#gwag

When the door closes behind them the human lets out an exhausted breath and the elf is not far behind him:

"Thank the gods, I thought that ceremony would never end," and without a pause he orders, "a bath should already be drawn for you, go clean yourself," and then noticing the look his new husband is giving him he continues annoyedly, "What? What are you staring at, human? I told you to go bathe yourself, I don't particularly care for the way you smell."

"Well, that sure is s a change of attitude," the human prince raises an eyebrow in slight confusion.

"Do you mean to tell me, you actually believe what I said in my vows," the elf lets out a bitter laugh, "I know humans were foolish, but to actually think that one of noble birth could be that stupid. This is a political marriage, you dolt. We haven't said but two words to each other before today. You think I could actually love you? Now clean yourself, stop looking at me like that. Don't mistake me - I have no interest whatsoever in humans - especially some noble brat that can't tell his head from his backside. The only reason you are here is because my fathers wished to prevent a war and saw me as an acceptable bargaining piece. I was under the impression that you were here for much the same reason. To think I ended up for such a senseless romantic for a husband."

"Last time I checked, you were the one sending me love letters," the human's eyebrows keep being permanently quirked throughout the whole speech.

"Love letters?" the elf's tone stays annoyed but gets a pitch higher, "I've never sent you a single one!"

"Well," his new husband steps to one of his chests, still keeping the reminders of the recent travel on it, opens it and ducks in, opening some box inside of it. Looking over the human's shoulder the elf sees a whole lot of letters separated into sections by catalogue-like marks - clearly alphabetised. Out of that box the human fishes out a stack of about half a dozen envelopes, "these letters," he gives the letters to the elf, or rather the elf grabs it from his hands as soon as he sees them.

"Let me see this," the elf groans, "This is utter drivel - 'I long for your touch even now and my loins quiver when I imagine our wedding night' - to think my fathers would go to this length to secure this marriage. This must have been a fabrication from my fathers' poet. I hate that man and not just because my father's been fucking him for over a decade and thinks that nobody knows. But that certainly reeks of the tasteless smut that seems to just spew forth from his quill."

"Well, that explains why you, or rather he," the human prince corrects himself, "was starting to sound desperate."

"What?"

"Well, I've been trying to tell him pretty much the same, that you were to me now - just a little more politely," the human's tone is a little teasing, "that maybe we should get to know each other at least a little bit, before getting to loin quivering".

"Good to know we're on the same page," the elf is now confused enough to even forget to be upset for a moment.

"Then let me take my pillow and blanket, I'll go take that bath you want me to so badly and sleep on the couch for tonight," the human reaches for the bed spread, but his husband stops him with a loud surprised:

"What?! How?!" he almost leaves his mouth hanging open, but his manners show themselves and he closes it after all.

"We don't know each other and your highness has expressed a displeasure with how I smell," the human jokingly bows his head, "so it's only logical for us to sleep separately."

"But the we have to consummate our marriage?!" the elf starts sounding downright exasperated.

"Why? I didn't see anyone standing by the door," the human prince thinks aloud, "Or are they expecting blood on the sheets? Then I can cut my hand or"

"No! I can't believe humans have such barbaric customs," the elf interrupts him and disgust comes back to his voice.

"Not anymore," the human doesn't argue with the elf's opinion, "but why do we have to consummate it then?" he slightly frowns his eyebrows.

"To make our union legitimate in the eyes of our gods," the elven prince answers haughtily.

"Oh," the human's face blooms with a wide smile of relief, "if there are any gods out there, I assure you - they have more important things to do than to supervise if we shag today - or any other day for that matter."

"But that's blasphemy!" disgust and haughtiness switch for shock yet again.

"Then if any gods do care if we have sex today they should strike me right here where I stand," the human raises his eyes to the ceiling as if addressing the hypothetical gods, "I'll wait for ten seconds," he puts his hands to his sides, expectedly and when in a bit there's no lightning or thunder he looks back at his husband, "See? They don't care," he smiles again and finally grabs his pillow and blanket.

He brings them to a narrow ottoman and with one swift motion turns it to look away from the bed and to the balcony, while the elf silently watches.

"Good night," the human puts his hand to his temple in something barely resembling a military salute.