#guilty sin

It was cold outside, really cold. Boris had escaped the cold earlier just before it began to snow. He wasn’t sure how he was gonna go outside with it being freezing cold, and he only came in a hoodie. He could be fine probably, hes a wolf right? Even if it was cold outside, it was warm inside the university’s library, and quiet. The lights washed down the whole building in a dim, but warm lighting. And there was lined up bookcases, stacked with books on each shelf.

Boris was sitting in the nearby study area, where there were circular tables. A place where people could read the books they checked out, or just study and do their work somewhere quiet. He didn’t come to the library often. He preferred to just do his work in his dorm, with his CD playing nearby his favorite album. But his brother, insisted that when they both came here, that Boris would socialize, and not be closed off to almost everyone. And Boris was indeed stubborn at first, It was difficult for Bendy to try and find reasons on why Boris should go out, because Boris would always counteract his argument with a lazy excuse or even a good reason at times… Bendy eventually had to threaten Boris that if he didn’t go and try to socialize, then he wouldn’t be his Dorm roommate anymore. And that didn’t sound so bad, well it wouldn’t sound bad if you weren’t Boris. But being a guy with little to no knowledge on how to start up a conversation with people, he started tutoring. So that he can talk to someone with a reason, teaching them. And maybe something can stem from there.. But lately, the person he has been tutoring is kind of..

“HEY! YOU’RE HERE EARLY!”

..much.

Cup head strolled in with a small tray carrying two coffee cups, the hand held cardboard parts carrying a label that he recognized from a nearby establishment.

“Hey, it’s snowing outside!” Cuphead grinned as he took a seat right next to Boris, but he left a bit of space between them…a large gap actually. He always did this when he studied with Boris, and Boris wasn’t sure why he did it, but he did know it made studying a bit more annoying, especially when you teach others by showing them how and demonstrate it physically. Before he could even ask him, Cuphead quickly spoke again, as if he sensed the already impending awkward question.

“Hey, I got you hot chocolate, I didn’t know what type of coffee you would like, but everyone likes hot chocolate right?” Cup head said with an awkward smile on his face as he held out the warm cardboard cup. As sweet as the gesture was..Boris was a wolf. He couldn’t drink, eat or basically ingest anything with chocolate in it. However, he was surprised to be given something for the first time without having to ask, even if it was just something as simple as a drink. It was the first time ever since elementary school, where everyone was forced to pass out candy bags on holidays or birthdays, even if they didn’t like you.. Jeez, had it been that long? No, he had Bendy, who sometimes gets him trinkets or snacks if he thinks that Boris would like them..but then again, Bendy was his brother.

“Thanks, But I don’t drink Hot chocolate. Canines can’t really..have anything with chocolate.” Boris explained, and Cuphead could only feel a tint of rose color his porcelain skin, the first obvious sign of embarrassment. And soon after, realization dawned on his face as he pulled back the cup of Hot chocolate.

“Fuck, that’s my fault. I’m..dumb.” Cup head says as his hand slightly lowered. His awkward smile still not breaking as his eyes shy away from Boris’s gaze. The wolfs ears lowered slightly, on one hand,he felt bad to reject a kind offer, even though he could get sick if he accepted it. On the other hand though, he was taken aback to see Cuphead seem so embarrassed. He never seen him like this. Boris observed people around campus, one of them being Cup head, before he began tutoring him. You could say he has a horrible habit of people watching, but it’s help him avoid certain people whose behavior seemed like no good news. From what he knows, cup head is more of a prideful person, liberated from any type of shade or hesitation. He could say the wrong answer for a question in class, he could do a stupid act on campus grounds in front of a dozen people, he could do something that would probably make a average person feel shaky in the knees to have so many eyes on them, yet he never cared.

Boris envied him, envied how he was so worry free of the things around him, how everyone he came into contact with seemed to either avoid him, or just welcome him with open arms, and it was his first year. It was Boris’s first year too, yet it feels like everywhere he went, he couldn’t catch a break. No matter how hard he tried to act nice, keep to himself, or even just be helpful, it didn’t matter when at the end of the day, all anyone saw first was a intimidating wolf, not the soul.

“It’s fine, you can just keep it. I don’t mind,” Boris mumbled as he rubbed his snout. He wished he was tutoring someone else but him.

