#adam4adam

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I remembered when I was a teenage cruising the internet. I had real friends but I needed that guy in my life to want me, to validate feelings, to say to me, yeah I want/need you. It wasn’t perverted or seen as nasty to me, not just yet. And it wasn’t until Catfish started airing on MTV that I started to feel different about cruising the internet for guys. I feel it now, but like, should I?

The network I’m building with people on the net include friends, and stuff, yeah guys I want to know me and it’s, honestly, something I never thought I would do because I want reality based friends knowing what’s up in my life. Little do I know that my actual friends stopped pretending to be so “realistic” because the internet is just a cover for a self that requires character and charisma to build with to bring out to a realistic world. Watch something and realistic get blow out of proportion.

How to catch a Predator was out with that Native guy and I thought to myself ew, do I need to feel this way because I was leaving my momma’s to see ppl and like, not sleep with them, because I was picky, but hey, if it was going to happen and they looked like the the picture, why wouldn’t I.

The best part is now when all that is coming back. Hey I’m popular. Kind of, if you measure personality in bed too. It’s not like I was looking only to hook-up, you see. So mhm, the one thing thoughtfully I did not believe I had grew up to have one today.

I’m tempted to try Adam again. But it’s not right, there’s plenty of fish out there without me begging to come home to release hormonal enzymic dopamine to be received.

Let us not try to get the COVID-19 panty bunched up. Because honest, when am I going to feel a love for another when I can’t validate the skeptic I am as the smarter “child’s” innermost self.

Today I’m not saying I’m so for getting to being dtf, but nah, I already dream. I already have continual day-dreams. I have prayer and meditation that can be fun and funny. Because...