#gsad

Fishing for reasons why I can't go to lunch with a friend since my anxiety won't let me. I have rules like, if you have to do [social event] you need at least one days notice to mentally prepare or else I can't do it. Even with a day sometimes i can't make myself do it. It can be as big as dancing in front of thousands or as small as turning in an application. I've screwed myself out of so many places that I KNEW were hiring because I had to wait a day to pick up the app and a day to turn it in and a few days to call back or I never got the courage to call back. There is so much life that I want to lead that I can't because of this fucking feeling. And I don't want to be a shitty friend who can't even go to lunch with someone.