#gone fic

When Sam Temple was twelve years old, the world ended.

But Sam, you might be thinking, if the world ended, how are you writing this?

To that, he would reply: endings are about what dies, not what survives.

When Sam was twelve, the Perdido Beach Anomaly appeared. An opaque dome, about twenty miles in diameter, around an area of desert outside the town of Perdido Beach.

(That wasn’t the crazy part. Compared to the next few years, it wasn’t even particularly strange.)

Over the course of the next few weeks, people with… powers appeared. Sam and his twin brother, David, were two of them. Sam could shoot beams of blinding, burning green light out of his palms; David could move things with his mind. The government tried their hardest to keep it all under wraps, but with the internet—well, nothing that big was going to stay secret forever.

***

Then:

The internet cut out. So did the power. So did everything. For months, that was pretty much all the information they had as they fought to survive in a country that had long since crumbled to ashes (to this day, Sam isn’t sure how exactly it happened—David thought it was probably a combination of the power cutting out and some powerful mutants attacking the Capitol, and David was usually right about these things).

***

Then:

Sam’s mother, Connie Temple, died choking to death on her own blood.

(The men who killed her were crushed and burned to ashes.)

***

Then:

Sam and David were taken in by a town too eager to study their powers. There was a girl their age who could hold their hands and tell them exactly how dangerous they were. Sam was a four bar: possessing a metaphysical ability, but not extremely powerful. David, however, was a five bar, maybe even a six if he trained.

He didn’t miss the awed expression on his brother’s face as he stared at his hands, just like he didn’t miss the hungry gleam in the eyes of the researchers who watched them.

***

(Before:

Sam remembered his father in flashes. A hand, a smile, a voice. Especially his voice. It seemed he and Sam's mother were always arguing.

Children are smarter than you think. Sam clearly remembered the night his father died, though he couldn't have been older than five. He heard his mother's screams from the other side of the house, and when he ran into the living room David was already there. They stood across the room from each other, more like predator and prey than mother and son.

In his entire life, Sam had never seen anyone look so hateful.)

***

Then:

“People can go into the PBA,” David hissed in his ear that night. “But only if they’re under fifteen,” he added, “And they never come out.”

“Huh,” Sam said, because it was late and he could barely think past tomorrow, let alone about a dome he’d half-forgotten.

“They think…” David trailed off.

“They think what?”

But David just shook his head. “Nevermind.”

***

Then:

“We’re going to start sending people in,” the Commander announced. “Only mutants, and only four bars or higher.”

Sam’s heart dropped and his stomach churned, but when he looked over at David he saw his eyes were shining.

***

(Before:

Only twins know what it's like to be a twin.

You'll never be closer to anyone. Friends and lovers must choose you; parents, children, and siblings are distanced by that impassable chasm of age. But a twin—you had no choice but to know them. In a way, this made them unknowable.)

***

Then:

“If you’re going, I’m going.”

David hesitated. “You don’t have to.”

“Yes,” Sam said, jaw set and fists clenched to hide their trembling. “I do.”

***

(Before:

David was always the ambitious one.

Unlike Sam, he was meticulous about his appearance. He cared what others thought of him. And he was jealous. Dramatic, at times.

Still, Sam never thought him evil. He rarely even thought him cruel. Because the David who sneered at his twin's strange choice in friends also publicly embarrassed a girl who dared to do the same, because every time Caine shrugged off their mother's hand all Sam saw was that scene in the kitchen eight years ago, because the David who once painted his nails to match Sam's also killed a man without a second thought.

But hey, Sam helped, so what did that make him?)

***

Then:

When Sam Temple was thirteen, David Temple became Caine Soren.

“Why would you change your name?” He asked when he got the chance, which wasn’t until three weeks later. David—Caine?—was in the highest tier of those at the Training Centre, the ones closest to being considered for a chance to go into the PBA. Sam, despite his best efforts, was in the tier below him.

David shrugged. “Caine sounds better.”

***

Then:

When Sam Temple was fourteen, Caine Soren was declared Champion.

Sam was declared runner-up.

