#prolouge

y/n pov 𓂃🖊

I have been working at a café for a good two years now. Many people in my life—weirdly enough, even regular, fairly old customers—ask me when I plan to leave this place.

Frankly, I get their sentiment. Sometimes, I think about how I should put my college degree to use and find a better, more stable job, instead of wasting my years making other people's coffee. My parents nag me about quitting, too.

But after contemplating it—and having brief crises from time to time whenever they remind me—I always reach the same conclusion... I actually like what I'm doing. Like a Papa's game, running this place in real life is just as addictive, and that's just based on my personal preference.

I like that I'm scheduled during the afternoons. I enjoy making other people's coffee. I like knowing what type of brew they prefer, the milk-to-espresso ratio that they enjoy, how sweet one person likes it, and how bitter the other wants theirs.

But I've been rethinking that mindset lately. It started two weeks ago, and it's all because of one guy... That guy who is sitting by the window right now.

I know him as Seungmin—well, because that's the name he tells me to put on his cup. He's kind of tall, about 5'10", and always wears that polo-over-white-shirt-and-jorts combo. His face has those masculine yet soft features that any grandma would brag about to every girl she meets in hopes that they would marry her grandson.

Honestly, his looks alone already check off a lot on my type checklist. I totally would consider him my eye candy, and I'm pretty lucky since, two weeks ago, he became our regular... Right?

Unfortunately, I would think so if I didn't find the situation weird. Because instead of me being the one staring at him from time to time while he sips the coffee I made, he's the one who can't take his eyes off of me. And today marks the end of the second week since he's done it. And I would think I'm lucky because of this circumstance, but it's reached a point where it's affecting my routine.

I try to brush it off, but when I take another quick glance at his seat, he is staring straight at me yet again. Only this time, our eyes actually meet. I almost choked on my own saliva. Shit, shit, shit, shit.

I look down quickly, pretending the espresso machine needs my attention, hoping that he will somehow become conscious from the brief encounter too and stop staring. But I can still feel it even from this distance—that heavy, unblinking weight of his gaze, unfazed by what happened.

As another customer arrives at the counter, I look up slowly from my frozen state, greeting the person with a practiced smile. I reach for a marker to prep the next cup, but my hand is less steady than it was five minutes ago. When I finally risk another glance, he isn't looking at the window anymore. He’s standing. And he’s walking straight toward the counter.

Shit, shit, oh fuck.

I try composing myself again, deciding not to overthink it anymore. Instead, I just smiled as I greeted another customer lined up. Thankfully, I wasn't the only staff member clocked in at this hour. My coworker goes in my stead to ask him what he needs.

I take a quick glance at them talking. Seungmin is leaning over the counter, arms crossed, presenting that sweet smile that took my breath away when I first saw it. But the customers take turns one by one nonstop, leaving me no time to actually eavesdrop on their conversation. I sighed, turning my attention back to my front, the LED interface, and my marker in hand, ready to write whoever's name the cup was for.

Suddenly, I feel a tap on my shoulder, snapping me from my zone. My coworker leans to whisper by my ear, "He's asking for you..." They say with a knowing smirk, lightly nudging my side with their elbow, urging me to go approach the man.

My eyes go wide, looking at my coworker with shock. "You...!" I curse them in my mind, pursing my lips and furrowing my brows as I gulp hard. I composed myself, though. What could this customer need from me that he felt the need to ask for me specifically?

"Hello! You called for me, Sir Seungmin?" I ask as soon as I reach the other side of the counter where he is. Keeping it professional, I intentionally add the honorific while maintaining the smile I usually show the customers. But instead of getting a vocal response, he stays silent.

I can't help but raise my brow. He called for me, and now I'm here. Is he not going to say anything? But because I can't just leave a customer hanging, I stood there awkwardly as well, instinctively scratching my nape.

Without another second, he slides a piece of paper onto the counter, lying flat and folded at least once or twice. I stare at the paper for a while, dumbfounded as to what I'm supposed to do with it. But as I looked up at him, he was already walking away abruptly, even before I could ask what it was for.

