Chapter Nine: Itâs Not Easy
Ren sat on a long beam of driftwood, worn smooth by sand and surf and bleached bone-white by sun and salt. Foam drifted across the sand, and whitecaps gleamed out behind the rolling breakers. The sunset played pink and orange across the glittering water, and red flashed across the sand as Ren released her team from their pokeballs, all except for Akahana.
âThose people who were after the Devon prototype came after it again. Steven kept us out of the battle, but it set off some wild pokemon and Akahana was badly injured protecting me.â
âIs she alright? Where is she?â Iki demanded with a shrill edge of worry.
âThere was some internal bleeding, so the doctors are keeping her overnight for observation, but her prognosis is good. No battling for a week to make sure the cracked ribs mend well, but she should be released tomorrow morning.â
They all seemed relieved, except for Hakeka, who just looked around at the others. Then, all Ren could see was Akahana shifting and wincing on her gurneyâdownplaying her injuries despite the pain she was in. Ren couldn't decide if Akahana was trying to spare her or if she was afraid. She couldnât decide which was worse. The Poochyena had seemed startled by Ren's apology and agreed to remain on the team without the slightest hesitation.
âI'm so sorry. I should never have taken the job.â
âThere's no need for that,â said Panahi, nudging her arm with a wing. âNone of us blame you, Honey. It was just an accident. These things happen.â
âI bought us here and then I panicked! If I had done what I was supposed to do and recalled her in time, she wouldnât have gotten hurt!â
âBattling is dangerous sometimes. We all know that,â chirped MÄia. âAkahana knew what she was signing up for.â
âYeah, you sent me out,â said TÄraki. âAnd you helped me evolve to fight the rest of the wilds off. Youâre a good trainer!â
âI think youâre being a bit hard on yourself,â said Panahi with a tilt of her head. âI know I just lectured you about taking responsibility, but there is a difference between that and blaming yourself for things you canât control.â
Renâs eyes fell and her face tightened. She bit her lower lip and said nothing.
Iki stepped forward. âI understand if this scares you. Battling still scares me a little. But I donât think youâre a bad trainer and we are a lot safer with you than we would be alone.â
âThank you. Iâll do better next time, I promise.â Her team shared a few glances and Panahi sighed, shuffling her wings. âIn any event, weâll be here a few days at least while Akahana recovers. I was thinking we could challenge the gym here. MÄia, I know you missed out last time, so I want to give you the opportunity to take the lead on this one.â
âHell yeah!â
âDo you mind backing her up, Ahi?â
âNot at all, Honey.â
âGreat! Iâm gonna wade in the surf for a bit. You gals can all relax.â
Ren got up and went down to the water, trying not to run. It took a few moments, but Iki and TÄraki came to join her. The wind carried Hakekaâs chattering from up the beach.
âI think we are ready for the gym,â Panahi answered, âbut Iâm a little worried about her.â
...
Ren and her pokemon stood in front of the Dewford gym. It wasn't nearly as dramatic as Rustboro, but interesting nonetheless. The building was a ring of interlocking aluminum plates set on stilts above the sand to keep it above the storm surge. Ren could see the circular sand battlefield through the struts and what was probably a retractable roof folded neatly above the structure, waiting for inclement weather to be deployed. But for now, all was bathed in warm, sparkling sunlight.
âI know we wonât all be battling,â Ren said as she looked up the long stairs to the door, âbut I would like everyone to stay out and watch.â Ren turned back to her pokemon, and her eyes caught on the bandages around Akahanaâs middle. Blue scales, an IV line, and a gurney she can barely see over swims through her vision before she forces it back. âWeâre a team so we are going to do this together.â
âYeah! Go team!â TÄraki crowed.
Panahi and Hakeka rolled their eyes at his enthusiasm, but MÄia whistled in agreement. Iki just hunkered down on the sand, face tilted down. Ren wished she knew how to help her. She'd figure something out after they won this badge.
After registering, they waited in the arena as a few trainers assembled to face them. Ren took off her boots to feel the warm sand between her toes. She stretched up and down, then side to side.
âMÄia, do you want to warm up on a few of these guys?â
âNope. Iâm ready. TÄraki can have them.â
âYes!â TÄraki pumped his fist.
There was another conversation between your pokemon during the trainer matches that I think it may benefit you to hear.