“…Ya like warm Tea?” Cup head asks as he looked over at Boris. For a moment, Boris wondered what he was trying to get at, and before he can talk, he was interrupted again.

“Look I’ll dump out the Hot Chocolate, the drink is overrated anyway. There’s a closer cafe nearby, come on let’s ditch this session,” Cuphead says with a goofy laugh as he spoke

“I’m supposed to be helping you raise your grades and keep your athletic scholarship, not help you—“

“My grades are higher, most of them are..B’s now” Cuphead quickly cuts him off, and that tempted Boris. Maybe ditching one session won’t be so bad.. The two of them exist the library, And Boris tightened his hoodie over his head, Trying to stay a bit warm inside his hoodie. Even if he was a wolf, it was a bit chilly, the snow wasn’t helping. They walked for a good 5 minutes, nearing the nearby Cafe. The walk was so quiet, the only sound that was heard was the sound of cars coming up and down the street and crunching the snow under its tires. Boris looked over at Cuphead, and as expected, he saw the cup shivering.

“Shit, are you okay?” Boris asked as he looked at him in concern, and before he could think about it, he wrapped an arm around the wolf and quickly walked faster.. ‘What the fuck am I doing??’ Once they arrived at the cafe, Boris held open the door for him and retracted his arm, walking up to the counter to scan the menu up above the register, and to try and ignore the now awkward tension..meanwhile Cuphead was stuck by the front door, his face blank as he thought, ‘what just happened?’ As much as he hated when people touched him, this time it didn’t feel so bad, as if there was no hidden intentions beneath it, or a fake kindness to it, he genuinely wanted to keep him warm in the cold.

“You gonna get anything?” The question snapped him out of his trance, and his eyes snapped back up, his eyes tracing the sound of the voice back to the counter a few feet up ahead of him, right, he was at the cafe, not in his arms.

“Oh uh, just some Jasmine Tea,” he ordered, and when the total was set, Boris paid without hesitation. There was a long silence that stretched between them as they waited. It wasn’t awkward, but it definitely felt a bit tense. Once they got their beverages, they took a seat in a nearby table by a window, both of them facing the window to watch the snow fall outside..

“Thanks for keeping me warm out there.” Cup head thanked, his face forming a grateful expression as he glanced over at the wolf, but as quickly as he looked, he looked away.

“Don’t mention it.” Boris said, his words literal as he wanted to forget the moment, how embarrassing to..hold a man so close…if any of the nuns at his previous living quarters saw that, he’d probably be screwed.. ‘Wait, there ain’t nothing wrong with that..’ Boris thought as he bitterly thought back on past memories that built unintentional thoughts and habits.. of course, nothing wrong with a man being so close to another man, but..he couldn’t help but feel the cross necklace that hung around his neck, feel unconsciously heavy as he thought more about it.

“Would you wanna come to my next football game?” Cup head asked suddenly, a small smile on his face as he asked the wolf. “It’ll be fun, I know a spot on the bleachers where no one will bother ya, my treat..to get you out more. I never see you out often.”

Cup head was also observant, just as much as Boris.

And for once, the weight of the necklace ceased, just for a second it did.

“Sure.”

———

Phew, hope y’all enjoyed this because I’m very nervous to post this and more. ALSO, this is a pupcup centered fanfic, a ship from Myth Of The Machine, (by flygutz and nortsauce) it will probably handle mature themes (because these are grown ass men in university, also life isn’t perfect, And it’s supposed to have uncomfortable situations anyway, BUT no smut, only suggestiveness..) so I’ll leave notes before each chapter if I decide to post the chapters on here. I also posted this on AO3 /my account is Cinnaghxul. I’ll try to post a chapter whenever I can and whenever I feel confident in my writing.

ALSO ALSO, clearing this up because I overthought it, the title is reflected over my own experiences with internalized homophobia towards myself and how I viewed myself when I was struggling to accept the fact I was indeed Pansexual, I am not trying to whatsoever calling loving who you wanna love a sin, it’s supposed to reflect my own past feelings towards myself, which inspired this story, but also it’s supposed to reflect the characters own problems of accepting themselves as they are. I just wanted to explain the title because I get nervous and don’t want people to get the wrong idea. Love who you love and be who you wanna be guys!

—time skip forward a year and a half from our previous prologue date—

It’s the final week of October, and by next week, a new season of Wrestling would start.

