#haa..

for someone who wants to die so much, I sure do a lot of not dying.

.

unfortunately tho my writing for that trio is mostly cringey by now and i don’t really have the muse to write w them right now ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

I know this seems like whining (which I guess it is. oopsie! deal with it I’m emotional >:l) but I really wish I could do... something. I wish I had some sort of amazing skill. but it always feels like whenever I try to fly I have invisible chains keeping me back. I just can’t. I mean part of that is how I was depressed for many years and it still kinda lingers around, but... idk. I watch anime and tv and everywhere there are people just.. letting the colours of their souls just fly free.. and meanwhile I’m here, pulling myself back whenever I try. realizing how futile it all is. Feeling pathetic that the only thing I’m good-ish at is mmos. and even then I’m not among the best, I could never be part of a servertop raid team...even if I kind of wish I could be. I mean, it’d be stressful but.. there’s a certain comradery that comes with being in a team. I mean, I’m part of our D&D group... but I feel like I don’t contribute anything to it. nothing interesting. all I do is complain, throw ice at things and have a stupid personal storyline that’s more like a romance drama.... I mean, I like it, that’s why I designed it but I feel like... I just don’t contribute anything. and I know people care about me and all that. just... I can never quite describe how alone I really am..

why did I give away my tumblr, ig, and twitter to my whole math class? I swear the minute someone asks I just give. Oh well.

I'm a fucking mess I'm sorry everyone I'll just keep trying To get this going