"Ah—" I try calling for him, but the bell rings, indicating someone has left the premises. I looked at the paper on the counter again, feeling a little conflicted. But nonetheless, I think it's a little important. If that customer had specifically asked for me, just to give me a message—maybe—in this form... Then it must have taken a lot of courage for him to make this move.

"Well? What does it say?" My coworker asks me from behind, taking a little peek at the piece of paper in my hand, which I quickly hide in my pocket. I push him away, groaning softly. "Nothing! Let's just go back to work."

And we indeed go back to work. Customers continued to flock to the café… but just as quickly as they arrived, others left the moment they were finished. It was a never-ending cycle, but it was a cycle I was used to and enjoyed.

The clock struck six, and only a few customers were left since the five-thirty cut-off earlier. Now, we are just finishing up cleaning everything behind the counter before we move to the tables and chairs after the remaining customers leave. Like clockwork, we finish wrapping up the café as efficiently as ever.

"See you tomorrow!" My coworker waves at me outside the café as they head the opposite way. I returned the wave before watching them walk away. I sigh, the weight of the afternoon shift sliding off my shoulders.

I can't lie, this job does get tiring at times. But that's a small price to pay for doing something I genuinely enjoy. I massage my shoulders as I turn the other way to start walking to my apartment nearby. I reach my building, not wasting a moment more to take the elevator up to my floor.

Not long after, I face the door to my unit. Reaching into my back pocket for my phone to use its light to find my keys in my purse, I hear a faint sound—something hitting the floor.

"Huh?" I turn to see what it is, eyes squinting at the floor. It's the paper. I contemplate for a second whether to leave it be or to still pick it up. In the end, I pick it up and take it inside with me.

Throwing myself onto the couch, I let out a groan of relief as I feel the soft cushions swallow my body whole beneath me. I look at my hand with the paper again, my mind filling up with intense curiosity now.

"Just what is this..." I flip it, trying to find a secret code on the outer layer somehow before finally unfolding it open to see the content.

"E-eh?"

My finger traces over the inkwork and the creases the paper has taken from being trapped inside my pocket for so long. Filling up almost the entire paper is a butchered-up sketch of me... I think?

"Is this me...?" I let out a soft, quiet chuckle.

My eyes continue to scan lower. Written underneath is a string of numbers, his phone number, probably, and a note that reads, "I really like you. :) Please accept this."

What the heck... That's so fucking cute.

I shouldn't find it cute, really. I've spent the last two weeks thinking he was weird, after all. But fuck... I can't help but find myself covering my mouth, grinning from ear to ear as a flush of pink spreads across my cheeks.

I didn't notice it earlier because I was feeling weirdly nervous about opening the note, but there's also a whiff of perfume emanating from the paper. It's a gentle aroma of lavender and lemon mixed—surprisingly pleasing and much easier to take in than the heavy colognes most men typically wear.

Anyhow, I still find myself reaching for my phone. Ignoring my former judgment, my thumb hovers above the Contacts app before tapping to create a new contact.

My fingers move swiftly on the digital keyboard, typing his number, double-checking the digits against his messy handwriting before pressing save. I then move to the messaging app, staring at the blinking cursor as I try to compose a message, thinking of what to type and send without sounding awkward at all. But after second-guessing myself about it, it's impossible after all... I delete everything, tossing my phone to the other side of the couch.

I stand up instead, stretching my arms up high, hearing my joints pop satisfyingly. I chuckle to myself at the absurdity of the situation before walking to the bathroom to get ready for the night.

"Alright... See you tomorrow, handsome guy from work."

It was cold outside, really cold. Boris had escaped the cold earlier just before it began to snow. He wasn’t sure how he was gonna go outside with it being freezing cold, and he only came in a hoodie. He could be fine probably, hes a wolf right? Even if it was cold outside, it was warm inside the university’s library, and quiet. The lights washed down the whole building in a dim, but warm lighting. And there was lined up bookcases, stacked with books on each shelf.

