#guy probs

i don’t deserve his him .

I just don't give a fuck today, frfr.

I forgot how hard is to want someone this badly. It’s made so much harder by several things, too. One being he’s out of my league, two being I get painfully shy around him and three, I only see him for fifty minutes a day. He seems really into me half the time and the other half the time its like I don’t exist. And he would probably never go for a girl like me anyways. I really need to try harder with talking to him and being friendly to him because I think that is my only chance. It was just weird with him talking to me several times yesterday and then not talking to me at all today?? hopefully that is just me overreacting and overthinking things.. 

I may or may not have emotionally wrecked a guy today. I had no idea this guy was in love with me (so he claims) until he sent me a long drunk text saying I was the first girl he's loved in a decade. I feel bad because he was just convenient sex. He was aware that's what he was. I thought he was funny, but there were no romantic feels for him. He felt like all my other friends that I wouldn't die for. And I just sent him the response that he was convenient sex and could have been a friend but that's it. I didn't know how else to say it without leading him on into thinking he had a chance, which he doesn't. Fuck, sometimes I hate being a cunt.

Guys are so damn confusing. Okay so if you keep up with my personal life on here at all you know I went to a guys land his family was building a house out of randomness and we kissed and I thought we would end up together but things ended bad. So I moved on right? Well I spoke to him in may at his graduation just to congratulate him and that was it nothing major. I seriously moved on I even like another guy now who is super sweet and such and out of the blue today the guy who I liked before just randomly texted me and we talked a good bit but I've been super short with him. I asked him why he texted me and he told me he didn't know and then that was it. He texted me about and hour ago and now we are snapchatting. I'm just wth dude? I can't do this again. I can't let him pull me back in.

I just want something real, and I don't mean something serious. Something with actual feelings, not bullshit games. I just want someone to be real with, vent to, share interests with, and have fun with. And maybe kiss on the face a whole lot. Is that too much to ask for?