#goodbye2013

2014

4 corresponds to $ on a keyboard

201$

it's the year of the money

That means 2013 was the year of the hashtag

Time for my typically belated New Years post. But first-- yes, this Tumblr has existed for 4 years. Also, this past year-- my first blog, started 10+ years was shut down and archived (thank you xanga.com). It's kind of a big deal in my personal blogging world. Now onto the reflections and resolutions.

Looking back at 2013, I can't say it was an easy year. I lost a sense of self worth at some points, struggled to understand the significance of my work and scrambled to maintain friendships and relationships that were changing and evolving, trying to hold onto what I believed to be the best things. It was a year filled with less wonder and more wondering why I couldn't be more... do more... or find something... fill in the blanks. It was a tiring year. Looking back-- I think in those moments I was living with a lot of fear. Fear of messing up, fear that what I wanted wasn't enough, fear that I would lose more than I could bear to part with. But just because it wasn't easy doesn't mean there weren't many moments of joy and excitement. 

Some of the greatest moments of 2013 include witnessing and celebrating 6 weddings, my first celebrity-in-plainclothes sighting (Daniel Craig at St. Mark's Market), my epic 24th birthday party, going to Haiti with City Grace, community groups, going to Boston with some of the girls, my first work trip alone, a promotion, visiting Duke, meeting new people, making strong friendships with them, visiting family in Taiwan, remembering the power of the Gospel, growing deeper in love and faith and friendships. 

God is good and I've learned from 2013. I know that I can trust that in His timing, I will be able to understand and see how all of the challenges work together for my good.

Last year, I asked to be broken and that is exactly how I felt. But I know I was broken to be built up on a foundation that cannot be shaken. The things I trusted in weren't the things I should have founded my identity on in the first place. I'm still learning, still growing, but my foundation is sure. 

In 2014, I want to be fearless. I want my identity in Christ to be what holds me together and allows my heart to break in ways that only He can. I want to discover passion and desire something so much that it hurts not to pursue it. I want to take risks in faith, trusting that what is unseen are the things that are important. I want to love without fear. I want to experience love without fear. I want to know Jesus in all aspects of my life. I want my life to be an outpouring of who I am in Him.