***

Then:

for me, it started when we found each other on the beach--i taught you how to surf, more or less. you may have saved my life once, that first time i went under and the water filled my lungs and i thought i was going to die. you’re the one who pulled me back to the surface.

you always pulled me back. i’d heard about your fifteen minutes of fame before we ever met--you were the talk of the town for a while, that twelve year old who stopped a bus from driving off a cliff. i remember wanting to talk to you, but you were always surrounded by other kids and by the time you weren’t it was too late. you’d been forgotten.

i think that’s why you didn’t have any friends before me. you have this way of fading into the background when you don’t want to be noticed. at school, you were quiet, almost broody. i wondered how this was the same kid who’d taken control so quickly. you didn’t seem like anything special.

but when i got to know you, it clicked. of course you were a hero. you didn’t know what else to be.

2. that’s why you scared me so much.

i was--i am, let’s not lie--intimidated by you. i’ve always been... awkward. i never had many friends, never thought i needed them. i was the weird kid. too loud, too odd, too this, too that. i was never good at the things i did.

you were better. the better surfer, better student, better friend, better person. sometimes just standing next to you made me feel awful, but you were too nice to hate. it just made me resent you more.

the point is, i had this image of you. this idea. that you were so smart and kind and capable.

then you proved me right, in all the wrong ways.

(you told me about your stepfather, too. how much you hated him. how much his constant arguing with your mother scared you. and on the night he ‘got into an accident and lost his hand’, you cried. it made me grateful for my own father, who hardly so much as raised his voice.

and it made me think you trusted me.)

3. you betrayed me first.

i know what i did was worse, but the thing is--you left me. and you never apologized for it.

you’d liked astrid for a while. it confused me; she was mean, a bit scary, and as far as i knew she’d never spoken a word to you. back then i supported you, because to be honest, i didn’t think you had a chance with her. she wasn’t a threat.

then my world fell apart around me. you stayed calm because of course you did, and you looked at her. you looked at astrid.

(then the light from your hands and what really happened that night. do you know how terrifying you were to me in that moment? i thought i knew you. i thought i knew what you were capable of. school bus sam. hero sam. cool, laid-back surfer sammy.

you shoud’ve seen your face. you burned a man’s hand off and i didn't see any guilt.)

4. then edilio, and caine--

i wish i could say i wasn’t thinking. but i was. i was thinking:

“Yeah,” Astrid said, “No hard feelings against her, but I also feel like crying my guts out over Netflix and sodium-filled takeout.”

“O-kay. I’ll order it and drive over there. You uh, cry your guts out, I’ll be there in a sec,” Brianna said, giving her a hopeful thumbs up as she walked out.

Finally, Astrid’s previously dismal mood lifted a little. Yeah, her girlfriend of four months had broken up with her because of her ex, but she wasn’t completely alone in this misery. Thank god for school-assigned roommates, especially ones who would buy takeout.

She passed the time playing a stupid game on her phone, and was getting strangely addicted by the time that Brianna returned with the food. Without a word, she sat next to Astrid and handed her the takeout container with chopsticks.

Bri balanced her tablet between them. “So, what do you want to watch?”

“Not to sound like a cliche, but maybe a romcom,” Astrid said, “I would like to believe that love always works out in the end, and happy couples stay together forever for at least two hours. The rest of my life would be better, but I’ll take what I can get.”

“Alright, one overrated cliche teenage romance movie coming up,” Brianna said, tapping through the app and searching for a movie. “Here. Love, Simon. It’s gay, you down?”

“Sure, sure,” Astrid answered, “I’m pretty sure nothing terrible happens to either of them, and I probably need a good cry too, so go for it.”

She pressed play, and Astrid was swept up into the world of a small Georgia town, where a closeted boy finds romance through email. It was better than the reality of Astrid’s life.

***

Before she knew it, It was the next morning. Astrid had classes today, but they weren’t until the afternoon. Thank goodness for that, because when she’d woken up, Astrid had been hit with the memory of what had happened the day before. Watching movies with Brianna had not cured Astrid over her post-breakup blues, at least not entirely.

She moped around all morning, then dragged herself into class. Wallowing in her own misery wasn’t turning out very well, and she still felt defeated after her classes. So, Astrid called the person she probably should’ve called earlier.

Sam picked up. “Hey, what’s up?” he asked, “I just got out of work, have you talked to Diana yet?”

“Um, yeah,” Astrid said, the emotions creeping back into her voice. “Diana actually, uh, broke up with me. Because Caine’s threats were serious, and she didn’t think I was…safe.”

