay attention to the nuances and this is not something you can watch lightly or without giving it your full focus. Also, I must confess (ashamed of this) I spent lots of time between series’ in a panic that they would inexplicably kill Nick off at some point and I knew I would find that difficult, I recall saying to a friend at the time between series 2 and 3: “if they kill Nick, we riot!”, she thought I was insane, but did not hold it against me as far as I know.
I really feel the showrunners may have underestimated the strength of the relationship presented in the first series and in an attempt to make Nick seem more inaccessible to June they placed a series of deliberate obstacles between them, first Luke being alive, then Eden, then the Commander punishment, then the Chicago Campaign, then Rose, then her being astoundingly immediately pregnant – it all felt like that to me at least. However, rather than the obstacles diminishing the love between them, as may have been the intention (it may not have been) in my view it strengthened it and it appeared that this was all part of a sort of long game character arc where it would come good in the end, how wrong I was…
I am not even upset they killed him, although this goes against the story presented in the 2019 book The Testaments - where shows Nick is alive and embedded resistance. If they wanted shock value they could have still killed him, all they had to do was simply honour the character and not turn him into, in their words, a N*zi – I don’t like using that word, I think it’s dangerous slinging this sort of language about and how could they use that awful word to describe Nick’s character in a story they had woven for 6 seasons – there are simply zero, none, nada examples of Nick acting this way, but as soon as they the word out into the ether, idiots online ate that sh*t up and believed that’s what he was, and that was what was shown – if I could scream it from the rafters I would, this is wrong and was not at all in the story which they presented nor is it present in the source material.
I was never expecting a romantic ending where Nick and June end up together, that, given the show wouldn’t have felt right either, even though I ship the couple I am not an idiot, I know and understand enough to be sure it was never going to be how it ended. But at least be true to the characters you presented and not push a complete 180 shift in personality into barely 2 episodes. I’ve not seen this mentioned too much anywhere but something I’ve really noticed about series 6 is that June’s interactions with Nick in this series just seem ‘off’ to me, can’t put my finger quite on what it is but they just seem shallow and I don’t think this is Max’s acting, he is Nick, sublime as always, but Lizzie for me just seems false and transparent, don’t know the reason for this, is it to prepare us for what’s to come?
Thankfully I did not start watching the 6th series until July months after it was released; it appears therefore I missed out on the terrible gaslighting the despicable showrunners and Lizzie Moss pushed out as the show was airing – In retrospect I’m glad I missed this because I actually think this would have driven me literally insane. Fancy asking fans to video themselves watching the episode where they/ she killed him, are they crazy? What did they get from requesting this? I am glad this season has been critically panned as it really is abysmal, I can’t even get through it all, though I know what took place, seen clips etc, I don’t need to see it since it would only serve to make my annoyance stronger. I guess no press is bad press and the stance taken that any engagement even wholly negative only drives up viewing figures, but is that a legit reason to totally trash your story line? To completely destroy the love? To ruin not only Nick, but in doing so also take down June? Did no one speak up in the writer’s room and protest this character shift? Did no one foresee the backlash, the hate? Although it does in fact seem that some people thought it was good and did not see the problems with it that I did.
I’ve read posts on FB this very week from some ignoramus which seemingly present as fact that Nick raped June in their first sexual encounter, whilst it was a rape for sure, the rapist wasn’t Nick it was Serena. She may have used the word ‘ask’ when she explains she has gained agreement from Nick, but we know she doesn’t mean ask, she means ‘told’. Nick doesn’t have a choice just like June, if he were to report it the whole household is dead. The fact that Serena is present for the ‘encounter’ is because she is there to control it, to make sure the deed is actually done, and she is euphoric afterwards. And what does she get at the end after being complicit in this and all the other rapes and terrible things she’s done, she gets a redemption arc and June forgives her. June should have eaten her face just like she did with Fred, what on earth were they thinking here, we all like the actor, she did a marvellous job, but liking the actor should not be a reason for making a story nonsensical. Whilst we are on the subject, an actor asking for a change of storyline/character because they don’t want to be portrayed as a villain any longer should not be shoehorned into a script where it does not fit or belong, Bradley Whitford I’m looking at you here (though I also think he did a fantastic job portraying Lawrence). I will not discuss Luke as this is getting long and I’m rambling, suffice to say they did it with him too.
All this to say, I’m not over it; I’m still angry about it; and I don’t really know what to do with it, but I would like to thank the awesome fan fiction writers on Archive of our Own who have helped me process and those that have made posts on Tumbler about the series and feel the same way as I do. Much love also to the Above the Garage Podcast on YouTube, wish I’d known about this when I watched it first time round, you made me feel I found my people. It’s probably deranged of me to feel so much about a fictional character, but sadly that’s just the way I am constructed, I care too much, sorry. And if you feel the same way, you are not alone, and we are united in our anger – let’s continue to keep the dialogue going and not let the fire burn out!
A word to Max, hate what they did to you here, and wish you nothing but the best in your future endeavours, I will go on to support your work and Happy Birthday.
*I’m British (sorry), we call senior school in England where you go from ages11 – 16 or sometimes older if you decide to stay on