Cuphead was a pretty well known Athlete in this university, he played almost every sport the place had to offer, but Wrestling was one thing he stuck out upon. He was real good at it..

Which is how he even reached tjis level of popularity. It seems like the moment you’re good at something socially acceptable, people come flocking to you. And thats when you meet all different kinds of people, kind people, rude ones, unique ones..all. And you even get to make new friends.

Cuphead liked having new friends..but it can be a bit annoying hanging around some of these people..and he himself is a bit much and annoying.

A week just before Halloween, a group of friends decided to host a Halloween party at someones house off campus, almost everyone was invited..and when Cuphead mentioned the party to Boris, he expected him to talk about it, but all that came out was a—

“What? Theres gonna be a party?” Boris asks with a confused look on his face.

Oh, of course, he only really has three friends, including me..shoot.

“A party?.. it’s nearby campus, so you don’t have to worry about getting a ride back to your dorm or anything you could walk it.” Cuphead says

“I didn’t even know there was a party, what do you think I’d wanna go?” Boris asks as he flipped through his notebook, the gentle aroma and scent of his tea that Cuphead bought him, making him unconsciously sniff the air as he flipped through his notes and textbook.

“Well it’s gonna be on Halloween, who ditches a halloween party?”

“Someone who doesn’t really care for parties.”

“You’re so boring.” The cup whined as he tapped his pencil eraser against his cheek, his other hand tightly gripping his knee. Usually it was hard to convince Boris to come with Cuphead out to social gatherings, boris always insisted that it was a waste of time if no one except Cuphead talked to him..and he had a point. But that doesn’t mean that Boris should just turn down events like this just because people he doesn’t know will be there.

“Come on, just think about it at least—“

“Later.”

“You better, or I’ll stop showing up at tutoring,”

“Be my guest,” Boris bluntly says, his words sound rude, but cups knew that underneath it was just sarcasm. They were best friends after all.

“Can you please think about it? Don’t say that just so I can get my hopes up..” Cuphead pleaded, and finally, Boris glanced at him for a moment, then faced him. 

As much as he wanted to deny it, his tail was wagging just a bit behind his back.

“Okay, fine.” Boris muttered as he ran his hand through his fur, earning a silent ‘yes’ from Cuphead at his response.

“Now shut up, I gotta help you cram for your test,”

—————————————————————

Now skip forward to the present, it’s already the night of the party, and Cuphead wasn’t in the kitchen getting a drink, he wasn’t really focused on meeting new people, and he wasn’t talking to his other friends inside or anything. He was just…waiting.

Waiting on the porch.

In a cheap vampire costume he snagged from local costume shop nearby.

With his phone in hand.

He sat on the steps, impatient, only moving when people asked if he could make way so that people can go in and out as they pleased.

He wasn’t exactly attached to Boris by the hip, is what he would say. But he was definitely hoping he would show up. He liked Halloween, and he’d be here with his brother, but His brother had gone to a different college. 

Boris was really the only person closest to him, Other than Chalice and Elder Kettle. But even then he didn’t see them as often as he used to.

While waiting, his body began to grow impatient too, his leg bounced quickly while he drummed a small beat against one of his knees. Without even really realizing it, he was trying to soothe himself.

Then he heard a familiar voice call out his name. This voice,  much often ignored by others, was the only thing that would be audible to his own ears in a room full of people.

“Cuphead, is that you?” 

Boris asked, even though he could clearly see with his own two eyes as he approached, that it was indeed him.

The wolf, had shown up, with a more or less, overrated costume himself. A werewolf. He had on the buttoned up white shirt that was slightly tattered at the hem of it, it was buttoned up, but it was also missing some collar buttons, and he had the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. The shirt wasn’t crisp white, it was like it was rolled around in dirt and sprayed with fake blood on certain areas.

Then he had on dirt covered dark wash straight jeans, and some more blood sprayed up on a bit of his more lighter colored fur that was on his snout.

Anyone could look and walk past, or even compliment it.

But jeez Cuphead could just stare at him like this for a while.

“A vampire, thats all?” Boris said, a small smile on his face as he held his hand out to help Cuphead stand up.

“You shouldn’t be talking, I mean come on, so lame, a wolf dressing up as a werewolf”

“Just making the night easier for myself. I didn’t wanna buy some expensive cheap costume.” Boris shrugged.