“Holy shit,” Sam said, “Do you need anything? Are you alright? I can come over if you want.” His voice wasn’t as clear as it would be in real life, but she could still sense the urgency.

“No, Sam, but thank you. I’m fine. More time to study, I guess. I just don’t know how to move on.” She sighed. “A part of me knows she broke up with me because of your asshole brother, but I also just…wouldn’t she try to still stay together, just away from Caine? Did she secretly want to break up with me before, was it something I did?” Astrid sat down on a nearby bench, hugging her backpack for comfort.

“It wasn’t your fault, Astrid. You were an amazing girlfriend. You loved Diana so much, and you guys always talked and communicated. Every time you guys fought, the relationship came out stronger than it was before. Trust me, if Caine wasn’t an issue, you two would still be going strong. It’s not your fault, this is totally on my jackass brother.”

“Really? Because, like, we were fine before she knew. We kept it private, intentionally stayed away from Caine, and I thought we were fine! She was going to fire Caine eventually, move up closer to me, and it would be ok! Couldn’t we have just...kept doing what we were doing for a while, no matter what Caine thought?!”

Sam took a deep breath, and Astrid could hear him over the phone. “Astrid, you don’t know Caine. You never really met him, but he’s done stuff that’s bad. Like, considered bad at Coates Academy. I’ve never been a victim of his worst shit personally, but I’ve gotten the emotional side of it, and Astrid, he destroys people. I thought he’d destroyed Diana, but then she came back to the station the next day and seemed fine, so she’s like, Wonder Woman level emotional resiliency. If she bounces back from this, it’ll be a miracle.”

There was silence for a few minutes during the call. Astrid tried very hard not to cry.

“Like, what did he do?” Astrid asked.

“I’ve only heard stories,” Sam said, “But they’re bad enough as it is. He’s put…private photos up online, and he can get his rich parents to literally ruin people’s lives. And that’s the tip of the dung heap. There’s rumors of drugs, and some kids even say he tortured them. If he makes a threat, it’s serious, Astrid.”

“I had no idea…” Astrid said. “She avoided talking about him when I was with her. All I know is that it was a bad relationship, and she had to leave.”

Even over the phone, Sam sounded dejected. “I don’t know Diana’s story, but it had to be bad if she would break up with you because he threatened. Unless you can get Caine out of the picture completely, I don’t know what you would do to get back together.”

“I guess. But I’m not coping with the breakup very well. And I haven’t made many friends in college, so… any chance you wanna hang out sometime?” Astrid asked, wiping her nose on her sleeve.

She could practically hear his eyes roll over the phone. “I have a date with Quinn tomorrow night, so you can third wheel if you want, or maybe sometime next week.”

“Honestly I kind of want to be a third wheel so that I can continue to believe that love is a thing that doesn’t always end in tragedy and disaster.” She sat down on her bed. “Where and when?”

Sam gave her the details, and they talked about TV shows for a little bit before, with a smile on her face, Astrid hung up. He was a good friend to have, especially in times like this. If you had told Astrid that her best friend would be a gay surfer during college, she would have laughed, and told you that that sounded like something out of a stupid fanfiction, but she’d grossly underestimated the effect he’d have on her life.

***

Astrid swirled her slushie around. “So, why lunch first? I’d thought you guys would want to take as much advantage of the darkened movie theater as possible, given that you have a wonderful third wheel today,” she said, adding under her breath, “It’s what I would do.” Sam and Quinn pretended not to hear the last part.

“Eh,” Quinn said, ‘We kind of wanted to check up on you like, in person. Breakups suck. Also, this place is really cheap for a movie theater. The hotdogs aren’t half bad either.”

“Ah, the ‘we,’” Astrid said, “I miss that.” She was aware that she was being melodramatic, however, she had no incentive to stop.

“Miss what?” Sam asked, taking a chomp of his pizza.

“Being a package deal with someone. Speaking for two of you instead of just yourself. Having it be clear what’s going to happen in the future. The stable aspects of being in a relationship,” Astrid said, taking a long, sad slurp from her drink.

“Relationships aren’t always like that,” Sam said, “For instance, the embarrassing beginning of Quinn and I’s relationship. Which I will not tell.”

Quinn looked at Astrid, who was now scrolling through Instagram on her phone, her eyes downcast. “Can I tell her, though? To cheer her up.”