âOh, well go ahead then. Iâll circle back to my point.â
The rest of the team watched as TÄraki squared off with a Mienfoo, MÄia whistling encouragement while Hakeka eyed him critically. Iki crouched, stirring swirls into the sand with her foot. She glanced up at Akahana, who was observing the battle with her usual passive expression. Akahanaâs eyes slid over to her and Iki squirmed for another moment before breaking the silence.
âIâitâs justâWeâre supposed to be a team, but I can hardly even talk to MÄia and Ahi.â Ikiâs black eyes lingered on Akahanaâs bandages. âIâm not strong enough to be any help when things go wrong.â She sunk down onto the sand, making herself small. âI donât know why Ren keeps me around.â
Akahana looked back as Ren cheered TÄraki to land a final blow on the Mienfoo. He ran back to her, and she hugged him.
âI think I was wrong before.â
Iki looked back up at Akahana, body tilted in question, and Akahana met her eyes.
âWhen you asked me for advice, I told you to look out for yourself, and I stand by that. But I donât think she is going to get rid of us.â
âI donât think so either,â Iki murmured, bringing her legs in even closer.
Akahana sighed and then pinned her ears for a moment at the pain it caused her. She turned back to the battlefield where TÄraki was facing off with a Timburr.
âPokemon like us will always have a disadvantage. But not everyone on the team has to be equally strong. None of us can compete with TÄraki now that heâs evolved.â
Taraki caught the Timburrâs driftwood log with a big grin and threw it back at his opponent.
âThere will always be someone stronger.â
TÄraki did a high backflip to dodge the next blow, but wasnât used to his new form and landed wrong.
âBut that only means that we have to work harder.â
TÄraki clutched at his arm for a moment, but grit his teeth and landed a Fury Cutter with his good arm. The Timburr fell to the sand.
âI know what itâs like to feel weak.â
TÄraki tried not to grimace as Ren felt his injured arm for a break.
âI know it feels like youâll never be good enough, but bugs grow fast.â
TÄraki grudgingly agreed to yield the remainder of the battles and Panahi strutted forward to take his place.
âYou will catch up.â
Tears welled in Ikiâs small, black eyes and the tension started to fall from her posture. âT-thank you, Akahana. Iâve never had such a good friend.â
Akahana pulled her head back and blinked in surprise, but Iki smiled as tears ran down her face and dripped into the warm sand. Slowly and hesitantly, Akahana leaned down, pausing before nudging Ikiâs helm gently with her nose. Iki smiled even brighter and stretched up to rub on Akahanaâs chin, wiping her tears away with a slender limb.
Are you alright?
âMmm. Iâll be fine. You had to know this was coming.â
Yes. You did warn me you wereâwhat was that phrase you used? Unbearably sentimental?
âShut it.â
Panahi finished battling the remaining pokemon uninjured, and Ren realized how tight her shoulders had been as they started to relax. She threw a glance at TÄraki and did a few quick stretches, rolling her head until her neck clicked.
A man with sun-bleached hair, a rash guard, and board shorts sauntered into the ring and waited in the middle for her. He tipped down his big, orange shades as she drew close, and a huge toothy grin split his face.
âReeeen! I didnât know you were coming my way!â He stowed his sunglasses atop his head and thrust out a hand. His handshake was heavy but relaxed. âPleasure to finally meetcha, dude! What brings you to Dewford?â
âI had an errand to run.â
âAwww! Thatâs no fun!â He had no idea. Ren strained to keep smiling. âGlad you decided to drop in.â But she must have given something away, because his own grin fell just a little and his eyes narrowed slightly for an instant. âHey, you wouldnât want to come out surfing with us tonight? Itâs a full moon, clear skies. Should be pretty sweet!â
âYeah. That sounds nice.â
âMost excellent!â The toothy grin was back full force.
âAlthough, I donât really know how.â
âItâs cool, dude. Iâll bring some of my tamer boards for you.â
âThank you.â
âNo prob! So you here for your second badge? Roxanne told me you totally killed your first, so I'm pumped to face ya. Whoâre you gonna use to throw down?
âMÄia,â Ren said as the Taillow flew to her shoulder. MÄia flashed her wings and chirped in challenge.