Cuphead only nodded in understanding, before taking his hand and using it as leverage to pull himself back up. Once he was standing up on his own two feet again, he was close to being face to face with the wolf. They simply stared at each other, before Cuphead cleared the air by reaching for his wrist and opening the front door.

“Come on, let’s go inside.” He grinned as he pulled him and himself inside.

The inside of the house was a complete contrast to the setting outside. Outside, it was calm and quiet, the sound of the crickets chirping in the tall lawn grass was audible, along with the faint humming of the music from inside the home. Meanwhile inside, it was a bit more loud, the sound of people talking and the sound of music blaring was overriding his hearing. And almost everyone was dressed up of course. As much as one would have the courage to dive into this new space and meet other people, Boris didn’t really wanna do that. And he pretty much onky came to see Cuphead..

Who was already walking away to go chat with someone real quick, but not without pulling Boris along with him. 

But Boris didn’t want to go. He needed a moment alone.

He pulled his wrist away from Cuphead, which caused the cup to quickly look back in confusion 

“Whats wrong?” He asked , a slightly worried look already forming on his face.

“I need to go..find a bathroom real quick.” Boris says, before walking away, leaving Cuphead alone. Even if it slightly irritated the cup a little that his friend had already gone off to seclude himself again, he decided to just let him be for the moment, and to go have a quick chat with his friends.

Meanwhile Boris was already trying to think up an excuse to just go home and avoid talking to people. He quickly typed on his phone, trying to get some help from his brother, one of his few trustworthy people in the world, as he typed out his plea for bendy to make up a quick excuse that would sound good so Boris can leave..

Go talk to new people B

You can’t always just run away

You’re an adult for crying out loud.

..As much as he wouldn’t like to admit it, he was right. He couldn’t back away into a corner all the time, or be stuck in his comfortable zone when it was stopping him from actually living life.

But then again, it was sometimes nerve wrecking to even try to hold up a conversation.

He took a deep breath, stood up yall and  fixed himself up, before strolling out the bathroom. He looked around and found himself in the kitchen, where most of the drinks were, he grabbed himself a cup of water, and looked around. Possibly, there had to be a familiar face around here…someone he didn’t really speak to often..

Oh, Shelly. She’s a nice girl, he has her in  some of his classes ..and they talked once or twice. Well she mostly talked to him. But this wouldn’t be such a bad time to just talk to her, outside of school.

Without tucking his tail between his legs and hiding, Boris strangled a bit of courage and confidence inside of him, that motivated him to walk forward over to the Fossil, and almost easily..they talked. It was real nice to just talk to someone outside of his usual two friends.

And for almost a good hour, they spoke. The conversation was going good, just talking about school, life, and strangely, dinosaur facts were brought up, but he didn’t mind..

Meanwhile a cup on the other side of the room did mind. He tried to ignore the  jealous feelings that had begun brewing at first, he waited all week to talk and have fun with Boris at this party, he felt jealous that he was just talking to Shelly. And as bad as he began to hate having Boris’s attention on anyone else that wasn’t him, he also hated feeling jealous. It was an ugly feeling, Shelly is a nice girl, another friend of his that he knew well and she was amazing…he had no control in who or what Boris did with someone else. 

Boris wasn’t his.

So for an hour, he just kept chugging down cups of the spiked juice at the party, while some of his friends just chatted his ear off. He wasn’t really listening to what they were saying, he was just trying to distract himself from his unusually overwhelming feelings of jealousy.

But his attention is drawn back to the current conversation when his friend blocks his view, and speaks up,

“Truth or dare?”

‘Seriously, this is what they were doing for a good hour? Or what even led up to this dumb game.’

‘Why the hell am I thinking like a asshole’

“Dare,” Cuphead says as he lowered his cup from his lips, his mind already growing a bit fuzzy from the alcohol. 

“Kiss your crush,”

‘What are we, middle schoolers’

“Don’t got one.”

“Yes you do, stop being lame, everyone has a crush.”

“I don’t.” Cuphead said sternly, his tone changing the more he got pushed to admit feelings he didn’t wanna talk about..at a party of all places.

“Fine then.” His friend grumbled, before moving away towards the others.

And as much as he thought that dare was stupid, he already had his eyes on the person he wanted to kiss.