Sam gave it half a second’s thought. “Yeah. Just…don’t over exaggerate it.”

“Don’t worry, Sam,” Quinn said, winking, “This story doesn’t need to be exaggerated.”

Astrid looked up for her phone. “Do tell, especially if it’s that outrageous.”

The phone pinged, startling her out of her thoughts. One text from Caine Soren. A no-nonsense contact name she’d put into use after she’d broken up with him.

Sorry babe can’t talk rn. But i can text ;)

The fucking winky face. Diana really, really wanted to scream at him in all-caps, but that wasn’t going to help her or her mission in any way. Right now, she had to be the Diana he always loved, the one who he might tell something to. She had to play a little hard to get, but not defiant enough that he wouldn’t trust her. He had loved her at some point, right? He would listen.

Why did you threaten sam like that? We’re over

His reply came barely seconds later, and she could tell he was still typing.

You’re the only girl for me, diana. We’re meant to be together

I couldn’t let you make a mistake

It wasn’t a good relationship. That’s why I broke up with you.

God, was he actually this stupid? Couldn’t he take a no?

I just had these feelings while we were together. Like nothing could ever be better. This was how things were meant to be.

Diana took a deep breath. How to go about this.

Whatever you felt it was wrong. Because it wasn’t like that for me. It sucked

You wouldn’t let me talk to any guys

You told me my sexuality was invalid

You forced me into shit i wasn’t comfortable with

It wasn’t good, caine.

She could see him typing, but really didn’t care. This stuff had to be said, on the record.

I told you that when we broke up. After the mic switched off.

Well it was wrong

Because we’re meant to be, and i’ll do anything it takes to get you back

We’re soulmates, diana.

I don’t care how many stupid gay lives i have to destroy to get you to come back.

You’re all that matters

Her hands were shaking. Diana almost dropped the phone. She could feel her heartbeat thumping in her chest, like it was trying to break free of the cage entrapping it. To run away from Caine. This wasn’t good. She couldn’t do this. Diana’s palms started sweating, and she knew time had passed. Some, maybe too much. She tapped out another message on her phone, wondering why she suddenly couldn’t focus on the screen.

I’m not coming back

Diana only saw his next message before she turned off the phone and threw it on her bed.

You will. I know you will

Oh, what did she do now? Even over text, the meaning behind Caine’s words was clear. He meant those threats, and he meant every word he said. In some twisted, obsessive way, he meant it. She had to keep herself safe from a toxic relationship with Caine. And she had to keep Sam and Quinn safe from getting outed. She didn’t know their story, but there had to be a good reason for them staying closeted all this time. From what Astrid had told her, even their parents didn’t know.

And she had to keep Astrid safe from whatever Caine had in mind. She’d always dismissed the rumors floating around Caine at Coates, but from Sam’s attitude when telling her about the threat, and thinking back to the many girls who had begged her not to go out with him in junior year, she knew her ex-boyfriend was a serious threat.

There was only one thing Diana could do that would keep Astrid completely safe, and it killed her to do it. She turned her phone on again, and ignored all the notifications from Caine. Astrid’s contact was at the top of the app.

Can we talk tomorrow? About what sam told us. I talked to caine

She didn’t have work that afternoon, and evening. That could work. It was late, and Astrid had probably only just got home. Nevertheless, she texted back.

Yeah, i can come over to your apartment in the afternoon

Ok good see you then

Love you

A tear escaped from her eye as Diana turned off her phone and flopped down in her bed. She wished there were more than a few hours between now and tomorrow. Her only hope was that sleep would take her soon.

***

Astrid was grateful that she didn’t have any classes today, because it was an hour and a half drive to Perdido. Otherwise, there would be no way Astrid could make it without sacrificing sleep, class, or both. And, especially today, she was worried about Diana.

Diana had acted mostly normal last night after Sam had told them, but there was something about her that felt off. In all the time that Astrid had known her, her girlfriend wasn’t like that. She didn’t fake-laugh, didn’t stare off into space, and didn’t sit as far away from Astrid as possible. However her and Caine’s relationship had gone, it couldn’t have been well.

She pulled into the apartment complex and got to Diana’s apartment as fast as she could. Astrid knocked. It was a good thing that today was a Friday, and Diana’s shift was in the morning. A FaceTime call wasn’t going to cut it for this conversation.