Brawly raised his eyebrows. âAight then! She seems ready to rumble!â
They parted to make room for the battle and Brawly sent out a Meditite. Behind him, more of the gym trainers had gathered and were talking while they watched, but the breeze carried their words away. Ren took a deep breath and focused on MÄia.
âTime to show us your moves, little birdie!â Brawly called. âHua, Feint!â
âUp and outta there, MÄia!â
The Meditite sprinted forward and MÄia took to the air, narrowly dodging its attack.
âLetâs put a lid on that fancy flying. Confusion!â
MÄia came swooping around towards the Meditite, prepping for an attack, but she managed to roll aside just in time to miss the oncoming psychic waves.
âYes! Now Peck!â
MÄia instantly corrected her flight path. She dropped onto the Medititeâs head, dealt a sharp blow with her beak, and took back off again in one fluid movement. The Meditite wobbled, but stayed upright.
âWing Attack!â
MÄia barreled into her turn and came at the Meditite like an arrow, wings glowing light blue. The Meditite crossed its arms in a guard but went careening back as MÄiaâs strike hit home. MÄia landed hard, sand spraying as she skid to a stop in front of her trainer. Without even bothering to turn around, she struck a pose, assured of her victory. Sure enough, the Meditite stayed down. Ten tried not to grin quiet as smugly.
Brawly chuckled. âThatâs a righteous Taillow you got there! Letâs see if she can handle something a bit tougher!â He withdrew his Meditite and sent out a Machop. âKick it off with a Karate Chop, Motu!â
âParry with a Wing Attack!â
The Machop jumped forward, open hand glowing, and MÄia spun to meet it with a glowing wing. The two limbs met and both pokemon slid back from the force of the impact.
âGet some momentum and use Steel Wing!â
MÄia sprung into the air, quickly building speed as she swept around the ring.
âWait for itâŚâ Brawly cautioned, and his Machop froze and tensed. MÄia dove. âSeismic toss!â
The Machop caught MÄia by one glinting wing, using her own momentum to sling her at the gym walls above them. MÄia tumbled through the air without a modicum of control.
âTuck your wings!â Ren commanded in the voice that always gripped her, strong and sharpened sure. MÄia obeyed in almost the same instant, spinning even faster without the resistance. âOpen!â MÄia opened her wings, and slowed enough to turn sharply before she met the wall. âWing attack!â
The change in course had left MÄia diving towards the ground, but she angled up just in time to level off a few feet from the floor. She arrowed straight for her target.
âKarate Chop!â
The Machop braced, hands at the ready, but MÄia changed course at the last second. The Machopâs strike sliced through the air where she would have been, and MÄiaâs wing struck it in the opposite shoulder. The combined momentum set it spinning on its heel before its toes snagged and sent it face first into the sand. MÄia used her remaining momentum to vault back up, flip gracefully in the air, and touch back down in between Brawly and his fallen Machop.
âAlright, alright,â Brawly laughed as he withdrew his second pokemon. âIâve got a bigger challenge for you.â He sent out a Makuhita, and it flexed, thick layer of fat rolling over the muscles beneath. MÄia spread her wings and let out a challenging cry in response.
âBulk Up, MauÄŤ!â
âWing Attack!â
MÄia shot forward as the Makuhita breathed in, entire body glowing. MÄia aimed for its chest, but the Makuhita stretched up and out, and MÄia hit its stomach instead. She bounced off and tumbled head over tail before landing on her back. She groaned but righted herself.
âArm thrust!â
Before MÄia had a chance to breathe, the Makuhita darted forward with shocking speed, mits glowing brightly. MÄia got her wings up to shield herself in time but went sliding back from the impact.
âParry with Steel Wing!â
MÄia met the Makuhitaâs next punch with a solid metal wing. She caught its second fist too, and it withdrew its hands, hissing is pain. MÄia was puffing, and her wings were drooping, but she grinned smugly. Suddenly, the Makuhita surprised them all by throwing one last punch. MÄia was caught completely off guard and went flying back.
Ren clenched her fists. No. They werenât done yet.
âNice hustle! One last Knock-Off ought to finish it!â
The Makuhita nodded and lunged forward.
They could still win this.
âBoomburst!â
MÄia righted herself, dug in, and let loose. The attack always started deceptively quietâa whistling as the air came together and the pressure massedâbefore blooming into something so loud Ren could feel it in her bones. The Makuhita hit the wall of sound as if it were solid and bowled over backwards, rolling twice before sinking into the sand. It lay there and groaned, the ring of aluminum walls still resonating around them.
