don't you just hate it when you're born to a siberian peasant family in the late 1860's and you enter the verkhoture monastery with the intention of becoming a monk but then you say "fuck it" and go get married at 19 and then in 1903 you end up in st. petersburg and then the czar and his wife ask you to heal their son alexei so you go ahead and tell him "hey stop taking aspirin" and fucking spit so now you have empress alexandra's support because you "cured" the boy of hemophilia but then you end up being hated by many because you did a lot of fucked up shit but it's okay because you still get bitches despite not believing in personal hygiene and rarely bathing and having crumbs in your beard and giving off a terrible smell and then you end up predicting that calamity would befall the country as russia enters WWI and the empress dismisses ministers who are suspicious of you, the "mad monk", but then in 1914 you get stabbed by some woman who is a follower of iliodor so you're like "damn okay" and then a year and a half later felix yusupov invites you to his home and he gives you tea and cakes and you're like "fuck you i'm not eating these" but then you eat them anyway and you're unaffected by the poison and then you ask for some wine and you drink 3 glasses but it turns out that wine was poisoned too but it's okay because you're still unaffected and then he goes "excuse me" and goes upstairs and then he takes a revolver from dmitry pavlovich and comes back and tells you that you'd better look at the crucifix and say a prayer and then you get shot in the chest and they go ahead and make sure that you're dead but you're still alive so you attack yusupov and he fucking frees himself and flees upstairs so you follow him and make it to the palace's courtyard only to be shot and thrown into the river so you die and then like 2 years after your death alexei and the rest of his family are executed by communist revolutionaries and then like 62 years later some band releases a song about you and suddenly you grow in fame internationally because of this and then many museums claim to have your severed pp and people only know you for the fact that you were "russia's greatest love machine" and that you were alexei’s “healer” even though you only told him to stop taking aspirin and you probably hypnotised him too but many people don’t know that much about you other than that, don't you just hate when that happens?