Boris was sitting in the nearby study area, where there were circular tables. A place where people could read the books they checked out, or just study and do their work somewhere quiet. He didn’t come to the library often. He preferred to just do his work in his dorm, with his CD playing nearby his favorite album. But his brother, insisted that when they both came here, that Boris would socialize, and not be closed off to almost everyone. And Boris was indeed stubborn at first, It was difficult for Bendy to try and find reasons on why Boris should go out, because Boris would always counteract his argument with a lazy excuse or even a good reason at times… Bendy eventually had to threaten Boris that if he didn’t go and try to socialize, then he wouldn’t be his Dorm roommate anymore. And that didn’t sound so bad, well it wouldn’t sound bad if you weren’t Boris. But being a guy with little to no knowledge on how to start up a conversation with people, he started tutoring. So that he can talk to someone with a reason, teaching them. And maybe something can stem from there.. But lately, the person he has been tutoring is kind of..

“HEY! YOU’RE HERE EARLY!”

..much.

Cup head strolled in with a small tray carrying two coffee cups, the hand held cardboard parts carrying a label that he recognized from a nearby establishment.

“Hey, it’s snowing outside!” Cuphead grinned as he took a seat right next to Boris, but he left a bit of space between them…a large gap actually. He always did this when he studied with Boris, and Boris wasn’t sure why he did it, but he did know it made studying a bit more annoying, especially when you teach others by showing them how and demonstrate it physically. Before he could even ask him, Cuphead quickly spoke again, as if he sensed the already impending awkward question.

“Hey, I got you hot chocolate, I didn’t know what type of coffee you would like, but everyone likes hot chocolate right?” Cup head said with an awkward smile on his face as he held out the warm cardboard cup. As sweet as the gesture was..Boris was a wolf. He couldn’t drink, eat or basically ingest anything with chocolate in it. However, he was surprised to be given something for the first time without having to ask, even if it was just something as simple as a drink. It was the first time ever since elementary school, where everyone was forced to pass out candy bags on holidays or birthdays, even if they didn’t like you.. Jeez, had it been that long? No, he had Bendy, who sometimes gets him trinkets or snacks if he thinks that Boris would like them..but then again, Bendy was his brother.

“Thanks, But I don’t drink Hot chocolate. Canines can’t really..have anything with chocolate.” Boris explained, and Cuphead could only feel a tint of rose color his porcelain skin, the first obvious sign of embarrassment. And soon after, realization dawned on his face as he pulled back the cup of Hot chocolate.

“Fuck, that’s my fault. I’m..dumb.” Cup head says as his hand slightly lowered. His awkward smile still not breaking as his eyes shy away from Boris’s gaze. The wolfs ears lowered slightly, on one hand,he felt bad to reject a kind offer, even though he could get sick if he accepted it. On the other hand though, he was taken aback to see Cuphead seem so embarrassed. He never seen him like this. Boris observed people around campus, one of them being Cup head, before he began tutoring him. You could say he has a horrible habit of people watching, but it’s help him avoid certain people whose behavior seemed like no good news. From what he knows, cup head is more of a prideful person, liberated from any type of shade or hesitation. He could say the wrong answer for a question in class, he could do a stupid act on campus grounds in front of a dozen people, he could do something that would probably make a average person feel shaky in the knees to have so many eyes on them, yet he never cared.

Boris envied him, envied how he was so worry free of the things around him, how everyone he came into contact with seemed to either avoid him, or just welcome him with open arms, and it was his first year. It was Boris’s first year too, yet it feels like everywhere he went, he couldn’t catch a break. No matter how hard he tried to act nice, keep to himself, or even just be helpful, it didn’t matter when at the end of the day, all anyone saw first was a intimidating wolf, not the soul.

“It’s fine, you can just keep it. I don’t mind,” Boris mumbled as he rubbed his snout. He wished he was tutoring someone else but him.

