I don't like how cruel the game makes me be towards my brother. I know I wasn't a good sibling, but it wasn't ... It wasn't that bad, surely?
I felt that he would be safer and better off without me around all the time- some of that was from what our mother told me, some from my own depression- and I was very busy and I'm not very good at communicating I know I failed him but I always loved and respected him. I desperately wanted to be close to him again, I was just ... I was scared, I suppose.
I was supposed to be perfect. I didn't want to ruin that golden image he had of me. Mother told me that it would be good for him to learn to be independent, that he was soft and gentle and needed to be away from me so that he could learn to be stronger- which even then I knew just meant more compliant; my brother was always far stronger than me, his disabilities and kind nature simply weren't easy to exploit like mine. But allowing myself to fall in line with everything was safer. I thought that if I encouraged him to do the same, he'd be safer too. I didn't want to hurt him like I hurt everyone else, and in doing so I did.... So much damage.
I'm so sorry, Hypnos. I don't want your forgiveness; I don't deserve it. But I do want you to know it was never your fault and I never hated you.
I miss you. I hope you're happier without me around.
Love, Thanatos (Hades fictive)
x
