Hawkeye: 1, 6, 9, 10, 24 (bring on the angst)
1) Something this character is truly proud of.
Thereâs not a whole lot Hawkeye is actually, truly proud of. His medical skills, sure, but thereâs always something more he could have done, someone he couldnât save, something new to learn. Even the kids he patches up good as new, some of them wind up on his table again or worse. And thatâs not his fault, not really, but maybe if he hadnât done such a good job, they wouldnât have been sent back to the front.
But he is proud of his ability to make people laugh. Sometimes itâs a defense mechanism, and he knows that, but out of all his many defense mechanisms, at least this one does some good for other people.
6) Something they lost, but would love to have back
His mother. Tommy. Trapper. Henry. His marbles. (Itâs unfair, he thinks sometimes, to put Trapper on the same list as people whoâve actually died -- Trapperâs not gone, not the way Tommy and Henry are gone, but the five thousand miles between Korea and Boston might as well be the gulf between life and death -- itâs just as impossible to traverse, and he suspects what he finds on the other side will not be the same thing he left.)
9) What calms them when they are upset.
He thinks itâs gin, which is why he drinks so much, but really, itâs just the notion that someone -- Sidney, BJ, his dad -- is listening, that someone is there and thinks him worth their time. Not in a casual way, like with the various people he sleeps with, but people that know him.Â
For lifeâs little upsets, though, thereâs a lot to be said for BJ Hunnicuttâs big strong arms, good for hugging.
10) How they deal with pain.
Yeah, he doesnât. Anything that hurts, anything heâs lost or missed or broken gets tucked away in a box, kept safe from where it can get to him. It doesnât work, of course -- these things have a way of slipping out when you most need them locked away. And thatâs what gin is for. Thatâs what casual sex and hitting on anything that moves and complaining at top volume about the food is for. And anything that canât be numbed by liquor or sex or gambling or any of his usual vices, well, that gets shoved down and ignored until it doesnât hurt anymore, until heâs forgotten what was hurting in the first place.
24) What they wish they could change about themselves
When it comes right down to it, Hawkeye mostly just wishes he were a better doctor. Not that heâs not an excellent doctor and a skilled surgeon, because he definitely is -- this is a fact he knows about himself that is objectively true, not derived from ego or pride -- but because he could be better. Sometimes thereâs nothing you can do, thatâs one of the hardest lessons he leaned in medical school, but maybe if he were just a bit better, faster, more nimble, maybe there would be fewer cases where nothing can be done.