“…Ya like warm Tea?” Cup head asks as he looked over at Boris. For a moment, Boris wondered what he was trying to get at, and before he can talk, he was interrupted again.

“Look I’ll dump out the Hot Chocolate, the drink is overrated anyway. There’s a closer cafe nearby, come on let’s ditch this session,” Cuphead says with a goofy laugh as he spoke

“I’m supposed to be helping you raise your grades and keep your athletic scholarship, not help you—“

“My grades are higher, most of them are..B’s now” Cuphead quickly cuts him off, and that tempted Boris. Maybe ditching one session won’t be so bad.. The two of them exist the library, And Boris tightened his hoodie over his head, Trying to stay a bit warm inside his hoodie. Even if he was a wolf, it was a bit chilly, the snow wasn’t helping. They walked for a good 5 minutes, nearing the nearby Cafe. The walk was so quiet, the only sound that was heard was the sound of cars coming up and down the street and crunching the snow under its tires. Boris looked over at Cuphead, and as expected, he saw the cup shivering.

“Shit, are you okay?” Boris asked as he looked at him in concern, and before he could think about it, he wrapped an arm around the wolf and quickly walked faster.. ‘What the fuck am I doing??’ Once they arrived at the cafe, Boris held open the door for him and retracted his arm, walking up to the counter to scan the menu up above the register, and to try and ignore the now awkward tension..meanwhile Cuphead was stuck by the front door, his face blank as he thought, ‘what just happened?’ As much as he hated when people touched him, this time it didn’t feel so bad, as if there was no hidden intentions beneath it, or a fake kindness to it, he genuinely wanted to keep him warm in the cold.

“You gonna get anything?” The question snapped him out of his trance, and his eyes snapped back up, his eyes tracing the sound of the voice back to the counter a few feet up ahead of him, right, he was at the cafe, not in his arms.

“Oh uh, just some Jasmine Tea,” he ordered, and when the total was set, Boris paid without hesitation. There was a long silence that stretched between them as they waited. It wasn’t awkward, but it definitely felt a bit tense. Once they got their beverages, they took a seat in a nearby table by a window, both of them facing the window to watch the snow fall outside..

“Thanks for keeping me warm out there.” Cup head thanked, his face forming a grateful expression as he glanced over at the wolf, but as quickly as he looked, he looked away.

“Don’t mention it.” Boris said, his words literal as he wanted to forget the moment, how embarrassing to..hold a man so close…if any of the nuns at his previous living quarters saw that, he’d probably be screwed.. ‘Wait, there ain’t nothing wrong with that..’ Boris thought as he bitterly thought back on past memories that built unintentional thoughts and habits.. of course, nothing wrong with a man being so close to another man, but..he couldn’t help but feel the cross necklace that hung around his neck, feel unconsciously heavy as he thought more about it.

“Would you wanna come to my next football game?” Cup head asked suddenly, a small smile on his face as he asked the wolf. “It’ll be fun, I know a spot on the bleachers where no one will bother ya, my treat..to get you out more. I never see you out often.”

Cup head was also observant, just as much as Boris.

And for once, the weight of the necklace ceased, just for a second it did.

“Sure.”

———

Phew, hope y’all enjoyed this because I’m very nervous to post this and more. ALSO, this is a pupcup centered fanfic, a ship from Myth Of The Machine, (by flygutz and nortsauce) it will probably handle mature themes (because these are grown ass men in university, also life isn’t perfect, And it’s supposed to have uncomfortable situations anyway, BUT no smut, only suggestiveness..) so I’ll leave notes before each chapter if I decide to post the chapters on here. I also posted this on AO3 /my account is Cinnaghxul. I’ll try to post a chapter whenever I can and whenever I feel confident in my writing.

ALSO ALSO, clearing this up because I overthought it, the title is reflected over my own experiences with internalized homophobia towards myself and how I viewed myself when I was struggling to accept the fact I was indeed Pansexual, I am not trying to whatsoever calling loving who you wanna love a sin, it’s supposed to reflect my own past feelings towards myself, which inspired this story, but also it’s supposed to reflect the characters own problems of accepting themselves as they are. I just wanted to explain the title because I get nervous and don’t want people to get the wrong idea. Love who you love and be who you wanna be guys!

