#gos2ep6

That would have been the easy choice. There still could have been a fight, it still would have been devastating and all of that subtext and all of those unspoken feelings would still have been there but no, they decided to pull out every.single.stop. on the heartbreak front.

I think that was absolutely the right (and brave) decision for the level of drama needed and for that scene. And for their relationship.

But also, I just can’t stop thinking about WHAT IT MUST HAVE TAKEN for Crowley to do that.

He worked up the courage, was interrupted, was given horrendous, shattering news and then STILL DECLARED HIS LOVE ANYWAY

And yes he had to try and he had to make Aziraphale understand but THINK WHAT IT MUST HAVE COST HIM

And then even after the confession not working out and his heart being stomped on again HE STILL WENT FOR A KISS

HE PUT HIS WHOLE ENTIRE HEART ON THE LINE

FUCKING EVERYTHING HE HAD

Imagine what that would take for anyone, LET ALONE CROWLEY

Like, the kiss itself is ugly to look at, probably uncomfortable to have and just overall not the sweet and tender kiss you want to see.

Which makes sense, since they both have a lot of shit going on.

You hardly ever see couples on TV have ugly kisses, unless one of the characters has bad intentions. But they don't. In actual fact, they both love each other very much. But even loving couples can have bad kisses sometimes. And I imagine neither of them have kissed anyone before.

what could’ve been & what is

“…you and me, what do you say?”

I don’t have a big, unique, in-depth theory. All I can share is what I see now that I am not as clouded by emotion, which isn’t difficult as I was sobbing the first time I watched it and still cried this time. Here we go:

It feels like Aziraphale is lying.

He stumbles so many times at the beginning of what he’s saying to Crowley, like he’s still trying to come up with the story or how to tell it without the parts he doesn’t want to share or to get his desired result.

He almost backs out.

After the kiss when the Metatron is asking if he’s ready to go Azi keeps looking to his right, out the window to where the Bentley is parked and where we see Crowley standing next to it in the next scene.

And Azi almost takes back his acceptance. He goes “I think I…” and then he looks, back to where Crowley is, and he struggles to put on a fake smile and he goes.

Those are not the actions of a man-shaped being who is drugged or brainwashed.

Those are the actions of a man-shaped being who is breaking his own heart to protect someone.