Ren resonated too. Her own magic was in itâher strength leant to her pokemon and their power combined into one overwhelming show of force. A wild joy had seised her and her heart thrummed in her chest.
âWhoa,â Brawly muttered with a yawn, rubbing at his ear.
Ren whistled, and MÄia flew to her raised arm. âYou did it! The undefeated streak continues!â
âOf course!â MÄia chirped. âAs if Iâd lose to a fighting-type.â
Ren failed to stop a laugh, the giddy warmth of her inner fire bubbling over. âA little humility! They put up a good fight.â
âYes, worthy opponents.â
âWhooey!â Brawly called, and they looked up to see him on his way over. âThat was something else! Congrats you two!â
Ren grinned, and MÄia dipped her head.
âHereâs the Knuckle Badge.â He slapped it into her palm. âI gotta tell ya, a lot of trainers come in here with a Taillow or a Wingull or some other little flyer and expect to breeze through on type advantage alone. We usually send those slackers packing. But you two blew us out of the water! Your Taillowâs got guts, and she really knows how to rumble! Sheâs a true fighter after my own heart. More importantly, ya really trained her well. I thought I had ya a couple times, but you two kept turning it back. Basically, I just wanted to say that you totally earned this badge.â
The thrill of it was still buzzing through her veins, and for one more moment all was as it should have been, as it once was. âThank you.â
âAbsolutely! Your talent and dedication is gonna keep you riding that big wave all the way to the top!â
âI used to want that. I wanted it so badly, but I hadnât even let myself think about it until he said that. Actually, I still didnât let myself think about it, not then. If I had, I might not have made it much further. I donât even remember what I said back.â
Ren clutched her arm. She could barely hear past the chaotic rhythm in here ears.
âYou take care now!â Brawly called after her. âAnd donât forget to eat dinner early! Thereâs no hurling on my boards!â
Ren managed a laugh through the tight ache in her throat. âWill do!â
...
There were no lights on the beach at night and not many still on in town, but the moon shone brightly. The sand was cast in silver, and the breakers flashed against the dark, glittering water. About a dozen people and their pokemon were gathered around a fire pit when Ren and her team arrived at the agreed-upon spot. Almost all of them were young women around Renâs age garbed in wet suits or rash guards with varied fighting-types milling between them. Ren wondered if she should have sprang for a rash guard as well, but her two-piece was quite secure. Besides, if observation had taught her anything, it was that the people of Hoenn had fewer qualms about showing skin than her homeland.
A cheer went up as the group caught sight of her, and they gathered round to offer fist bumps and introduce themselves. One asked if MÄia was the legendary Taillow, and when Ren confirmed it, they all fell back and made a big show of bowing and groveling, arms outstretched. MÄia puffed up, looking supremely pleased, and flexed her wings for them.
Brawly broke through the ring to elbow out a little space and presented her with a longboard. They paddled out, most of the company in tow, and Ren stayed floating past the breaking waves to watch and work on her balance. Many of the pokemon had come out to surf as well with their trainers or on their own boards.
Once Brawly had taken her through the basics and let her watch for a while, he had her kneel on his longboard while he took them in. She managed to stay on the board, and they splashed into the shallows to much applause. TÄraki danced around, yelling about how cool it was, so Brawly volunteered to take him out for a spin, while two of the women eagerly took over coaching Ren.
Soon TÄraki was given his own board, and he and Ren tried their luck side by side. They wiped-out but came up laughing and kept going. TÄraki got the hang of it pretty quick and crowed when he made his first successful run. He collected high-fives as he paddled back out and Ren laughed and laughed.
Why are we revising this particular evening? A sorely needed moment of relief?
âYes, but there's more to it than that. It was just like judo and drumming and everything else I tried after I quit trainer school. It was fun, kept my body active and my mind quietâan element of competition, a sense of camaraderie. I caught myself thinking I could be happy like that. Sometimes I still think I could have been a lot of things. But deep down the fire still burns. And when I try to hold the lid down, the pressure only builds. And the flames eat all my oxygen.â
Not long after her first successful run, Ren retired to the beach and sprawled out on the sand to dry. She continued to watch TÄrakiâs antics and the incredibly impressive surfing of the women who had been showing her the ropes.