FIRST COMIC BABYYYY!! I take like, forever when writing so I decided to first make a comic on my LU AU!

If you’re ever in trouble, dial (866) 907-3235. Ask for Dean Winchester and tell him you’re my kid sister. He’ll take it from there.

(866) 907-3235. (866) 907-3235. (866) 907-3235. Ask for Dean. Winchester.

The message from my brother played on repeat in my head as I sat with my knees tucked to my chest. It was dark, and I was cold, but I couldn’t bring myself to move from my spot on the floor of the closet. Although it happened weeks ago now, it felt like just a few hours had passed since my brother went missing. I didn’t think anything of it when he didn’t come home a few Tuesdays ago, guessing he was at a late study group, or alone at the library writing a paper like usual.

When Wednesday came, and he wasn’t in the kitchen drinking coffee before I headed off to work, I figured it was a really late night, and I’d see him later. Usually, he’d waltz in some time after 9 p.m. and say, “Hey, big head, you eat yet?” as he threw his bag on the couch or whatever piece of furniture was closest after taking his shoes off at the door. But when Thursday came, and no messages were left on the answering machine, and I had no missed or returned calls on my cell, I grew uneasy.

It wasn’t like Taj to leave without warning like this. All I could think about was what happened to our parents—a car crash on their anniversary that left us alone at 18 and 14 years old. They had nothing to leave us besides the house we grew up in (which had been in our family for generations), but somehow, Taj made do. He had finished college, gotten me through high school, and is now pursuing his graduate studies, aiming to become a history professor with a focus on folklore and mythology. Or, at least he was, until he disappeared.

And now, here I was, alone and cold, sitting on the floor of my closet, trying to muster up the courage to move my body. As I sat in the silence, the memory hit me like a ton of bricks, and I could curse myself for not remembering sooner.

— One year ago —

“Carmen, I’m serious. Memorize the name and the number.” I rolled my eyes at the tone in Taj’s voice. He came home talking crazy, writing frantically on a piece of notebook paper, a name and number he wouldn’t stop saying out loud until I said it with him.

“Alright, damn! Dean Winchester, (866) 907-3235. I got it, now go on somewhere, Taj,” I snapped. I’d had a long day at Tina’s and really was not trying to hear any of what he was saying. All I wanted was to get into my bed.

Sighing, Taj walked to stand directly in front of me and, with the paper folded, he stuck out his hand. “Here. Please. Take it, and I’ll leave you alone.”

I scoffed my eyes as I took the paper and left him standing alone in the kitchen.

— Present day —

I can’t believe it took me three weeks to remember that scrap of paper. But now it was all I could think about. Dean Winchester. (866) 907-3235.

Come on, Carmen. Move, I said to myself.

I hadn’t eaten or gone outside in days. I was initially exhausted after posting Taj’s picture around town and handing the flyers out to each customer I served at the diner. Melvin, my shift manager, had sent me home for ‘badgering customers,’ saying it was bad for business. It seemed like no one in this dump of a town cared about Taj just vanishing without a word.

These people knew Taj, and no one batted an eye as I ran around stapling his picture to light poles and tapping it on storefront windows. It was like he didn’t exist to them.

I wasn’t going to find him by throwing a pitty party for myself; I needed to get to the phone and call up this Dean Winchester guy. He was my last hope at this point.

Gathering what little strength I had, I untucked my knees and stretched my legs out long. With a wince, I cracked my toes and made slight movements to wake my stiff limbs. Eventually, I came to a standing position and made my way to the living room, where my phone sat on the edge of the coffee table.

Alright, Dean, help me find my brother. I thought as I flipped the phone open, grateful it still had a charge, and dialed the number I had been repeating over and over.

