#grishaverse shitpost

Zoya: a candy dispenser (passes it to Nina) a blanket with a wolf (passes it to Matthias) old boxers with a duckie print (passes it to Jesper) an envelope with three tooths that reads "from that asshole i punched" (passes it to Kaz), what i can only describe as the creepiest haunted doll i have ever seen (passes it to Inej) and i have no knowledge or honest interest in your personality so you get the crochet bear by default (passes it to Wylan)

"Zoya leaves"

Inej: okay...lets do it and no one judges

Jesper grabbing the blanket: give me my booboo!

Matthias grabbing the doll: she is not haunted, she is antique, goes on the dresser to scare evil spirits away

Wylan grabbing the envelope: i need this to remind me never get that violent again AND to be proud i did it

Kaz grabbing the bear: before you say anything, Krugdcifer is just a device to transport tiny bombs

Inej grabbing the boxers: they are horrible but "sighs" so comfy

but allow me to present

The Crows in an escape room:

Kaz is the person who figures everything out immediately but won't say anything to anyone (they think it's because he's being a dick but really he's too smart for his own good and doesn't want to ruin the experience for the others by escaping in 10 minutes and doing everything himself), or he'll solve something while no one is looking and just go "oh wow look this just opened all by itself how crazy you should do something about that"

Inej and Matthias are calmly solving the clues and methodically writing things down, though Matthias gets frustrated early on, but he hides it well. Inej isn't as invested, she's just there to have fun with her friends and exercise her brain

Wylan is extremely invested. he wants to escape and starts getting flustered almost immediately and is more frustrated than Matthias and way worse at hiding it

Jesper and Nina are playing with the props, having conversations and making jokes. they both start screaming and jumping around excitedly any time the group solves something, even if they did nothing to contribute.

Nina is the person who keeps saying "come on guys we have to focus" and then immediately gets distracted with something that looks dick shaped and won't stop making jokes about it.

Jesper will be paying zero attention to the room and then take one look at something and solve it immediately and go right back to being silly

(I haven't finished the s&b books but I added a lil hint of Zoyalai cause i kinda got spoiled)

Kaz - Bohemian Rhapsody

Inej - Love of my Life

Jesper - Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy

Wylan - Under Pressure

Nina - Killer Queen

part one

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Jesper: Just unsuccessfully fucked your mom.

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Wylan: Would you still love me if I was a worm?

Jesper: Babe, my worm is in you.

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Kaz: Get left on heard, bitch.

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Wylan: I want to put a bullet through my skull. 🎶Something tells me it's gonna be alright🎶

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Jesper: That was my first kiss. John F. Kennedy's paper cutout.

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Nina: Women don't belong in the kitchen. Their boobs belong in my mouth.

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Jesper: I am a sexual man. Of the "homo" variety.

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Kaz: The only cool I am is occasionally cold-blooded.

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Inej, at a cathedral: And then it comes to the water, and I'm like "Saints, I haven't finished my bread"

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Matthias: Alright. Next: I die.

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Jesper: Let me be glittery, bitch.

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