Her nav buzzed, and she opened it to find a text from Wally.
Are you okay?
Ren had to think about that for longer than she would have liked.
Yeah What's up?
(´â˝`ĘĆŞ) I was watching the news and the Champ got ambushed in Granite Cave?? You said you were gonna be there and I got worried (¡áˇá˝˘Âˇáˇ ) Kinda silly But I had to check
Not that silly actually I was there when it happened
(*ďžďžďž)
Steven took care of the battle so I wasn't in the middle of it or anything But Akahana got injured by a wild
Oh no!! Is she okay?
Ren looked up, and her eyes fell on the Poochyena. She had dug herself a little divot in the sand and was curled neatly inside with Iki nestled snugly atop her. Ren had never seen her that close to any of her teammates before.
Yeah
Thank goodness! Give her a big Ursaring hug from me ĘăŁâ˘á´Ľâ˘ĘăŁ
The ghost of a smile pulled at Renâs lips, and the beach fire flared as the wood resettled.
Will do
Ren almost slipped her nav back in her pocket before it pinged again.
Swerve But Did you meet the Champ?
Yep! We talked for a while before everything happened
Awesome! You're so lucky omg Or maybe itâs not such a big deal for you Since your dad's a gym leader Haha |´âď˝â)
It was still cool Steven is really nice But not the first Champion I've met
(ďźăâĄă)âŚâŚďź Kaspa?
Yep
w(°ď˝Â°)w áľáľáľáľáľáľ Whatâs she like??
Uh Scary
(ááá) lol I bet
But also really interesting Sheâs fond my dad because heâs a Sekei League Victor, and they get along well She wrote him a letter of recommendation when he applied for Gym Leader here She has always been nice to me
That is so hecking cool!! (â0â) Iâm losing my mind!
Are you settling in okay? How are things?
Iâm great! My cousinâs fiancĂŠ is really nice Not as awk as I was afraid it would be And Rosalie gave me TWO pokemon! She found a Togekiss to pair her Roserade and bred me a Budew with battle lineage! She has Giga Drain/Natural Gift/Life Dew/Extrasensory Right out of the shell!! Sheâs so feisty! I love her so much! (çŹâĽĎâĽçŹ) Her name is âĽBeatriceâĽ
Cute!
Then Rosalie swapped some favors with another breeder to get me a therapy Leafeon! Her name is Daphne and she is a professionalâ˘ď¸ I feel like sheâll probably give me an earful when the understanding sets in ę(áľĚ´ĚśĚ¤áˇę´ áľĚ´ĚśĚ¤áˇ âŻ))Н̾ʹªʹªâ*.ďź Iâve kinda been running around a lot more than I should But between Daph and the air up here I can actually breathe?? Like I can just Go outside? Whenever I feel like it?? Is this how other people live all the time? Faris and I have been training almost non-stop I mean Iâve had a few _(´âĄ`ă â )_ episodes obv Just me doing stupid stuff I was so caught up in the euphoria of being able to walk around That for like a minute I lived in a world where my lungs were functional
This was quite the shift from the day they met, when he could barely bring himself to reference his illness, and Ren felt warmth flush out the rest of her surprise.
Oh geez weâve hit the memes Sorry for rambling (o_ _)o
Dude this is all so fucking amazing Iâm so happy for you! Gush as much as you want
(âââ)âĄ
Haha Where are you getting all of these? Your texting style is wild
I have an app! ăź(´â˝`)ďž Maybe you should get one The way you type out every word is pwecious
I donât even know the Kantogo abbreviations that well Iâm sorry to say youâve befriended a troglodyte
Obv
You know, youâre a lot bolder via text
Lol thatâs cuz I have WAY more practice Iâve never had an irl friend before Just internet pals
Maybe you can make more now Iâll introduce you to Kai sometime He could use more friends too
Aw thank you! Actually Youâre gonna be in Mauville soon right?
End of next week
Maybe we can meet up? I was planning on getting my first badge
Nice! Itâs a date
ŮŠ(ËáË*)Ů
âEven when we barely knew each other, he always had a way of centering me. Itâs easy for most people to tell me not to worry so much. They donât understand the risks, not all of them, not really. But without ever telling me how to feelâor saying anything at allâWally has always said that itâs worth it anyway.â
And do you believe that now?