The line rang for what felt like forever before a gruff voice answered the phone.

“H-hi, I’m looking for a Dean…Winchester,” My anxiety was on ten. I had spent hours repeating the number and saying the name, only to be fumbling over it now that the threat was… well, real.

“Well, you got him, how can I help you?” He sounded impatient.

“Um, okay. Good. Um, this is—”

“Spit it out, sweetheart.”

With a sigh, the words came rushing out: “I’m Taj Brown’s sister. He’s missing, and he told me to call this number if there was ever trouble. I can’t find him.”

The line went quiet for a beat.

“I’m on the way” was all he said before I got the dial tone.

— 10 years ago, omniscient pov —

“Hmm. Well, aren’t you pretty?” A woman with black eyes stood in a circle marked with ancient symbols. She wore a tight black dress and high heels.

The boy who had summoned her was frozen in shock, gazing at her with eyes wide with curiosity. He didn’t think this would actually work. Up until now, he had only read about stuff like this from across cultures—demons who grant wishes. Who would’ve thought there was actual, physical truth to the tales?

“Did you just call to waste my time? You’re cute, but I do have places to be, hun. Let’s hurry this up,” she spoke slyly, eyeing the boy up and down before focusing her attention on her nails. They were sharp and painted in a shade of red that looked like blood.

“Oh. Right, of course.” He was nervous.

With a deep breath, he continued to speak, “I-I wanna make a deal.”

At his words, the woman’s head shot up, and her lips went thin as she flashed a sinister smile, tongue running across her upper teeth.

“A deal, huh? I haven’t made one of those in years; what’s in it for me?”

Her tone had shifted now; she sounded and looked like she was ready to devour her summoner alive.

He gulped as he answered slowly, “If you can help me make sure my sister is cared for…by me. I’ll pay any price,” He regretted saying that last part as soon as the words left his mouth, but he couldn’t help it.

The demon laughed.

“Any price, huh? Well, for that, sweetie, you might as well throw something in for yourself.”

He thought for a minute. “…Grant me the career of my dreams so that I can take care of my sister.”

“Oh, how selfless. He wants to play guardian for his sister. Touching. Truly,” she said sarcastically before crossing her arms over her chest. She found the kid endearing. He was new to this world, that much was obvious. Naivety about the supernatural, paired with the fact that he looked to be maybe 19 years old…This could be the most fun I’ve had in centuries, she thought to herself.

“If you’re sure that’s what you want, I can grant you exactly that under one condition.”

The demon tilted her head to the side as she put up one skinny finger to signify the single condition.

“What is it?” the boy asked anxiously.

“You won’t know my price until 10 years have passed. That’s when I’ll collect the debt. Got it?” she was toying with him now, she wanted to see how far she could go with him already right where she wanted. Desperate and already locked into the deal without knowing.

“10 years?!” he exclaimed. “Forget it—” he cut himself off as he began reciting a spell to send the demon back to the pits of hell.

“Whoa whoa whoa!” she shouted, “No need for all that. Thems the rules of the crossroads. I give you what you want, and I come to make good on my investment in 10 years.”

He paused again. Was this really his only option? He couldn’t quite answer that question himself. His parents were dead, and he was responsible for his kid sister Carmen. What else was he supposed to do? He was 18 and already pulling crazy shifts at the only diner in town while trying to balance school. He couldn’t think of anything else to do.

A common misconception about individuals who go to such lengths and make such deals is that they aren’t intelligent, but that’s not entirely accurate. Even the smartest of people get desperate sometimes, and right now, Taj, as brilliant as he was, was desperate. He had to make the deal. No matter the cost.

“Alright. Deal,” he spoke, looking at the ground. Without looking up, he stretched out his hand to shake the demon’s hand.

Chuckling, the demon smiled widely again and shook Taj’s hand. Always better to make ‘em squirm, she thought to herself.

“And that’s all she wrote…See ya around, Taj,” and with that, she was gone.

As Taj made his way home, he realized something. He had never told the demon his name.