That darn wolf  across the room.

————————————————————

Nearing midnight, he was slightly wasted. Cuphead had dealt with more than he can chew, and as of now, he was currently letting his legs guide him around, as if he were on some autopilot while his mind was a bit buzzy.

But even if everything was a bit buzzy, he did have one goal in the back of his mind.

Find Boris.

He checked the kitchen, then the bathroom, the living room, and even the second and third level of the house..these people must be doing pretty fucking well if they got this many floors..

But he wasn’t in the house at all. And neither was Shelly. So with a last hope, he walked to the front door and opened it up, and right there on the porch was the prize..

..Sitting right next to Shelly.

He didn’t say anything for a good minute, he just stared in slight amusement, to see Boris talk to someone other than him was an unusual but a nice sight to see. 

His gaze landed on his ears, then his nape, and then it dropped to his back.. God his back was nice..

“Cuphead?”

His gaze snapped back up when his name was called out into the air, and he realized it was Shelly who said it. 

“You good?” She asks, tjat sweet smile on her face. She actually dressed up real nice, In a simple but cute Dinosaur Adult Onesie.

The moment Boris’s gaze landed on Cuphead, he knew he probably had a bit too much to drink. He was beginning to feel a bit tipsy himself, after he chose to drink something other than water. Without needing to be asked, he stood up and walked up the steps before grabbing his hand and pulling his arm around his shoulder and nape.

“I think he’s had a bit too much to drink tonight. I’ll see you at school next week Shelly. See ya,” Boris says, no longer feeling heavily weighed down his anxiety to say farewell comfortably now.

Shelly smiled and waved the both of them go, watching Boris’s tail gently wag as he and Cuphead walked down the sidewalk together.

“Where ya taking me?” Cuphead asks

“To your dorm..”

“..okay.” Cuphead replied, no longer feeling usually enthusiastic, but now just calm and quiet. Letting Boris hold his arm around his shoulder, and place his other hand on his waist comfortably as they went.

It didn’t take long to get back on campus. What did feel long was the silence in the elevator when they reached the dormitory. It felt almost tense, with how hard Cuphead stared at Boris. As if he was really thinking hard about something.

Once the machine dinged, alerting them of the doors opening to the new floor, 

Boris carefully pulled him out the elevator and walked down the hallway, and stopped once he reached his dorm. He searched Cupheads pocket before finding his key, and opening the door up.

Cupheads dorm seemed large, only because he didn’t have a roommate. And he took up most of the space for himself.

Boris sat him down on a nearby chair before kneeling down before him and undoing his shoe laces. A act of kindness in his eyes..

..it had Cuphead internally screaming, his heart felt like it was thrumming in a faster rhythm every time he pulled something off for him, his shoes, his gloves, his jacket..God he felt like crawling up the walls. He has sobered up a bit on the walk, the quiet silence outside cleared his mind. But now it his internal consciousness felt like it was full of chaos and lovesick thoughts.

Boris stood up eventually, just to lean in only to undo the vampire Cape Tie around Cupheads neck. And when it was undone, he pulled it off of him, before looking up, he soon found himself stuck as he stared into Cupheads eyes. 

“You okay?”

“More than fine,” Cuphead replied as he leaned in a bit closer, the action causing Boris’s ears to pull back slightly.

“I can see that.” Boris murmured, watching as Cuphead leaned in closer till their lips were barely a hair away from pressing against each other.

Each of them waited, waited for the other to make some sort of sigh or s something that would maybe tell them that they both weren’t thinking the same thing.

Then Cuphead risked it, the only thought on his mind being the dare from early.

He finally closed the last bit of distance between themselves, and kissed. And for a moment, Boris was surprised, shocked even, his heart was beating hard against his ribs, and he felt like he might die but..

He liked it. He really did. Even if it felt wrong to admit that.

Quickly, he pulled away just for a moment and turned off the lamp on Cupheads desk, before walking back over to Cuphead and  picking him up by the underside of his thighs. Each of them pressing right up against each other until there was no more room left. 

He hurriedly walked over to the nearby bed, and set him down on his back, before crawling up on the bed himself and looming over him.

“Is this okay?—“

“It’s more than fine for fucks sake,” Cuphead huffed out as he pulled him by his face and brought him in for another kiss, the two of them went on messily making out in the dark.

———————————————————————