The door opened, with Diana standing behind it. She looked tired, still wearing her pajamas and with bags under her eyes. Her hair was in a messy ponytail. Normally, Astrid would have cherished seeing Diana like this, in the casual state she rarely inhabited. But today she wasn’t casual because she was relaxed and letting her guard down, but because she was emotionally destroyed. Diana didn’t take her hand or kiss her as Astrid walked through the doorway.

The space between them was tense. Astrid stuffed her hands in her pockets. “So, how did talking to Caine go?”

Diana took a deep breath. “That’s what I’ve been meaning to tell you about.” She walked into the small sitting room and sat in one of the armchairs.

Confused now more than ever, Astrid sat down on the nearby couch, on the side closest to Diana. “What...happened? Did you tell Caine, is he over it, what?” She had to know, and she watched Diana intently for her answer.

“I didn’t tell Caine. And no, he isn’t over it,” Diana said, running her hands over her face and through her hair. “I think we should break up.”

Astrid felt like a load of bricks had slammed into her chest. Emotions flooded her brain, so tangled up in each other that she couldn’t tell which was what. “Why?” she asked, her voice hollow and faint.

“Caine,” Diana said, a tear pouring from her right eye. “He—he’s not over me. I don’t know if he’s ever gonna be over me. He said he’d do anything to get me back and I”—she stifled a sob—“would rather have us both be single than you in danger. Sam and Quinn too. There’s...I can’t imagine life without you Astrid, not after what we’ve had, but I can’t put you in danger. I don’t think there’s anything I, or anyone can do to stop Caine.”

“That-that makes sense. I shouldn’t be in danger for...dating you,” Astrid said, feeling her eyes start to water. “I’ll miss you though. I love you so much.” Her chin quivered.

“I love you too,” Diana said, “But I have to let you go. You don’t know what Caine could do. What he’s done.” She took a deep breath. “I have a box of your stuff in the kitchen.”

“Oh-ok. I have your jacket at home. I’ll, uh, bring it back sometime this week,” Astrid said. “And...thank you. For being my first girlfriend, and a wonderful partner, and listening to me even when I wasn’t thinking right and…” She stopped talking, giving the tears time to flow from her eyes.

“I wish it didn’t have to be like this,” Diana said. She got up from the chair and went into the kitchen. A few seconds later, Diana returned with a brown cardboard box. She set it in Astrid’s lap. “For the memories,” she said.

“Thanks,” Astrid said, but she didn’t dare to look at the contents of the box in her hands. “I’ll uh, be going. See you around.” She stood up, collected her purse and the box, and walked out of the apartment the way she came. Tears spilled down her face as Astrid walked to the elevator.

In the silence of the metal box, Astrid looked down at the cardboard box in her hands, and saw memories looking back at her. The plate she’d brought cupcakes over in to celebrate when Diana got an interview with Halsey. The coat she’d tossed on the floor in favor of kissing Diana on the same couch she’d just sat on, their lips moving over each others, arms holding each other tight. The green shirt she got Diana during their out-of-town mall date, with the dinosaur pun on it. Gold earrings she’d thought were lost forever.

She tried to choke back the tears, but the effort was futile. Tears streaming down her face, and snot starting to come out of her nose, Astrid speed-walked out of the lobby as quickly as possible, practically running over to her car. She unlocked the car, opened the door, and closed it with a slam, setting the box in the passenger state, in place of where Diana would normally be.

Astrid buried her head in her arms, leaning against the steering wheel, and let herself cry. Let the emotions flow out her eyes, let the fresh wound over her heart bleed. There were tissues and napkins in the glove compartment, and Astrid used them all. She didn’t know how long she sat there, just crying, but eventually there weren’t any tears left, and she had to get back to her dorm. Astrid stood up, and reached for the car radio, but stopped her fingers an inch from the button. There was no way she could listen to 104.5 right now. No damn way.

The drive back home felt like torture. It was this car, after all, where Astrid had laughed with Sam over her stupid crush, where she’d driven to countless dates with Diana, whose windows she’d screamed lyrics out of, the car with all the feelings. The box riding next to her in the passenger seat didn’t help. Astrid almost had the urge to buckle the seatbelt around it, but she just couldn’t. The memories wouldn’t be safe anyways, couldn’t be safe from the bad things that happen in this world.