#hail ghost

Did somebody call...SMILING PAPA EMERITUS III??

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Original Photo(s) Credit: @standbyghost via Instagram

As many of you know, I have created the #imwithpapa simply to show Papa support in the time of need. To show him he has us and he is not alone.

On the 4th April, 2017 I came up with this idea to start a thread where people upload photos showing their support. A thread that was inspired by my at-the-time friend’s letter she wrote/posted on Instagram. I came up with the idea of making a collage out of the photos we will receive then later she could give it to Papa when she’ll go see them. So I came up with the hashtag ‘imwithpapa’ so we could find the pictures easily. This friend has helped me start the thread and even though we had fallen out I am still thankful for her support and standing by me in this.

People on Instagram, Facebook (and as I later found out here on Tumblr) has joined us in this. We received many photos and it was amazing to see how many people has stood by him and supported him. It started out so well then just like everything else it started going down. People mistook it and turned into into a drama. Many has bashed and attacked us because we were supporting Papa. I probably have been bullied more throughout this period than I have been in high school. Then the fandom fallen apart...

I lost it. All my faith was in Papa and I was determined to help him but seeing what was going on was overwhelming and I hated myself... I had panic and anxiety attacks for all that was going on and I was ready to give up. I just wanted to say screw it, he will not gonna get it anyway and probably he wouldn’t care after all its nothing major. Then I remembered the note he wrote to me and what he said to me...

28th March 2017, Leeds. After the gig which was my very first ritual we have stayed behind to meet him and we did. He was absolutely lovely and patient. I had really bad anxiety, I was shaking and stuttering yet he still smiled and patiently signed all the shit I gave to him, then... I bit the bullet and asked him. I wanted something from him what I can get tattooed, something that will remind me of that day, remind me that things will be okay. So with shaking hands I handed him my note book asking him if he could write Never Give Up and sign it for me as I would like to get it tattooed. The first thing he said was: It won’t look anything gothic though. I explained to him why I want to get it tattooed, and explained that I am going through a tough time and I just need a little reminder. He nodded and said he’ll sign it like he does with his albums. So he took his time to write/draw it, then once he signed it he gave the note book back to me, as he did that he looked at me and said: 

“I know things seems tough, but things will get better” as a cynical asshole I was I straight away without thinking I replied with: 

“Yeah... that’s what I’ve been telling myself the past two years” wasn’t the most polite and smartest answer, now was it? yet... He still turned back to me and said:

“Believe me, things WILL get better” 

Remembering back and looking at that note has reminded me how he changed my life, and how I should never give up. I want him to be proud of me and that his words meant something to me and wasn’t just a speech that went straight through my head. So I swore in that very moment no matter what will happen, no matter what people will say; I won’t give up. I will stand by him, I will stand my ground and support him no matter what. 

And I did. 

No matter how much people bashed me, or the names they called me I kept it going. I kept standing by him, I kept strong and didn’t let anyone break me. I have stood my ground. I started it... I’ll finish it. 

And here we are. After 3 months of pretty much constant bashing, insulting and bullying I have finished it. I made the collage it was just the matter of giving it to him somehow. A very dear friend of mine have offered to do that for me. 

She did. And this is what happened (taken from my friend’s instagram post https://www.instagram.com/p/BVfCo8ZF2vD/?taken-by=lindemanns_kitten ) :  I told him, This is for you my friend Danny worked really hard and never gave up on doing this and the way his face lit up when I handed him the paper was priceless, he kept staring at it and touching it and repeating "oh wow...thank you..really thank you..thank you to you and your friend." 

I did it. After all that I was going through I reached my goal. Throughout my whole life I always given up. I always thought giving up is easier than fight for it, but not this time. Thanks to him for him I stayed strong and stood my ground and the reward? Knowing that he knows how much we love him, and no matter what we will support him is more than anything I could ever ask for. We made him speechless and we let him know we always be there for him and that’s all that matters. 

In life you will always run into obstacles, something always will happen that will bring you down but the most important thing is to get up and believe in yourself. Fight for what you love and stand for what you believe in. If you do that you will reach your goals. Don’t give up. 

Lastly I would like to thank each and everyone of you who supported him and helped me create the collage for him. Without you this would not have been possible and I’m With Papa would not have a meaning. And thank you to my beautiful darling Savannah, my queen, my babygirl, my everything for always supporting me and helped me throughout the past few months.

Thank you,