Holding onto tables, pulling out the staples Keeping you close, now we're not afloat Point me in the right direction, answer me one question 'Cause I could've sworn that I wasn't wrong

I want to say it was August when M cut ties with me and as I sit here sad that I'm not sharing this night together with them I can't help but feel a little lonely. True it was entirely my doing but that makes my sadness no less real. I'd kill to just message them happy new year but I am blocked so I'll settle for this. The worst part is they were going through a rough patch. Suicidal thoughts and a couple other things. I fear they may not even be alive. I'll never know and I'm slowly coming to accept that but damn it hurts. So I guess whoever reads this be better toward your friends and have a good new year.

The sallow of purple under her eyes Is the work of a sandman away for too long Her dreams call her to slumber But instead she wrinkles the sheets And plays one song on repeat A therapy only she understands Feeling the notes until goosebumps rise to greet the chill of air The light of her phone burns her eyes The work of a body knowing more than a mind she can't shut off Her body begs her to rest But instead she sits up and stares into the darkness Listening to the same song feeding her heart A hope building that she doesn't want to interrupt Feeling the air enter her nose and exit past her tongue Cooling the sharp edges her past has ground to protect her The alarm clock yells red numbers at her eyes The work of time moving on without her Her mind beckons her to be better But she knows she needs rest So she lowers the volume of the lullaby Deadening the noise outside and within Recognizing the darkness of the night and feeling all too much

Haubentaucher on “Goodbye M” - thanks a lot!

The only thing left of our relationship is the playlist you made on my ipod I play it to remind me what went on and how things went wrong yet maybe it's for the better cause that's what you said that's what it said in the letter that you sent Montauk never tasted so bitter and it's not the salt in the air I killed her, you should know The smell of decay is putrid That other part of me that longed to hold on is long gone I cannot breathe when she is inside of me She became the Jack to my Rose and I'll live forever wounded Like a blue sapphire heart dropped in the ocean But when I get off that boat, I'm not taking your name with me Everything we had is lost at sea The waves make us forget the depth of the water The hurt I feel is ocean deep So the songs will play until the battery dies It's too bad, no one has figured out how to recharge your love life

I tried to listen to my horoscope couldn't. I TRIED. You are too much of a coward to be the man that I NEED.