âYou think I would be here if I didnât?â
I wouldnât be so certain. But perhaps you might have been less angry with me when I asked you for help.
ââŚCanât argue that.â
Ren picked her head up in time to see TÄraki wipe out again, but he came up smiling and paddled right back out. Brawly gave him a high five and then rode in himself on the next good breaker. Some of the others were getting tired enough to settle around the fire. Brawly stuck his board in the sand and plopped down beside Ren.
âSo, ya have fun?â
âYeah! Everyone was so nice.â
Brawly nodded. âTheyâre a good bunch. And you made quite a splash.â
Ren leaned back on her arms and shot a smirk at him. âMetaphorically, or when I fell off your board?â
He laughed breezily, sliding deeper into his careless slouch. âThe former. Everyone was asking if youâd show tonight.â
Ren looked away for a moment, at her pokemon resting in the sand, at the others gathering around the fire. Maybe it was a kind exaggeration. But their enthusiasm had felt quite genuine. Not that she needed to sort out what kind of enthusiasm it was. Sheâd be gone by tomorrow.
Her eyes found TÄraki in the surf, and her smile returned.
âThanks for inviting me. TÄraki wonât forget this anytime soon. I think you gave him a new hobby.â
âNever seen a surfing Grovyle before. Usually they canât stand the salt water.â
âHeâs from a tiny island to the south. He said he and the other Treecko used to play in the tide pools and gather seaweed.â
âFar out.â
They were an unusual group, this bunch of surfing pokemon and trainers. On the surface it was nothing like her fatherâs gym, but perhaps there was one parallel to be drawn. While martial arts were more traditionalâin Johto and Kanto at leastâthe surfing certainly had something to contribute. Strength and balance for one. And thinking back on her battle, there was something in the pokemonâs movements that resonated: energy harnessed and redirected, push and pull.
âYou really get it. Usually I have to lay it out for people.â
âWell, maybe thereâs something else you can explain to me?â
âLike what?â
Ren eyes flicked back over to the rest of the group. âI notice there are a lot of women in your gym.â
Brawly leaned back with a casual stretch. âYeah, we keep it pretty steady at three to one.â
âItâs very unusual.â
âI know right?â Suddenly, he was up at attention, and his wide eyes glinted in the firelight. âMost fighting-type gyms are like total sausage fests. But it so doesnât have to be like that! Itâs not like there arenât tons of ladies out there who like fighting-types. It can just be way harsh to train in a fighting gym if youâre a woman. Thatâs why I try to keep it chill and welcoming here. Seems to work.â
Ren thought that over for a moment. âAre you sure itâs not cause youâre, yaâknow, super good looking?â
That triggered another breezy laugh, and he slicked back the damp hair that fell into his eyes. âI guess some of the trainers that come in are crushing on me or each other.â He shrugged. âI mean, weâre all here to train, so I try to keep the gymcest to a minimum, but Iâve got nothing against the people who just want to feel it out.â He sat back again and thought about it for another moment, and Ren sat forward, crossing her legs and waiting for him to continue. âItâs like, it doesnât matter why you start something. As long as you work hard and have fun, whatâs it really matter?â
âHm. Thatâs⌠really cool, dude. You run a great gym.â
His face broke into a broad, toothy grin. âThanks! That means a lot.â
They let the silence hang for a while, until TÄraki finally came trudging up the beach, too exhausted to continue. Brawly took back his board, and after a good rinse from Panahi, TÄraki went into his ball.
âYou ready to join the rest?â Brawly asked her, jerking his head towards the fire.
âYeah,â she replied, and they went together.
âI wasnât sure why, but what he said resonated then. I was able to let go again for a whileâthink about the short term instead of what would happen when it all caught up with me.â
Youâre still not sure if that was a positive.
âYouâve seen what happened. Maybe it didnât help to dwell on the past, but ignoring the future didnât exactly serve me well in the end.â
Even if it is not always the case, perhaps it is what you needed in that moment. There is a balance, as in all things.
âHm. Maybe Iâll find it some day.â
I think youâll find that you become a better seeker with every misstep.
âThatâs a nice way to look at it. And yet⌠I suppose it was too much to hope a god of cycles might see an end.â
Well, then as a god of cycles, let me assure you, that you do not run in circles as much as you think you do.
âThat does bring me some comfort.â









